


Truths

by Applesandbannas747



Series: Truths [1]
Category: Fence (Comics)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-01
Updated: 2019-08-06
Packaged: 2020-02-15 19:10:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 49
Words: 118,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18675727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Applesandbannas747/pseuds/Applesandbannas747
Summary: Nicholas Cox has lived all of his life as a lie. Or, if not a lie, than an omission of truth. It comes with the territory of being a secret from your own father. Maybe that’s why lying comes so easily to him, and when Seiji pulls him into a surprising but entirely amusing one, who is Nick to say no? But they both get more than they bargained for when the lie tangles and stretches and becomes part of a truth. A truth Nick never expected to face, especially not with Seiji by his side.





	1. Chapter 1

Nick watched Seiji and Jesse with the low burn of anger that always appeared when those two individuals came together in any context. It had, at least, calmed down from spikes of uncontrollable rage to this simmering, constant feeling in the pit of his stomach. Jesse Coste kept popping up everywhere, and every time he did, he immediately located Seiji and somehow pulled him into engaged conversation. Sure, Seiji didn’t seem to  _like_  the conversation, and he sure as hell didn’t seem to like Jesse, but the fact that they talked so often, and that Seiji undeniably thought so often of his ‘rival,’ rubbed Nick the wrong way. More than that; it pissed him the hell off.

Today Jesse had sprung up at their gym after an extra Saturday afternoon practice Harvard had called. How Jesse knew the fencing team, and, more accurately, Seiji would be  _here_  at  _this time_  on  _this day_  was a goddamned mystery. Nick wondered if the guy had tagged Seiji with a tracker or something. Thought the idea was a funny one, funny enough that he might go mention it, stir up some trouble in their talk. He tried, on occasion, to break into their conversations or to snoop on them, but Seiji effectively shut him out and made it impossible. Didn’t stop him from trying.

He got closer today than he usually was allowed. He could hear Seiji’s clipped and annoyed tone, though not exactly what he was saying. He looked fed up. He always looked fed up when Jesse was around, if not downright mad, but he was noticeably more agitated than Nick had seen him before. Jesse was smiling his stupid douchebag smile and his voice was dripping charm in the worst way.

Just then, Seiji turned and his ire landed, for a second, on Nick. Nick immediately reevaluated his intent to go interrupt. Seiji had that  _look_  in his eye that Nick had only seen once before: in a storage room and before a couple of well-placed punches. Much as he’d love to see Seiji crack and start a fight with Jesse, he’d rather watch it than get involved in such an obvious tussle. He was lucky Harvard, Aiden, and Seiji had all kept quiet about his last excursion into violence, lucky that Coach Williams hadn’t commented on his and Seiji’s post-fight faces. He was on scholarship, after all, and Kings Row was worth more to him than a brawl with his two least favorite people.

So Nick readjusted his course and made as if he’d only meant to walk by Seiji on his way to the bathroom. A hand darted out, almost too fast for him to register. Fingers pressed hard into his upper arm and he was stumbling backwards and right into Seiji. He looked in alarm from the pale fingers on his bicep to the newly arranged features of Seiji Katayama. He looked almost calm and politely disinterested, but Nick could see the muscle twitch in his jaw, could feel the irritation oozing off of him. Before he could say or do anything more than wonder what the fuck this was about, Seiji spoke.

“As I’ve said, Jesse, I must insist that you stop with your advances. They’re unwanted, as you well know, and I  _was_  hoping that that would be enough to deter you. As it is, I feel I’ve no choice but to introduce you to my boyfriend.”

What. The. Fuck.

Seiji continued, “I don’t believe you’ve properly met. Jesse, this is Nicholas Cox. Nicholas, Jesse.” Nick had the strangest moment of panic. His brain was having a hard time catching up and produced one thought, blaring above all else:  _shit,_ are  _we dating?_  Obviously, they weren’t. He’d have noticed. Which meant…Nick grinned, extending a hand to shake Jesse’s.

“Hey man, nice to meet you.” After a moment’s hesitation, Jesse took his offered hand, but with no small amount of distaste. Seiji’s death grip on his other arm slackened, seeing that Nick would go along with this.

“Likewise,” Jesse said, but it was obvious he didn’t mean it even a bit. He looked Nick up and down, then his eyes were back on Seiji. “And how long have you two been dating?”

“Only a couple weeks,” Nick answered easily. He was good at lying when the mood struck him. And he thought it better to keep blunt, brutally honest Seiji from talking any more than necessary. His initial introduction to the lie had been anything but seamless. But it could be recovered. Nick caught Seiji’s hand, which had finally released his arm, and held to it lightly. “I’m shit at keeping track of specifics, though,” he laughed as he looked to Seiji, like his terrible memory had gotten him into trouble with his boyfriend before. Seiji was a statue, but Nick thought that was pretty in character of him. He imagined dating Seiji would be very much like dating a wall. A wall that occasionally yelled at you and pointed out your flaws and that you could never beat. So, a  _mean_  wall.

“Right,” Jesse didn’t seem convinced, still had his face set in a half sneer. “And why haven’t you mentioned your boyfriend to me before?” Like Nick wasn’t even there.

“It’s none of your business,” Seiji said. Nick snorted. Yeah, terrible liar. But, again, pretty on brand of him, so it almost worked.

“And why on earth would you date  _him?”_

“When he could be dating  _you?”_  Nick asked, rolling his eyes. “Maybe because I’m not a snooty little tart who won’t stop harassing him even though he’s clearly not interested.” That was what this was about, Nick gathered. Seiji needed an out to make Jesse stop his  _advances_  once and for all. A boyfriend was the obvious solution, and Nick had been conveniently within reach. “But if you really wanna know, it’s actually a  _great_  story—,”

“That really won’t be necessary,” Seiji interjected. Nick squeezed his hand, just obviously enough that Jesse could pick up on it, if he was watching.

“You just don’t want me to tell it because you’re embarrassed,” Nick smiled and felt Seiji, if possible, tense even more.

“Nicholas, I’m warning you: do  _not_  tell that story.” But there was no stopping Nick from this. He figured he was owed a bit of fun for covering for Seiji.

“So,” Nick said, turning his attention to Jesse, “near the beginning of the school year, I started getting little notes in my locker and my bag and stuff, right? Like, straight out of a rom-com type of bullshit—,”

“That didn’t happen,” Seiji cut in, but Nick paid him no mind.

“But it was kind of sweet, you know? I’d never had a secret admirer before. ‘Course, I had no idea who it could be. Well, I did what anyone with a new secret admirer would do—I bragged about it. Mostly to my friend from back home. Seiji always got really moody whenever he heard me on the phone trying to figure out who was crushing on me, but I thought he was just jealous that no one was sending  _him_  notes. Or maybe that he disapproved of human emotions,” he looked to Seiji with a smile expertly crafted to say  _I’m kidding and I love you_. Seiji’s face said  _stop talking or I’ll kill you._  Nick did not stop talking. “It went on like that for a bit. Notes popping up, trying to solve the mystery of who sent them, Seiji glaring constantly. Then, I tried to get more information on the note sender by leaving responses wherever I found the last one. We started talking back and forth, having real conversations. But I couldn’t get any real information about who he could be. I was kind of starting to accept that I’d just never know.

“And  _then_  I caught the culprit in the act. This guy from history, snooping in my bag after class when I came back from the nurse’s office—bloody nose,” he explained, as if it were an important detail. “I didn’t confront him right away, though, because I was trying to suss out how I feel about this. Micheal’s a bit of a twit, and I was a little disappointed to find out  _he_ was the one leaving me all these notes. Like, I was really starting to like this person behind the paper—it felt like he really got me, if that makes sense. I thought, maybe Micheal’s not so bad. Maybe it’s just a front, his twitiness, and he’s this really great guy I’ve been talking with under it all. But I wasn’t completely convinced, so I called up my friend after practice, you know, to discuss. We decided that I’d better give him a chance. Seiji stormed off, but it was more than his usual irritation this time, see, because he was still super pissy that night. I was in a good mood though, so I didn’t really pay any attention to him until he started getting all up in my face about it. Like ‘are you really this stupid?’ and I was like ‘umm, rude’ and I told him I didn’t have time to deal with his insults because I wanted to go find Micheal and ask him out, but before I got very far, Seiji grabbed me and kissed me—,”

“That  _definitely_  didn’t happen,” Seiji said again, nails biting into Nick’s skin.

“It  _definitely_  did.” Nick smiled impishly at Seiji, showing no indication that his hand was being crushed or clawed at. “I was real fucking surprised, and that’s the understatement of the century. But it sure as hell got my attention, so I sat down and let him insult me for a bit before he shoved a note in my hand. I’m sure you guessed, but it was one of my notes. The one saying I liked him—my secret admirer—and wished he’d tell me who he was because I’d like to take him out. So, long story short, I did. And we’ve been together ever since.”

“That’s not what happened,” Seiji insisted, but offered no alternative. His cheeks were colored red—something Nick had  _never_  seen before and rather liked, if only for the satisfaction of riling him up so much. And it played to their story well enough, too. Jesse didn’t need to know that Seiji was flushed with anger rather than embarrassment.

“It doesn’t sound like Seiji at all,” Jesse said, but Nick could tell he wasn’t decided on whether he believed it or not.

“Well, believe it or not, that’s my story. I might have embellished it, or I might not have. Either way, Seiji is taken,” and he raised Seiji’s hand to his lips to kiss it with casual but territorial affection. “So you can fuck right off.”

“How dare you speak to me like that?” Jesse raged, but before Nick could respond, Seiji was speaking tersely.

“I’m sorry for the misunderstanding, Jesse. I should have been more forthcoming with you. But, as you can see, Nicholas can be rather abrasive. I didn’t want any trouble between the two of you.”

Jesse looked them both up and down, seeming displeased, but Nick saw the instant he surrendered to the lie and took it for the truth. “Fine. But this,” he pointed between Nick and Seiji, “won’t last long. You’ll realize soon enough who you belong with, Seiji. And I’ll be here when you do.” And he turned on his heel before anything more could be said. Nick stuck his tongue out at his half-brother’s back. Seiji tried to pull out of Nick’s grasp, but Nick held tighter.

“He’s not leaving yet,” Nick said, nodding to the corner of the gym he’d retreated to, where some of his cronies were talking to Eugene. “We’re not done playing this act until he’s gone.”

“You’re an impressive liar,” Seiji told him.

“Thanks!”

“I didn’t mean it as a compliment. But it proved useful today.” Seiji looked at Jesse with a frown. “I would thank you, if you hadn’t already taken your payment for your services in that ridiculous story.”

“Hey, that was  _part_  of my service. And you make me sound like a prostitute.”

“It was an unintentional implication, but it can hardly be the worst thing you’ve ever been called.”

“What, do you think everyone I know hates me as much as you do and calls me names all the time?” Nick laughed. “But you’re not wrong. Prostitute doesn’t even make the list.” A lot of the things that  _did_  make the list had landed him in detention from retaliation.

“Indeed.” They stood there then, hand in hand, entirely silent. It was awkward as all hell. If Jesse looked over, it could give them away…

“Come on, let’s go talk with the guys,” Nick said, tugging at a very reluctant Seiji.

“Why?” Seiji hissed.

“Because standing here alone with you is making me feel like I’m at a middle school dance.”

“Is this what middle school dances feel like?” Seiji asked, feet still planted firmly in place.

“Yeah, you know—no one knows what to do so they just kinda stare at each other and become one with the awkward silence. Sometimes you’d get a date to one and that made it even worse because it just made it like  _this,_ ” Nick swung up their joint hands. “So, let’s go dance.”

“It seems to me that you’re suggesting we go mingle with your friends in avoidance of dancing.”

“Yeah, true enough.” Finally, Seiji let Nick pull him toward Harvard and Aiden, who where both giving them curious looks. But Harvard, tactful as always, didn’t comment on their joint hands, and elbowed Aiden as subtly as possible when he made to do so. Instead, they fell into conversation over the schedule for next week, and whether the clubhouse was open to all team members at any time or if it was a group outing activity.

Nick caught Jesse glancing over at them a couple more times, and he probably looked even more than Nick had caught. But Nick had been right, lost in conversation about fencing with Aiden and Harvard, Seiji had relaxed—and so had Nick, truth be told—and they’d become almost natural in their coupledom. Nick felt triumphant, watching Jesse leave. He didn’t drop Seiji’s hand until they were ready to leave themselves. Just in case.


	2. Chapter 2

“So, you and Jesse, huh?” Nick couldn’t help but ask, installed in their room that night. Seiji shot him a disgusted look, indicating that he didn’t appreciate Nick daring to talk to him. Especially about this _._  Whatever  _this_  was. “I thought you might have a thing for him.”

“You what?” Seiji looked even more affronted at this than at Nick’s general existence. Impressive.

“Yeah, you know,” he shrugged. “I’ve never seen you get so worked up over anything the way you do over him.”

“Because I hate him.”

“Hate fucking’s a thing,” Nick said, and Seiji looked so scandalized that Nick had to push the issue further. “I hear it can be real hot, if you’re into that. But I didn’t think  _he_  liked  _you_.”

“Is it so hard to believe that someone would like me?” Seiji asked, recovering from Nick’s inappropriate comment over his theoretical sex life.

“Yeah, kinda. But I should have seen it. He does turn up everywhere to bother you, doesn’t he?”

“You don’t know the half of it,” Seiji said tiredly. It got Nick curious.

“How long has this been going on for?”

“Not that it’s any of your business, but just around a year. He’s—very persistent. No matter what I said I could never get him to leave me alone.”

“What a creep. I’ll admit I was surprised when you introduced me as your boyfriend, but that was a good idea. Lucky you nabbed me, too. I’m the best,” Nick winked at Seiji when he opened his mouth to point out that being the best liar wasn’t a good thing. Seiji huffed. “I could have done better if you’d asked me beforehand, though.”

“Doesn’t matter now. Jesse seems to believe it so we can be done with it now.”

“Not really,” Nick said, surprised Seiji had thought so. “It’s not like we’ll never see him again.” Seiji looked at him, wide-eyed, as this sunk in.

“I really…didn’t think this through,” Seiji sighed. “I wasn’t thinking at all. I just wanted him to leave me alone. The more I told him I never wanted to see him again, the worse he got. I just—,” Seiji tugged a hand through his poshly styled hair, ruffling it magnificently. Nick had never seen him this way before.

“Couldn’t deal with him anymore, I get it,” Nick said. He’d always thought the bad blood between Seiji and Jesse was rivalry, had considered, from time to time, that some sort of romance was involved too. But there was obviously more to it than that. “I’ll keep up the lie if you’d like. At meets and matches and stuff. Make sure the asshole stays away from you as much as possible.”

“I don’t need a protector.”

“I know.”

“Alright then, that would be…agreeable,” Seiji finally said, and Nick nodded, thinking that was that. “You really don’t know Jesse?”

“What?” Nick had to pull out an earbud he’d just put in, mind rewinding and trying to recover what Seiji had said while he wasn’t paying attention. “Know Jesse? No. How would I know a prick like him?”

“I thought you must, somehow. You’re so much like him. When you fence.”

“I just saved your ass from your Jesse problems, stop butting into mine.”

“So you admit that you  _have_  Jesse problems.”

“I did not—fuck it, I just told you, didn’t I? I don’t know Jesse. How could I have problems with him?”

“He didn’t recognize you at all, I could see it in his eyes. But you  _know_  something about him. There’s something there, between you two. I’m sure of it. I just don’t know what it is.”

“It’s nothing,” Nick growled, shoving his earbud back in and wishing that Seiji had just let the conversation end before getting into this shit. For someone who wanted Jesse to leave him alone so badly, Seiji sure couldn’t seem to leave  _him_ alone.

***

“Are you guys going to tell us what yesterday was about?” Aiden asked when Harvard was away, talking with Coach at a safe distance.

“Yeah, what was with the hand holding, lovey-dovey stuff?” Eugene asked eagerly.

“You can’t just  _do that_  and not expect us to ask.”

“I still can’t believe you  _did that_  at all, I thought you hated each other.”

“Maybe they still do.” There was a sparkle in Aiden’s eye even Nick could recognize. He was trying to antagonize them, but Nick couldn’t keep from half-smiling, almost-laughing. Hate fucking. Funny that Aiden was now accusing  _him_ of doing with Seiji exactly what Nick had accused Seiji of doing with Jesse last night.

“Nicholas Cox,” Eugene said with a startled once over of Nick, grin growing smooth and huge as he did so, “you sly dog! How long have you been fu—,”

“Shut up, you two,” Harvard said, and Eugene cut off, looking over his shoulder guiltily to see Harvard standing behind him and Aiden, looking like he disapproved of their behavior. Aiden didn’t look like he cared at all. “It’s none of our business if they’re dating.”

Nick was about to laugh, to tell them that they were wrong and to explain the whole gig to them. But Seiji ruined that plan with a handful of crisply delivered words alongside a sneer.

“That’s right,” he said, “it  _isn’t_  any of your business.”

They all three—Aiden, Eugene, and Nick—stared at Seiji in shock, but he didn’t seem to notice. Nick was sure that he hadn’t meant to imply what he had. Seiji had probably meant that his private life was no one’s business but his own—he wasn’t one for sharing anything about himself with anyone. He probably didn’t want to share his issues concerning Jesse Coste with the team either. But he’d implied—he’d practically said that he and Nick  _were_  dating. Nick held in a laugh, didn’t bother to correct it. This was just too funny. Eugene caught his eye, a question. Nick just shrugged.

“Don’t let it screw with the team if you don’t make it,” Aiden warned, and Nick rolled his eyes. It was a convenient excuse for Aiden, his belief that you shouldn’t have intra-team romances. It protected him from what he was most scared of. Aiden didn’t miss Nick’s scoff and glared at him, long and hard. But Nick wasn’t a good candidate for intimidation.

“Like Seiji said, it’s none of you business,” Nick told him snidely before Coach called them to attention.

***

It was hilarious to Nick how all of Kings Row was under the impression that he and Seiji were an item. It was even funnier because Seiji remained completely oblivious to it. He didn’t notice how people glanced at them whenever they were together, didn’t understand the significance of their friends leaving spots for him specifically next to Nick, didn’t bat an eye when people made odd comments or references to dating. Nick wasn’t sure how he hadn’t picked up on the consensus of Kings Row on his relationship status, but he hadn’t. Maybe he was just so used to gossip he tuned it out. Or maybe he was so above the general student body that he flat out didn’t listen to a thing anyone said.

And it wasn’t exactly a lie, this thing that was happening since neither he nor Seiji had ever outright said they were dating. It was an omission, for sure, since Nick could easily correct the misconception. And he would, once Seiji figured out that he’d practically confessed to them going out. He was looking forward to Seiji’s face when he realized.

But it turned out to be a very useful thing when it came to Jesse. He returned not even a week later to, presumably, harass Seiji again. Or to try. Obviously, the more he’d thought about it, the less he’d been able to believe that Nick and Seiji were really telling the truth about their relationship. Nick couldn’t blame Jesse. Seiji had looked pained, just having to stand next to him and hold his hand. The thing was, Jesse had timed his visit poorly and had turned up at the gym late. Eugene and Nick had been tasked with cleaning and closing for the day, as the newest members of the team—Seiji had inexplicably been excused from newbie duties—and so it was them that Jesse found that night. More accurately, it was Eugene that he found, since Nick had been in the locker rooms and had just been coming out when Jesse came in.

Ducking into the shadows, Nick settled in to watch this unfold, whatever it might be.

“You’re a little late for the party, bro,” Eugene said, spotting Jesse. “Everyone’s left but me and—,”

“That’s fine,” Jesse said, cutting Eugene off swiftly. “I came to see you.” Now  _that_  was interesting.

“Me? I’m flattered, but I don’t fraternize with rival teams, that’s totally unsporting,” even without seeing his face, Nick knew Eugene was pulling his usual shit. It was one of the reasons Eugene and Nick got on so easy; they both liked pulling people’s chains.

“I don’t care what you—,”

“And you’re not my type. White boys are trouble, 'specially rich ones with blond hair and blue eyes. My ma taught me better than that. More trouble than you’re worth.”

“I’m not here to—,”

“Now, I’m not racist or anything. One of my best friends is white. Well, alright, we’re not  _best friends_ , but we are close and I’ve got no beef with him. So don’t think I hate all white people because I don’t. I just know better than to date one of you.” Eugene said it all so convincingly that Nick almost snorted and gave away his position.

“Would you shut up?” Jesse snapped. “I’m not here to ask out the likes of  _you._ ”

“Thank god, I didn’t want to hurt your feelings.”

“I wanted to ask about Seiji and Nicholas Cox.”

“Again? Dude, what’s your deal with them?”  _Again?_  Nick thought. Then he remembered that Jesse had gone over to talk with Eugene last time. A cold sweat pricked his skin. What had Eugene said? Had he given them away? “I already told you they’re always all over each other, what more do you want to know?”  _All over each other?_  When had he and Seiji ever been all over each other? But, of course, Eugene must have been referring to how they were always at each other’s throats, always fighting…always all over each other.

“Are they dating?” Jesse asked, standing ramrod straight in a way that gave away that he knew this wasn’t a question he should be asking.

“Wow, gossip gets around fast. Hey, why do you care, anyway? I thought it was weird you were asking so much about them last time.”

“So they are?”

“Yeah. Shit, I hope I was allowed to tell you that.”  _Eugene you brilliant bastard, I could kiss you!_  Nick sang in his mind, and resolved that he’d have to tell Eugene that it was A-okay, telling Jesse that he and Seiji were dating. Jesse frowned but nodded.

“Very well. Thank you for your help.” He turned to leave, but before he did, he turned back to shoot a haughty look at Eugene. “And I’ll have you know that I’m worth  _every bit_  of trouble.” 


	3. Chapter 3

Jesse became a non-issue, or close enough to. He stopped appearing at Kings Row unbidden, which was a relief. As much as Nick didn’t like Seiji, it didn’t sit well with him—Jesse following Seiji so persistently when he obviously made the poor guy uncomfortable. And Nick didn’t mind not having Jesse around. The less time with Jesse in their line of sight, the less likely Seiji was to ask about Nick and his connection to Jesse. Not that it didn’t happen, but Nick thought ‘out of sight, out of mind,’ might hold some truth to it.

Or, maybe, Seiji was just cutting Nick a break for helping him out. Because Jesse always seemed to be on Seiji’s mind, much as it pissed Nick off to acknowledge it. He’d catch Seiji watching him sometimes, after a bout. Look at him like he was seeing someone else. Seeing  _Jesse._  And Nick would know that he’d fenced well, fenced like his half-brother during that particular exchange. But Seiji didn’t always ask about it.

Unfortunetly, the Jesse-free lifestyle could only last so long. Since Kings Row and Exton were on good terms—competitive, but good—they held mock tournaments to test the waters between fencers. Such events were not limited to the official teams, and so when the first of these get-togethers was held at Kings Row a week or so after Eugene had scared Jesse off, the gym clattered with noise and bodies; students—both fencers and fans—and families milled about. Nick was once again self-conscious in his awareness that he had no one here to watch or cheer for him. He did as he had last time and found Seiji, then sidled up to him in the thicket. Seiji glanced at him and nodded.

“Jesse is here,” he said.

“Jesse is?” Nick asked, surprised. “I thought he was above these things?” There’d been rumors that Exton didn’t want to show their star fencer to anyone before the season started. As if they all didn’t already know everything about him.

“Apparently not. He must be here, because there’s his father.” Seiji nodded slightly in the direction of a tall blond man with Jesse’s eyes and Nick realized with a jolt that he  _did_  have a parent here. He’d rather he had no one here than a father who had no idea he existed.

“Yeah, guess so,” Nick said, and he must have sounded funny because Seiji gave him a strange look. “First match isn’t for ten minutes,” he tried to recover, “do you want to hold hands and look busy so Jesse stays away?”

“I suppose we’d better,” Seiji said with a resigned sigh and held out his hand with a look that suggested this was incredibly painful to him. Nick laughed and took the reluctantly offered hand.

“Try to look at least a little in love with me, will you?” He asked. “Or at least like you don’t think I smell.”

“You don’t smell.”

“Thank you,” Nick said with another burst of laughter. “Then can you act like it?” Seiji smoothed his features into their usual resting bitch state, and Nick knocked a shoulder into him, just to see if it would break. It didn’t. “Good enough,” he decided. He thought he caught a pair of clear blue eyes watching them from the crowd, but they were gone before he could be sure.

Nick found that this time things weren’t  _as_  awkward as they had been in the past. They managed to keep up conversation until Seiji’s first bout. Nick stayed to watch, noticed that Jesse was watching too, his dad—Nick’s dad too, technically—standing next to him and, it looked to Nick, critiquing the fencers. Nick watched closely, trying to discern whether Robert Coste was impressed with Seiji.  _He should be,_  Nick thought. Seiji was, as per the usual, dominating. 15-0, Seiji’s win. Robert gave an approving nod at that, and Nick felt oddly proud. Then he saw that Jesse’s eyes had strayed to him. He waved, all friendly-like. Then turned to Seiji and called for his attention as he pulled off his mask. When he had it, he blew Seiji a kiss.

When it came Nick’s turn for his first match he felt jitters run through him. He wanted —no,  _needed_ — to do well against this Eddie Florence guy. He wanted to show them all that he belonged on his team. That he’d been working hard and improving.  _No, no, stop it,_  he could feel himself slipping into that spiral that had captured him when he’d first fenced Eugene, tried desperately to stop it.

“Nicholas,” it wasn’t a shout, not enthused or excited. Just a loud and commanding call. Nick turned to answer to it and found Seiji, in the front of the small crowd at his strip. “Do well,” was all he said, but it was what Nick needed to pull him back into himself. He grinned, mouthed a  _thank you_  at Seiji, who ignored it with a derisive huff, then donned his mask, ready to fence.

Eddie wasn’t on Exton’s team, not with his level of skill. He was incredibly slow, but had a saving grace in his ability to parry— _when_  he could move fast enough to catch Nick’s blade. He landed hit after hit on Eddie, taking advantage of every split-second opening Eddie offered him. God, he loved this. Loved  _fencing._  He was smiling under his mask, his ears full of nothing but the clang of blades and the rush of his blood. He was alive when he fenced, happy and free in a way he never was anywhere else.

It ended too fast, and Nick turned to the score, surprised to find—not that he’d won—he’d known he had—but that he’d done so 15-0. He let out a whoop, couldn’t help but turn to Seiji. But Seiji wasn’t looking at him. Not  _seeing_  him, anyway. He’d done well. Too well for Seiji to be able to recognize his win as  _his_  and not a result of Jesse in some way. With only a tiny bit of his joy chipped away, Nick approached Eddie and shook hands over a good match. Eddie was sporting in his loss and shook Nick’s hand with a congratulations that was close to genuine.

Nick sought out Seiji again and was relieved to find his cool gaze looking at him like normal. His grin grew as he swaggered over, swinging an arm over Seiji’s shoulders when he reached him.

“Come a long way from  _Zero_ , haven’t I?” Nick prodded, but Seiji didn’t say anything. Oh well. “Did you see me? Not a single hit! Not even one! On me,” he tacked on, which made Seiji  _almost_  laugh, unless Nick was much mistaken.

“You seemed surprised at the final score,” Seiji commented, and Nick shrugged.

“I lose track of score, sometimes. I just get so into the moment, you know?”

“That’s a bad habit,” Seiji said, “you should endeavor to break it in the future. Knowing where you stand can help you decide how to act. Which risks to take. You were reckless.”

“I was  _not,_ ” Nick said, pulling away from Seiji to cross his arms. “I didn’t take any risks I didn’t know I could recover from.”

“Don’t lie. Admit to your faults and work to better them.”

“I do,” Nick frowned. “I know my technique is still iffy, and that I still have that issue with tensing my shoulder and all the rest. But I knew I was fast enough to get out of hit range every time I went in for the reckless hits you’re thinking of.”

“It’s good to know your strengths as well as your weaknesses,” a deep voice said from behind Nick as a heavy hand fell on his shoulder. “But Seiji might be right son, your attacks wouldn’t have worked—,”

“Against a faster fencer than Eddie,” Nick cut the stranger off, turning to who he expected to be a coach. “I know—,” he choked on his words. Robert Coste. His biological father. Was standing  _right there._  Talking to him. He tried not to look as shocked and, frankly, intimidated as he was. “I meant, thank you Sir, for the advice.” At that Robert laughed, low and deep and pleasant. It filled up a crack in Nick’s heart that was left all the more obvious when it left.

“No, it was presumptuous of me to assume you had not correctly judged your opponent, young man.” He looked past Nick for just a moment, gave a friendly nod. “Seiji, it’s good to see you.”

“And you, Mr. Coste. Are you well?”

“Exceedingly so. It’s been too long since you came around, we miss you at the Coste residence.”

“It has been,” Seiji agreed, and Nick was left to wonder what the hell  _that_ exchange meant.

“I hope you don’t mind if I steal your friend for a moment, I’d like to talk to him.” Blue eyes back on Nick. “If you wouldn’t mind.”

“Not at all, Sir,” Nick said, but, in truth, he wanted to dart out of here and to his bed. Hand still on his shoulder, Robert steered Nick away from Seiji. Away from the gym, out into the grounds.

“You know,” Robert said as they walked, “I went here when I was a boy.”

“I know Sir. That is, everyone knows. You’re a legend.”

“Ah yes, of course. And here we are,” he stopped under a great oak tree. “You fence well. At times, extraordinarily well.”

“Thank you,” Nick said, feeling as nervous as he was pleased by the compliment. Robert Coste had won gold at the  _Olympics._

“It reminds me of me.  _You_  remind me of…”  _Oh, god._  “Is your mother, by any chance, is she called Esme—Esmeralda?”

“Yes Sir, she is.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keep in mind that I do what I want and until canon comes for my ass nothing can stop me (actually it’s 50/50 whether canon can stop me)

Nick felt like his legs might fail to hold him any time now. Robert regarded him for a long moment. Nick didn’t say anything more. Wasn’t sure what else  _to_  say. Wasn’t sure he’d be able to say anything more if he tried to. Finally, Robert’s face changed—Nick couldn’t track exactly what it meant, but it was clear he’d realized something. Decided something.

“Did you know?” Robert asked, and Nick knew what he was asking. What else  _could_  he be asking? He could hear his heart beating too loud in his ears.

“Yes Sir.” What else was there to say?

“Esme never mentioned—,” Robert seemed to be under the same affliction as Nick had been moments earlier, words escaping them both. But Nick laughed ruefully at the statement.

“She seems to be of the mind that if she pretends I don’t exist, I won’t.” It had just come out. Nick blamed it on nerves but regretted it when he saw the look on Robert’s face. “Shit, sorry, that wasn’t an appropriate thing to say,” he winced, “and I guess that wasn’t either…” Nick wished words would escape him again because he just kept making it worse, if Robert’s expression was any indication. Could he fix this? His mind raced, searching for a way to make this all go away, but his brain stuttered to a stop when he saw the tears brimming in Robert’s eyes.

“I can’t believe—all this time—I had another son,” he whispered, “and I never knew.” And then, even more surprising than the tears now streaking down his face, Robert Coste pulled Nick into a hug and held him tight. Tighter than Nick could remember ever being held before. He didn’t know what to do. How where you meant to react upon meeting a father who didn’t know you existed until just now?

“You recognized me right away,” Nick said into Robert’s canary yellow polo shirt, voice thick with emotion, which surprised him.

“Of course I did,” Robert replied, like it was the most natural thing in the world. “You’re my son. Of course I’d recognize you.” Nick didn’t think his mom would have, had their positions been switched. Didn’t think it was a given at all, to be able to pick out a random kid as  _yours_. He brought his arms to clutch at Robert’s broad back. He felt so small, so much like a child, wrapped up in this man that should feel like a stranger but felt terrifyingly close to a father.

It was a long time before Nick let go, and when he did, Robert didn’t try to stop him from drawing away. He let him have his space, take a deep breath. Nick didn’t really want to cry. Robert seemed to have stopped, though his clear blue eyes—eyes, like much of Robert, so different from Nick’s—were still watery when he smiled kindly at Nick. Nick had seen his smiles before, in pictures. He’d always looked a little snide in them. This smile was not that. This smile made his eyes crinkle and turned his face into something kind and welcoming and loving.

“I’d like to get to know you, Nicholas,” he said. “Is that what I should call you—Nicholas? Or do you prefer Nick?” Nick shrugged one shoulder.

“I don’t care, I go by both. Whichever is fine.”

“It’s a good name. Solid. Your mother chose well.”

“I’ll tell her you said so,” Nick managed a half smile and a laugh before realizing that he  _would_  have to tell her of this. “She’s gonna freak.”

“Probably,” Robert agreed. “I’ll have to contact her, too.”

“She doesn’t like you much,” Nick said. “Are you sure you have to?”

“It’s the appropriate next step.”  _Next step to what?_  Nick wondered but didn’t have the nerve to ask. “But before that, won’t you come over for dinner with me and Jesse? Jesse’s mother, Samantha, would be there too, of course. If you don’t mind. I meant it when I said I want to know you, son.” Nick felt like a deer caught in headlights, and Robert looked so hopeful he couldn’t bring himself to say no. But dinner with Robert and his family? Nick wasn’t sure he could do that. Robert seemed to read his apprehension, and Nick felt bad. Then, Robert’s face lit up. “Nicholas Cox! I knew that name was familiar—Jesse’s talked about you.”

“He has?” Nick asked, as surprised by this tidbit as anything else. It was like his threshold for surprise had been leveled and now everything seemed equally shocking.

“Yes. You’re the one dating Seiji, aren’t you?”

“Jesse talks to you about that stuff?” Nick asked, unable to imagine talking to his mom about any of his relationship dramas.

“Jesse and I talk about most things,” Robert laughed, clapping a hand on Nick’s shoulder again. “I hope we will too, eventually. But you  _are_  dating Seiji, I take it?”

“Yes Sir, I am,” what else was he going to say?  _No, that was a lie so your brat of a son stopped harassing Seiji?_  Not likely.

“Please, call me Robert. None of this ‘Sir’ business.”

“Yes Sir—Robert, I mean.” Was this really happening?

“Splendid. Why don’t you bring Seiji with you to our dinner? We’re always happy to have him.” Nick saw the lifeline, thin as it was, and jumped on it.

“Yeah. Yeah, okay. I could do that.” He was treated to another eye crinkling smile.

***

After exchanging contact information with Robert—his  _father_ —they parted. Jesse would be looking for his dad by now, and Nick had more matches. As he’d made his way to the gym, Nick had thought he’d seen something—a blur of movement, a shadow.  _I’m just jittery,_  Nick shook his head. This whole day had him out of sorts. For obvious and understandable reasons, he felt.

Who would have thought? He’d never, in his wildest dreams, imagined that Robert would be  _pleased_  to find out about him. He’d thought he’d be a dirty secret, if he ever did meet Robert. But it didn’t seem like that would be the case at all. Still, he tried not to get his hopes up. But he noticed that Robert watched all his matches that day, even when one of them coincided with one of Jesse’s.

At the end of the event, right after Nick’s last match—the one that Robert had missed Jesse’s to watch—Nick spotted the conspicuous pair of his half-brother and their father making for the exit. Jesse was speaking heatedly at Robert. Angry, probably. Maybe even hurt. Nick didn’t think Robert had told him yet. The Kings Row gym wasn’t the place to tell your son he had a secret (half) brother. He imagined Jesse would be told tonight. He wondered how Samantha would take the news. Nick wasn’t sure if Robert had been married or engaged to his current wife at the time Robert and Esme had their brief affair.

“Tell me what’s going on with you and Jesse,” Seiji. Nick turned to him, a little surprised to find his arm taken hostage by the slightly taller boy.

“Make me,” Nick said, sticking out his tongue. More for fun than anything. Seiji leaned in close.

“I saw you, with Mr. Coste,” he hissed in Nick’s ear. “ _Tell me.”_  So Nick hadn’t imagined it, then.  _Seiji_  had been snooping on them. He should have expected it.

“You didn’t see shit, you nosy asshole. It’s none of your business.” Except… “Fuck. Fuck, okay, shit. Let’s talk about this later, ‘kay? We’re supposed to help clean up—,” but Seiji was tugging him along, fast and sure, and Nick knew exactly where they were going, because this was all just like a day not so long ago.

“You’re not getting out of this,” Seiji said, shoving Nick into the storage room, then slamming the door shut with ferocity. And, on top of that, he jammed a chair under the handle so they wouldn’t be disturbed this time. Nick snorted, looking pointedly at the secured door.

“Did you pull me in here for a quickie?” Nick asked but Seiji didn’t even listen. A shame, since it was a pretty funny joke in Nick’s opinion.

“You’re going to tell me what you’ve got to do with Jesse, and we’re not leaving until you do.”

“Looking for another punch, Katayama?”

“Try me, you bastard. See what happens.”

Nick couldn’t help but laugh. Fuck it. He wasn’t doing this alone. He’d already decided, under the tree. “Yeah, alright. You caught me.”

“Excuse me?”

“All this time, you’ve been asking the wrong question. Not why do I fence like Jesse. But why do I fence like  _Robert Coste._ And it’s probably the same reason Jesse fences like Robert, too.” Nick watched as Seiji’s face slackened into utter astonishment.

“How long?” He asked, still trying to absorb the shock, possibly even testing to see if this was a joke or another lie.

“Depends. Are we talking from conception or birth? Either way, I’ve been Robert Coste’s illegitimate son for between sixteen and seventeen years.”

“You’re really—,”

“A bastard. Just like you said. Funny, right?” Nick thought he saw something like guilt flicker across Seiji’s eyes, which just made him laugh again. This whole fucking mess was hilarious, in a certain light. And Seiji hadn’t expected this  _at all_  and it was so very satisfying to have surprised him.

“Do you think it was wise to tell Robert?” Seiji asked, face schooled back to an approximation of normality. Nick didn’t buy it, but this question sounded much more Seiji-like.

“I wasn’t gonna. Not ever.  _He_  recognized me. I wasn’t going to lie to him.”

“This could be disastrous,” Seiji said, all business. “For Robert’s reputation—for yours and Jesse’s too. Your futures as fencers. Nicholas, this is serious.”

“I know,” Nick said. “Don’t you think I’ve had more time than anyone to think of the consequences of my existence?” Like his mom would ever let him forget, with her forlorn looks. Seiji looked chastened at that.

“I won’t tell anyone.”

“I know.” And he did. He hadn’t wanted to tell Seiji. But he knew Seiji wasn’t the type to spread this around. “But thank you, for saying so. I appreciate it. I’m sure Robert and Jesse do too.” He laughed a little. “But Robert didn’t doubt that, either.” Seiji shot him a quizzical look. “Shit, that doesn’t make sense to you. Sorry, my brain’s scrambled. I told you for a reason. About why Jesse and I fence alike.”

“And what is that reason?”

“I need a favor. Payment, in a way, for a favor I did for you.”

“I’ve been told that favors are freely given, and therefore they don’t work like this—being exchanged like currency,” Seiji crossed his arms. “But I’ve always thought that stupid. What do you want?”

“Robert invited me to dinner. He said you could come.”

“And you  _want_  me to?” Seiji asked, almost as surprised by this as by Nick’s parentage.

“Yes. God,  _yes_. I can’t go have dinner with the Costes like it’s nothing all by myself. I can’t do it alone. You’ve got to come. Please.”

“I’ll go.”

“What, really?” Nick asked, disbelieving. “As easy as that?”

“You asked nicely,” Seiji said with an unconcerned shrug. “ _And_  I’ve been waiting for you to ask for a favor.  _And_  you did tell me about you and Jesse, which I’d hardly expected and feel strangely indebted to you for.  _And_  I can hardly say no to seeing how this unfolds, can I?”

“Thank you.”

Seiji nodded in acknowledgment, then turned to replace the chair under the doorknob to its rightful place. But before he could open the door, Nick caught his shoulder, forced him to swivel around a little to look at him.

“Oh, and one more thing. Jesse and Robert think we’re dating. So we’ll be going as a couple.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> like I said I do what I want. Because I am well aware that Robert Coste is, in all likelihood, evil. I mean, he just has that look about him, doesn't he? Smarmy bastard and probably bad dad and/or person. But I'm ignoring implied canon because I think Nick deserves a good dad and you can f i g h t me


	5. Chapter 5

Seiji took it all eerily well. Nick was at once surprised and impressed. He hadn’t expected Seiji to accept it so easily and with so little fuss, hadn’t expected to be let out of that storage room until Seiji had properly interrogated him. But Seiji showed no indication that he was at all interested anymore. They helped clean up the gym and Nick didn’t receive so much as a curious glance from Seiji the entire time. And he was suspiciously silent during their trek back to the dorms. Okay, so  _suspiciously_ was misleading. That implied that Seiji normally talked during this, or any, time spent together. But still. Nick might have expected some grilling.

When their door clicked shut behind them, Nick yawned, dropped his shit on the floor—he was sure Seiji was glaring pointedly at it now—and stretched his arms far over his head. It was nowhere near to bedtime, but maybe a little nap…

“You’re left-handed, just like them.”

“Huh?” Nick swirled away from his bed, which he’d already been making his way towards, to look at Seiji.  _There_  was that look. Scrutinizing and intense, determined to get all the answers. So he’d just managed to hold his questions in until they were properly alone, with no obligations they were expected for in the near future. That was so like Seiji. “Yeah, I guess it’s hereditary or something.”

“How long have you known?”

“That Robert’s my dad?”

“Obviously.”

“I don’t know. It’s—do you have both parents?”

“What?”

“You said something about your dad before. But what about—? Your mom? Or other dad?”

“I don’t see how my mother’s existence is relevant to this conversation.”

“But, like, she’s in your life?”

“Yes,” Seiji was frowning, arms crossed. This was obviously getting more personal than he’d wanted. Nick could have laughed at that. Here Nick was, telling Seiji his literal deepest, darkest secret, and Seiji was getting defensive about saying he had a mom.

“Then you wouldn’t understand. About knowing you have a dad but him not being around. It’s strange, I guess, but it never seemed strange to me. Mom didn’t talk about him much, but I knew he wasn’t dead. I’m not sure how. I don’t have a specific memory about the first time she mentioned him, or how I knew he was out there, jut not  _here_ , with us. What I do remember is asking her…God, okay, some background information. Father’s Day was always an  _ordeal_  to my teachers, early on. We’d make crafts, right? And they’d always make a big deal about making them for our  _parents_ , not specifically our dads, and it was the same on Mother’s Day. Whole families aren’t exactly the norm. But my teachers would always come talk to me and the other kids without dads and make sure we understood we could make the craft for Mom or Grandma or Granddad or Aunt Trish or Uncle Herbert or  _whoever_. But then, one year—second grade, actually—I kinda thought, you know,  _why?_  Like, I’ve got a dad. He must feel sad, never getting a keychain or bookmark all these years. And I made stuff for Mom all the time. She’d understand if I made something for Dad, just this once.”

“Did your teacher try to stop you?”

“Not exactly. She asked why I wasn’t making my beaded lizard thing for Mom, but she didn’t press when I told her I thought my dad would like it better. So I take home my terribly made creation for Father’s Day and I give it to Mom and ask her to send it to Dad. She wasn’t happy about it. That’s when we had the talk. About how he’d left. How he didn’t even know I existed and even if he did, he wouldn’t want my lizard.” But, fuck, Nick was getting sidetracked. This was all a bunch of background information Seiji didn’t want, hadn’t asked for. It was just—he’d never had anyone to tell it to before.

“That seems a rather harsh thing to say to a seven-year-old,” Seiji said, head tilted as he stared hard at Nick. Like he was looking for something, but Nick wasn’t sure what. He shrugged. “But she was wrong, wasn’t she? If Robert invited you to dinner, I imagine he’d have wanted your…lizard thing.”

“You think?” It hadn’t really occurred to Nick fully, the implication that Robert would have liked to be a part of his life, if he’d had the chance.

“I do. And I also think it was inappropriate of your mother to tell you about your dad in such a manner.”

“I don’t know, I mean, if I’d been smarter I would have noticed the signs. My mom, obviously, didn’t have a wedding ring. And there weren’t pictures around the house of my dad, really. Mom kept them in an album under her bed.”

“Which clearly didn’t keep you from them.”

“Nope. That’s—,” Nick laughed uneasily, “That’s why your question is kind of tricky. I always knew Robert was my dad. I just didn’t know  _who_  he was until I was older.”

“How old?”

“Around ten, I think. I know it sounds unlikely and cliché, but I think fencing runs in my blood. I was drawn to it since I was tiny. Maybe since I was five? But it’s always—I’ve always loved it. I liked to watch matches on the internet, when I could. I’d sneak by Joe’s fencing salle and watch the lessons. It was one of those times that I saw this old newspaper clipping on the wall and it was him—my dad. Robert Coste, taking gold at the Olympics. I stole it off the wall and did some Googling and yeah, that’s when I had a name for my mystery dad.”

“Your mom never told you?” Seiji asked, and it was strange how interested he sounded. “She didn’t tell you his  _name?”_

“Nope. That’s not Mom’s style. It took forever to get anything more out of her.”

“He’s really—I mean—,” stranger still, Seiji was stuttering, lost for words. Nick grinned.

“Yep, he’s really my dad. I’m a good liar, but this makes too much sense for me to have orchestrated.”

“It’s just—it seems very unlikely. But I suppose you’re right. It makes sense, really.”

“And what else did you think it was, anyway? I mean, I’m assuming you peeped on my conversation with Robert the whole time—,” a shift in Seiji’s face towards abashment confirmed this, “and we hugged. What did you think that was about?”

“I—don’t know. I’m not sure what I ever thought it was, but I was right that there  _was_  something there, wasn’t I?”

“Yeah, and it’s been a constant pain in my ass.”

“Is that why you hate it so much when I compare you to Jesse?” The question took Nick by surprise.

“Because you assumed the only skill I have came from someone else? Yeah, that’s a kick in the nuts.”

“I meant because you must compare yourself to him enough already.”

“Must I?”

“Don’t you?”

“I guess. But really, it’s just that he’s got it all, you know? It pisses me off.” That…might have been saying too much. Seiji gave him that look again, like he was trying to figure something out.

“I don’t understand how that’s relevant to my comparison of you two.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Nick said quickly. “But do you think you can cut it out?”

“Why? It’s not unfounded. You  _do_ fence like him.”

“But I didn’t fucking  _get_  anything from him,” Nick knew it was stupid to get worked up over this right now, but he couldn’t help it. “If anything, the only reason Jesse’s so good is because he got his skill  _and_  his training from Robert.” He’d stalked a little too close to Seiji while speaking, and they were both pretty alarmed by the sudden proximity.

“You’re very defensive about it,” Seiji said, like it was a casual observation. He wasn’t mad at all. Why would he be? Nick had already told him everything he’d wanted to know. There was nothing left for him to get mad about.

“Just leave it, okay?”

“Okay.”

 _What?_  Had Seiji actually just agreed to do what he’d asked? That was—unexpected. Seiji was the type to do the exact opposite of what Nick had asked just to antagonize him. But Seiji only huffed and rolled his eyes, like Nick was being ridiculous or unreasonable. Then, he placed a firm hand on Nick’s chest and pushed.

“But I must ask that, in exchange, you respect my personal space when at all possible.”

“Sure, I can do that,” Nick said, peeling Seiji’s hand off him but stepping easily away anyway. “But you might not like how often that rule will be impossible, considering our situation.”


	6. Chapter 6

“Stop fidgeting,” Seiji said with disapproval. Nick couldn’t help it. He was nervous as all hell.

“I wish we could have bussed.” Seiji gave him a look that suggested he was insane or  _supremely_  stupid for wishing this.

“That’ll be him,” Seiji said, indicating a fancy car. Nick could tell it was expensive, but he couldn’t say anything more on the matter than that. He’d never gotten into the car stuff. Maybe because the idea of ever affording one was hilarious. “Try not to make a fool of yourself.”

“Thanks, Seiji. That’s really helpful.” But he worried more than Seiji knew about making a fool of himself during the long car ride with Robert to his estates. It had taken hardly a week for them to set up the dinner they’d talked of, deciding on a Saturday evening for which Robert had gotten permission from the headmaster to take Seiji and Nick off campus and keep them out past curfew. And he’d insisted on picking them up.

When the car—a sleek black thing that looked like it cost more money than Nick had ever seen—pulled up in front of them, Nick grabbed the door for Seiji, gestured for him to get in. Seiji gave him an odd look for it, but climbed gracefully into the car.  _Would it kill him to do anything without poise and perfection?_  Nick slid in after him, having done this whole maneuver to ensure that he sat in the backseat, instead of up front with Robert and that he’d have Seiji as near by as possible. He was the closest thing Nick had to a friend in this scenario and Nick  _really_  needed the comfort of a friend by his side. Seiji was a poor substitute, but he made Nick feel better, so he’d do.

“Evening, boys,” Robert said with crinkly-eyed smile over his shoulder before putting the car into drive. “How are you doing?”

“Good,” Nick answered, and Seiji let it stand for him too, asking instead:

“And you, Mr. Coste?”

“Doing very well, thank you.”

Small talk continued, and Nick was immeasurably glad for bringing Seiji into this. He’d forgotten to ask Seiji about  _his_ relationship with the Coste’s in all the emotional confusion that came from meeting you dad for the first time, but Seiji definitely  _had_  a past with Robert. They talked familiarly, friendly and polite, as was Seiji’s way with adults, but he was somehow genuine, too. It wasn’t until half an hour in to the ride that he stumbled at all.

“I was sad to hear your friendship with Jesse dissipated, but I suppose it’s to be expected after a year abroad.” Robert didn’t say it like it was a reprimand or with any judgment. But Nick—attention glued to Seiji at this telling statement—saw that Seiji took it as one. He stiffened, set his jaw, opened his mouth as if to speak, then closed it again. It took longer than Nick would have expected for him to answer.

“Yes. Due to circumstances we, rather unfortunetly, drifted apart,” Seiji said carefully. “I often regret that, if only for the loss of my second home.”

Robert considered the phrasing, as did Nick. It was a subtle answer to what Nick now realized had been a subtle question.  _Was it distance that caused the rift between you?_  Robert had asked, in bringing up the broken friendship—holy shit, Jesse and Seiji had been  _friends?_ —and the year abroad.  _Not exactly,_ Seiji had answered, in the phrasing—he was sorry for the broken friendship—holy shit, Jesse and Seiji  _had_  been friends—but only because it had lost him—what? The rest of the Costes?  _My second home._  They’d been really close, then.

Finally, Robert nodded a little, like he’d suspected as much. “You know you’re always welcome, Seiji. You could never lose us.”

“Thank you,” Seiji seemed to relax a little, and Nick took it that the secret conversation was over—for now, at least—and Seiji was relieved for it.

“Serendipitous that you’d end up with my other son, isn’t it?”

“Rather an odd coincidence,” Seiji agreed. “I was surprised when Nicholas told me last week of his relation to you. I assure you, it is a complete accident that I keep finding my way back into your family.” Was that a joke? Robert laughed, and Seiji smiled and holy shit, that was a joke. Seiji really did like Robert, if he was  _joking_  with him.

“Nick didn’t tell you before, then?”

“No.”

“I never planned on telling anyone,” Nick said, a bit defensive. “If I told everyone I’ve ever dated about my secret dad, there’d be rumors like crazy.”

“A solid decision on your part,” Robert said.

“How did Jesse take the news?” Seiji hedged, and Nick was glad he’d asked it. Nick had wondered the same thing, couldn’t imagine that he’d taken the news well at all. He hadn’t wanted to be the one to ask and admit that he was nervous about the reception he’d receive at dinner. Jesse already didn’t like him.

“He was surprised, as were we all.”

“How upset is he? I can handle it, just lay it on me. Should I go in prepared for a war or the silent treatment?” Nick asked it with a lilt and a grin, and it had the desired effect. Robert laughed, taking it as a joke but answering it anyway.

“He wasn’t happy, I won’t lie. But he’ll come around. He’s well mannered, believe it or not, and will give me a harder time than you for it.”

“He will?”

“Yes, he’s livid over my affair with your mother—understandably and rightly so. Samantha already knew of it, actually. We weren’t in a good place when it happened. But we worked it out. Therapy and open communication: it could solve all the world’s problems,” a chuckle. “She’s a good woman, Nick, you’ll like her. She’s excited to meet you.” Nick would believe it when he saw it. “But Jesse…we never told him of our relationship issues before he was born. He’s not pleased to know of them now. But it is my disloyalty he’s most offended by.”

“And my existence as a reminder of it.”

“Maybe so, but the real issue he has with you has nothing to do with that.”

“Seiji,” Nick guessed.

“Precisely.” At this, Seiji shifted very slightly, betraying his discomfort. Nick could dig further, find out more about the alleged friendship and why it had broken, but he decided he’d better not. Seiji was doing him a favor by being here. So he steered the conversation away from that particular facet of ‘dating’ Seiji.

“I never thought you’d let me tell him,” Nick said. “It’s a pretty big secret, but you didn’t hesitate at all in inviting him.” Nick might have imagined it, but he thought Seiji seemed pleased at this.

“If it had been anyone but Seiji, I might have asked your discretion until we decided how to proceed,” Robert said as they pulled through a gate and into a neighborhood so well off it made Nick feel incredibly out of place.

“I’m honored at your trust,” Seiji said, then glanced to Nick. “ _Both_  of your trust.” Nick was so startled by this that he momentarily forgot his nerves. He gaped at Seiji openly before remembering that Robert was here and under the impression that he and Seiji were dating. Such a simple statement like being honored to hold your boyfriend’s trust was no big deal. Nick pulled himself together, tried to act casual, in case Robert glanced in the rear view mirror. But the truth was, it was kind of a big deal for Seiji to say something like that to him.

“Of course,” Robert said, and Nick was beginning to recognize that this was the tone that came when he was smiling his crinkly-eyed smile. They slowed, and a garage door starting sliding open.

“You  _live_  here?” Nick couldn’t help but ask, staring out the window as they pulled into the garage. “This isn’t even a house! It’s closer to a castle or a mansion or—,” he cut off, blushing furiously at his own uncultured behavior. Robert only laughed.

“Yes, it is rather over the top, isn’t it?” Robert seemed neither offended nor judgmental over Nick’s outburst, but Nick still slunk out of the car feeling as though he had been reprimanded. To make up for it, he hurried to the other side of the car and opened the door for Seiji before his fake boyfriend even had a chance. He could totally be a proper gentleman.

“I can do that myself,” Seiji said with a small frown.

“Obviously you can open a car door by yourself,” Nick scoffed, offering a hand mockingly for Seiji, “but you deserve  _the best.”_  Seiji glared at him, obviously trying to discern how this was an insult. Nick just shrugged. With a glance in Robert’s direction, Seiji took Nick’s hand and allowed Nick to ‘help’ him out of the car. The garage closed, and Nick noticed three things as they walked into the house.

1) Robert didn’t bother locking the car. 2) Robert  _did_  bother to glance at Nick and Seiji with a little smile when he thought they weren’t looking. Nick was, though he couldn’t say if Seiji was. 3) He didn’t let go of Seiji’s hand.


	7. Chapter 7

Nick thought he might die, he was so nervous.

“I think I might die, I’m so nervous,” he whispered to Seiji as they navigated through the mini mansion.

“You can’t die from being nervous,” Seiji whispered back.

“Want to bet?”

“You’d lose. I don’t believe there’s been any recorded deaths from nerves.”

“ _Recorded_. Could have still happened.”

“No,” Seiji said with a little twitch of his mouth, like it was trying to pull into a frown. “I don’t think so.”

“I could be the first, then,” Nick wanted to laugh at the look that got him from Seiji.

“You’re a moron,” Seiji said it a little too loudly, and, to Nick’s mortification, Robert laughed. Could he hear the entire conversation? Or just the part where his ‘boyfriend’ called him names? He’d ask Seiji what he thought, but could imagine Seiji’s answer:  _Nicholas, you’re neither quiet nor subtle, of course Robert can hear everything you say. Get over it._  He almost laughed at his own rendition of Seiji’s snooty voice in his head.

“We’re dating,” Nick told Seiji at normal volume, taking imaginary-Seiji’s advice. “You’re supposed to be nice to me.”

“I will be no such thing,” Seiji replied without missing a beat and Nick finally did laugh. He realized how hard he’d been crushing Seiji’s hand and made an effort to let up on the death grip. Seiji made no comment or indication that he’d noticed, but he must have. Despite what he’d said, that was pretty nice of him, Nick thought.

Robert led them into a large room with high ceilings and chandeliers and a stylishly arranged assortment of furniture. A strikingly beautiful woman with large eyes and glossy hair stood to greet them. Nick was sure this was Samantha. For one thing, she looked like Jesse—he had her nose, the arch of her brow. For another, what other woman would be lounging around this house?

“Nick, this is my wife, Samantha,” Robert introduced them. Nick let go of Seiji’s hand with well disguised reluctance and stepped up to the tall woman. Samantha.

“It’s nice to meet you, Ma’am,” Nick said, taking her hand and shaking it. She had a sturdy grip and an open smile. She was younger than Robert, but not terribly so. And she had a natural, carefree quality about her. Nick found himself kinda liking her, despite himself. So if both Robert and Samantha were decent, why was Jesse so intolerable?

“Call me Sam,” she said, “everyone does.” Nick nodded to show he understood the request as he tried to disengaged from the handshake. She didn’t let go. “Now, don’t tell Jesse,” she leaned in conspiratorially, speaking low, and with a teasing twinkle in her eye, “but I always knew you must be a good egg, even before Robert told me you were his son. Any boy Seiji chose  _has_  to be something special,” she winked at him, patted his hand fondly, then finally let him go. He stood there dumbly for a moment.

“Thank you,” he said, but it seemed lacking. “That means a lot to me.” She should hate him. He was living proof of her husband’s disloyalty. But Sam didn’t betray any awkwardness, and neither did Robert. It seemed impossible that the pair had actually worked this out, but it also seemed like they  _had_.

She just smiled at him, as if to reassure that she didn’t hate him, then looked over his shoulder. “Seiji,” she said with such familiarity it struck Nick again that there was something here to Seiji’s past. “You’ve grown a mile since I last saw you!” And she was sweeping towards him, skirt rustling.

“I regret to inform you that you’ve grown very little in that time,” Seiji said with another almost-there smile. If you squinted, anyway. Sam laughed. Another joke? Who was this imposter and what had he done with Seiji?

“Oh, wouldn’t I love that! Just what I need, more height. Thank the heavens that I stopped growing back when I was hardly older than you.”

“Dinner will be ready soon,” Robert said, kissing his wife on the cheek in greeting. “You boys make yourselves at home until then. I’ll go wrestle Jesse out of his room.”

“That boy and his sulking,” Sam said, but with obvious affection. “I don’t know what I’ll do with him.” Turning to Nick and Seiji again she said, “Come. Sit down for a moment and let’s chat.” Already she was leading them to a couch. Nick casually scooped up Seiji’s hand again as they followed. If he was expected to chat with this strange woman who should hate him but didn’t, he was gonna need it.

***

Dinner was a really good roast. Nick was too busy stuffing his face—in the politest possible way—to worry about anything at all. Sam was nice, and Seiji seemed to like her, which meant she had to be genuine. Seiji hardly liked anyone, and he wasn’t the type to like fake people. He supposed that he and Samantha Coste were both judging each other based off of Seiji judgment of their character. Kinda funny, really. And Robert seemed to be honest in his desire to know Nick, which was weird. But also nice.

“How’s school?” Robert asked once dinner had slowed a bit. Nick glanced at Seiji. Seiji’s faceonly shifted very slightly, but it was obvious what it meant:  _What? Answer him, dumbass._

“It’s good. I’m not really into school, you know, who is? But I love Kings Row. I’m doing better there than I have anywhere else, too,” he almost winced. The implication that he’d done poorly at his old schools was probably information he should have kept to himself. Jesse, across the table, smirked. But Robert nodded sagely.

“Yes, Kings Row is a great school,” he smiled, “I’m biased, of course, partial to my alma mater. It did me a lot of good, back in the day. Like father like son, huh?” That wiped the smirk off Jesse’s face.

“I guess so,” Nick said, and he was about to say more—though he didn’t know  _what_  exactly he’d been going to say, he had planned to go on. But Jesse swooped in like a bird of prey.

“Weren’t you at nationals, Nick?” Jesse asked, and Nick could tell he’d done some research to find this out. The gleam in his eyes said that he was  _very_ proud of himself for finding this embarrassing spot of Nick’s past. Nick was determined not to let it show that nationals was a sore spot.

“Yeah,” he shrugged it off, like it was no big deal. “Unlucky for me, I got put against Seiji first match.”

“Ouch,” Sam winced.

“I didn’t stand a chance,” Nick said, and a round of sympathetic laughter sounded from Sam and Robert.

“0-15, wasn’t it?” Jesse asked smugly.

“Yup, that’s right. Couldn’t even score a point on him.”

“Not that it’s any embarrassment to lose to Seiji,” Robert said, and Nick wished he hadn’t. Didn’t like people trying to make him feel better.

“He almost got a point,” Seiji said, and Nick was surprised to hear his voice, especially in this conversation, especially  _especially_  saying that. “In my fourth. He saw the opening before I even realized I’d made one.”

“You remember that?” Nick asked, completely dumbfounded.

“It’s rare for people to notice my mistakes before I do,” Seiji said, meeting Nick’s startled stare with a haughty one. “It stood out to me, of course I remember it.”

“Not as much as you remember our match, I’m assuming,” Jesse said, obviously displeased that he hadn’t managed to make Nick shrink back. Seiji’s face contorted into a familiar snarl, and all Nick could think was  _Oh, now Jesse’s gone and done it._  It wouldn’t do to let the dinner fall into a fight over this, and Nick wasn’t the only one of that opinion.

“Jesse,” Robert said, a warning. Jesse didn’t take it.

“What? Like it’s impressive to have  _almost_  landed  _one_  hit on Seiji when I won against him so easily.”  _So easily._  He was adding insult to injury. Seiji was about to snap. Nick put a hand on his leg, under the table, as if he could hold Seiji back from this attack. Maybe, he could.

“Honestly, it was a big deal at the time,” Nick said, trying not be obvious in his diversion. It was obvious, anyway, but Sam and Robert looked relieved at his effort. “Still is, actually. I’ve never gotten more than a hit a match when I fence against Seiji. I remember that first time—it was bad enough losing so spectacularly first thing in the competition,” it didn’t feel good to admit this, but Nick was determined to pull Seiji back from giving Jesse what he wanted: a big, dramatic, embarrassing shouting match over dinner. “But Seiji’s got a terrible attitude.” That garnered a surprised laugh from Sam and Seiji’s full attention—still a snarl to rival a cougar’s—on him.

“Excuse me?” Seiji sounded so offended that Nick laughed, unconsciously squeezed his leg.

“Don’t pretend, we all know you’re actually  _The Worst_.” He directed the next part to Sam and Robert. “God, like, I was trying to be civil, you know? Trying to lose with civility and grace and all that, but Seiji just straight up  _ignores_  my hand shake of good sportsmanship. Like I was offering him a pile of dog poo or something, the look on his face—you should have seen it, it was awful,” laughter, and even  _he_  was smiling as he continued with the story. “Well, I’m a little put out at this point, as you can imagine. So I start making a scene.”

“Oh no,” Sam said, leaning in with laughter in her eyes, “you  _didn’t.”_

“Oh, yeah. I  _did._  Started yelling at him about all this stuff—,”

“Saying he was going to beat me, the usual spiel,” Seiji finished, and Nick was relieved to see the anger had all but drained from his face. “I did not receive it well. If I had to dally with every person who lost to me and listen to their empty threats, I’d never have time for anything else.” His arrogance was somehow endearing, and the adults both laughed appreciatively.

“Right, so there’s that. And he goes on to forget about me—,”

“More or less.”

“But I’m like biding my time until I can get another shot at him. Got into Kings Row, thinking for sure Seiji’d be over at Exton. But, lo and behold, there he is, in  _my_ new school.”

“He threw a fit when I didn’t remember him.” But, apparently, Seiji  _had_  remembered his fencing.

“Goodness, it sounds like you boys didn’t get off on the right foot,” Sam said.

“Not at all,” Seiji replied at the same time Nick said, “it was hate at first sight.”

“I imagine there’s quite a story behind your reconciliation,” Robert was highly amused. Nick grinned.

“Not really,” Seiji cut Nick off quickly, and it was so obvious that everyone else, except for Jesse, burst into laughter.

“That bad, huh?” Sam asked sympathetically. “You should hear how Robert and I first met, you’d feel better then, I’m sure.”

“Really?” Seiji seemed interested by this.

“You’ve never told me how you and Dad met,” Jesse said, frown deepening.

“Well, it’s not something I tell very often. You’ll all be making fun of me for months after I tell it tonight.”

And Sam started in on her story, and it was as hilarious and embarrassing as promised. Nick found himself genuinely enjoying himself. Seiji even laughed, once. Only Jesse’s bad mood held throughout the rest of dinner. And when it was time for Robert to drive Seiji and Nick back to school, Sam pulled them both into a huge hug and insisted they visit again soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a couple of you have noticed that, for once, there is something resembling an external plot in this fic (and don't worry, I actually have a plan so all your questions will be answered eventually) which is a surprise in and of itself since my normal Fence fics are strictly about falling in love. Another deviation from your typical A&B747 fanfic is that this is gonna be a hardcore slow burn. And it's gonna be long as fuck. So. I hope ya'll have patience 💜.


	8. Chapter 8

It was a couple days before Nick found a good time to corner Seiji for an interrogation. He’d been busier than usual, with Robert appearing in his life and all. Nick had grabbed dinner with Robert twice since Saturday, at fast food joints near Kings Row, without Jesse anywhere nearby. And Seiji was—well, busy being a perfect student and top fencer and avoiding spending too much time in Nick’s general proximity. So when Nick came back to his room after a meeting with Coach Williams and found Seiji awake and idling on his phone, crosslegged on his bed—like a normal teenager for once—he pounced on the opportunity.

“So, you and Jesse,” Nick started casually. Seiji glared up at him.

“What do you want?”

“You guys used to be close.”

“Obviously,” but it clearly bugged Seiji to have it brought up.

“Just, I thought you hated his guts.”

“I do.”

“Since when?”

“Does it matter?”

“I want to know, so yeah.”

“Well, it’s none of your business.”

“Were you guys, y’know, a thing?”

“No,” Seiji’s face wrinkled in distaste. “We were friends—best friends—if you must know. But we had a falling out, just before I moved abroad.”

“What about?”

“None. Of. Your. Business.” And he seemed pretty adamant about it, so Nick decided to leave it be for now and do some more snooping later, in less obvious ways.

“Alright, moving on, then. I’ve been thinking—,” Nick could see that Seiji was dying to comment on that, so he barreled on ahead without giving him any time to do so. “And I decided we should probably go full immersion in this lie. I mean, we already are, but I don’t think you’ve noticed. So, like, yeah. Thought I’d bring it up.”

“You’re terrible at explaining things,” Seiji said, and, in fairness, he had a point. “And what haven’t I noticed?”

“The thing is, you told everyone we’re dating.”

“I did  _what?_  Are you quite sure you’re even capable of thinking?” And there it was. “I never said that.”

“You did! You told Aiden and Eugene our relationship was none of their business.”

“It isn’t.”

“Yeah, but  _saying_  that implies that there’s something there to not be their business, you follow?”

“Not at all.”

“If we aren’t dating, you’d have just said outright  _no._  But you told them to mind their own business instead. The whole school thinks we’re dating now.”

“And you  _let_  them?” Seiji asked, causing Nick to laugh long and hard. He looked so scandalized.

“Yeah, I thought it was funny.”

“You’re despicable.”

“But it’s easier now if we just go with it, especially if Robert and Jesse are going to be popping up around here more often.”

“That’s a rather larger scale than I’d originally intended.”

“Do you have any  _real_  boys to date right now?”

“I’m too busy for that,” Seiji scoffed.

“See, then it doesn’t hurt you at all. And you’re the one that lied to Jesse about dating me in the first place. So. You reap what you sow or some shit.”

“Very well,” Seiji said after an internal battle. “But if you tell your terrible rendition of our romance again, I will break up with you very publicly and dramatically and deal with Jesse alone.”

“Deal,” Nick agreed. “Oh, and Robert and Sam invited us over for lunch Saturday. Can you go? They’ve got a pool!”

“I know, I’ve been to their house before.”

“Your  _second home_?” Nick couldn’t be sure, but he thought he spotted the smallest flush in Seiji’s cheeks. Could have been wishful thinking, though. “Whatever, should I count us in or…?”

“You  _could_  go alone, you know. My schedule is very demanding.”

“Go into enemy territory alone? I don’t think so. Robert and Sam are nice but they’re  _Jesse’s_. I need someone in my corner. Please?”

“I—,” Seiji huffed, annoyed. “Oh, alright. Tell Robert I can be ready to leave by noon, so it will have to be a late lunch.”

“You’re the best fake boyfriend ever,” Nick said, grinning as he pulled out his phone to confirm their Saturday plans.

***

“Robert sent me a good morning text. How the hell do I respond to that?” Nick asked Seiji, sitting down right next to him in first period on Friday. They’d never sat together before, but Nick hardly cared about that right now. Seiji just gave him an exasperated look, rearranging his stack of neatly positioned textbooks, notebooks, and whatever else Seiji thought he needed for the class. Nick may have knocked the pile askew when sitting down. Or maybe it was the wind. There really was no telling.

“I would imagine  _good morning_  is the appropriate response to a good morning text,” Seiji said. “Why do you have to make everything so complicated?”

“Don’t you think that’s weird, though? He’s like  _talking_  to me with no reason. Like a friend or something. Parents aren’t supposed to text. Are they?”

“My mom sends me memes,” Seiji said it so matter of factly that Nick had to laugh.

“What? For real?”

“Yes. I  _wish_  she’d send me something so mundane as a good morning text. I could easily answer that. But you try coming up with a response to a picture of a cartoon penguin labeled ‘moms’ eating cheese puffs from a bag labeled ‘minion memes’ and then come complain to me about how parents shouldn’t text.”

“I think I like your mom.”

“I’m rather fond of her myself.”

“That’s crazy.” Seiji raised his eyebrows and Nick went on. “Just that you’ve got a mom and you actually like her.”

“Is that abnormal?”

Nick thought of his own mother. He loved her, of course, but…he shrugged. “Just wouldn’t have thought you were close with your mom is all. You’re so—you know,  _you.”_  Seiji shook his head in disgust, like Nick were someone terribly stupid whose company he had to endure. Actually, that was probably a pretty good description of Seiji’s take on their entire relationship.

Nick sent a simple  _good morning_  to Robert before tucking away his phone for class. Unlike Seiji, all he took out of his bag was a slightly beat-up notebook that’d been through a lot, and a pencil so he could pretend to take notes. He got distracted before he’d even written one full sentence down. Which, honestly, wasn’t a surprise. Mind and eyes wandering, they landed on Seiji’s neat and orderly notes. All his letters were so uniform and all the sentences were so straight. How did he manage that? Was he secretly a printer? And why did he need so much stuff out on his desk? Did he seriously think that he’d have time to get in reading during this class? And why take out textbooks before being told to? It didn’t make sense to Nick. Seiji didn’t make sense to Nick. In fact, Seiji made so little sense to Nick that he spent most the period trying to figure him out.

“Do you mind if I ask you something?” Seiji quarried as he packed up his mountain of shit with practiced and precise movements.

“Shoot,” Nick said, a little—more than a little—startled at the initiation of conversation.

“How do you pass any of your classes?”

“Bold of you to assume I  _do_  pass any of them,” Nick said, for which Seiji gave him an unimpressed look. “Wait. Was that a serious question?”

“In part,” Seiji replied. Serious or not, Nick thought it was funny. He didn’t know what he’d expected Seiji to ask, but the might-have-been admonishment about his absent-mindedness during class? That hadn’t been it. But—it fit. And Nick found himself storing that away into what he knew about Seiji. He’d figure the guy out, eventually.

“What can I say? I’m just really good at bullshitting and cramming,” Nick told him. Again, Seiji seemed unimpressed, then he turned to leave. “And hey, let’s walk to English together.”

“Why?”

“We’re dating, remember?” Nick said, weaving through desks to catch up with Seiji. “It’s the least we can do.”

“Fine,” Seiji said, but he eyed Nick suspiciously the whole time, and frowned when Nick sat down next to him in this class too.

“It could be worse,” Nick said with a smile. Seiji gave a long-suffering sigh but must have agreed with that, at least, because he complained no further. He busied himself with getting out a slightly different pile of shit and meticulously arranging it on his desk. Nick watched him do it, and suddenly a thought struck him. It seemed to Nick that Seiji and he had something in common: the need to be doing something constantly. Nick dealt with it in jitters and movement. Seiji dealt with it by arranging and placing and planning. As he watched Seiji when the lecture about iambic pentameter started up, he was further convinced of this. Seiji’s pen started scratching on paper at once, taking copious and unnecessary notes. There was no reason to write all this down, but Seiji did anyway. Not because he’d need most of this information, but because he needed the movement to keep him focused. Nick was pretty sure of it, anyway. It was a solid theory. And just like that, he was already figuring Seiji out, if only in this small way. Still, he smiled a little at the achievement.

A hand fell heavy on Nick’s knee and his head jerked fast towards Seiji.

“You’re shaking the table,” Seiji whispered so quietly that only Nick could possibly have heard. He realized now that his knee had been bumping up and down. That it was still trying to, even as Seiji’s hand fought to still it. Nick stopped the bouncing and the hand retreated. But it came back, half an hour later. And again, almost immediately after that. The thing was, Nick’s energy escaped from him like that and he didn’t always notice when it jiggled out of bouncing knees or tapping feet or rapping fingers. He stopped paying attention and it would just happen. Seiji always noticed though, and Nick wasn’t even super irritated when his hand sought to stop his moving. Usually, he hated when people did that. But this thing with Seiji was all about compromise. Seiji got to deal with the repeated jostling. Nick got to deal with the constant shutting down of said jostling. It worked, in its own way.


	9. Chapter 9

Burgers were Nick’s favorite thing.  _Ever._  Well, second favorite. But you couldn’t eat  _fencing_ , could you? So burgers. Yeah. Burgers were great. The best edible thing ever. And Robert was a fucking wizard at the grill. It made Nick feel like he was in a cheesy Disney Chanel show complete with perfect but ‘quirky’ family. It was like, did they even  _try_  to come up with original personality traits or did they walk into Home Depot and grab the dadist looking dad there? Because, right now, that’s what Robert was. The dadist dad Nick had ever encountered. Not that he’d really had a lot of experience with dads—most of his friends, like him, came from single parent households with that parent working long hours to make ends meet. But—damn, the dumb apron? The Birkenstocks? The grill? The perfect burgers? That was stereotypical dad stuff. Even  _he_ knew that.

“God, do they not feed you at your school?” Jesse asked as he watched Nick reach for his third burger of the afternoon. He looked nothing short of disgusted.

“Nope, we eat out of trashcans and sleep in cardboard boxes.” He made sure to take a big bite of burger before answering. Jesse looked queasy.

“You have terrible manners, has anyone ever said?” Jesse asked, like it was supposed to be a solid burn. Nick just snorted.

“Seiji tells me pretty much everyday, actually.”

“You get used to it, eventually,” Seiji said with a sigh, though the disapproving look he gave Nick was hardly any better than Jesse’s appraisal.  _Rich kids._  Nick rolled his eyes.

“Look, burgers weren’t made for manners.”

“He’s got a point,” Sam said, pulling a chair up next to Jesse and squeezing his arm like it was a normal thing to do. To just. Casually show affection for you kid. “Are you boys going to swim? We’ll have to close up the pool for the winter pretty soon. But it’s such a lovely day.”

“I have better thing to do than splash around in a pool,” Jesse said, looking at the clear blue water as if it had personally offended him. Maybe it had. If anyone was annoying enough to get insults out of secret water sprites, it was Jesse.

“Seiji and I will, yeah,” Nick said. He  _liked_  splashing around in pools. And it  _was_  a nice day. The sun was high and hot, but not unbearably so. Just enough that slipping into the pool would feel like a relief. Sam smiled at him, but he didn’t know why. All he’d said was that he wanted to swim.

“The chlorine dries out my skin,” Seiji said.

“You know what fixes that? Lotion. You’ll be fine.”

“I didn’t bring my swimsuit.”

“I knew you wouldn’t, so I grabbed it for you.”

“You went through my things?” Seiji asked, and he looked pretty offended about it. But he couldn’t get worked into a full fight. Not right here, by the pool, eating lunch with three people who thought they were dating. It wouldn’t do to show Jesse how poorly they really got along. Seiji knew this. Nick saw the effort it took him to allow it when Nick reached for his hand.

“Yeah, so next time you should bring it yourself.” He nudged Seiji’s shoulder with his. “And come on, who doesn’t like playing in the water? It’s, like, illegal to ignore a pool after eating freshly grilled burgers by it.”

“Then I suppose we’ll be swimming,” Seiji said to Sam, sounding only slightly like he hated the idea. Nick smiled and squeezed Seiji’s hand.

“I’ll pull out the towels after lunch, then. And sunscreen, of course. What about floaties?”

“Yes!” Nick answered, right as Seiji said, “No, thank you.” Sam smiled and nodded.

“Floaties? Really?” Jesse scorned the moment his mother had stood and wandered away.

“Yeah, really. I never learned how to swim,” Jesse stared at him in horror, and he doubled over laughing.

“Well, it would hardly be a surprise,” Jesse sounded, unless Nick was imagining it, a little defensive.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You’re so… _low class_ , I bet the only pool you could afford to go to is a kiddie pool.” It was a reflexive thing, the hot blush and the curled fist, both. He was pulling back his lips in a snarl, preparing to rip into Jesse. To punch him. But a sharp yank distracted him, it was hard enough to disrupt his shoulder joint as he was pulled to his feet by his hand. The one that couldn’t form a fist because it was otherwise occupied. Seiji.

“Your mother taught you better than that, Jesse,” Seiji said before forcefully tugging Nick away from the little table and wooden patio chairs. They walked briskly by Robert—currently closing down the grill—and into the house.

“Community pools exist, and they’re just as good as Jesse’s personal pool with all its fancy tiles and waterfall thing and—,”

“I know.”

“He deserved it, a good punch in the face—,”

“I know.”

“He’s a dick—,”

“I know.”

“I could’ve taken him in a fight, you should have let me teach him what else  _low class_  people like me can learn in our kiddie pools,” Nick was furious, could feel his rage like a physical thing, crying to be let out. Seiji finally stopped, in a little side hall, and turned to Nick.

“Jesse’s not always kind,” he said calmly. “And he deserved it, whatever you might have said or done. But if you want a relationship with your dad, you need to play nice with his  _other_  son.” It hit Nick like a slap in the face.

“Right, of course. You’re right. Robert would be pissed. If I hit Jesse.”

“He’s a fair man, but he’s always had a blind spot for Jesse. You need to be on civil terms with him, at least for now.”

“Thanks for stopping me,” Nick said, but he was still mad. Still wanted to punch Jesse in the mouth. “God, this is gonna be awful, isn’t it? Every time I come over here, Jesse’s gonna be a dick and I’m not gonna be able to do anything about it.” Was it even worth it?

“It won’t always be like that,” Seiji said, and Nick snorted in disbelief.

“You just said Robert won’t like me if I hurt his precious son. Yeah, it’s always gonna be like that.”

“I’ll tell you what, when you stop thinking of Robert as  _Jesse’s_  and start thinking about him as  _yours_  too, then you can fight Jesse as much as you’d like.”

“So. Never.”

“Just change into your swimsuit,” Seiji said, pushing Nick’s trunks against his chest until Nick’s free hand grabbed them. When had he retrieved those? Nick had been in too blind a fury to notice anything. “I’ve been informed that we’re going swimming,” and he shoved Nick into the small bathroom they’d apparently been standing in front of, hand slipping out of Nick’s and leaving him feeling rather strange.


	10. Chapter 10

When Nick found his way back outside—seriously, this place was like a maze—he saw Seiji neatly installed in the gazebo with a book. He couldn’t help but snort at that. What was more, Nick realized, was that Seiji was not the only person in the gazebo in swimwear. Jesse was in obnoxiously red and orange swim trunks and was coming at Seiji with a bottle of sunscreen. He was saying something, and though the words were lost in the distance, Nick had a pretty good idea what was being said.  _Fucking creep,_  Nick thought, and dashed across the lawn—ignoring the winding sidewalk path—to grab the bottle from Jesse, even as he was reachingfor Seiji with a lathered up hand.

“I’ll do that,” he said, staring Jesse down.

“I’ve already got—,”

“ _Boyfriend_  privileges,” Nick shut him down. “Rubbing on sunscreen is one of them. So go use that hand on yourself and leave Seiji alone.” Jesse colored but stalked away.

“I appreciate the gesture, but I would hardly have let him touch me,” Seiji said idly, looking up from his book as though  _Nick_  were the one who’d disturbed him.

“Yeah, I figured. But  _damn_  that makes my skin crawl.” Nick very much did  _not_  like the idea of Jesse rubbing sunscreen onto Seiji’s bare skin. He couldn’t just stand there and do nothing, even though Seiji was perfectly capable of grabbing Jesse’s wrist and casting him into the pool. Or breaking some bones, if he was feeling less generous. But, honestly, Nick’s reaction might also have something to do with Jesse’s earlier comment. He was still itching to start a fight. A derailed punch had a way of seeping into your blood and pushing you into action without thought.

“I’ll admit that the prospect made  _my_  skin crawl as well. A good deal more than yours, I’d wager, since mine was actually in danger of being touched.” Seiji’s dry remark made Nick laugh. Was there something wrong with him? Because lately he was starting to think that Seiji was actually a pretty entertaining guy.

“I’ll give you that,” Nick said, and he popped open the cap on the bottle of coconut scented sunscreen. Seiji had apparently said all that he’d planned to since his nose was back in his book. What a fucking dork. Had he brought that from Kings Row or had he gone and found it in the Coste residence? Nick honestly couldn’t decide which was dorkier. Yeah, Seiji really was entertaining, in his own way. Nick was almost smiling as he squirted out a dab—okay, more than a dab—of sunscreen and rubbed it between his hands to warm it up.

Seiji flinched away from the contact the instant Nick’s hands landed on his back. He snapped his book shut and spun around to glare at Nick full force. Nick couldn’t figure out why. He’d been  _nice_  about it—hadn’t slapped his hands against Seiji’s skin to see if he could leave handprints, had even  _warmed_  the sunscreen up before touching him. It was a lot nicer than he generally applied sunscreen to his friends’ backs. But, then, Seiji and he weren’t really friends. Nor were they pretending to be friends.

“What do you think you’re doing,” Seiji hissed, eyeing Nick’s hands, still entirely white, with suspicion. Nick shrugged.

“Is it cheekier to answer that question honestly or to ask you what you  _think_  I’m doing?”

“I don’t know how you took our conversation about my displeasure with Jesse wanting to touch me with greasy hands as an invitation for  _you_  to do the same thing.”

“Not a sunscreen fan, huh? Anyway, sorry, but I accidentally trapped us into this. So turn around and let me get to it.”

“You—?” But Seiji didn’t finish, comprehension dawning in his eyes as he realized what Nick had done.  _Boyfriend privileges,_  he’d told Jesse. He’d wrapped it up as part of their dating experience, and now he had to do it or Jesse might be suspicious. “You should have left me and Jesse alone.”

“Again, Seiji, my love,  _you’re_  the one that didn’t let me leave you and Jesse alone.”

“Be fast about it,” Seiji said after a scathing glare. And he turned around on his stool to present Nick with his back, two little smudges of white still peaked on his back from Nick’s previous attempt at this. Seiji couldn’t seem to help but flinch, no doubt wishing to pull away again. But he didn’t. He stayed still and allowed Nick to rub his  _greasy hands_  along his back. It was a rather large back, all things considered, with broad shoulders and a tapered waist—a back needing another squirt of sunscreen. There was a lot to cover. And maybe Seiji was on to something, being so finicky about things like chlorine drying out his skin because, damn, he did have really nice skin. Nick had never noticed before. But it was impossible not to notice how soft and smooth it was as he felt it under his fingers. Pleasantly warm from the sun they’d sat in all afternoon. And—pretty? Was that the right word for it? He thought it might be.

Seiji couldn’t relax, which made muscles twitch and shoulder blades shift when Nick pressed into different spots. It was kind of amazing, Seiji reacting so obviously to him. Nick had to admit that he was drawing it out, taking his time gliding fingers up and down Seiji’s back, and rubbing the sunscreen in gently. When he dipped down to the band of Seiji’s swim trunks, he could feel every muscle in Seiji’s body tighten, could feel the tension and restraint thrumming under the soft skin.

“Relax,” Nick said, which only made Seiji tighten more. “At least try to look like you don’t want to snap my wrist.”

“Is it that obvious?” Seiji asked and Nick almost laughed because Seiji seemed to be displeased that, yes, it was that obvious. The reason for his concern was quickly explained, “Jesse’s coming back.” And sure enough, Jesse was reemerging from the house with a newly adorned pair of sunglasses and a Diet Coke.

“Okay, so like, have you ever had a massage?”

“Of course.” Again, Nick almost laughed. Seriously, it took some effort not to.  _Of course._  So snidely, like who hasn’t had a massage, right? But, though Seiji’s wealth was obvious, he’d never used it—or Nick’s lack of it—to belittle him. Not like Jesse. The thought made him a little fonder of Seiji, if only for the moment.

“Then close your eyes,” Nick said, and he was sure Seiji was scowling or rolling his eyes instead of closing them. “Come on, give it a try. Just…close your eyes. Try to tune out of here and into your massage. Forget it’s me, forget we’re here, just relax and let your masseuse do his job.”

“Masseuse is the feminine form. You’d be a masseur.”

“We all know you spent a year in France, no need to show off your fancy French skills.”

“I wasn’t. That’s basic knowledge in America since we adopted the terms.”

“Fine. Shut up, close your eyes, and let your  _masseur_  do his job.”

“I hate this.” But, slowly, miraculously, the bunched tension dissipated and Seiji seemed—well, not like he was enjoying it, exactly. But like he didn’t mind it so much. Nick caught Jesse glaring at them, and, with a show of impeccable timing, Seiji sighed the tinniest bit and leaned into Nick’s touch just slightly. But Nick didn’t miss it. And neither did Jesse. He just gave Nick a particularly nasty look and stomped off to talk with his mom, over by the grill with Robert.

Absently, Nick wrapped a hand around to Seiji’s side. Seiji was instantly alert and tore away. He shot to his feet and spun to grab the sunscreen from Nick with a glare to rival Jesse’s.

“I’ll do the rest,” he said tightly. “I assume Jesse saw and we can end this charade?”

“Uh, yeah.” Right. Jesse had seen. Nick should have wrapped it up the moment Jesse had turned his back on them. “Good job, he was real pissed.”

“It’s not my goal to make Jesse mad, just to convince him that I won’t ever return his affections. And this,” he shook the sunscreen in his hand just enough to get the point across, “was only a tool to do that.”

“Sure, but pissing him off doesn’t hurt. Don’t lie,” Nick grinned. Seiji didn’t deny it, but he did disengage from conversation, shaking his head and stepping a small distance from Nick to do as he’d said he would and finish applying his sunscreen himself. Nick watched him for a moment. Curiously, he thought he saw goosebumps across Seiji’s skin, which had been so warm to the touch. He wondered why for only a moment before spotting a pile of pool toys. Including water guns.

“I bet I could take you in a water war,” Nick told Seiji as he went over to grab up one of the weapons, obviously left to collect dust in the pool shed for ages.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Seiji responded with a frown at Nick and his water gun. But after another moment he asked, “What  _is_ a water war?”

***

Nick had gotten his water war, but it was up in the air whether he was winning. It was an ongoing thing. He’d decided that the goal, and the mark of his victory, would be to get Seiji’s hair wet. It was harder than it seemed. Seiji had set up in the shallow end and had accumulated a huge amount of floaties to barricade himself against Nick. He even had a shield in the shape of a kickboard that he was unfairly adept at blocking Nick’s attacks with.

“Boys,” Sam called, pulling Nick and Seiji from their battle for a moment of truce. Sam wasn’t in swimwear and Nick didn’t think it would be polite if they drenched her while trying to betray the ceasefire. Seiji must have thought the same thing, because Nick didn’t get shot in the back. “There’s watermelon inside if you’d like some.”

“Thank you,” Seiji said. Jesse just tilted his head in acknowledgment, situated as he was with his feet dipped into the water under a beach umbrella he’d brought out. He hadn’t even gotten in the pool, just sat there on his phone like a twit. Nick’s phone was inside and far away from any threat of falling into the water or getting splashed to hell.

Nick watched Sam walk back up to the house and, after a moment of consideration, he pulled himself out of the pool to scamper after her. Watermelon sounded good. “I’ll be back,” he said, pointing a water-pruned finger at Seiji. “I  _will_  get your precious hair drenched, and that’s a promise. But first, there’s a melon calling my name.”

“Take a towel,” Seiji called after him and Nick froze in place, then turned around guiltily. He’d been about to drip water into the house. He shot Seiji a grateful look as he snatched one of the fluffy white towels placed out in the sun and pulled it over him like a cape. As he hurried back along his watery tracks, he saw Jesse peering at Seiji with a look of wonder on his face. Nick wasn’t sure why, but he didn’t care too much just then.

Nick knew better than to eat watermelon inside. It was too sticky and messy unless you wanted to eat it over the sink. So he piled slices high on a plate and was about to abscond with them when Robert spoke. When had he come inside?

“Just a moment, if you don’t mind, Nick.” Nick froze instantly, and nerves flew to life in his stomach. What had he done?

“Sure thing,” he said, turning back around and putting down his plate carefully. He tried not to look guilty or suspicious, but he must have looked  _something_  because Robert furrowed his brows with concern.

“It’s nothing to worry about,” and now Nick was worrying about it, whatever it was. “I just thought we ought to talk. About your mother.”

“Oh.” Well, at least Robert had thought to catch him alone for this.

“I know,” Robert said, sympathetic. “I’m sure Esme will be displeased to have me back in her life.” It was more than that, though.  _Nick_  didn’t want Robert and his mom to exist in the same space in  _his_  life. If they did, then he’d have to deal with it. With what Robert had done. How he’d left them. Maybe he hadn’t meant to leave Nick, but he sure as hell had meant to leave Esmeralda Cox. But Nick just shrugged. “We have to tell her, it’s not right to sneak around behind her back. You know that.”

“Yeah.” He did. Robert nodded.

“How would you prefer we do this? If you give me her contact information, I could tell her myself. Or you could. Or we could go visit together.”

“I—don’t know,” Nick felt sick, just thinking of  _any_  of those options. He wanted—god, he thought he wanted Robert to come with him. Maybe he’d even prefer Robert telling her alone than what he had to do. But he couldn’t do that to his mom. He owed it to her, to tell her. It would be bad enough coming from him, he couldn’t imagine how she’d feel if Robert Coste called her out of the blue, or showed up at her doorstep. No. He’d do it and suffer the consequences.

“Think about it, okay? I’d feel more comfortable, if she knew. She’s your legal guardian; she should know when you’re with me.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’ll let you know.” He didn’t want to hurt Robert’s feelings, saying he’d do it alone. He’d call his mom tonight or tomorrow. And then when Robert asked, he’d say it came up and he let her know. And—and it would be fine. Totally fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> three guesses where I paused to laugh for ten minutes because, out of context, it sounded like really poorly written porn


	11. Chapter 11

“You left me alone with Jesse for half an hour,” Seiji ripped into Nick the moment they were out of the car. Even as he waved politely to Robert while they watched him drive away, Seiji glared daggers at Nick.

“I’m sorry about that,” Nick was a little smug that Seiji  _needed_  him, even in such a dumb and small way.

“He kept asking questions.”

“Like, about us? Tell me you didn’t blow our cover.” Nick winced, imagining Seiji trying to navigate such a huge and emotion-reliant lie on his own.

“Not really. I don’t think so, anyway. He kept asking about you.”

“Did you answer right?”

“What?”

“Think,” Nick said, rolling his eyes before grabbing Seiji’s hand and turning them to walk into their building. “Why would Jesse be asking about me?”

“You’re his long lost half-brother?”

“No. He was quizzing you. Like in  _The Proposal._  To see if we’re really together. Did you answer everything right?” Seiji stared at him for a moment like he was crazy.

“I believe I did,” he said finally. “I do know an alarming amount about you, as it turns out.”

“Thank god we’re roommates, then.”

“His questions weren’t so much about the trivialities of dating,” Seiji said, and at the word  _dating_ , his eyes darted down to their hands. “Nor about your habits, though I could have easily told him all of yours, as they tend to be extremely annoying. They were about your character.”

“Really? That’s weird.” But, maybe it wasn’t so weird. Jesse knew Seiji, even if it was unclear to Nick how that had all gone down, and if he knew Seiji then he knew the best way to trip him up would be over questions pertaining to abstract things like what kind of person Nick was.  _Wait, but Seiji said…_  “And you’re an expert on my character?”

“Don’t look so smug,” Seiji said flatly, the corners of his mouth pulling down into a scowl. “We  _do_  spend a lot of time together.” And then they were in their room and Seiji was tugging his hand out of Nick’s. But as Nick started in on his homework, he decided that he  _was_  going to be smug about it. Smug that Seiji, apparently, thought he knew him.

***

Seiji didn’t snore. And when he was trying to fall asleep, there was no rustling of blankets or creaking of bedsprings. In short, it was extremely hard to judge if he was asleep or just laying in bed, waiting for sleep. He’d gone to bed forty minutes ago, and Nick had pretended he needed to work on his stupid report. Technically, he did. But it wasn’t due until Monday, so it wasn’t an urgent matter in his eyes. Seiji had been horrified to find he hadn’t started it until tonight. It was a good cover story.

Now, Nick put all his stuff away carefully and tip-toed around the curtain to peek at Seiji. His eyes were closed. He looked asleep, but…Nick debated for a moment. Decided that he needed a closer look. He crept to Seiji’s bed and leaned down to examine him closely. Yes, he was almost definitely asleep. His breaths were even and slow, his eyes were shut gently, and—what convinced Nick the most—his face was smooth and sweet. He never looked like that when he was awake. It was lucky, Nick decided as he backed away from his roommate, that Seiji was really asleep. He wasn’t sure how he could have explained it, had Seiji opened his eyes and found Nick’s face inches from his, watching him.

Silently, Nick grabbed up his phone and then shoved his feet into his sneakers, crunching down the fabric of the heel; he didn’t have time to waste putting them on in here. It was a miracle he hadn’t woken Seiji up already. It had occurred to him tonight how loud he was generally, even when he was trying not to be. Seiji had put on his headphones, which Nick figured had saved him. Still, he took extra care when closing their door.

It was dark, a new moon. And it was slipping into Autumn. The chill felt good, even if Nick knew he should have brought his jacket. He’d be cold later. But right now it served as a distraction. He wandered aimlessly, or so he’d thought, until he found himself under a familiar oak tree. He could have laughed. It was like he was seeking out Robert’s presence, which was stupid and childish. He didn’t need a dad. He’d never had one before. To get too reliant on the man was absurd. Still, Nick didn’t move to find a new spot.

The phone rang three times.

“Hello? Nicholas, what’s wrong?” His mom wasn’t always great at being a mom, but she cared. She was worried, it was evident in her voice. Nick supposed that getting a 10 PM phone call from a son who, more or less, handled himself would be a bit alarming.

“Nothing, I’m fine. There’s nothing wrong.” He felt bad for worrying her. Maybe he should have sent a warning text. But even so, the worry and then the sigh of relief she gave fortified his resolve. He could do this. It would all be okay.

“Good. That’s good. Then what’s this call for?”

“Mom?”

“Yes?”

“Something…something happened. It’s not bad, but I don’t think you’ll like it.”

“You’re worrying me again, what’re you talking about?”

“I—I met Robert. My dad.”

“Really? Well, I guess it was bound to happen since you insist on pursuing fencing like he did. And his boy,” she couldn’t keep the bitterness she felt towards Robert’s ‘real’ family out of her voice, she never could, “he’s about your age, isn’t he?”

“Yeah. Pretty much. But, Mom, he—Robert recognized me.” A beat of silence.

“What?”

“He knew who I was.”

“Impossible.”

“He did.” He could feel the sour turn this talk was taking, heavy and viscus even through the phone.

“Nicholas, don’t be absurd. How could he recognize you? I know you’ve always had a ridiculous fantasy that he’d swoop in and rescue you, but you need to grow up. That’s not happening. And you’re lucky it never could. That man wouldn’t want anything to do with you. We’re an embarrassment to him, a mistake. You hear me? You’re nothing to him— _worse_  than nothing. So stop playing around.”

“You’re wrong—,”

“ _What_  did you just say to me?”

“I  _said_  you’re wrong—,” she tried talking, but Nick just talked over her, voice raised. “No! Just listen to me! For once, just  _please_  listen.” Her displeasure seeped through the phone but she held her tongue. “He connected all the dots, at a meet between my school and Jesse’s—his son’s—school. He watched me fence and he recognized himself in me and he knew my name was Cox and he saw  _you_  in me too and he asked and—,”

“Oh, Nicholas, please don’t tell me you told him a damn thing.”

“He knew. He already knew, I didn’t tell him anything. I just…I didn’t deny it, either,” his voice had gotten very small. He could imagine the look in her eyes, though he was hours away from it.

“Well? What does he want?”

“Nothing. I mean, he wants to be, like, in my life, I guess. He wanted me to tell you.”

“ _He_  wanted you to tell me?”

“I wanted to tell you too,”  _I just knew you’d react like_ this.

“You can’t trust him Nicholas. You’re a fool if you do, and I thought I’d raised better than a fool. You know what kind of man he is. He didn’t tell me he had a wife, and he left us for her and that boy. He’ll do it again. He’ll drop you like last week’s garbage.”

“He won’t,” but Nick could hear the waver in his voice. He hated it, but he couldn’t quite refute her with conviction. “He’s a good man, Mom. I like him.” There, he’d said it.

“You think you know him?”

“I do. I’ve seen him a couple times, since the meet.”

“You’ve been sneaking around with a strange man behind my back?”

“Mom! He’s my  _dad_.”

“Hardly.”

“I’m going to keep seeing him.”

“Fine.” Her voice was tight, clipped.

“Do you want me to tell you? When I go to his house?”

“If you’re so grown up, you can do whatever you please.”  _Please, don’t say it._  “I don’t care.”

Nick let out a long and heavy breath, closed his eyes. “Okay.”

“Can’t you see? You’re a charity case to him. Something to make him feel less guilty. Remember that.” And the line went dead.

Nick tucked his phone into his pocket. That’d gone more or less how he’d expected it to go. Still, it left him exhausted and heavy. He didn’t want to go back to the dorms. Didn’t feel like trying to wrangle sleep just yet. The clear air felt good, even if he was regretting his decision to leave his jacket in his room.

“Are you alright?” Nick jumped, spun towards the voice, which rang out startlingly loud in the silent night air between them. Seiji. Nick couldn’t do anything but stare. He looked ludicrous in his pajamas and fancy shoes, his jacket zipped up tight.

“What are you doing here?” Nick asked after a long moment.

“What does it look like I’m doing? Going for a stroll past curfew in my pajamas? I asked you a question.” Nick noticed how his breath puffed out visibly as he spoke. Was it really that cold out here? “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” Nick answered, startled at Seiji’s insistence that he get a response. “But you didn’t answer my question either.”

“You—,” Seiji’s eyebrow’s scrunched, like he was trying to puzzle out how to say what he wanted to. “You seemed…odd. After going inside for watermelon. I knew it was strange, too, when you started your report tonight. When I woke up and you were gone….”

“Wait. Were you  _worried_ about me?”

“I didn’t say that.” He sighed, then shoved something into Nick’s arms. Nick hadn’t noticed before that he’d even been carrying anything.

“My jacket!” Nick exclaimed upon unraveling the neatly folded heavy blue fabric into his hoodie. “You brought me my jacket?”

“Obviously,” Seiji sneered. It may have just been the cold, but Nick was pretty sure there was a pinkness to Seiji’s usually pale cheeks.

“Thanks,” and he pulled on the hoodie gratefully.

“You’re an idiot, coming out into the cold in a t-shirt. It’s supposed to start raining tonight and storm until Monday.”

“Nice of you to think of me,” Nick said lightly, and Seiji narrowed his eyes.

“You understand that it would be horribly inconvenient to me if you caught a cold because of your idiocy. We live in such confined quarters, and you insist on making a show of physical affection, I’d be practically guaranteed to catch any illness  _you_  brought into my room.”

“Sure, I understand.” He smirked. “I understand that you were worried about me.”

“If you don’t stop that, I’ll take it back.”

“What? You’ll take my jacket back?”

“Do you want to find out?”

Laughing, Nick shook his head. “No, I think I’ll trust that you’d try to undress me. It seems like something you’d do.”

“Hilarious.”

“I know I am.” Nick expected Seiji to insist he go back inside. They were breaking curfew, after all. And pretty blatantly, at that. But Seiji didn’t say anything further, just stood, a little stiffly, next to Nick. “Hey, how long were you here for?” He asked, suddenly suspicious. Seiji colored past the rosy-cheeks that could be written off as cold. Nick had caught him.

“I didn’t mean to eavesdrop.”

“But you did.”

“I…yes, I did.”

“How long?”

“Awhile. Long enough to know whom you were calling and the nature of the conversation.”

Nick nodded, then glanced at Seiji. It was strangely like Seiji was trying to comfort him. It had to have been obvious how poorly the call with his mom had gone. “How’d you know I’d be here, anyway?” He asked. Seiji shrugged.

“It worked once before, when I found you here with Robert. I thought you might come here again.”

“I guess you really are an expert on my character.”


	12. Chapter 12

“I don’t understand why you’d date  _him_.” Jesse hissed. Did he think he was being quiet enough that Nick wouldn’t hear? He’d left to go to the bathroom, but it didn’t exactly take long to pee. Why Jesse thought he’d be able to have a whole conversation with Seiji in that time, Nick didn’t know. But he lingered, hidden behind the entrance to the sitting room. How would Seiji respond? He was curious. A frivolous curiosity, since Nick knew Seiji wasn’t good at this and could fuck everything up, but, well. Curiosity killed the cat and all that.

“For the same reason people generally date each other,” Seiji said, sounding bored and superior. “Because I like him.” Huh. That wasn’t half bad. Maybe Seiji had a hope in the world at this.

“But Seiji  _I_  like you and—,”

“Affection has to go two ways, as we both know.” There was something there. Something acerbic and bitter. Jesse changed tactics.

“He’s below you. You know he’s not good enough for you.”

“Neither are you.” A clear and musical laugh rang out. Jesse’s, it had to be.

“A little full of yourself, aren’t you?”

“You’re the one who wanted to have this conversation, not me. Are you done insulting my boyfriend? Or would you like to pass some more judgments based on his  _low class_  lifestyle?”

“You can’t act superior to me, you’re just as bad as I am. He’s very unpolished, you must admit. Growing up in filth—,”

“Jesse,” Seiji said sharply. “That’s enough.”

“You really like him, don’t you?” He sounded disgusted.

“Yes.” It was passably believable.

“Why? What’s so great about him?”

“I could tell you, but you’d never understand. No matter what I say about him, you’ve already made up your mind to dislike him.” Nick was thoroughly impressed with Seiji’s lying. He was using basic avoidance tactics, and using them well. Maybe Nick had discredited him too soon.

“Boys, come help us bring in the groceries!” Robert’s voice boomed from the door into the garage, and Nick jumped. He’d forgotten that he was here to spend time with his dad, not to snoop on Seiji and Jesse while they talked about him. But it was kind of understandable that he had forgotten. Sam had stolen Robert to go shopping with her last minute, and they’d been gone for an hour.

“How’d you all get along?” Sam asked him as he took a heavily packed box from her.

“Fine,” he smiled casually. “We watched some TV.” They hadn’t talked much, which is what Nick was sure Sam wanted, but they hadn’t killed each other either, so she had to take that as a win, didn’t she?

It didn’t take long to bring everything in and put it away, with four people to help. Sam had ducked out of the traffic from car to kitchen in order to start prepping dinner. Nick didn’t know what it was, but already it smelled really good.

“Have you thought any more about what I asked you last week?” Robert asked Nick, quietly enough, but Nick could feel Jesse’s attention and knew he was listening in. Nick didn’t care.

“Yeah, actually, I ended up just letting my mom know when she called me the other day. Sorry, I forgot to mention it to you.” Nick caught Seiji’s eye, and could read the question held in them:  _why lie about this?_  But it was a good lie, one that made it all a little easier, a little more casual. Knowing that Jesse was listening, he spoke at a regular volume. “You know how she is, but now she knows and she’s fine with it.” Fine enough.

“That’s good to hear.” And Nick was glad to have that out of the way. But there was something about the way Robert was looking at him, like he wanted to say something more, that made Nick nervous.

“Everything alright?” He asked, impatient to hear whatever it was. Maybe Robert would call him on his mom being ‘fine’ with this. Maybe he felt uncomfortable with Nick being around if Esme didn’t want him to be. Maybe Robert would tell him they couldn’t keep meeting, and Nick didn’t want that. It wouldn’t be fair, if Robert insisted on cutting ties just because Esme wasn’t happy. She hadn’t forbidden him, though, so it wasn’t a lie that she was fine enough—

“I wonder if I’m overstepping my bounds,” Robert said, and Nick realized with a start that  _Robert_  was nervous. “But, if you’d like— _I’d_  like to coach you.” Nick’s brain wasn’t processing anything nearly fast enough. “I know you’ve got Coach Williams, and she’s a damn good coach, but maybe sometime you could let me see what you’ve got. I could help you.”

“And he needs all the help he can get,” Jesse said loudly, though it was unclear whom he was speaking to.

“Jesse!” Sam chided, sharp enough to make Nick want to shrink back from it. But Jesse didn’t seem chided at all. Instead, he was glaring at Nick with all his might, his face so dark and stormy that it was giving Nick mixed signals. Anger, for sure. Hatred, genuine, honest to god  _hatred._ But also something like hurt.

“It’s true!” Jesse spat. “He’s terrible, not even Dad could save him. That’s the only reason Seiji likes him, you know.” He met Nick’s eyes with ferocity, with a glee in the hurt he thought this would cause Nick. “Seiji just likes that he can beat you, you pathetic excuse for a fencer. That’s why he dates you. To feel better about himself.” It was odd, because the words did produce a phantom ache in Nick. It was laughable, what Jesse was saying, because it wasn’t true. Seiji wasn’t dating him at all. They didn’t want to date, either of them. But still, the accusation hit him with a pang, a sympathy hurt from an alternate Nicholas Cox who was actually in love with and dating Seiji Katayama.

“Jesse, that’s quite enough,” Sam’s voice was beyond warning now. Jesse was fully in trouble. Sam set down her kitchen knife and walked swiftly to her son, taking his arm and leading him towards a hall that would lead to stairs. “Let’s go calm down.” And, amazingly, Jesse allowed himself to be pulled away. They left an awkward silence in their wake. No one left in the kitchen knew how to breach it.

“I’d, uh, really appreciate some coaching,” Nick said at last, and Robert smiled at him, a hand falling on his shoulder to give it a squeeze.

“Coach Dmytro and I fence at the Kings Row gym on Saturday mornings,” Seiji said, surprising Nick. Because the only reason Seiji would bring this up was if… “You and Nicholas could join us, we wouldn’t mind.”

“As long as I stay on my side of the line?” Nick asked, teasing. Seiji inclined his head slightly.

“Yes, as long as you do that, I think we could coexist easily enough.”

“A great idea, Seiji,” Robert turned his smile on Seiji. “And you boys could come over for lunch after.”

“Yeah, sounds fun,” Nick said, still giving a Seiji a  _what the fuck was that about?_  look, which was pointedly ignored.

***

“Why don’t you go on ahead, Seiji?” Robert said as they pulled up to Kings Row. Seiji nodded, gracefully taking his leave. “I’m sorry about Jesse,” Robert shifted in his seat to face Nick and meet his eyes once Seiji had closed the door. Nick shrugged. Was that why he’d sent Seiji away? To apologize for Jesse’s behavior?

“It’s fine. I get it.”

“He’ll come around.”

“Sure.” Nick wanted to leave this topic. He could see how much Robert wanted him to get along with Jesse. With his son. Nick wouldn’t really fit into his life until he did. But he just couldn’t see that happening. Finally, Robert nodded, seeming satisfied to move on for now.

“Next, I know you said your mother was fine with this,” and suddenly Nick wished desperately to return to the subject of Jesse. “But I think, now that she knows that I want to be a part of your life, I should meet with her. We have a lot to discuss.”

“Do you have to?” Nick hated how childish it sounded.

“I think so, yes.”

“She doesn’t want to see you. I’m sure she doesn’t.”

“I know. But this isn’t about her. Or me. It’s about you, and she and I will have to figure out how to behave civilly to each other if we want this to work.” A pause, a softening in Robert’s eyes. “I want this to work.”

“Yeah,” Nick managed, “yeah, me too.”

“Let’s set up a meeting then, shall we?”

“Okay,” Nick agreed, though still reluctant. Because the idea of it was pretty terrifying—his parents in the same room for the first time in his life.


	13. Chapter 13

“Uh, not to be rude, but why’s  _he_ here?” Nick asked, sliding into his seat—the back one on the right. Jesse’s unmistakable and highly punchable face had been glaringly at him from the seat just in front of his since the moment they’d pulled up.

“Jesse,” Robert said with disapproval, “chose today to kick up trouble at Exton.”

“Bad enough to get a pick up?” Nick asked, interested. “Damn, what’d you do? Kill someone?” Jesse didn’t answer, just crossed his arms and slunk down in his seat in a way Nick recognized. It was standard detention posture.

“Just a single day suspension, luckily, though it will show on your permanent record,” Robert shot a frown at his son.

“It hardly matters.  _You_  almost didn’t graduate because you failed your music class three terms in a row.”

“Failing music is different from staring a fight, Jesse, and you know it.”

“What? That’s all you did?” Nick craned his neck to get a better look at Jesse. “But you don’t look like you got in a fight at all. It can’t have been that bad.”

“It wasn’t. But Exton holds its students to higher standards than you’re used to.”

“God, I guess.” He was sure Kings Row did too and was, again, insanely grateful that his fight with Seiji hadn’t found its ways to the administrators’ attention. “At my old school, there were fights all the time. Like, super bad ones. But you didn’t get suspended unless you brought a knife or a gun or something to one. Oh, and if you hospitalized another student while on school grounds.”

“That happened?” Jesse asked, despite himself. Nick nodded.

“Yeah, pretty standard. You’d be surprised. But we all got detention, mostly. Over half the school would be suspended, otherwise. Plus, I think the teachers were scared of letting so many ‘dangerous’ kids out of school grounds during the day. To cause mayhem and destruction and all that.”

“That—that can’t be allowed,” Jesse said, eyes wide as he regarded Nick, twisted entirely around in his seat now. “That’s not how schools work.”

“Not  _nice_  schools. But lots of schools are pretty much places to be to keep hellions off the streets, you know?”

“And you went to one?”

“Well, yeah. Duh.”

“Were you behind, when you started at Kings Row?” Nick might have been more offended at the question if it wasn’t clear to him that Jesse didn’t actually mean to offend this time. He was too distracted with how  _the_   _other side_  lives.

“Not really. Sure, our textbooks haven’t been updated in twenty years, and a lot of the teachers are half way to offing themselves, but some of the staff cared and that helps.” Nick paused, considering whether to go on. After a beat or two, he did. “And the internet’s all I need if something goes over my head, you know? Wikipedia has taught me more than any teacher ever has.” A slight exaggeration, and he could as good as hear Seiji asking if he’d checked other sources too, because Wiki wasn’t always reliable—he’d never had that conversation with Seiji, but it seemed like something he'd bring up.

“That’s dreadful.”

“Maybe. But  _I_  don’t have a suspension on my permanent record.” For a minute, Nick actually forgot that he hated Jesse. Or maybe it was that he’d forgotten who he was talking to. The feeling had to have been mutual because Jesse laughed before catching himself and, not so much  _glaring_  at Nick, but definitely giving him some side-eye. Wary and suspicious side-eye. Like  _Nick_  was the one who was generally an asshole.

“Nick, have you eaten?” Robert asked, either completely oblivious to the fluctuating moods in the car or entirely tuned in and swooping down to bridge the newly awkward silence.

“Not since breakfast,” Nick said.

“We’ll grab something on the way then.” It was a subtle indicator of what Nick suspected, but…

“Jesse has to come, then?”

“No time to drop him off,” Robert confirmed.  _Perfect._  “He’ll stay in the car while we talk to your mother.”

“Yeah, he’d better. Mom’s not exactly as welcoming as Sam is.”

“Nick,” it was a a small rebuke, a warning to be nice to his mother. It surprised him to hear it from Robert. Since when had  _he_  cared about Nick’s mom?

“It wouldn’t be a problem if they allowed students to have cars on campus,” Jesse said, bored as he turned his attention back on the road. “Then I could drive hime myself.” Nick snorted a laugh. Of course Jesse had a car. Probably a really nice one. Jesse turned again to stare him down. “What? Like you wouldn’t love to have a car on campus.”  _A_  car. He did, at least, have the brain power to realize that no way in hell would Nick have his own car.

“Dude, I can’t drive.” He’d realized early on in his days at Kings Row that this ought to embarrass him. But it didn’t. It was cool but rare that kids his age could drive at his old district—some of the older ones might. Kids who had saved up enough to get a car, and some might borrow a family one, but it wasn’t common among freshmen and sophomores to have cars or know how to use them. Nick had always been just one of the majority who used his feet and public transportation. He wasn’t built to feel shame for not driving because driving was a luxury few could afford.

“But you’re sixteen, aren’t you?”

“Yeah,” it took effort not to call Jesse a rude name here—something like  _dipshit_  would have done nicely, “but who would teach me? With what time? In what car? Like we could waste the gas and mileage on Mom’s. I know you keep calling me poor, but do you realize how not having money effects everything else?” Truthfully, if his mom had cared enough to try being a parent in this respect, they probably could have worked it out. But it was easier to blame it entirely on the money. Nick saw Jesse floundering and half expected him to accuse Nick of having a cell phone. It was what a lot of well off people did, when you said you didn’t have money. They’d point out every nice thing you owned.

“That’s—,” Jesse looked embarrassed for a fraction of a second, but then his expression narrowed into something harder, meaner, more familiar. “I’m not going to apologize for having better circumstances than you.”

“I literally wasn’t asking you to.”

They drove in silence for awhile, with Robert wisely staying out of it. It wasn’t long before Jesse sighed dramatically and plugged in his phone, playing his could-be-worse music over the car stereo. They got burgers and fries and Nick was surprised that Robert allowed food in his car. He ate carefully, so as not to spill on the seats. When, finally, they pulled into his neighborhood, Nick made a point of not paying attention to how Jesse was reacting. He wasn’t ashamed. Wasn’t embarrassed. This was part of him, and it didn’t feel right to try and hide it. But, Jesse. Well, he’d already flung it at Nick with the intent to hurt, hadn’t he? _Just imagine the damage he could do now._  Seeing his house through Jesse's eyes, Nick could already hear in his mind the way Jesse might say  _it’s more of a shack, really._

“Stay here, Jesse.” Robert said, firm and with no room for arguments. “Don’t test me on this.”

“Fine. Whatever.” Jesse rolled down his window, unbuckled his seatbelt, and reclined the entire seat. Not waiting, of course, for Nick to finish getting out of the car. Asshole. But whatever. The drive could have been way worse and this was a small price to pay, considering that. Robert was only a moment behind Nick, pocketing his key and smoothing down his shirt.

Nick knocked on the door and was surprised when it opened right away. Had she been watching for them? Esmeralda Cox was a wisp of a woman with worry lines beyond her years, but you could tell that she was meant to be beautiful. Maybe if she’d smile more. Maybe if life hadn’t beaten her down at every corner. She offered a tight smile for Nick, but it was strained as her eyes darted to the car, to Jesse, lounging in it.

“Come in,” she said, stepping out of the doorway to let them through. Once in, she addressed Robert. “What is it that you want, Robert?”

“It’s good to see you, Esme.”

“Yeah,” she laughed, unkind and disbelieving. “I bet it is. How’s the wife?”

“She’s doing well.”

“She didn’t leave you, then? What about now that Nicholas has barged into your perfect life?”

“We’ve worked it out,” Robert said mildly, handling Esme’s ire pretty well. “How have you been?”

“How do you think I’ve been?” She shook her head, gestured for them to sit down at the small table by the kitchen. No friendly pleasantries, just straight to business. “But I can tell you this much: I’d be a lot better if you’d leave me and my son alone.”

“He’s my son too, Esme. My son that, until a month ago, I had no idea existed.” Esme didn’t flinch away from the accusation.

“You left. What did you care?”

“What did I care?” Robert repeated, voice not louder, exactly, but richer, more intense. “Everything. You had no right to keep him from me because you were mad.”

“I’m the villain now?” Esme asked, voice every bit as dangerous as Robert’s. “Me? I’m not the one who skipped out on his new little wife and lied to a naive young woman. I’m not the asshole that thought he was too good for everyone, that didn’t care who he hurt. I’m not the one that  _left_ , Robert. If you’d wanted to be a part of Nicholas’s life, you should have been here when he was born.”

“I would have been! If you’d told me, I’d have been there. I’d have helped. I could have given him a better life, but your petty revenge took that from him.”

It was as bad as Nick had known it would be. He hated it because he felt fiercely protective of his mom. How dare Robert presume Nick would’ve been better off with him? Robert  _had_  left, and his mom and him had done fine without him. And yet,how dare his mom bar Nick from his dad, who clearly wouldn’t have left—not  _him_ , not if he had the choice? And how dare he feel this way? He shouldn’t be so jumbled. He shouldn’t think they were both right while both being in the wrong. He felt like he was betraying each of his parents by having such conflicting emotions about them.

“You’d have taken  _him_  and left anyway.” Esme snarled. “You’d have taken my son, my  _only_  son.”

“You don’t know that—,”

“I do! I do know that! It’s what you do, it’s what men like you do. You take and you take and you take until there’s nothing left.”

“You never gave me the chance.  _You_  took him from me.”

“Well, you can’t have him.”

“I don’t want to take him from you,” Robert said, exasperated. “I just want to be in his life. And I’m sorry, but that means that I’ll be a part of your life too.”

“You have no right.”

“Legally, Esme, I do have rights. And I want to be clear in my intentions.”

“Legally?” Nick asked, and both Robert and Esme looked to him with some measure of surprise.

“You see?” Esme barked, angry eyes turning on him. “He’s trying to take you away with his fancy lawyers. Turn you into a spoiled brat like his son.”

“Nick is my son as much as Jesse is, Esme, and I have no intentions of  _taking_  him away.” Suddenly seeming tired, Robert pinched the bridge of his nose, took a deep breath, and turned to Nick, much calmer than he had been moments before. “I’m sorry Nick, I should have discussed it with you first.”

“Discussed  _what_  with me?” Nick asked, feeling panicky and light headed.

“I’d like to petition for partial custody.”

“You…?”

“He doesn’t want it,” Esme snapped, rounding on Robert. “See? He is upset. Leave him be.”

“Nick,” Robert said softly, not turning from him or acknowledging that his mom had spoken at all. “What do you think? Would you be alright if I tried for custody— _partial_  custody. I’d never dream of taking you away from your mom.” Nick wasn’t sure what to say. Looking into Robert’s eyes, he wanted to say yes, if only to make that worry go away and for that crinkly eyed smile to replace it. But…that was a pretty big deal. Wasn’t it?  _And Mom…_ Nick’s eyes slid to his mother’s and he knew that by saying what would please Robert, he’d be hurting her. So, he did the only thing he could.

“Can I think about it? I mean, it’s a lot. I just…need some time to digest, if that’s okay?” Robert nodded, noticeably disappointed, but understanding. Esme looked upset, but not unbearably so. He’d hurt them both, a little. But he hadn’t completely crushed one or the other of them, and that was about all he could ask for. “But I want to have full say over when I visit Robert,” Nick said firmly, meeting his mother’s eyes. Eyes, he’d been told, that were just like his.

“I won’t stop you,” she said tersely, but all her warnings and objections were clear in her voice, in her eyes, in the tightness of her mouth.

“We should exchange contact information, Esme,” Robert said, pulling out his phone, “so that we can talk. I can let you know when I’ve taken Nick somewhere, if you’d like. But, if only for emergencies, I really should have your number.”

They went on like that for a while, talking back and forth. In circles, mostly. And it seemed to Nick like they were more or less where they’d been before this meeting. He got to have dinners with Robert and his Mom got to hate it but suffer it silently. The only difference was that Nick was now burdened with the choice between parents. And it should be an easy choice. He hated himself because it wasn’t.

When he and Robert took their leave, Esme saw him off in much the same manner she did Robert. Terse and angry, with a slammed door the moment they were clear of it.


	14. Chapter 14

It was late and the night had turned breezy. Nearing the end of their journey back to school, Robert had pulled them into a gas station and, after filling up and parking in the vacant lot, he’d run in to get some snacks and to go to the bathroom. Jesse had rolled down his window again, and his seat was a little more reclined than it had been on the way here. Asshole. He’d been strangely subdued though, other than the seat.

“So,” Nick said into the quiet. “Did you stay in the car?”

“You can’t prove anything.”

“I wouldn’t even try.”

“I might have taken a walk,” he admitted.

“I thought so. Wonder if it’s human nature or if we got the nosy gene from Robert.”

“Probably both.”

“Hey, look at that, you’re acting like a human and not a demon.”

“That’s a good way to ensure I stay pleasant,” Jesse laughed. “Tell me that I’m usually nasty.”

“Am I wrong?”

“Yes. It’s only you I’m usually nasty to.”

“So what gives? Where’re my mean comments and shitty looks?”

“I don’t like you.”

“I know.”

“It’s not fair. First you took Seiji—don’t interrupt me. First you took Seiji, and then it turns out you’re my brother which means you’re stealing Dad from me too.  _And_ , as if that weren’t enough, Mom keeps siding with you too. It’s not fair.”

Nick stared at Jesse, dumbfounded. It…Hell, it made sense. “It’s funny,” Nick said quietly, noticing how Jesse’s posture tensed. He was waiting for Nick to call him out for acting like a spoiled child. He could, he’d be justified in doing so, but… “I don’t like you because you always had everything I didn’t. Robert and money and being able to fence since you were a kid.”  _And_  Seiji, Nick thought. Seiji still saw Jesse in him before he saw  _Nick_. Now more than ever.

“But now we’re even. You get Seiji and I get a mom that hugs me.” It hurt, actually, hearing Jesse say it. It made it sound like Jesse thought his mom didn’t  _love_  him. She did. She just wasn’t good at it. But he couldn’t argue the point before Robert pulled open the driver side door and slid in, starting up the car with a grin. Nick wondered if he’d left them trapped in here together for almost half an hour on purpose. Or maybe he was just so happy because he’d had a really good poop. You never could tell what the Coste’s were thinking, and that was a fact.

***

Seiji was awake when Nick got back to Kings Row. It wasn’t too late, really. But still, Nick was pretty sure Seiji had stayed up specifically to greet him. He wasn’t exactly sure why he was convinced of this, but he was.

“It occurs to me,” Seiji said, looking up from his spot on his bed, “that I don’t have your number, and that’s a rather big oversight if we’re meant to be dating.”

“Oh shit, you’re right,” Nick unlocked his phone and tossed it to Seiji. “Can’t believe I didn’t even think of that. It’s like, I see you every second of every day, there’s literally no reason I’d even notice if I could text you or not because it’s so unnecessary. I can just shout and you’d hear me.”

“Except for tonight.”

“Aw, did you miss me?” Nick grinned, and got his phone chucked at his head for that. He caught it easily and saw that his text log with  _Seiji_   _Katayama_  consisted, so far, of a little fencer emoji from his phone to Seiji’s. “For real, good thinking. We need to fill this log up, in case Jesse breaks into my phone. Or yours. Or both. Can’t trust that kid.”

“I don’t think that’s entirely likely, Nicholas.”

“Better safe than sorry,” Nick said, tapping in to edit the contact Seiji had made for himself. He put a little fencing emoji and a blue heart after  _Seiji,_ for good measure, then pulled up the camera and aimed. “Say cheese!”

“Don’t—,” it was too late. Nick had already set the contact pic. “You can’t use that, I’m in my pajamas and my hair’s a mess. I won’t stand for it.”

“Too bad. And don’t worry, it’s a cute picture.”

“I wouldn’t worry about Jesse breaking into your phone, but there’s a good chance  _I’ll_  have to now.”

“No fucking way. You’d never guess my very complex passcode.”

“We’ll see.” Neither of them spoke for a minute after that, but Seiji asked, in a way that would have been casual for anyone else, but was very telling coming from him since he didn’t usually care about other people’s business, “How was it? The meeting with your parents?”

“It’s weird, talking about them like they’re a unit. It was fine. Not great, I guess, but nothing super noteworthy happened.” Not exactly true, but it could have been less true. “But get this, Jesse made trouble at school to get attention.”

“He what?”

“He got in a fight or something. Robert had to go pick him up because he got suspended for the day.”

“That doesn’t sound like Jesse at all.”

“And you know him so well?” Nick asked, a little more aggressive than need be.

“We were friends for around eight years.” That long? It made Nick a little mad to think about.

“Anyway, he had to come with us.”

“Robert brought him along?”

“No other choice. And I think Jesse knew it. He’s an only child—,”

“You’re as much of an only child as he is.”

“Sure, but  _I’m_  not used to getting all of Daddy’s love to myself. I think that’s the problem.” Well, he  _knew_  that was the problem. But somehow he didn’t want to tell Seiji about his talk with Jesse in the car. “He doesn’t know how to share.”

“You know,” Seiji said, tilting his head to the side thoughtfully, “I think you might be right.”

“All those years and you never noticed he doesn’t like sharing?”

“It wasn’t one of my main concerns, no.” Seiji was shutting down. Closing off. Nick had known better than to push, but he couldn’t help it. He was so curious about what had happened between them it was driving him mad. But he didn’t want Seiji to snap at him to shut up. Didn’t want him to withdraw from conversation just yet.

“Was one of your main concerns that he’s a bit of an asshole?” Nick asked lightly, reeling back their conversation from the edge of  _too personal_  and back onto the solid ground of making fun of Jesse. Seiji considered the comment for awhile, then gave a small nod and an almost smile at this jab at Jesse’s character.

“And he didn’t cause any trouble?”

“What? With Mom and Robert?” Nick asked, even more surprised to have this topic brought up a second time than he had been when it was brought up the first. “No, he didn’t.” He was probably scared off from trying anything even if he’d planned to. The scene in the kitchen hadn’t been a happy one. Seiji nodded again, in acknowledgment of this information. Nick wondered if it heightened Seiji’s opinion of Jesse at all. He hoped not, even if tonight had heightened  _his_  opinion of Jesse some.

“I know that you’ve been worried for tonight all week,” Seiji said and each word seemed to be considered thoroughly before being spoken. Nick shrugged, self-conscious. If Seiji had read his worry so easily, it must have been really bad. Although he couldn’t have known the cause of it until today. Nick hadn’t really meant to tell Seiji about the meeting. It had slipped out. He’d just blurted it after first period, right before he was meant to meet Robert out front. Seiji had been taken aback, which was understandable since he’d been peacefully packing away all his shit and Nick had just— _Robert and I are going to my house to talk with my mom and I’d actually rather die than go, bye!_ He still didn’t know why he’d decided to share his business with Seiji, and especially in such a dumb and hurried way. He hadn’t even let Seiji respond before darting from the classroom. Honestly, it was no wonder Seiji had waited up for him.

“Yeah, but it was fine,” Nick said, dismissive.

“I don’t think it was,” Seiji said with surety. “I’m not as completely socially unaware as you seem to think I am. I can tell that you’re agitated. You looked happier discussing  _Jesse_  than you did talking about Robert and your mother, and that seems strange to me.”

“I’m just tired.”

“I’d prefer if you didn’t lie to me. I can’t always tell with you, what’s true or not. But I do know that you’re upset and pretending you’re not isn’t going to get you anywhere.”

“Fine! You caught me, it was fucking awful. And it’s not over. It won’t be over for a long time and it sucks and I’m too tired to tuck it all away properly. But what can you possibly say to make me feel any better?” It was unreasonable, Nick knew, but he’d already shown Seiji so much weakness that he’d never meant to. He was using the guy as a crutch for god’s sake, couldn’t Seiji let him have his last shred of dignity?

“Nothing,” Seiji admitted freely. “I can hardly apologize, as it’s not my fault. I can’t offer relevant advice, as I’ve never been through anything resembling this. I don’t do empty words and pretty promises. I can’t say anything that will make you feel better in the least. But you can tell me anyway. And sometimes that’s helpful.” Nick didn’t know what to do with that. He gaped at Seiji. There was  _a lot_  there, if you thought about it. And Nick did. There was the implication that Seiji  _wanted_  to make him feel better. The offer for a listening ear if he needed it. And the way he spoke with such conviction, like he had experience in the different ways someone might try to make you feel better and the reasons they all sucked.

“Thank you.” It was all Nick could think to say. He thought about trying to dig, trying to suss out some clue about what  _Seiji_ of all people would need comforting for, but he thought it would probably ruin this moment, and it was a nice moment. Seiji inclined his head in recognition of the thanks. The conversation had run its course, and they were ending on good terms so Nick let it go this time. But Seiji, it seemed, had something more to say.

“It’s unfortunate you had Jesse with you for tonight,” and the thought seemed incomplete. Like it might have been finished with  _instead of me._

_***_

Strange as it was, Nick was pretty sure he and Jesse were in a truce. He didn’t make a singe snide remark when Nick, Seiji, and Robert came into the house after his first coaching session with Robert. The lesson itself had gone well, though Robert didn’t go easy on him. Lunch was already set out and ready to go and Jesse was sitting peacefully at the table, not even looking up to shoot daggers at Nick. Seiji seemed to notice the change too and turned a curious look at Nick. Nick just shrugged, but still pulled up a seat as far from Jesse as possible.

“How was your morning?” Sam asked, sitting down and serving up.

“It went very well, I thought,” Robert said, sparing Nick the embarrassment of running through all of his faults in fencing.

“Yeah, it was good,” Nick agreed. “But Robert is like a totally different person when you bring out an épée.”

“Coach Mode,” Jesse said sagely.

“Exactly! It’s like a split personality. He’s either a Dad or a Coach and there’s no in between.”

“Trust me, you don’t want there to be an in between. He was terrible at separating coaching and parenting at the start.”

“Bet that proved for an interesting childhood.”

“You have no idea.” Jesse laughed, and Nick was tempted to join him. He noticed Seiji’s strange appraisal of him again, and knocked his shoulder against his easily to make him stop. It had become such a natural thing, this forced physical contact between them, that Nick genuinely hadn’t given it any thought. But at the casual touch, Jesse’s eyes darkened. And just like that, the tenuous good mood between them was broken.  _First, you took Seiji,_  he’d said. Nick guessed that he wouldn’t get over that soon.

After lunch, Nick was in no hurry to leave. Seiji pulled out homework of some sort and tried to set up at a table.

“Trying to avoid social interaction?” Nick asked.

“Trying to work.”

“Not happening,” Nick said, scooping up Seiji’s homework folder—math, he could tell, from the pink color of the folder—and dashed off with it.

“Nicholas! Give that back!” Seiji shot to his feet, but he didn’t follow after Nick in a chase. That was probably too juvenile for him.

“You’re fine, chill a little, will you?” Nick gloated, wagging the folder where he stood by the couch.

“Saturday afternoons used to be for homework, and I’ve been very tolerant in letting you steal them since—,”

“We started dating?” Nick cut in smoothly, and Seiji huffed but didn’t protest. How could he?

“Please, let me work in peace for once.”

“Nope.” Nick grinned at him, fully aware their bickering was almost certainly floating through the house and into the kitchen, where the Costes were still all gathered. Then, quick as a flash, Seiji was bolting at him, obviously fed up with Nick’s fun. Nick let him grab the folder, but was surprised when Seiji whacked him over the head with it.

“Why,” he asked, “do you insist on being such a pain in my ass?”

“Because I love you?” Nick offered, cackling at Seiji’s face scrunching with distaste at the words.

“Besides,” Seiji said in a whisper, leaning close to Nick, “you hardly need me to come with you anymore. You and Jesse seem to be doing fine,” he obviously wanted to pry, but he didn’t. Seiji had more or less dropped his bombardment of Jesse related questions since Nick had told him the ultimate secret around their relationship. “And, in fact, it appears that I might simply be causing tension between you two.”

“No way,” Nick said, grabbing his arm like he was threatening to walk away right now or something. “I still need you here.”

“You spent  _hours_  with Robert and Jesse alone earlier this week,” Seiji pointed out. “You were fine then. You made  _progress_ then.”

“Stop it. You’re stuck here until I say you’re not.”

“You’re acting like a child,” Seiji admonished. “You’re going to have to figure out how to do this without your security blanket.”

“Seiji. Please.” Nick stared hard at Seiji, who stared right back.

“Fine,” Seiji said finally, and Nick realized that he’d been gripping Seiji’s arm pretty tightly. He loosened his hold a bit. “I wasn’t planning on leaving without your consent, in any case. That wasn’t our agreement.” It wasn’t? Nick wasn’t sure they’d really laid out clear terms for their agreement. “I was merely saying that you hardly need me.”

“Yeah, well. You’re wrong.” Just then, Nick realized that Jesse was lurking in the entrance to the sitting room. “Anyway, come sit and do your stupid math on the couch,” he finally let Seiji’s arm go. “Jesse, do you want to put on a movie or something?” Jesse’s lips pulled into something close to a sneer, but after a moment he came and sat on the couch, arms crossed. Seiji was right about one thing. Nick and Jesse  _had_  somehow made progress two nights ago in the car.


	15. Chapter 15

Seiji and Nick might have been an established couple at Kings Row, but, as it was out of Jesse’s sight, Seiji was less tolerant about the ruse when at school. He’d let Nick stand a little closer to him than might otherwise be allowed, let him sit by him in every class and during every meal they shared, and made a valiant effort not to glare in a hostile manner when they were in public. But it was still like waiting for the other shoe to drop; waiting for someone to call them on it. So it was almost a relief when it happened. Because Nick could clean up after explosions, it was the tiptoeing around dynamite that made him nervous. But it was a little bit of a surprise when the question came not from some random Seiji fan  _or_  from Aiden, but form Eugene. It wasn’t really typical Eugene behavior to be suspicious. But then, possibly it was a joke. Sometimes there was just no telling with him.

“Are you sure you guys are dating?” Eugene asked after a long day of fencing drills. Seiji and Nick had had a… _disagreement_ over something stupid and it had gotten a little loud. Nick noticed as Eugene asked just how much distance there was between him and his supposed to be boyfriend at the moment. How the air hung cold and charged between them, ready to ignite into a thunderstorm at any moment.  _Shit._

“I can’t date him  _and_  think he’s a bit of a conceited asshole at the same time?” Nick asked, slipping on an easy smile.

“Nah man, that’s actually what made me notice. You guys were all over each other a couple weeks ago.” There was that term again.  _All over each other._  Nick shot a glance at Seiji, across the locker room and neatly putting away his things.  _We_ did _get pretty up in each other’s business…_  “But you’re not like that anymore unless you’re fighting. I’d have expected you to be more, you know,” suggestively raised eyebrows.  _Oh, thank god._  He was joking. Kicking up trouble just because he could. “But I guess Seiji wouldn’t be about that, would he?”

“No,” Nick frowned, and another look was thrown Seiji’s way before he could stop it. “Seiji’s not a huge fan of human contact.”

“Aw, cheer up, I’m sure you’ll wear him down eventually,” and then Nick was caught in a headlock and being given a goodnatured but still unappreciated noogie.

***

“Did you hear Eugene?” Nick hissed to Seiji when they were safely installed in their room.

“It’s hard not to hear you two. You’re very loud.”

“Right. So, you see our problem, right?”

“Not really, no. Eugene can believe whatever he wants, it doesn’t affect anything.” Ah yes, Seiji’s ‘mind your own business’ philosophy. If only high school worked like that.

“He was joking. Probably. But the problem is that his loudness—,”

“Yours too.”

“Did you seriously just interrupt me to call me loud?” Nick asked, and Seiji crossed his arms and leaned a hip against the wall, casual as can be. “God, if any of your fans actually got to know you, they’d be disappointed about how immature you are.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Was he being petulant on purpose? Nick watched him carefully, trying to decide. But he couldn’t tell.

“Whatever. Anyway. The loud conversation Eugene and I had in the locker room was overheard by the whole team if  _you_ could hear it from your corner.”

“Okay?”

“Aiden. Aiden, Seiji. Think about it.” Nick knew that Seiji didn’t mix well with Aiden and could see the slight narrowing of his eyes at Aiden’s mention, could see the way his posture shifted into something tense instead of casual. Seiji was suspicious of Aiden in general, and Nick was sure that he’d quickly put the pieces together.

“Eugene planted the idea in Aiden’s mind. Whether Eugene really believed it or not doesn’t matter. Aiden’s got it now, and I suppose it doesn’t particularly matter if he believes it or not either.”

“Right. He’ll use it to stir up trouble because he’s like that. Especially about you.”

“I’ve noticed.” It was so amusing, how annoyed Seiji was by this. Nick kind of laughed, and when he got a glare for it, he shrugged and decided he could explain.

“This is why Aiden picks on you,” Nick said, but Seiji clearly didn’t know what  _this_  was. “It’s funny when you get annoyed. You’re so put together and shit, you know? It’s fun, seeing you come undone. And I bet Aiden wants to see if he can push you fully over the edge. Make you explode. You make it too easy for him.”

“Splendid.” He said it like the word tasted bad in his mouth. “I assume you have a plan? To deal with whatever Aiden might do.”

“Yeah,” Nick smiled.

“I can tell already that I won’t like it.”

***

Really, Nick should have been more insistent about the lie at school from the start. Neglecting one part of a large scale lie could really come back to bite you in the ass later. It still could. Aiden wasn’t really terrible, and Nick didn’t think he’d intentionally start rumors. But his fanbase was so obsessed with him and his so-called rivalry with Seiji that they’d be sure to notice if Aiden made any suspicious comments to Seiji. And  _they_  wouldn’t have any qualms with spreading rumors. They weren’t too fond of Nick, since he’d beaten Aiden that first time. And they didn’t like Seiji, since he had a pretty big, if less stalker-y, fanbase too. So malicious rumors about them both? Perfect.

Nick decided that preemptive action was the best to take in this case. If rumors did go around, there was no telling if Jesse might come to hear of them. He was pretty good at knowing things happening in Kings Row that he probably shouldn’t. Like where Seiji was, for instance. He’d always had an uncanny ability to pop up as if by design. But if Nick and Seiji could cement their relationship as legitimate and loving in the minds of every student who might hear such rumors, then they’d laugh the rumors off or see them for the dirty trick they were.

Okay, so the hypothetical rumors were true, but that wasn’t the point.

So. Time to kick the act up a notch at ground zero. But it had to be subtle. You couldn’t just dive right into proving an accusation—especially a teasing one—false the moment it was issued. That was suspect as hell. It was in the little things. The gradual build. The  _wearing him down_ , as Eugene had predicted. Hand holding was the obvious place to start. Despite that they held hands pretty frequently, Seiji was distinctly uncomfortable when they went about school the next day holding hands whenever their schedules allowed. And when, the day after that, Nick grabbed the book off Seiji’s desk that was too large to fit into his bag, Seiji was reluctant to let him carry it. He kept glancing to it, nestled under Nick’s arm, and frowning.

“I’m not going to ruin your precious book. Chill out.” Nick said, after about the tenth worried look toward it.

“I know. It would be impressive, even for you, to manage such a thing in such a short amount of time.”

“Then what’s that face for?”

“Nothing.”

“Liar,” Nick brought his hand, still joined with Seiji’s, up to bop against Seiji’s forehead. “You’ve got worry lines.”

The first thing Nick noticed was the horrified look Seiji gave him, wide eyed and almost panicky. The next thing he noticed was the probable cause of the look. Seiji had turned completely red. Nick was pretty sure he’d caught a couple tiny blushes from Seiji since they’d started ‘dating’. But those were nothing compared to this. The guy was flushed as thoroughly as it was possible to be. Nick felt his own eyes widen in response. Then, time resumed. Seiji tried to pull his hand from Nick’s. Reflexively, Nick held tighter, not letting him escape. He tugged Seiji to the wall, out of the flow of traffic they’d just been holding up.

“What’s that about, then?” Nick asked. He wasn’t overly known for his tact. “And don’t even try to say  _nothing_. What’s up?” Seiji glared fiercely, and paired with his still furiously red face, it had a very different effect from usual.

“ _This_ ,” Seiji finally answered in a hiss.

“This?” Nick asked, holding up their hands. Seiji gave a short jerk of a nod. “But you’re fine about it when—,”

“Jesse is different.” Despite knowing the context for that sentence, it made Nick want to get angry over it. What a clichéd thing to say. “That’s necessary.”

“So is this, though. For the same reason. It’s still all about Jesse.” Fuck, that was even worse, even considering the context.

“Yes, but—,” Seiji gave a frustrated sigh. “I’m not the sort of person that allows for such needless things.”

“Needless things?” Nick repeated, slowly. He wasn’t sure he understood.

“I don’t let people hold my hand, or carry my books, or hold open doors, and I certainly don’t let them touch my face with no reason for it. Needless things. It’s not me. And now—,” he didn’t finish, but his scathing glance at the curious onlookers finally clicked things into place for Nick.

“And now they all think you  _are_  that sort of person.” He finished for Seiji. “That’s dangerously close to cute, you know. Being embarrassed about public affection.” Of course, the reason for it all was more direct when around Jesse. And it wasn’t so bad, one boy and his parents seeing you were a person and not a brick wall. But the whole school? Nick should have predicted this.

“Don’t.” Seiji snarled, but he was still blushing, and Nick couldn’t help it. He grinned. “I’m  _not_  embarrassed.”

“Liar.”

“I’m simply aggravated that this lie has ruined my reputation.”

“That’s even worse than just admitting you’re embarrassed. Seriously? Your reputation? Man, I hate to break it to you, but even bad bitches like Seiji Katayama are bound to  _allow_ affection from the person they like. Trust me, your reputation would have been ruined by a real boyfriend eventually.”

Seiji glared at him again, as if offended by the suggestion that he had feelings and would ever want someone to hold his hand for real. But Nick thought his blush was more pronounced than it had been a moment before—back to the full red it had been before fading.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It felt like it had been awhile since we spent any time at Kings Row so naturally this was the solution


	16. Chapter 16

“What in the hell did you say to him?” Nick looked up from his lunch to see Aiden towering over him, hands on hips and an unmistakable look of glee in his eyes. Great. Just what he needed.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Nick tried, but his eyes betrayed him, darting to Seiji’s book next to him on the table, and at the bag saving his seat. There could be no doubt about what Aiden was asking.

“Red as a tomato, Cox! I didn’t even know he could go that color. How’d you manage it?” Nick groaned. He was dead. Seiji was already upset about the PDA they had to do at school, and now Aiden was here to make it worse.

“I didn’t…” there was literally no way to play this to satisfy Seiji. So should he go full in? Tell Aiden he was whispering sweet nothings in Seiji’s ear? Or a step further; he could say he’d said something provocative and sexy. But…he couldn’t. His conscious twitched with guilt just thinking about telling Aiden he’d suggested something lewd to Seiji in the hallway. “I wasn’t trying to,” he finally settled on. “We were just talking and then,” a shrug.

Aiden slid into the free seat next to Nick. “I don’t believe that.”

“It’s the truth.” And it kind of was. “Seiji—he’s weird like that. Some things get to him when I don’t expect them to. I don’t really know what I said but I know it wasn’t something huge.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes. Now shove off, because here he comes and I don’t want to be in the doghouse for talking with you.”

“I sit at this table, too. Nothing suspicious about it,” Aiden said sweetly, which was at odds with the devilish grin he wore. They both watched Seiji approach, and Nick could see how his eyes had gone dangerously squinty, even from this distance.

“You’re the worst.”

“Seiji!” Aiden called when he was near enough to hear. “Nick and I were just talking about the best way to cultivate tomatoes. I’d love to hear your input.”

Seiji did a good job ignoring him, Nick thought. He breezed right by and sat primly in his place next to Nick, his death grip on his tray and the force with which he set it down were the only gives to the fact he’d heard Aiden at all. Nick wished there was a way to assure Seiji that he hadn’t told Aiden anything without making it sound to Aiden like there was anything for him to have said. So he tried for nonverbal communication, which he knew wasn’t Seiji’s strong suit. Seiji nearly jumped when Nick placed a hand on his thigh to give it a light and—he hoped—reassuring squeeze. It was probably stupid, and Seiji looked at him askance for it. But it wasn’t brushed off so maybe it had been an okay thing to do.

“How was your chat with Mrs. Alvarez? Did you get your points back?”

“Yes. Her T.A. doesn’t know what he’s doing at all; it was simply a mix-up.”

“Obviously. It would have been impossible for you to have  _actually_  missed any points.”

“Your attempts to mock me are ill placed, Nicholas.” Seiji said after a moment’s consideration. “After all, it  _is_ highly unlikely I’d actually missed ten points.”

“Who said I was mocking?” Nick asked, accidentally punctuating the question with another squeeze to Seiji’s leg.

“Ugh, stop it,” Aiden pretended to gag. “You’re radiating horn-vibes like nobody’s business.”

“Who’s horny?” A chipper voice asked and soon Bobby was rounding the table and sitting down across from Nick. The rest of the crew wouldn’t be far behind now.

“Seiji and Nick,” Aiden answered. “They’re being gross, Bobby. Save me.”

“You shouldn’t have sat in the blast zone, Aiden.” 

“They’re not usually this horrifyingly in love, how was I supposed to know?” Aiden whined and Bobby giggled. Seiji looked like he was ready to punch something, but it wasn’t all bad. Their efforts had, obviously, worked. Aiden would tease Seiji—and, by the looks of it, Nick—with their gross lovey-dovey behavior and not with Eugene’s throw-away-joke theory.

“No Dante today?” Nick asked Bobby, trying to change the subject. Bobby shook his head.

“He wanted a nap.” This, somehow, distracted Aiden from his earlier mission of annoying—embarrassing?—Seiji. He and Bobby happily talked about the merits of naps depending on time, situation, and length. The topic occupied them until the rest of the guys funneled in and took their seats.

Conversations burbled to a start and Nick drifted in and out of them. Bobby kicked up his feet and put them on Nick’s lap because he was incapable of keeping his feet on the floor for more than a minute at a time, and Nick let him. Bobby let Nick lean on his shoulder all the time; it was a symbiotic relationship. 

“I’ve been wanting to ask for ages,” Bobby said, and it took a second for Nick to realize that it had been directed at him. “But how  _did_  you guys get together?” What had brought on  _that_  question? Nick wasn’t always great at paying attention to conversations, and now he was paying for it.

“It’s rather dumb, actually,” Seiji said neatly before Nick could jump into his narrative. “As you might expect where Nicholas is involved.”  _Oh no._  The table laughed as a collective and then settled down, all eyes on Seiji.

“Seiji,” Nick hissed, hoping he’d see sense and  _not_  do what Nick was pretty sure he was gonna do.

“This should be good,” Aiden said, eyes alert and dangerously interested.

“Especially if Nick doesn’t want Seiji to tell it,” Eugene agreed.

“As you all know, Nicholas has had a fascination with me from the start,” Seiji said, which earned him nods and mumbles of agreement. Nick scowled. He was perfectly justified in his small obsession with Seiji. The guy had made a fool of him and been mean about it. Of course he had to beat him. And if that had turned into a  _fascination_  then so be it because, in the end, he  _would_  see Seiji lose to him. “Perhaps there was more to it, even back then, though I didn’t consider it at the time.”

“You know,” Bobby said thoughtfully, “ _I_  did.”

“Yeah,” Harvard nodded. “There was something more to that, we all knew it.”

“There was  _not,”_  Nick snapped, and he stomped on Seiji’s foot under the table. But Seiji was made of steel and didn’t even flinch.

“In any case,” Seiji moved on with a tiny, tilted smile at Nick. “He was always finding ways to be around me—,”

“I  _live_  with you, it’s not my fault I’m always around you.”

“Aw, look, he’s getting defensive,” Aiden stage whispered to Harvard.

“He got defensive when I pointed it out a couple months ago, too,” Seiji said and Nick had a terrible feeling about this. “One night, I asked him if it was entirely necessary he go to the gym, since it was a rather unusual time to be going. I don’t often go evenings after our practices, but I wanted to that night.”

“And Nick followed you.” Bobby nodded, like this was to be expected. Nick scowled. That  _had_  happened, but he’d only wanted to go because he hadn’t known that it was still open at 7 PM and he wanted to make sure Seiji didn’t secretly have a key or something so he wouldn’t be able to get in alone if he tried later. Still, Nick had to grudgingly respect Seiji’s borrowing of truth for his lie. Would have been better if he’d let Nick tell their  _original_  story but it was too fucking late now, wasn’t it?

“Yes. And when I asked  _why_ , he exploded.”

“What’d he say?” Eugene asked eagerly. Traitor.

“He said that he did what he wanted and it was none of my business.”  _Huh,_ Nick thought,  _I_ did _say that._  “And I told him that it certainly seemed like my business, as he trailed me everywhere like a puppy.” Yep, Seiji had said that. And Nick had flipped him off and Seiji had huffed in anger and they’d kept walking, five feet apart, in silence. So where was Seiji going with this? “He answered with something rather hostile and crude.”

“Yep, sounds like our Nick,” Eugene grinned.

“Fuck off,” Nick snapped.

“Yes, exactly like that,” Seiji said seriously. “I told him if he felt that way,  _he_  ought to leave since I didn’t like the constant and close proximity any more than he did. Then he got heated and stormed up to me. I thought he meant to start a fight—,”

“It wouldn’t be the first time,” Aiden chimed.

“Indeed. But he only yelled. Very loudly and clearly that he liked me and I’d just have to deal with it.”  _What?_  “It was a slip-up, I learned quickly enough, since he backtracked furiously and tried to amend it by saying he  _didn’t_  like me and I’d just have to deal with  _that_. But it was too late, his reaction made it obvious.” Everyone started howling with laughter and Nick couldn’t help but go beet red even though it was all complete bullshit.

“A freudian slip! Nick, that’s such a stupid confession!” Bobby cackled, delighted.

“Isn’t it just?” Seiji was entirely too pleased with himself. “I was amused by it, though, and agreed to go out with him when he confessed properly later on. With flowers and everything.”

“That’s  _definitely_ not how it happened,” Nick insisted, and Seiji turned to look at him with a rare smile on his face. For a moment, it looked so sweet and pretty that Nick forgot it was pure evil.

“It  _definitely_ is,” Seiji said, smile quirking into a smirk for a split second. And Nick remembered why Seiji’s pretty face couldn’t be trusted.

Pure.

Evil.

***

“What if Jesse’s spies hear your stupid version of our love story?” Nick turned on Seiji the moment they were alone in their room, dropping Seiji’s hand—more like throwing it off him, really—to cross him arms. “You realize you just shot us in the foot, right?”

“Please. Jesse’s  _spies?"_  Seiji scoffed.

“Yeah, you heard me. And now that you’ve gone and spread a fake story—,”

“I hate to break it to you, Nicholas, but your story was fake too.”

“Mine was first.”

“And now Jesse has two to choose from.”

“Are you mad about the hallway incident?” Nick asked, and Seiji’s face hardened at the mention.

“No.”

“Really? You sure that wasn’t revenge on me?”

“If I  _were_  taking revenge, it would be over more than just the hallway.”

“So you admit it! Well congrats, asshole, now all our work to be seen as a couple here might be for nothing. All because you’re shy and petty.”

“If you’d chosen a better story to begin with, perhaps I wouldn’t have minded it getting spread. Love notes? Disgusting. I would never. I can’t believe Jesse bought it. But I won’t have  _Aiden_  peddling that around. This is your fault.”

“Fine, but you brought what comes next upon yourself. Remember that.”

“And, pray tell, what  _does_  come next?”

“Nothing much,” Nick shrugged. “Just that I’m not going to go easy on you anymore.”

“Meaning what?” Seiji asked, and his tone would be dangerous if Nick cared at all.

“I’m going to be  _all over you_.”


	17. Chapter 17

Friday was Nick’s sleep-in day. So much as 6 AM could be called sleeping in. Monday through Thursday, he got up almost as early as Seiji did, and Saturday they’d actually walk to the gym together for fencing with their personal coaches.  _Personal coach._  What a weird way to think of Robert, but it’s what he  _was_ , on those mornings. But by the end of the school week, Nick just needed the extra hours of sleep. So, on Fridays, he took them. But Seiji? Seiji didn’t know the meaning of the word ‘rest.’ So when Nick ambled into the cafeteria, Seiji was already sitting alone at their table.

Nick grinned. Seiji’s back was to him, and it was just  _begging_  for a sneak attack. So Nick crept quietly up behind Seiji and slid his arms around his neck loosely, squeezed in tight and planted a kiss against his cheek. Seiji had fast reflexes, and Nick got a swift elbow in the gut for his troubles. He let out a soft  _oof_  at that, but tried not to let it show.

“Morning, love,” Nick crooned in Seiji’s ear.

“Get off of me,” Seiji hissed, slow and deliberate and pissed.

“But I looooove you,” Nick said, settling more weight on Seiji’s shoulders.

“Nicholas,” Seiji said, lifting a hand to hold Nick’s arm. “If you don’t stop this, I will do much worse than elbow you.” And his fingers tightened on Nick’s arm, digging into flesh with his nails that hurt way worse than they really should, neatly filed down as they were.

“I told you,” Nick said. “I’m not holding back, remember?”

“Revenge isn’t an attractive quality in a person.”

“Then we’re both pretty ugly, aren’t we? But I’m serious, we have to put on a show.”

“For the spies?” Seiji said  _spies_  like one might say  _aliens._

“Exactly.”

“This is an unnecessary precaution,” Seiji said, his hand around Nick’s arm tightening steadily. And painfully. But Nick wouldn’t buckle first.

“But we can’t risk it.”

“ _You_  can’t risk it, you mean.”

“Don’t play innocent. You need this lie to hold as much as I do,” Nick whispered. “The only difference is you won’t tell me  _why_. What happened between you two?” And that got him another hard jab in the stomach. “Ouch, stop that!”

“I’ll stop it when you stop deserving it.”

“But shnookums, you’re so irresistible. How am I supposed to keep my hands to myself?” Although he knew the warning note in Seiji’s voice was not really about Nick’s hands anymore, but rather his question.

“Call me  _shnookums_  again. I dare you.” Nails bit deeper into skin and soon there could be actual blood. Nick just threw on a simpering smile and met Seiji’s eyes.

Very slowly, enunciated, he said, “Shnookums.”

Seiji shot to his feet as fast as Nick had ever seen him move before. Off balance from the sudden change in Seiji’s height and, therefore, the positioning of his arms, Nick teetered a moment. And that was all Seiji needed. Nick’s captured arm was soon being twisted behind his back in a very painful way and Seiji had him locked against his chest with the arm that wasn’t trying to rip Nick’s off.

“Next time,” Seiji hissed in his ear, “I advise you  _listen_  to me.”

“You’re causing a scene,” Nick managed, voice low and for Seiji alone. “We’re supposed to be  _dating.”_

“You shouldn’t have clung to me. And you should mind your own business.” Like Seiji had minded  _his_  own business? If they weren’t the morning entertainment for the entire cafeteria, Nick might have gotten into it. But that topic should probably be saved for private. So he went with the obvious retort.

“ _You_  shouldn’t have messed with my narrative.” And Nick stomped hard on Seiji’s foot, causing him to loosen his grip enough for Nick to break free and turn on him. “And now you’re messing it up even more.”

“Do I look like I care?”

“You should,” Nick said, and he saw Seiji’s mouth twitch down ever so slightly as he realized Nick was right. “So. Damage control.”

“He doesn’t have spies,” Seiji groused, but he didn’t directly refute Nick’s statement.

“Don’t attack me again, okay?” Nick asked, and then stepped in close to Seiji. He let his voice raise to a normal volume and forced his face to turn soft and fond as he slid a hand to cup Seiji’s cheek. “I’m sorry I called you shnookums. I won’t do it again,” he assured Seiji. Nick could tell it was taking everything Seiji had to stand still. Lightly, Nick rested his other hand on Seiji’s hip, stepped a tiny bit closer. “Forgive me?”

“I think it’s time we set up some ground rules,” Seiji said in return and Nick could have kicked him. Instead, he kissed him. Just another little peck on the cheek but he was sure that, in Seiji’s mind, it was much worse than any hurt Nick could have delivered.

“What the fuck is wrong with you two?” Aiden asked, prompting Nick and Seiji to break apart. “For god’s sake what  _was_ that _?”_

“Jealous?” Nick grinned easily and Aiden made a face.

“Of what? Your public foreplay? Got a kink for makeup sex, Cox?”

“Ooh, you got me good. I feel exposed and found out and humiliated.” Nick returned Aiden’s face twofold, then looked to Seiji. “Save me a seat, will you?”

“I won’t.” Seiji told him and sat down with a glare, probably still mad for—any number of things, actually. But it sure had been funny. And Seiji did put his book on the stretch of table next to him, just where Nick’s tray would go when he got back.

Eugene found him in the food line and he punched his arm lightly in greeting. “So, trouble in paradise?” Eugene asked with a snicker.

“Dating’s fun,” Nick told him as he scooped up an apple, “because, see, you learn new things about the person you like every day. Today, I learned that Seiji  _hates_  being called shnookums and that, when called it repeatedly, he will retaliate.”

Eugene howled in laughter. Nick grinned slyly, too. He wondered if Seiji would actually assault his significant other if called a name he didn’t like. He suspected he would, and so he decided that the scene Seiji had caused—okay,  _they_  had caused—wasn’t the end of the world. But his poor arm hurt. At least, Nick thought as he bit into his apple, it wasn’t his fencing arm.

***

The moment their door shut behind them, Seiji dropped his bone-crushing grip on Nick’s hand. Bone-crushing because he was mad and hadn’t been able to act on it all day, except in this small way. Nick shook out his hand, mostly to be dramatic. Seiji huffed at it, which was expected. And then it came.

“I had thought, perhaps naively, that your common sense would prevent you from overstepping too many boundaries. I was clearly mistaken.”

“You already twisted my arm over this, Seiji,” Nick reminded him. Because Nick couldn’t forget it. His arm still twinged with the memory. “I won’t call you shnookums again.”

“No, you won’t. Or any other nauseating endearment.”

“Sure, okay,” but Nick wondered what counted as ‘nauseating.’ He’d have asked, but trial and error sounded more fun.

“But that’s hardly the issue.”

“Really?”

“Yes. You are not to sneak up behind me  _ever_ , for  _any_  reason.”

“No sneaking,” Nick agreed. “But, to be clear, are you banning the hugging with that?”

“Yes. In public, at least, that is unacceptable behavior.” Slowly, Nick raised his eyebrows at Seiji, a grin overtaking his face.

“So, in private hugging’s okay, then?” He asked, and Seiji faltered for the tiniest moment. Nick thought he might be embarrassed, but then his face fell into an even more pronounced scowl.

“You know what I meant,” he snapped. “You can be more—obvious, openly affectionate in front of Jesse. But not at school.”

“Anything else?”

“Yes. I believe this goes without saying, but you’re so persistently obnoxious that I feel I should say it anyway: you are not, under any circumstances, to kiss me on the mouth.”

“Trust me, I wouldn’t,” Nick said, making a face that was every bit as disgusted as Seiji’s was with the very idea of it.

“Good. And you?”

“And me…what?”

“Boundaries. Are there any you wish to set?” Seiji said it in such a way that it was obvious he didn’t think Nick  _had_  any of those. And he was kind of right. Mostly because what need was there to set them with Seiji?  _Seiji_ , who kept a wall of ice up around him at all times? Nick honestly couldn’t fathom him doing anything that would even get remotely close to any boundaries Nick might have.

“Not really. Just, no bodily harm?” Seiji raised an eyebrow, like  _is that all?_  Nick shrugged. Seiji’s mouth ticked up then, and Nick had never seen it do that. As if it were trying to pull into a smile instead of a frown.

“I’ll do my best,” Seiji told him.

“Thanks,” Nick said flatly, but he was also fighting a smile. “Now let’s get ready. Robert will be here in an hour.” And he didn’t even ask about Jesse. But more because his shoulder throbbed and he didn’t feel like testing Seiji’s ability to keep the bargain they’d just struct than for any other reason.

***

“Thank you both for being flexible,” Robert said as they climbed into the car in the familiar way they’d developed—Nick grabbing the door, Seiji sliding in, and Nick following after. Just the way they’d first done it, but it was so routine now that Nick hardly thought about it at all. Truth be told, he could have survived these car rides with Robert even if Seiji sat elsewhere in the car.

“No problem,” Nick said, pulling his seatbelt across himself and clicking in. “Big meetings can’t be ignored, right? And I can stay out late tonight because I happen to know my coach won’t be showing up to practice tomorrow so I can sleep in.” Nick caught a sharp look in the rearview mirror.

“Nicholas, you can’t skip practice,” Robert told him sternly. “I expect you to complete our usual drills and practice your technique.”

“I know, I know,” Nick said, and he was laughing. “I was kidding,” and he had been kidding—of course he’d be fencing tomorrow morning no matter who did or did not show up in the gym—but his outbreak of laughter over Robert’s suddenly strict demeanor wasn’t convincing his father of that. “Honest,” Nick told him, trying to get it together. “I really was just pulling your leg. And you know I’ll have to go no matter what, even if I didn’t want to.”

“And why is that?”

“Seiji would tattle on me for skipping,” Nick said, earning a laugh from Robert.

“Not that I’d ever need to report you for skipping fencing,” Seiji mused, almost to himself. “I couldn’t keep you out of the gym if I tried.”

“I think you did, a couple times.” Nick grinned and Seiji shrugged, but there was that little smile tugging at the corner of his lips.  _I had to try, didn’t I?_  that not-quite-smile asked.

“I seem to remember you making a nuisance of yourself. I maintain that any actions I might have taken were completely justified.”

“It’s because this one time,” Nick started to explain to Robert, “I wasn’t paying attention and I kind of ran into Seiji.”

“Kind of?” Seiji echoed in mockery. “He bowled me over. It could have been a disaster.”

“Please, we just fell over. It happens.” And it  _did_  happen, fencers losing footing or balance and falling down, sometimes even into each other. But Seiji insisted that it was different, how Nick had bumped him from behind, causing them to fall to the floor, épées flailing. Nick didn’t see how it was that different, and he thought Seiji trying to ban him from the gym had been dramatic, even still. It hadn’t worked, really. All he’d gotten was the exclusive right to use the gym on Saturday mornings. But so had the rest of the fencing team. Seiji had managed to ban all the  _other_  kids in school from it. But not Nick. And it still tickled Nick’s funny bone that he’d gone to all that effort for nothing. And he said as much now. They bickered over it the whole drive, and Robert occasionally chuckled from the front seat, listening in on it.


	18. Chapter 18

It wouldn’t be time to eat for hours, so Nick grabbed a snack from the pantry and snagged a seat at the tall table in the kitchen. Seiji sat next to him but without any snacks. Typical. Sam and Jesse came in through the garage not long after, talking animatedly about who knew what. When they found their way to the kitchen, Jesse froze and pointed an accusing finger at Nick.

“You’ll ruin your appetite,” Jesse said, and Sam laughed from behind him. “What?” Jesse scowled at his mother. “You never let me eat so close to dinner.”

“I know, Jess,” Sam said, ruffling his hair fondly. Jesse swatted the hand away with an annoyed expression. “Would you like a snack too, just this once?” She offered, still smiling in a way that suggested she could have laughed instead. Jesse seemed to notice this too, and he scowled harder for it.

“I wasn’t saying  _I_  needed a snack,” Jesse protested, “I just said  _he_  shouldn’t get a snack.”

“Man, take the snack,” Nick told him. “How can you turn down this rare opportunity?”

“You two sound like five year olds,” Seiji said, and Sam laughed again before she disappeared into the pantry, returning with banana chips and goldfish. She gave them to Jesse, and though he made a face, he did accept them. And he accepted the kiss she pressed into his hair, too.

“Gross, Mom,” he muttered, fixing his hair again as he sat on Nick’s other side.

“You boys be good,” she said, ignoring his complaint. “Seiji’s in charge, and you two,” a wave between Jesse and Nick, “can take a nap after you finish your snack. Maybe we can do arts and crafts later.”

“You dragged on the joke too long, it’s not funny anymore,” Jesse told her.

“I think it’s funny,” Seiji said. Nick caught her throwing Seiji a wink as she was leaving the kitchen. Likely off to find Robert.

“You just have an old person sense of humor,” Jesse groused. It was Nick’s turn to laugh.

“He’s got you there, babe.” Nick froze. The word had just…slipped out. A throb pulsed through his shoulder at his mistake and he looked guiltily towards Seiji, watching for a twitch of the eye, a tightening of his jaw, a downward pull at his lips. But, apparently,  _babe_  was less offensive than  _shnookums,_  and Seiji didn’t react. Maybe it was because the lie was on full blast here, in front of Jesse. Or maybe it was the deal they’d struck—no bodily harm. But, whatever the reason, Seiji didn’t jump at him for the endearment—not even a kick under the table or a painful grip on his arm.

“At least I’ve  _got_  a sense of humor,” Seiji said to Jesse lightly. “Most jokes go right over your head.” Nick held his breath.  _What are you starting shit for?_  Nick wanted to yell at Seiji. But then—Jesse  _laughed._  And Nick thought there was the smallest edge of a smile on Seiji’s face, watching that laugh. It was gone as quick as it’d come. Nick didn’t like that smile. Didn’t like Jesse’s laugh, either. Like the two of them were old friends who knew each other well enough to poke fun in a good natured way.

“So,” Nick said to Jesse, wanting to steer his attention away from Seiji. “Do you come home every weekend?”

“No,” Jesse said. “Why?”

“You’re always here,” Nick shrugged. “It’s not too far from Exton, either.”

“I’m always here when  _you’re_  here,” Jesse corrected. “And that’s because Dad wants us to play family all together. Before you came along, I hadn’t visited home since term started.”

“That long?” Nick asked, and he had a hard time reconciling that fact with what he knew of Jesse and his relationship with his parents. It seemed strange he’d be apart from them for that long. Jesse rolled his eyes.

“Yeah,  _that long_. I’m a big boy, same as you.”

“If I were you, I’d probably be back every weekend,” Nick admitted, and a wall fell down that Nick hadn’t even realized Jesse’d had up around himself.

“I see Dad all the time, even at school. Since he’s my personal coach,” he said quietly, like there was something shameful in seeing your father so much.

“That’s cool. Do you go back to school, then? After Seiji and I leave?”

“Yes. I’m the captain of my team, I can’t be off campus all the time.”

“Wow, I really caused a bigger fuss than I realized.”

“Are you stupid?” Seiji asked, testy for no reason that Nick could discern. “Obviously you’d cause a fuss for everyone here.” Nick didn’t register the hurt from that until after he’d seen Jesse’s wince. If Jesse was wincing for him, you knew it had to be bad. And—fuck. Yeah, it was. Because it was true and they all knew it.

It was just that Nick had forgotten what an inconvenience he was here because Robert and Sam never made him feel like he was one. But of course his mere existence threw a wrench in everything. It could fuck up all their lives, probably. Every week, without fail, Robert drove to Kings Row and Sam drove to Exton so they could all have a meal together. For  _his_  sake. And he dragged Seiji along with him. Seiji, who was so particular about his schedule, who hated Jesse— _didn’t he?_ —Seiji, who didn’t have time to take a break on his own terms ever. And Nick made him take hours out of his week for this. And Jesse, too, was plucked from his responsibilities and school life to be here. And even if Sam was so nice to him, he had to unsettle her on some level. Because he was Robert’s bastard. Her husband’s child. Not  _her_  child. And he’d gone and forgotten how shitty that was of him, to be here and do that to her. To all of them. All because he wanted—what? A dad? A family? No wonder Jesse hated him for trying to steal his life.

“Yeah, you’re right,” Nick shrugged, pulling on a calculatedly abashed smile. “Sorry, Jesse, for the ripples I’m making in your pond. Or, like, the massive tidal waves,” and he managed it so casually, Jesse just shrugged back, awkward too. It was good of him, not to jump on this opportunity to call Nick out for all the trouble he’d caused. The kitchen was uncomfortably quiet now, though, and the crinkling of Nick’s bag of chips was too loud. But he couldn’t  _stop_  crinkling the empty yellow package. So he stood to go throw it out, and Jesse stood too, off to clank around in the cupboards for a glass. Apparently the awkward silence was getting to him too. Maybe they had something in common, after all. Beyond the obvious. Really, if you thought about it, he and Jesse had a lot in common. Their dad, for one. Their love for fencing. Their alleged type in boys, and affections for one in particular.

Seiji caught Nick’s arm as he walked back around the counter to sit, and it was such a surprise that Nick almost yelped.

“Nicholas,” he started, then shot a glance at Jesse, still getting himself a glass of ice water. “I didn’t mean to imply what I did.”

“Didn’t you? You always say what you mean.”

“Fine. Then I regret saying it.”

“Don’t,” Nick shrugged out of Seiji’s grip. “You were right.” Seiji looked about to say something more, but Robert and Sam came in the kitchen just then, cutting off all possible expansion of the topic.

“You all getting along?” Sam asked, and Nick was unsure if she was teasing or if it was a serious question. He was kinda leaning towards the latter, considering some of Nick and Jesse’s previous interactions. Nick shrugged, unsure how to answer.

“We were just talking about how much of a pain these visits are,” Jesse said, and Nick’s eyes widened. Had Jesse really passed up the opportunity for a fight just to do it now, with Sam and Robert as witnesses? “If I could have my car on campus, you wouldn’t have to come get me every time we want to have dinner.”

“Not this again,” Robert sighed, in a way that made it clear how often Jesse campaigned for this. “If all you boys were allowed to have cars, it’d be chaos.”

“Regular high schools allow cars.”

“Because regular high schools don’t provide room and board.”

“But it’s such a pain in the—,”

“Language,” Sam warned, and Jesse rolled his eyes.

“Seiji agrees with me,” he said, and it was such a surprise to everyone that Jesse thought Seiji would be on his side that they all turned to see his answer.

“I see the logic against it,” Seiji said, and Nick felt vindicated for no reason he could explain. “But, yes, I’d rather enjoy having my car.”

“To visit home?” Sam asked with obvious disbelief. “I doubt that’s the primary reason either of you want your cars.”

“I’ll admit to that,” Seiji said, and his voice sounded like a smile, though his face betrayed no such emotion. “But I wouldn’t get into the sort of trouble Jesse surely would.”

“Hey!” Jesse pretended to be upset at the slight against him, but when his parents laughed, so did he. Nick didn’t like it. “I’m not  _only_ trouble, you know. I don’t know why everyone keeps saying that. And you have to admit it would be nice if I could drive myself home from time to time.”

“It would be, but it’s not happening,” Robert said, then seemed to think of something. “Though I’m sure Mari would stir up some trouble if she thought having a car on hand would get Seiji home more," and Robert turned his eyes on Seiji. "From what I hear, you haven’t visited her in months.”

“From what you hear?” Seiji asked. “I wasn’t aware you still talked.”

“Of course we do,” Sam said. “When your kids are as inseparable as you and Jesse were, it’s impossible not to become friends with the corresponding parents.” Seiji didn’t look thrilled with that idea, but then, he never looked thrilled over  _any_ idea.

“We were just talking the other day, actually,” Robert said, pulling up a chair for himself and sitting down. “Catching up. I mentioned to her how sweet you are, coming to dinner with us every week.” Nick’s ears burned for that. Seiji just looked at Robert.

“I don’t suppose you also mentioned the reason for my  _sweetness?”_

“I did indeed,” Robert smiled and Seiji grimaced.

“That must have been an interesting conversation. I failed to mention to her that I have a boyfriend,” Seiji said stiffly, slowly beginning to color. Nick knew he was probably worried about what the Costes would think of this, of him keeping Nick a secret from his mom. But—Robert wouldn’t have said anything, if he didn’t think Mrs. Katayama knew, at least, that Seiji was interested in guys, would he? Except—shit,  _was_  Seiji interested in guys? Nick had never asked. But if he was straight, he’d have told Jesse  _that_  as an excuse, right? Nick was beginning the realize that of all the people in this kitchen, he was the one who knew Seiji least. But he was also the only one who knew why Seiji had never told his mom about his ‘boyfriend.’ Seiji wouldn’t have wanted this lie to extend to  _his_  home too. There was no need for it. Or so they’d thought.

Robert laughed. “Yes, I figured that out the hard way. Sorry kiddo, but I blew your cover. You ought to call her soon and talk about it.”

“I will. I’m surprised she hasn’t ambushed me already,” and Seiji looked unenthusiastic at the prospect. But Nick knew enough about dreading phone calls with moms to see that Seiji wasn’t truly stressed about it, just put upon by the inconvenience. 

“And Nick, you’ll have to go visit her too,” Robert still seemed incredibly amused. “It’s only fair you have to meet the parents now. Make a good impression, because Mari’s opinion counts for a lot.” Robert barked another laugh, clapping a hand on Nick’s shoulder.

“It’s still early,” Sam said suddenly. “And it’s not a far drive. You should pop over and say hello.”

“I don’t think that’s—,”

“Your mother would love to see you,” Sam interrupted Seiji, clearly excited by this plan. “Your dad’s away on another business trip.” And Nick saw that this was a killing blow, whether it had been intended as one or not.

“I’m sure Nicholas wouldn’t want to…” Seiji trailed off, and Nick met his eyes, trying to decipher what Seiji wanted him to say. He thought…

“I’m down,” Nick said.

“You don’t have to.”

“I want to.” And Seiji nodded slightly at Nick. It was enough to convince Nick that he’d read Seiji correctly and had made the right call.

“Alright.”

“I can drive,” Jesse said quickly. And so, somehow it was decided that Jesse would drive Seiji and Nick over to Seiji’s house.

To meet his mom.

And this lie was really going places Nick had never imagined it would, brining him right along with it.


	19. Chapter 19

Seiji lived pretty close to Jesse, Nick realized. And Jesse drove there without any instructions, Seiji traveling in complete silence, confident, it would seem, in Jesse’s ability to take him home. It was just another nod to how close they’d been once. Not too long ago, either, all things considered. It made Nick’s curiosity burn bright. It made something else start to smolder, too, but Nick couldn’t place a finger on the emotion being stoked by the scars of familiarity that crisscrossed the air between Seiji and Jesse, more obvious tonight than they’d ever been before.

Nick was prepared for the huge house. He’d learned by now how  _large_  rich people lived. But the three garages and the fountain in the driveway seemed a little excessive to him. And holy shit the doors were  _giant._  Like actually something you’d find on a castle: two grand wooden doors that came together to from a classic arch shape at the top of the front steps.  _Was this really a good idea?_

Nick kind of hoped Jesse would stay in the car. Just let him and Seiji out and then drive back home. He could have his parents to himself tonight. But the realistic part of him knew that Jesse would park his car and hop out with them. Sure, Nick and Jesse were…getting along? But that didn’t mean Nick wanted him here for this. And he was sure  _Seiji_  didn’t want him here for this. Because this was a place the lie wasn’t meant to spread, and now Seiji would have to preform it for Jesse in front of his mom. Nick felt bad enough about Mrs. Katayama finding out about them to begin with and Jesse coming with them could only make this worse for Seiji.

“I haven’t been here in ages,” Jesse remarked as he did just as Nick had known he would and slid out of his fancy car. Worse than that, he opened Seiji’s door for him before Nick even had a chance to get out.

“Of course you haven’t. I haven’t invited you.” Seiji seemed exactly as irritated as Nick had predicted. So far, it was all going exactly how he’d imagined it would. Seiji stood and grabbed the car door away from Jesse with a sharp jerk. “And I’m perfectly capable of getting out of cars by myself. I only tolerate that sort of nonsense from my boyfriend.” Then he slammed the door for added emphasis. Nick grinned, a little smug to have Seiji tolerate his behavior even if it was all a ploy. It made him wonder, not for the first time, what sort of behavior Seiji might tolerate in a real boyfriend—or girlfriend. Would he allow them to hold open doors and offer hands? What about pet names? Nick couldn’t decide if he thought Seiji would be more or less susceptible to such things if they came from a real partner.

Nick was about to exit the car when he noticed Seiji’s phone sitting on the seat he’d vacated moments earlier. It must have slipped out of his pocket—his jeans today were a bit too tight to accommodate the phone easily.  _A bit too tight for other things too,_  Nick thought as he glanced at Seiji, walking up to his front door. Nick literally couldn’t help it, the way his eyes were drawn to Seiji’s ass in his unreasonably skinny skinny-jeans. A good butt was a good butt, no matter who it belonged to. But Jesse,  _damn him_ , eclipsed Nick’s view as he followed after Seiji up the front steps.

“Ah well,” Nick said aloud, scooping up Seiji’s phone and opening his door. “Probably for the best.” After all, staring at his fake boyfriend’s ass too much couldn’t be a good idea. So he stepped out of the car, planning to catch up with the others, but he didn’t even get to the stairs before Mrs. Katayama opened the door. She was much shorter than her son, and she looked somehow regal and kind at the same time

“Seiji!” Mrs. Katayama exclaimed as she tugged him into a hug. “It’s about time you stopped by to say hello.”

“I know,” Seiji answered, sounding softer and sweeter than Nick had known he could. “I’m sorry I’ve neglected you.”

“You should be,” she finally let him go and fixed on a stern face. “I know how busy you are, but I miss you. And then I hear from Robert that you’ve been coming over to his house every weekend because you’re dating his  _son?_  And never once thought to drop in for a visit.” It was crazy, but she didn’t say any of it with real anger or hurt. Not really. Not in the way Nick’s mom would have. From Mari Katayama, it was a teasing sort of scolding, meant to deliver her point but not harshly or with actual accusation. “In fact, you didn’t think to mention a boyfriend  _at all._ ”

“I meant to,” Seiji said, unconvincing as all hell.

“But it slipped your mind?”

“Something like that.”

“You’ve got  _a lot_  to tell me about still, but come in. Both of you.” And that’s when Nick realized they’d fucked up. More specifically,  _he’d_  fucked up. He shouldn’t have dawdled in the car; he knew Seiji wasn’t the type to wait for anyone. And now Mrs. Katayama saw Seiji, standing there with Robert’s son, and he was unnoticed. God, was he just invisible to _every_ Katayama when Jesse was around?

“Mom—,” Seiji, obviously, realized their conundrum too. But Mrs. Katayama was already turning her attention to Jesse.

“I always had thought you two could get on well, though I won’t pretend it wasn’t a surprise when I heard you were dating,” and Nick noticed the serious look she gave Jesse. It was something like a warning, and Nick knew that whatever had happened between Seiji and Jesse, she knew about it. But she seemed content to give him another chance because she offered a smile and said, “It’s good to have you back, dear. You always did bring Seiji out of himself like no one else ever could.”

“Mom, we’re not dating,” Seiji said after a long and excruciatingly awkward pause. “Jesse’s only here because he drove us and doesn’t know when he’s overstayed his welcome.”

“What are you talking about?” Mrs. Katayama asked.

“Nicholas,” Seiji barked, turning to find Nick, lingering at the bottom of the steps. All eyes were on him now. “Would it be terribly hard for you to be a little faster?” Seiji looked stressed out, and Nick couldn’t blame him. To make it worse—for Seiji, anyway—he was completely red. Nick shouldn’t have left him alone this long. He should’ve just jumped in earlier, at Mrs. Katayama’s first incorrect assumption. So he bound up the stairs now, fixing on an easy smile, letting just the right amount of embarrassment shine through to look genuine and easy but still calm and amused at the mix-up.

“Sorry,” he said, producing Seiji’s phone. “You dropped this in the car, I was just grabbing it for you.” Seiji looked at the phone, then his hand went to his pocket to make sure it wasn’t there. Nick snorted and let Seiji snatch the phone from him when he found the pocket predictably empty. “Still, I’m sorry I made a mess of the introductions.”

“Robert only has one son,” Mrs. Katayama said, a curious gaze locked onto Nick. He forced his nerves down and willed himself not to fidget or make a fool of himself right now.

“Sorry about that, too,” he said. “Robert must have gotten carried away when he was talking with you. He and I only met recently and he’s…weirdly excited to have another kid.” Mrs. Katayama still looked lost. “I was a mistake,” he explained bluntly. “An accident. He didn’t know…my mom never told him about me.”

“Oh,” she said. And again, “oh! My mistake, I’m so sorry.”

“No, it’s not your fault at all,” Nick laughed. “Robert probably forgot that I’m not exactly common knowledge. I mean, Seiji dating Jesse is a way more intuitive conclusion to come to than him dating Robert’s  _other,_  secret son. He gets ahead of himself sometimes.”

“Rather like you,” Seiji said, and Nick shrugged. It was true that he could accidentally talk circles around people just because his mind was all over the place. Robert wasn’t  _that_  bad, but it did, apparently, happen. Nick liked the implication that he was like Robert, even in this way. Liked that Seiji had pointed it out and squeezed his hand to show it— _wait_. When had his hand found Seiji’s? He couldn’t remember at all. Which was kind of dumb, since it should have been the first thing he did, after handing off the phone. For the sake of this act, it would have been the natural thing to do. Only, he couldn’t remember doing it.

“But anyway,” Nick said, turning away from Seiji and back to Mrs. Katayama, a small smile tucked into the corner of his mouth now. “I’m Nicholas Cox, sorry for the confusion. It’s nice to finally meet you,” and he held out his free hand, which Mrs. Katayama took.

“And you as well,” she said. “Why don’t you boys all come in?”

They followed Mrs. Katayama into the house at a distance and Jesse leaned over to whisper smugly to Seiji. “See? Even your mom knows it should be you and mean. No offense, Nick.”

“Literally how am I supposed to  _not_  take offense?”

“It’s just that I was here first. Mari obviously doesn’t know what to with you. And she loves me.”

“She  _used_  to love you,” Seiji corrected bitterly and Jesse winced. Ouch. But he deserved it.

“She was willing to forgive me.”

“Only because she thought I was. That I  _had_.”

“You guys gonna tell me what the hell happened between you or am I just chilling in the dark still?”

“Mind your business,” Seiji snapped, and it was obvious he was in a bad mood now.

“Come on, Seiji,” Jesse continued, like Nick hadn’t talked at all. “Don’t you think it’s time to get over it? I’ve said sorry. I’ve done everything I can to make it up to you. How is it fair for you to keep acting like I murdered your cat?”

“You can’t have everything, Jesse Coste,” Seiji said, voice raising above its previous whisper as he stopped and spun on Jesse furiously. “You can’t have  _me_  just because you’ve decided you ought to be able to. Grow up.”

“Seiji,” Nick said, eyeing Mrs. Katayama nervously. “Cool it. Let’s not do this here.”

There was a tense moment during which Nick wasn’t sure if someone would say something to escalate the situation. Seiji’s grip tightened around Nick’s hand, like it was trying to curl into a punch—one for Jesse, probably—but was blocked by Nick’s hand. An apt analogy for the entire situation. But Seiji could crush his hand and make a fist anyway, or, at least, he could get damn close.

“You’re right.” Seiji finally said, and Nick’s hand was given some wiggle room. “Jesse, keep your opinions to yourself. In fact, keep everything you might be tempted to say to yourself if you insist on staying.”

“You know I’m right.”

“Jesse,” Nick said, and the look Jesse cut him made him think his intervention was a misstep. But it was too late now. “Please. Can we brawl it out later?”

“Only because Mari really wouldn’t forgive me if we started a fight here,” Jesse said after a nerve-racking hesitation.

And so they continued into the house and found seats in a sitting room with floor to ceiling windows.

“Can I get any of you something to drink?” Mrs. Katayama asked them and Jesse shook his head.

“I’m good, thank you,” Nick said.

“You haven’t had anything to drink all day,” Seiji’s tone was close to chiding.

“Really? Guess I’m just not very thirsty.”

“I’ll be right back,” Seiji said, standing, even though they’d all just barely sat down.

“You don’t need to—,” Nick tried, but Seiji was determined. “He’s not really going to get me water, is he?” Nick asked, forgetting his current compony as he watched Seiji leave the room. Nick was absolutely fine and there was really no need for  _Seiji_  to go get him something to drink. But he was all too aware by now of Seiji’s insistence of the importance of staying hydrated. “What a dork.” And then he heard Mrs. Katayama stifle a laugh and he felt his face heat up.

“He takes care of the people that are important to him,” Mrs. Katayama said and Nick colored further at the implication. Of course, Seiji had to be doing this on purpose to fool his mom. It was a brilliant move, actually. But still. Those implications weren’t easy to bat away.

“He shows affection in the most tedious way possible, though,” Nick said, slipping into the lie too and trying to ward off the stupid blush on his cheeks. “He’s always nagging me about drinking enough water and eating healthy and  _not_  eating the candy I found in my pocket.” Mrs. Katayama laughed freely this time and Jesse frowned. And Nick realized that that wasn’t actually a lie. Seiji  _did_  love to nag him about everything.

“He is very particular, isn’t he?”

“You can say that again.” Nick agreed, easing into this conversation now. Jesse was right, Mrs. Katayama didn’t really know what to do with him, but she didn’t seem to hate him either, so it wasn’t so bad. And— “Hey, I like your earrings,” he said, noticing them for the first time. One of her hands flew up to touch one of the little silver studs in her earlobe, as if only now remembering she was wearing them. Nick saw Jesse smirk across the small sitting room. He mouthed  _I like your earrings_ and rolled his eyes. Probably thinking what a lame line it was and what an obvious attempt to win her over.

“Thank you,” she said, smiling as she peered closely at him. “They’re my favorite pair.”

“I can see why. You’ve got good taste.”

“From what I know of you so far, I have to return the compliment,” she paused, fingers readjusting her earring before falling away. “I’m surprised you recognized them.”

“What? Like the  _Star Trek_  insignia is subtle?” Nick laughed, and she conceded to this with a nod.

“Subtle enough they don’t get noticed often.” Mrs. Katayama told him right as Seiji returned from the kitchen. Or, if not the kitchen, than somewhere else with water because he had two glasses of it in his hands. One, with ice and a metal straw, he gave to his mother, and the other he pressed into Nick’s hand.

“No ice?” Nick asked as Seiji sat back down next to him.

“No. You always chew it loudly, no matter how many times I’ve told you it’s bad manners.”

“But I love ice!”

“Yes, but you don’t deserve ice.”

“I’ll trade you,” Mrs. Katayama said, holding out her glass. Nick stuck his tongue out at Seiji and passed his glass off, taking the one with ice instead. Mrs. Katayama took her straw, carelessly dripping water onto her lap before depositing it into her new and iceless glass. Nick was fully convinced that she was his kind of person.

“Don’t encourage him,” Seiji said to her with a frown.

“We’re friends now,” Nick told Seiji. “We bonded over  _Star Trek_  while you were away.”

“I should have known,” Seiji said, expression that of exasperation.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Nick asked.

“It means I should have known better than to leave you two alone because  _of course_  you’d find something stupid to bond over.”

“Seiji’s not much of a  _Trek_  fan,” Mrs. Katayama explained to Nick.

“ _Of course_  he isn’t,” Nick said, shaking his head sadly. Seiji shot him a glare, but he was having fun and didn’t care. Besides, his shoulder still hurt. So he was gonna crunch his ice and talk about  _Star Trek_  and there was nothing Seiji could do to stop him. In fact, just to prove that Seiji couldn’t stop him, he asked, “So, Mrs. K, which is your favorite series?” Seiji groaned—it was more of a sigh, truth be told, but by Seiji-standards, the way he fell back into his seat and let out a breath of air counted as throwing a whole ass fit.

“ _The Original Series,_ ” Mrs. Katayama answered, patting Seiji on the knee absently, as if in comfort. “No contest.” Nick nodded.

“Yeah, you really can’t top it.”

“You’re not just saying that to get on my good side, are you?”  _She_ is _good,_  Nick thought, but he just grinned. Because in this he wasn’t lying at all.

“You think I’d do that? Just because Robert warned me that I’d be dumped  _fast_  if you didn’t like me?” Nick laughed here, and so did Mrs. Katayama. Seiji’s jaw tightened and Nick thought he might be embarrassed by the truth in this. Nick could tell that he cared what his mom thought. “But nah, Kirk’s my captain, and, of course, you can’t have Kirk without Spock and Bones too. So  _The Original Series_  is the best, if you ask me.”

“Hmm,” Mrs. Katayama said, eyes narrowed but with mischief instead of the suspicion Seiji wore the expression with. “Yes, I think I  _do_  like you, young man.”

“Oh thank god, now that I’ve got you I can admit that Archer’s my favorite captain.” And she laughed. Because, obviously.

 _No one_  liked Archer.

“Can we move on?” Seiji asked, and he was too insist on it to be solely from annoyance over the geek fest. What traumatizing memory could Seiji possibly have attached to  _Star Trek?_ Nick would have to do some digging on that.

“Not yet, I need to know how Nicholas got into  _Star Trek_.”

“I grew up watching it because my mom loves it,” Nick offered the truth with a shrug. It was one of the only things they’d really done together. He had good memories of falling asleep on his mom’s lap to communicators’ beeps and Kirk’s captain’s log, then waking up just enough to realize he was in his own bed and his mom had just left. But even though he was alone, he’d always felt warm and cozy and loved.  _Star Trek_  still brought up those feelings in him, though it had been years since he’d fallen asleep on his mom’s lap.

“How on earth did she manage to make you like it? I swear I tried making Seiji watch it with me all the time but he never would.”

“I always had better things to do.” Seiji said stiffly.

“That’s the difference, I guess. When I was little I couldn’t think of anything better than being with Mom,” especially when she was happy for the time together. “She’d help me with homework while it played in the background,” he remembered. And he caught the strange way Seiji looked at him. Almost soft, a little sad, even. Concerned. Nick ignored it. He didn’t want pity. And he was glad Seiji was the only one who caught the implications in his words. Glad that Mrs. Katayama didn’t have context for them, and so just nodded thoughtfully.

A phone rang and Nick wasn’t the only one to dart a hand to his pocket, even though he’d never in his life set “The Entertainer” for his ringtone. Mrs. Katayama sprang to her feet, pulling out her blaring phone.

“I’ll be right back,” she told them, “Make yourselves comfortable.”

It wasn’t until she was out of the room that Jesse slid from his chair and into the newly empty spot next to Seiji. Nick eyed Jesse wearily, wondering if he should do anything to cement  _his_  place as Seiji’s boyfriend. He decided there was no need and that he’d spare Seiji the discomfort, but, to his surprise, Seiji’s hand found and closed around his anyway.

“Nice trick there, Nick,” Jesse said, bitter. “It took me months to win her over.”

“Didn’t you guys meet when you were, like, five? How the fuck was it hard to charm her as a baby?”

“He was an insufferably pompous child,” Seiji said but it had lost the warm quality of banter between friends that had been there earlier. Nick felt at once pleased by the regression and bad for his half-brother at the hurt look that flashed across his face. He’d pissed Seiji off, clearly, and lost any ground he might have recently won back.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well guys sorry it's a day late. somewhat ironically, if you consider that this fic is strongly centered around family relation, I got distracted hanging out with my siblings all weekend and didn't even get on my computer for long enough to edit and post this whoops

The mood in the house was…incredibly odd. Mrs. Katayama had returned from her phone call—Robert, apparently, checking to make sure they’d arrived safely—and had glanced questioningly at the new arrangement on the couch before taking a chair and sitting down. The tension on the couch was as obvious to her as it was to Nick and they were both aware that it might come to blows.

Things between Seiji and Jesse had turned frigid, which was pretty much expected at this point, but some of the bad feelings between the two carried over to Jesse’s behavior towards Nick. And Nick got it. Because, it turned out, when Seiji was particularly upset with Jesse, he clung to Nick. Specifically to rub Jesse’s nose in the fact that Seiji didn’t like him and never would, no doubt. No surprise that it made Jesse resentful of the clinging and of Nick for being clung to.

But Jesse had instigated this, had incited Seiji’s wrath like a dumbass. Things had been going well between the estranged friends earlier, so well that it had started to annoy Nick. But then…Jesse had had to push. And he’d pushed Seiji right back into ire and contempt. And yet, even still, Jesse didn’t take his leave. He insisted on hanging around, despite the obvious chill towards him. It made things…awkward. Weird. Bordering on hostile. 

Mrs. Katayama clearly wasn’t sure what to make of Jesse, having read her son’s mood towards him. Maybe she wanted to forgive him for whatever wrong he’d done Seiji in the past, but maybe she was just too polite to be outwardly rude to him. In either case, she didn’t strike up conversation with him. And Seiji was in too volatile a mood now to be allowed much freedom to speak—that could lead to the afore mentioned blows _._  So she and Nick ended up filling most of the silence with chatter about  _Star Trek_  and related tangents—such as the likelihood of aliens.  _That_  conversation carried them all the way until the sun started to set.

“It’s getting dark,” Mrs. Katayama said upon noticing this, and they all looked out the window to check. Nick waited for someone to suggest it was time for them to leave. He’d really expected Seiji to be the one to do it, unthinkingly turning to him in anticipation of this. But Seiji said nothing. And it occurred to Nick that Seiji quite possibly didn’t  _want_  to leave. How long had he said it had been since he’d visited home?

“I don’t want to be presumptuous,” Nick said and felt Seiji’s attention on him sharpen, expecting him to say something uncouth and rude and probably stupid. Who knew? Maybe he would. “But would you mind if we stayed for dinner, Mrs. K?” He felt weird suggesting it. This was for sure an overstep of boundaries. An overstay of his welcome. But Seiji had allowed him to spend time with his father for hours at a time every week, and at a much greater inconvenience to him than this awkward request was to Nick. “We could order a pizza?” Fuck, did rich people eat pizza?

“I’d love that,” Mrs. Katayama said, and she looked like she meant it, too. Her face had lit up in the way it had when she’d first opened the door to see Seiji standing outside it. “Jesse, would you text your parents and see if they’d mind?”

“Sure,” Jesse pulled out his phone. “I know they won’t, though.”

As they waited for a response, just to be sure, Nick tried to sneakily assess Seiji’s feelings on the new development, turning his head as subtly as possible to look at him. But there was no point in subtlety. Seiji was already staring at Nick, openly and plainly baffled, a little crease between his brows and his lips parted in an unasked question. The question was obvious.  _Why?_  Nick shrugged. Why, indeed. Because it obviously was what Seiji had wanted. More time with his mom. He was confused and surprised, but pleasantly so, if Nick was reading him right. And the thing was, Nick was pretty damn confident that he  _was_  reading Seiji right. He’d gotten pretty good at it lately.

“Got the okay from Mom,” Jesse said, breaking the weird moment that had passed between Nick and Seiji. They both looked away from the other with all promptness.

“I’ll place our order,” Mrs. Katayama beamed, standing once more—from her spot on the chair, this time, as Jesse had never surrendered his pilfered spot next to Seiji. “Nicholas, what do you like?”

“I’m a simple man,” Nick started, but didn’t get very far.

“If either of you make a ’none pizza with left beef’ joke, I  _will_  leave.”

“How’d you know?” Nick asked Seiji as Mrs. Katayama laughed.

“Because I’d expect nothing less from you, and it’s the perfect opportunity.”

“Aha, so this is the real reason you kept me and your mom apart for so long: you knew we’d be unstoppably hilarious together.”

“The idea of you two trading outdated memes and terrible jokes did cross my mind, yes.” Nick couldn’t tell if Seiji was pandering to the joke—the lie?—or if it really  _had_  crossed his mind. Had Seiji really considered, even for an instant, what it would be like for Nick to meet his mom? Had he wondered how they’d get along? Had he really thought that they would?

“Since fun is off the table, I’ll go for good old pepperoni, please,” Nick requested of Mrs. Katayama, but his eyes wouldn’t leave Seiji, try as he might to pull them away.

“I can make that happen.” And she was off again, to another room to make the call. It crossed Nick’s mind to think this a funny habit. Most people he knew would just make the call without ever standing up. He could imagine Seiji doing the same thing, though he’d never seen him talk on the phone. For some reason, it seemed like something that Seiji might pick up from his mom.

“Do you think Sam will be upset?” Nick asked Jesse, finally coaxing his eyes—and thoughts—away from analyzing Seiji.

“About what?” Jesse asked, startled enough by the question to keep any bite from his voice.

“That we changed dinner plans so suddenly. I don’t know if she’d planned to make something, or if she was already making it or something.” It was one of the variables that had flashed through his mind when asking to stay here for dinner. Any inconvenience or hurt it might cause to the people they were canceling previous dinner plans with. Jesse stared at him blankly.

“She’s fine,” he said, bafflement still holding strong. “She and Dad can make do without us, I’m sure. Besides, I bet she expected we’d end up staying, if I know her.”

“Oh, okay then. That’s good.” Nick was relieved by this, but neither of the other boys on the couch seemed to understand his relief. Nick was still looking at Jesse, since he’d been talking to him, when he felt the slightest increase of pressure on his hand. He turned and saw that Seiji’s face had taken on a look of almost imperceptible concern.  _Almost_  because two months ago, Nick wouldn’t have been able to discern the emotion on Seiji’s face. But he could now. He shrugged up a shoulder slightly, squeezed Seiji’s hand back for a second.  _Don’t worry about it,_  he wanted to say. Because he didn’t need pity. He didn’t think that it was even a bad thing, really, to be concerned over others’ feelings.

“Inconveniencing parents isn’t the worst thing in the world,” Seiji said, close to Nick’s ear and possibly  _just_  quiet enough that Jesse wouldn’t hear. “It doesn’t make them love you any less.” Maybe not, but it could make them like you less. He didn’t say it. Didn’t want to get into this. Seiji’s mouth tugged into a frown, but it wasn’t at all like his usual bitchy expression. It was somehow soft. It was the kind of frown you wanted to wipe away with tender and soothing reassurances.

“God, I  _get_   _it_  already,” Jesse groaned, “you’re so fucking in love with Nick it’s gross. You can stop shoving it in my face now, Seiji.”

That broke the little bubble of something close to intimacy that Seiji and Nick and had somehow fallen into. After a flicker of shock, Seiji’s frowning face turned from soft and concerned to a genuinely nasty thing—hard and sharp and entirely displeased. And, here again, was a blush. He actually seemed rather prone to blushing, now that Nick was getting to know him. He never would have dreamed that Seiji blushed so often, but maybe his previous assumption and their current situation were both skewed towards opposite extremes. Maybe Seiji blushed a perfectly average amount.

But, as he forced his attention away from Seiji’s reddened face, he decided that he’d kind of like to think that Seiji’s perfectly prim and proper face was especially taken to dustings of color.


	21. Chapter 21

When the doorbell rang, Nick automatically got up, but Mrs. Katayama waved him off.

“I can handle a couple pizzas,” she told him. “But you can start herding the others into the dining room, if you like.” Nick nodded smartly and then turned to Seiji, offering a hand like he meant to help Seiji up. He realized how dumb a gesture it was right after he’d done it but it was too late. And anyway, Seiji took the hand and allowed Nick to ‘help’ him up.

“So, uh, where  _is_  the dining room?” Nick asked, a little sheepish—both from the weird hand maneuver and the fact that he was literally the only person in the house who didn’t know where shit was.

“This way,” Seiji said, leading Nick in the direction he’d disappeared some time before to get water.

“Oh, wait,” Nick said, doubling back to grab the long empty water glasses and then catching up easily to Seiji, who had, miraculously, waited for him.

“You’re never so tidy at school,” Seiji said, eyeing the glasses in Nick’s hands.

“Don’t need to be; I live there, don’t I?”

“So you’re only considerate of other people’s spaces,” Seiji looked as if he were trying to puzzle something out. “And yet, you’re hardly considerate of  _my_  spaces.”

“Occupational hazard,” Nick told him with a wink. “You should have thought of that before inviting me into your space.”

“I never  _invited_  you,” Seiji protested and Nick shrugged. Seiji was mildly annoyed, and it was kind of fun to make him so. Not  _mad_  mad. Just…a little exasperated.

When they were all seated around the table with fresh water and plates and  _lots_  of napkins, they opened up the two pizza boxes in the middle. One pepperoni, which Mrs. Katayama took from at once, and the other a split. Half cheese and half Hawaiian. Seiji, of course, went for the basic, boring cheese. Which left Jesse to the pineapple and ham on the other side. Nick made a face at Jesse, who made a face back. He should have known that even Jesse’s taste in pizza was terrible.

Nick loaded up his own plate and started eating—Mrs. Katayama hadn’t waited for everyone to be served before taking a bite of her pizza, so he figured he wasn’t under any such obligations either. But as he ate, it occurred to him that Mrs. Katayama hadn’t asked for Jesse’s order. She just  _knew_  it.  _Of course she does, dumbass,_  Nick thought,  _he and Seiji were inseparable for eight years._ But it bothered him a little, anyway, as he watched Jesse take another slice from the pizza that was an even split of him and Seiji. He wanted Mrs. Katayama to know him as well as she knew Jesse, which was absurd, since he’d only known her for a couple of hours and he wasn’t anything resembling a permanent fixture in Seiji’s life. At least not in this way. But he couldn’t help wanting to win over Seiji’s mother, and he couldn’t really even say why. It had to just be because she was really fun, in a mom sort of way.

Seiji, seated as far away from Jesse as it was possible to be, was starting to improve in mood. He joined in conversation more, and didn’t even get nasty when Jesse edged into it too. And everything was going unnervingly well.

Lightning cracked ominously outside and all four of them turned to the window as rain began to pelt down, hard and heavy. It wasn’t supposed to raintonight, but that wasn’t stopping it from raining now anyway. Mrs. Katayama frowned at the sky and then turned her attention to her son.

“Seiji,” she started. “It’s late and it’s dark and now it’s raining.” All true facts, but Nick didn’t catch the deeper meaning that was clearly there. Clearly, because Seiji’s face wavered between a soft longing and a hardened resolve. Resolve won out.

“I’ve got practice in the morning.” He said flatly, and Nick understood. She was suggesting they stay the night.

“I’ll call Dmytro and let him know he can have the morning to himself.”

“He won’t be—,”

“As I’m the one paying him, I think he’ll take the news just fine.”

“Mom, I—,”

“Seiji, one day off won’t kill you.”

“I—Mom, I should really get back to school.”

“Actually, Seiji, I think we should stay,” Nick said and Seiji gave him a  _look._  One that let him know that he had really overstepped now and Seiji wasn’t happy about it. “For real, think about it. Jesse has to drive us back to Robert and Sam’s, and then Robert has to drive us to Kings Row and Sam’ll take Jesse back to Exton and it’s way later than usual, and it’s a new moon out,  _and_  it’s raining bad enough that visibility and hydroplaning could be concerns. And  _then_  both Sam and Robert have to drive home in that. I’d—I’d rather not make them do that, if you don’t mind.” And if they didn’t stay  _here_ , they’d be staying in Jesse’s house. Which, Nick was beginning to suspect, might not be ideal for Seiji. He wasn’t sure what had happened before France, but it couldn’t have been anything good. And spending the night in Jesse’s house—even if it had once been like a second home to him—probably would bring up old memories he didn’t want.

“Thank you, Nicholas,” Mrs. Katayama beamed. “That’s very reasonable of you. Seiji?”

“I…” Seiji sighed, but his devil’s glare at Nick had settled into resignation. “Alright, then, Nicholas and I will stay.” And Nick saw that his softness had returned. The softness that seemed to be reserved exclusively for his mother. Nick kind of loved seeing it there. Like, yeah, Seiji was kind of an asshole and he was far from soft or sweet, but he loved his mom so much and it showed. Nick wished his face would turn so uncomplicated and adoring when he was with his mom. But it was more complicated than that, for them.

“Jesse, I can’t make you stay, but you’re more than welcome,” Mrs. Katayama told him kindly. And she meant it, Nick could tell. She wasn’t about to kick him out, no matter what had gone sideways in the past. Seiji shot daggers at Jesse, giving him a clear warning to decline the offer, but Jesse darted eyes between Seiji and Nick, frowning. No way was he going to leave.

“I’ll text Mom and Dad right now to let them know we’re staying over for the night,” Jesse said.

“Marvelous! Oh, but I’m doing renovations on several of our guest rooms, so I’ve only got one available right now.”

“Jesse can take it,” Seiji said with an impressive sort of breezy authority in his nonchalance. Like he didn’t care at all. “Nicholas can sleep in my room with me.”  _What?_  It was obviously to piss Jesse off for staying to babysit them, but it was a pretty ballsy move to make right in front of his mother.

“No, he can’t,” it was Jesse and not Mrs. Katayama who protested, aghast and scandalized. “That’s entirely improper. It wouldn’t be prudent for you two to stay in the same room, not at all.”

“Really? But you get no say in this Jesse. You can have the guest room, it’s the rose room—you remember the way, I’m sure. You’ll have the whole bed to yourself.”

 _Oh god,_  Seiji was really going for it. He was in a mood to fight—hell, he’d been in one since Jesse had started shit in the entry hall. And now he was determined to get his fight.

“Seiji, it’s fine,” Nick jumped in before Jesse could argue back. “Really, don’t worry about it. Just give me a blanket and a pillow and I can take the couch.” He put on a little laugh. “You know me, I’m happy to sleep wherever.”

“Are you sure you don’t mind, Nicholas?” Mrs. Katayama gave answer before Seiji could protest his offer.

“Positive,” Nick told her, relieved to have a solution, even if he had Seiji’s scowl on his back. Mrs. Katayama, at least, seemed impressed with him. Maybe he’d earned some brownie points.

And so, in another half hour, Nick was settled on the huge wrapping couch in front of a huge TV with a pillow and a couple blankets under his arm. Seiji was still pissed, and so was Jesse. Both in a bad mood because they hadn’t gotten what they wanted. Nick ignored both their sulking. Mrs. Katayama seemed to be doing the same.

“Would it bug anyone if I turned on a show for a minute?” Nick asked. “I’m not really tired yet.”

“Here, let me show you how it works,” Mrs. Katayama bustled past him to gather a collection of controllers. She walked him through how to turn it all on and explained the navigations to him, but he got lost. It was too confusing and complicated to just get it all going. Mrs. Katayama laughed, noticing his blank stare. “You know what? Why don’t you tell me what you’d like to watch and I’ll turn it on for you?”

“Oh yeah! That’d be great, thanks.”

“So what’ll it be?”

Nick didn’t even have to take time to consider. “It’s got to be  _Star Trek_ , don’t you think?”

“An excellent choice,” she told him, clicking through screens and shows until  _The Original Series_  was pulled up. “Any episode in particular you’ve got in mind?”

Nick glanced at Seiji, an idea striking him. He looped an arm around Seiji’s middle—luckily, no blows came in retaliation—and hauled him down on the couch next to him.

“Let’s start from the beginning, since we’ve got a new viewer.”

“Episode two, it is,” Mrs. Katayama said and gladly played ‘The Man Trap.’

“That’s not the beginning,” Seiji said, crossing his arms and holding himself stiffly against Nick.

“The pilot’s redundant. We revisit it later and it’s more interesting then anyway.” Nick explained.

“That makes no sense.”

“You’ll get it, when we get there. I’ll let you know, okay?”

“I have no desire to  _get it_ ,” Seiji complained. “I don’t want to watch it.”

“Stop whining,” Nick said, then put his mouth right next to Seiji’s ear and breathed, “look at Jesse.” Seiji did, and when he saw how furious Nick’s arm around Seiji’s waist, holding him tight, was making Jesse, Seiji gave a slight nod. He understood that this could be a small revenge on Jesse. And so he forcibly relaxed and readjusted so that he was more comfortable in Nick’s hold.

Mrs. Katayama turned off the lights and came to sit with them to watch the show. Jesse did too, settling in the bend of the couch right next to Nick, since Seiji’s other side was already occupied. They made it half through the episode without incident, but eventually Mrs. Katayama stifled a chuckle.

“You know,” she said, “I once tried to dress Seiji up for Halloween as Sulu.” Seiji went rigid again. Here was the hidden  _Trek_ trauma from earlier, then. If Nick were a proper boyfriend, he might have politely ignored this tidbit of information. But he wasn’t a proper boyfriend. So he dug.

“How’d that go?”

“Awful,” Mrs. Katayama confirmed his suspicions. “I wrestled him into the shirt but that was about it. He threw an awful fit—I think it’s the longest one I ever caused. Three hours,” she said impressively.

“No way, that long?” Nick couldn’t image Seiji, even as a child, shouting and crying for any amount of time.

“Yes, thank you for sharing,” Seiji said tightly. Nick’s grin widened. He hadn’t reached the crux of this embarrassment, if Seiji was still trying to steer him away from it.

“I bet he was a sight to see,” Nick hedged. Seiji immediately darted a hand to squeeze painfully at Nick’s shoulder. Asshole. But he was on the right path if Seiji was breaking their agreement to try and stop him. “I don’t suppose you’ve got any pictures, Mrs. K?”

“As a matter of fact,” she said, grinning as wide as he was, “I do. Let me just find them—I know I put them on this damned phone somewhere. Pardon my language.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Nick said, ignoring all of Seiji’s warnings. He was paying more attention to Mrs. Katayama now than the show, and when she triumphantly handed her phone across Seiji to him, he delighted in the way Seiji’s hand twitched, like he was dying to snatch it away but was too proud to do so.

The picture featured a tiny Seiji, maybe four or five, with a blotchy red face and teary eyes, already arranged in a glare that Nick recognized extremely well. His little mouth was set in a pout and his arms were crossed over his command gold shirt. His hair was styled to look like Sulu’s, too, but the resemblance ended there. Because little Seiji wasn’t wearing pants, solar system patterned undies peeking out from the shirt. The rest of the costume was visible and strewn across the floor in the picture—black pants and boots, and a tiny blade made of foam.

“Oh my god,” Nick said, laughter spilling from him without restraint. “Seiji, you were so  _cute!_ ”

“That’s quite enough,” Seiji snapped, finally taking the phone from Nick’s possession and shoving it back at his mom. After he’d turned it off. Nick couldn’t stop his laughter.

“You looked so upset,” he said, accidentally squeezing his arm around Seiji. “Poor baby Seiji, so sad and pantsless.”

“You’re not funny.”

“Mrs. K, you’ve  _got_  to send that to me.”

“It is adorable, isn’t it?” She asked, fondly watching Seiji as he was now and it was crazy but he totally looked like that same little kid. His face had taken on some color again, his eyes were glaring fiercely, and his mouth was even dangerously close to a pout. Nick howled, and caught Mrs. Katayama’s eye. They exchanged a knowing look and Nick was sure they’d both been thinking that same thing.

“Why were you so against being Sulu?” Nick asked once he’d calmed down a little.

“It was the wrong blade,” Seiji muttered.

“Oh, I get it,” Nick laughed again, but just a little. “Sulu fences foil. You’d have wanted an épée.”

“Yes. But Mom wouldn’t let me take my own blade trick-or-treating, which I seem to remember finding very unreasonable of her.” The way he said it, all serious but with a hint of pout, made something squeeze in Nick’s chest. He could just image baby Seiji arguing with his mom over bringing his real épée instead of the foam foil, and it was such a fucking cute image that Nick couldn’t help it. Without really processing what he was doing, he leaned into Seiji’s hair and planted a kiss there, just above his ear.

“You’re right, that was really mean of her,” he said, pulling away. Seiji gave him a confused look, then turned back to the TV, brow still furrowed.

“I couldn’t let him take an actual weapon to the streets,” Mrs. Katayama said, amusement, like Nick’s, having softened into something like fondness. “Besides, Sulu fences foil, and he was supposed to be dressing up as Sulu. But let me tell you, I learned my lesson that day. Never tried to dress him up as what I wanted again.”

“That’s too bad,” Nick said.

“It is,” Mrs. Katayama agreed. “It would have been so good, if he was capable of compromise,” she teased Seiji. He ignored her, and Nick wondered if he realized how close he was coming to a full pout.

“Yeah, on paper, Sulu is the  _perfect_  role for Seiji. But, you know,  _really_ , Seiji is way more like Quinto’s Spock.”

“You think so?”

“Yeah. He has that same brand of pseudo-emotionlessness. He seems all calm and dispassionate and all that but piss him off and you’ll see exactly how  _emotionless_  he really is.”

“That’s true!” Mrs. Katayama cackled delightedly. “I can’t believe I never saw that. Guess I was caught up on the red herring. But, in my defense, that red herring was Japanese and did fence. A lot like my Seiji.” Nick nodded in agreement. It was the obvious choice. But if ever Mrs. Katayama felt like battling for another  _Star Trek_  Halloween costume, Nick wouldn’t mind seeing Seiji in pointed ears and the deep blue shirt of the reboot movies.

“What is a  _Quinto Spock?_ ” Seiji asked and set them laughing anew.

“Are you actually this clueless about  _Trek_  or are you just being a pain in the ass to get back at us?” Nick thought he might be onto something, but Seiji didn’t give anything away.

“Are we actually going to watch the show or just spend it all talking?” Jesse groused next to Nick, and Nick realized he was doing it again. Taking things from Jesse. Probably, about two years ago if Nick’s timeline was correct, Jesse had fit into conversation with the Katayama mother and son in the place Nick was now. He felt a little bad, so he shut up and watched the show.

Half way through ‘Charlie X,’ Seiji started to slump a little. By the end, he had his body curved against Nick’s and his head positioned on his shoulder. Nick was almost scared to breathe, sure Seiji would come back to his senses and catch him in a headlock or something for daring to—to what? Be his pillow? This was in no way Nick’s fault.

And it continued to not be his fault when Seiji’s head slipped down against his bicep. It  _started_  being his fault when he did some quick maneuvering to bring Seiji’s head to rest on his chest instead, his arm securing Seiji in place there. He stayed there for another twenty minutes or so, but then he started slinking further downward. And by the the start of ‘The Naked Time,’ Seiji had fully migrated to rest on Nick’s lap, his legs swung up on the couch and his eyes drooping with sleep.

Nick patted a hand around next to him, uprooted a blanket—a corner of which had gotten caught under Jesse. Jesse grumbled, face darkening as he watched Nick spread the blanket over Seiji. Nick didn’t really care what Jesse thought. Seiji liked blankets, Nick had noticed. And he’d sometimes get colder than the temperature really called for. So it was the right thing to do, giving him a blanket. And tucking it in a little to make sure he was fully covered.

Seiji’s eyes were closed more often than not now and, absently, Nick’s fingers started stroking through Seiji’s hair. It was soft and silky and Nick didn’t think he’d ever really been allowed to touch it before. He half expected Seiji to chase his hand away now, but he just rearranged his blanket a little and then stilled, slipping in and out of sleep—catching the scene where Sulu lost his shirt and ran about the bridge with his foil just enough to criticize his technique. And after that, he was out. Nick felt it in the heaviness of his body, the peacefully shut eyelids, lashes dancing prettily against cheeks as he fell into dreams.

“It’s amazing,” Mrs. Katayama said softly, watching Nick’s hand, still pulling gently through Seiji’s hair. “He really likes you.”

Nick froze, feeling momentarily panicked. Like he’d been caught. But, in fact, this was the opposite of being caught. He calmed his heart and hitched his mouth in a smile.

“I mean, I like to think so. But it’s nice to have a second opinion.”

“Seiji doesn’t usually let people in this close,” she said, and the way she said it was at once sad and relieved. And Nick understood it as worry for Seiji’s reclusiveness and relief that Seiji had someone now. Because she  _thought_  he had someone now. Nick felt his stomach twist in guilt. “But he’s so comfortable with you. He even lets you take care of him. And I’ve never in my life seen him sleep on  _anyone_  before.”

Now Nick had to laugh. “Oh, this?” he asked, looking down at Seiji, asleep on his lap. “He only did it to spite Jesse.”

“What?” Jesse asked, offense already creeping onto his face.

“Yeah, because you didn’t want us sleeping together. Seiji likes to get his way.”

“How—rude,” Jesse spluttered. Nick laughed again. Had they really thought Seiji was just  _too sleepy_  to stay awake? No way. It had been a planned thing from the start.

“You really understand my son, don’t you?” Mrs. Katayama asked him, Nick’s laughter mirrored in her eyes. Nick felt a rush of heat in his face. Because she wasn’t wrong, exactly. He really  _did_  understand Seiji.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise I'm probably done waxing poetic about Star Trek now


	22. Chapter 22

The lights were off, the TV quiet and dark. Mrs. Katayama had bid them goodnight and gone to bed, leaving Nick to do with Seiji as he wanted.  _Shit, that made it sounds lewd._  She’d left it up to Nick to decide what should be done with Seiji, whether he ought to be woken and prodded off to bed or…Nick sighed, looking down at Seiji’s sleeping face. He knew he’d just let Seiji be. It seemed like a waste to wake him up.

“Did he really fall asleep on you to get back at me for upholding propriety?” Jesse asked once Mrs. Katayama had left. Nick had to laugh a little.

“No doubt about it. But, you know, Seiji and I are roommates.”

“You are not.”

“Uh-huh. I didn’t want to say anything in front of Mrs. K, but your concerns are pointless. Anything Seiji and I could have done tonight, we could easily have done any night so far this year. I just didn’t want to suggest that we  _were_ , with his mom here and all.”

“You shouldn’t be allowed to room together,” Jesse said, and Nick shrugged.

“What’re you going to do? Call my school and tell them to rearrange us? Coach Williams would have  _you_  doing suicides for that.”

There was some sputtering from Jesse, but Nick ignored it, smiling to himself. Seiji was long since asleep, but Nick stilled played fingers through his hair. He wasn’t supposed to touch it. It wasn’t an official boundary, but it was an obvious one. Except that tonight Seiji had let him, through some combination of spite and sleepiness. As Nick watched the strands of hair slip between his fingers he silently laughed to himself for furthering Seiji’s revenge plot against Jesse. He wasn’t sure if he should tell it or not though. Would Seiji be upset at the vague suggestion of something more going on in that room than was at all true? Maybe. But he had gotten pretty suggestive tonight himself. And right in front of his  _mother_. So there was a chance he might not mind the liberties Nick had taken.

“Mari is right,” Jesse said, and it surprised Nick that he was still there, settled in the corner of the couch. That he was talking. “It’s obvious he really likes you. I hate it, but I know he does.” He looked Nick in the eye, lit only from the distant lights of the city shining through the window. “I kind of hate you for it. Even now.”

“I know.” Was it time for another heart-to-heart already? Might as well do it now. Let the dust settle as it would before Seiji got really irritated with the time drain Nick had become. He didn’t have Seiji forever, so he’d better figure out how to handle Jesse by himself before Seiji left. “And I get that. I mean—fuck, did you know that Seiji compared me to you for  _forever?”_

“He did?”

“Oh yeah,” Nick laughed, a little rueful because it wasn’t exactly in the past. Not yet. “We both got some stuff from Robert, you know? He saw it. In the way I fence, at times. So I get that it sucks, for him not to see you in the way you wish he would. But that’s just not how people work. You can’t  _make_  them feel anything.”

“I know,” Jesse snapped, then sighed, like he caught himself getting too loud, too aggressive. “But I just wish he’d get over it.”

“It?” Nick asked, tentative.

“What? Seiji hasn’t told you?” Jesse asked with genuine surprise. Briefly, it occurred to Nick that he could have used this exact scenario as leverage to try and force Seiji to tell him. But even if he’d thought of it, it didn’t seem right to force Seiji’s hand.

“No. I’ve asked a couple times, but he won’t talk about it really. You know how he is with privacy and shit.”

“He used to be really easy to get secrets out of,” Jesse said, frowning down at Seiji.

“Then he’s changed since you knew him,” Nick laughed and didn’t realize until too late that it could be considered a hurtful thing to have said.

“Clearly,” Jesse said. “His taste in boys has become somewhat less refined since I knew him too.” Alright, so Seiji did at least  _like_  guys. That made Nick feel better. Nothing worse than being forced out of a fake closet because of this fake dating stuff. And, judging by Mrs. Katayama’s reaction to it all, there hadn’t been any forced coming out at all.

“I know that was supposed to hurt my feelings, but you should know that dating Seiji has made me  _much_  tougher than that.”

“Ugh, stop being so gooey.” The conversation naturally ebbed and it was starting to look finished, but Jesse spoke again. “What happened between me and Seiji…if he hasn’t told you, I probably shouldn’t either.”

“That’s pretty decent of you.”

“Don’t be so surprised. I’m a decent person.”

“So you keep telling me, but I’m not sold,” he’d adopted a half-joking voice, a good-natured smile. And he hadn’t done it to try and fool Jesse into accepting an insult as a light barb. He’d actually  _meant_  it as a show of—not affection. Not exactly. Not yet. But the shadow of what could possibly be affection, one day. “Man, I’m gonna level with you. I don’t want to hate you. We’re stuck with each other probably for life, so we should just suck it up and get used to it. And it’ll be a hell of a lot easier if we get along.”

“We get along.”

“Until you remember that I’m ‘stealing’ all your people.”

“Well, you  _are_ ,” Jesse said sharply and his cheeks colored a dark red.

“But that’s not how people work either,” Nick said. “I can’t take them. I mean, Seiji is different because of whatever happened but—your parents? Nothing I can do could ever take them from you. And Mrs. K too, she wants you guys to make up,” a jerk of the head towards Seiji, “so that she can like you without feeling guilty.”

“Tell that to your boyfriend,” Jesse scoffed. No way in hell was Nick going to do any such thing. Seiji would not take kindly to any suggestion from Nick about his personal life or how he conducted his relationships. “And you  _are too_  taking Dad.”

“Am not!”

“You swept in and suddenly you’re all he cares about,” Jesse’s voice was strained with the effort of keeping quiet. “And it pisses me off.  _I’m_  his first son,  _I’m_  the one he raised,  _I’m_  the best fucking fencer in the nation—what else could Dad want from me? But there you are, an actual  _stranger_ , and the absolute worst fencer in the world and now it’s all about you. Dad cares more about you. And it wouldn’t be so bad but you fence too. And that’s  _my_  thing with Dad. And all he can talk about is how much you’re improving and how proud he is of you and how much he loves spending time with you and coaching you and he doesn’t even care about me anymore—,” Jesse cut off and his face was turning a splotchy color. Nick thought he might be about to cry. It made Nick feel bad for the surge of happy affection it gave him to know Robert talked so fondly of him.

“Listen, it’s not like Robert likes me more than you or anything. It’s just that—look, I need more practice. You said it yourself, you’re the best,” he glanced guiltily down at Seiji for that. “And I’m not. Which means there’s more space for improvement. And Robert’s playing catch up for lost time with me. He regrets that he wasn’t able to raise me, I think he feels guilty about it. And he’s trying to make up for it now. It’s not because he doesn’t care about you anymore. It’s because he thinks you know how much he loves you already. But you should tell him. Don’t you guys talk about everything? He’d want you to tell him this too.”

“I guess,” Jesse mumbled, seeming embarrassed.

“And another thing: I don’t think Robert wants anything more from you than your happiness. From what I’ve seen of your guys’ whole thing, I really don’t think he’d love you any less if you weren’t number one in the nation, you know?”

“But he’s  _Robert Coste,_ ” Jesse said. “And I’m his son. I used to be his only son. And there’s an expectation with that. To carry on the legacy. I don’t want to let him down.”

“I know a thing or two about letting parents down, so I  _know_  Robert is proud of you. And would be no matter what. The only way you let him down is—,”

“Are you going to say something cheesy? Like I’m only letting him down by letting myself down? Or by trying to deal with it all alone?” Jesse’s voice was thin, stretched as far as his emotions were from this conversation, but he still managed to roll his eyes and make a ‘ _that’s so gross’_  face. Nick laughed.

“Actually, and I know you won’t believe me now, but I was  _going_  to say that you’d probably have to murder someone in cold blood.” Jesse laughed now too.

“What about in warm blood? Do you think he’d be okay with that?”

“Definitely. As long as you have a good reason, he’d be right there with the shovel.”

“Oh god, you’re totally right. He so would be.”

“I totally am.”

“He wouldn’t help me bury your body, though,” Jesse said, and his demeanor was back to its usual cocky-bastard self. “So I guess we’ll have to bury our hatchet instead.”

“For real?” Nick asked.

“Yes,” Jesse said and it looked like he meant it. Nick grinned.

“Awesome.”

“I can’t promise I won’t get mad at you.”

“Hey, same here.” It felt like a weight had lifted from Nick’s shoulders and he let out a long breath of relief. They could make it work.

Seiji shifted slightly, a soft sound of contented sleep escaping from his lips. Jesse’s eyes, like Nick’s, were drawn to that sound—to that boy—like moths to a flame. And Nick slowly glanced over to Jesse.

“Should we—I don’t know, talk about  _him_. Since we’re already here and doing this, I mean. It’ll save time for later.”

“What could we talk about?” Jesse asked bitterly. “How the guy I’ve been after for a year and then some is utterly infatuated with  _you_? You’ve already said, I can’t make him like me or forgive me, even if he should.”

“Why should he?” Nick asked and Jesse’s look was one to kill. “I don’t want to be a dick here, but you keep talking like Seiji owes you forgiveness or another chance or something. And—I don’t know what went down between you, but if you’re asking for forgiveness, you had to have done something, right?” Jesse nodded very slightly. “And maybe you need to stop _expecting him_  to get over it. He doesn’t have to.”

“But it was so long ago, and it wasn’t—I didn’t do anything unforgivable, so don’t get anything weird in your head. It was middle school stuff, you know? And he took it hard, is all. And I admit that I was wrong—I even admit that I was awful. But I’ve changed. I’ve grown and I’ve apologized so many times and what else could he want? I’ve done everything since then right. But he refuses to let me have another chance at even being his friend.”

“Yeah, see, your entitlement’s showing. I know this is gonna sound kind of harsh but Seiji doesn’t owe you anything. You can do everything right, you can change for the better, you can say sorry and you can mean it. But you hurt him, whatever you did. And he doesn’t have to let you back in just because you regret it. That’s not how people work. You might be deserving of forgiveness but you aren’t entitled to  _his_  forgiveness. And that’s the real problem between you.”

“How do you mean?”

“Take today for example. You guys were getting along back at your place. He was starting to talk to you like you were something more than a shit stain on his shoe. You noticed it, right?”

“Of course I did.”

“He opened the door a crack and you  _immediately_  started forcing yourself back in. You invited yourself into his home. You straight-up said that he should be  _dating_  you, which is a pretty big leap from forgiveness if you ask me. And you started talking like he was obligated to forgive you just because you’re not as terrible as you used to be. So he’s shut the door on you again and locked it tight.”

Jesse slumped down in his corner, fuming mad but also considering what Nick had said. Nick was honestly impressed he was taking the criticism so well. He’d expected that hatchet of theirs to be dug up and used to chop Nick into oblivion.

“How do I get him to open it again?” Jesse asked, small and deflated. “I miss him. You have no idea how much I miss him. He was my best friend in the world for most of my working memory.” Nick felt a pang of sympathy. Jesse was entitled and pushy—inconsiderate and selfish too, a lot of the time. But Nick was seeing for the first time how much Jesse cared about Seiji. And he’d also seen first hand how much Seiji disliked Jesse. The emotions seemed to be in equal measure, but in opposite directions.

“The best you can do is stop shoving at the door. Just…take a step back. Give him time and space and never,  _ever_  demand his forgiveness again. Maybe you could ask for it, though. After he’s calmed down a bit. He’s not happy with you after tonight. But he was willing to open that door tonight. He might do it again. But you’ve got to understand that you don’t own him and you can’t force him to do anything. Being a good person doesn’t mean you’re owed anything. So stop expecting everything from him.”

“I still kind of hate you. For how much he cares about you.”

“That’s fair.” A moment of quiet. “Friends?”

“Sure,” Jesse said, standing. “Friends.” And he disappeared towards the stairs. Obviously he knew where he was going and what he was doing. Nick would bet money he knew where to find extra clothes and a spare toothbrush.

Nick’s eyes drifted down to Seiji, heavy on his thighs. He could wake Seiji up, ask for a change of clothes and brush his teeth. He could probably even get away with following Seiji to bed, but there wasn’t any need for it. And he didn’t feel like waking Seiji or following him through the house to find pajamas and bathrooms. He didn’t feel like returning to the couch, alone and in the dark, either. So he grabbed his pillow and arranged it as best he could, then leaned back against the couch and closed his eyes, hand still tangled in soft black hair as he fell asleep.


	23. Chapter 23

Something had changed since that night spent at the Katayama residence. Well, a lot of things had changed. Nick and Jesse were good now. Like, actually, for real  _good_. It was less like a truce and more like a friendship. Or the beginning of one. Nick had found that Jesse was hopelessly dramatic and self-centered—but he didn’t mind it that much anymore. Didn’t mind the texts in the middle of class about how he was dying of boredom, or the selfies of him at Exton, Robert in the background, frozen in the middle of a scolding with a caption of  _Coach Mode here we go_. He didn’t even mind the loud and obnoxiously skewed stories Jesse told that always made him look best. Because Jesse was fully aware that he was a drama queen and an attention whore, and he played into it for effect.

And Jesse wasn’t the only one blowing up Nick’s phone lately. Mrs. K and he had a secret underground picture trade. She’d send him old pictures of Seiji and, in return, he’d send her sneak shots. Their log was about eighty percent pictures of Seiji. And it was especially funny to Nick because Seiji had no idea. Obviously. It  _was_  a secret and underground operation.

But the change that was most profound and yet least obvious was in the way he and Seiji bumped shoulders less while getting ready in their cramped room, in the way there was less under-the-table foot stomping, in the way they seemed to be fitting together in a way that was real and true. They were all tiny changes, like grains of sand washing off a mountain. Miniscule. But tremendous—the mountain  _was_  being reshaped.  _They_  were being reshaped. And Nick had to admit to himself that he was probably growing out of the security blanket that was Seiji’s presence at the Costes’. But Seiji didn’t broach the topic again, so Nick kept bringing him along. Not because he needed Seiji there; he got on well with all the Costes now and while Seiji was a comfort, Nick  _could_  manage alone. He kept it up because he wanted Seiji there; he liked his company. And  _that_  was a huge fucking change.

“What’s wrong?”

Nick startled. This was something new, too. Seiji had recently learned to read his mood eerily well. And he’d taken to asking after it whenever they were alone. Like now, spread out on the grass for one of the last nice days they were likely to get before autumn bled to winter. It had been Nick’s request to eat lunch outside and Seiji had grudgingly agreed.

“Nicholas,” Seiji prompted. “You’re staring at your phone in that way you do. _”_

“In the way I do when what?” Nick asked, petulant. He had to give Seiji a hard time. It was practically tradition.

“The way you do when you’re stressed, which is almost always because of some combination of Robert and your mother.”

“Esme,” Nick said, and Seiji scrunched his eyebrows the way  _he_  did when he was confused, which was almost always because of Nick. It made him smile a little. “My mom. Her name is Esme—Esmeralda, really, but she goes by Esme. I guess you didn’t know—‘course you didn’t, I never said.”

“Well then,” Seiji said, “what have Esme and Robert done to upset you now?”

“They don’t upset me,” Nick protested with a scowl. He hated that Seiji kept saying that they did.

“They don’t mean to. But you’re in a unique and stressful situation and their handling of it often results in you being upset. Don’t think I haven’t noticed. Two days ago at Robert’s, he pulled you aside again and when we got back to the dorms you didn’t smile again the rest of the day.” Robert had asked if Nick had given anymore thought to the custody stuff.

“If you’re going to hold it over me like this, I’ll take better care to hide it from you,” Nick threatened. In truth, it hadn’t been a conscious decision to stop pulling on masks of happy faces and  _I’m fine_ ’s in front of Seiji. The first time—after the meeting with his parents—it had been an accident. It had been exhaustion and irritation at Seiji’s pushing. He wasn’t sure when between then and now it had become a habit to drop the facade for Seiji.

“You promised not to lie to me—,”

“Did I? Are you sure? Because I don’t remember that at all.”

“—Anyway, before that, there was the time last week that you took a call during lunch and then you broke your pencil in class after, do you remember?” That call had been from his mom. One of many that had come recently warning him against falling for Robert’s ‘act.’ “And there have been a dozen looks just like this one,” Seiji gestured at Nick’s face, “when looking at your phone.”

“You think you’re real smart, don’t you?”

“Yes. So what is it this time?”

“It’s nothing really.”

“Nicholas,” Seiji’s tone had gone stern. “You’re the one that brought me into this all. And I understand my purpose in this scheme is to offer some superficial comfort—though, how you find my presence comforting at all is still beyond me—and I understand that you don’t want me involved more than I need to be. But I’m not convinced it’s a good idea for you to pretend that it isn’t affecting you. Because it is. Rather poorly, at that.”

Nick couldn’t do more than gape at Seiji for a bit. His phone was all but forgotten as he tried to puzzle through what Seiji had said and what he had meant. He glanced around their spot of grass, but they were so far away from any building that they weren’t in danger of being overheard. He opened his mouth to tell Seiji to either mind his own business or not to worry about it. Depending on the level of rudeness he decided to go with. But… _why?_  It seemed kind of pointless to tell Seiji to get out of his business when the guy already knew so much of it, and entirely because Nick had dragged him into it. And he didn’t think it would make him feel any better either to snap at Seiji or to pretend, fruitlessly, that he was okay.

“Did I mention to you that Robert wants custody?” Nick asked, only slightly surprised to hear himself say it. Seiji’s eyes blew wide and he shook his head.

“You did not.”

“When he came with me to visit Mom, he said…they were arguing and I don’t know if he meant to say it when he did. I think he wanted to tell me first, he said later he did. But he said to my mom that he had legal rights. To me. And then he said he wanted to fight for custody, if it came to that. If I was okay with it. He asked me if I’d want that.”

“And what did you say?”

“I stalled for time. I didn’t know what else to do. But now I can’t stall for much longer.”

“What  _do_  you want?

“I don’t know,” Nick groaned, burying his face in his hands and mumbling the rest. “No matter what I do, one of them will hate me.”

“That’s not true.” Nick snorted and could hear an annoyed huff in response. “Nicholas, that’s not true  _at all_  and you must know it. You’re being dramatic—,”

“Excuse me for being dramatic over this,” Nick snapped, dropping his hands so he could glare at Seiji.

“I phrased that poorly,” Seiji said, placating. Seiji, placating? That didn’t make sense. “I meant that your emotions and your constant worry about not disappointing your parents have blinded you. They won’t hate you. Either of them.”

“That’s what you think,” Nick said bitterly. But Seiji didn’t understand. He didn’t see how this custody question was an ultimatum. A choice between opposing sides. What was it gonna be? His mom? Or his dad? It should be easy. There was an obvious answer. Why couldn’t he just give it and be done?

“That  _is_  what I think and I am almost always right, as you’ve probably noticed.” It was said lightly and Nick recognized it as an attempt to cheer him up. It worked, small though it was.

“Asshole,” Nick said, laughing a little. Satisfied, Seiji steered them right back on topic.

“What were you looking at?”

“My phone.”

“Smartass.”

“Robert texted.”

“And?”

“He wonders if I’d be okay if he went to court to prove paternity.”

“What would that entail?”

“Not sure, really. It’d be the first step to custody, but he says it doesn’t have to be, if I don’t want it. It would just be,” Nick unlocked his phone, the chat log with Robert already open. He scanned it over again then shrugged. “Like, to prove he’s my dad. Mom didn’t put his name on my birth certificate and I guess all we have is circumstantial evidence that I’m related to him. But he wants to have proof that we are. Related.”

“In case you want him to petition for custody?”

“Yeah.” Nick thought for a moment. Sighed. “And probably in case Mom wanted to pull anything. I keep telling him she won’t. Like we have money to waste on lawyers for that shit,” Nick scoffed. “But I don’t know what’s been said between them, and something’s obviously gotten Robert worried lately.” It was one of the reasons Nick had wanted to be the mediator between them instead of having them possess a direct line of contact between them like they did now. He wanted to  _know_  what was being said so he could prepare for any ramifications. But now he was left in the dark. He knew he should take his own advice and just talk to Robert about it all, but proving paternity was such a clear gateway into the custody talk and he wasn’t ready for that yet.

“What do you want to do?” Seiji asked, taking Nick’s phone from him to read through the texts still open on the screen. Nick let him take it without resistance.

“I don’t know,” he said, but Seiji didn’t seem to think this was a very good answer.

“If you  _did_  know, what would you want?”

“I don’t know…I mean, I guess I’d want it. Proof that Robert’s my dad, you know?”

“Alright,” Seiji nodded, but he was looking down at Nick’s phone. And his fingers were tapping something out. A pit of dread opened in Nick’s stomach, his hand already reaching desperately for the phone. But Seiji was already looking up at him, smug and resolved. That could only mean one thing.

“You had no right,” Nick spat, voice raising into a shout. “That’s a huge fucking boundary you just pissed all over, you stupid asshole!” Seiji raised an eyebrow, seeming amused.

“ _Stupid asshole?”_  He asked. “Nicholas, you can do better than that.”

“This isn’t  _funny!”_ Nick roared. “You just completely fucked up everything because you think you’re so fucking smart but news flash dickbrain! You’re not! You can’t just—you had no fucking  _right_  to send that text. Do you have any idea what you did?” Nick’s insides were tangling with anxiety and anger and dread. He couldn’t take it back, couldn’t say he’d changed his mind or it would hurt Robert twice as bad as saying no in the first place. Because a  _no_  here meant a no to any future in trying for custody. And a  _no_  after a  _yes_  meant he’d thought about it some more and decided that he didn’t want Robert after all. He couldn’t do that. But his mom…she’d be upset in about ten different ways when she found out Robert was going to court to prove paternity. When she found out that Nick had  _let_  him. It would crush her. But…she’d be okay, wouldn’t she? A decision had been made and now the three of them—Nick, Esme, Robert—would all just have to learn to deal with it. It was a strange relief to think that. But he still glared at Seiji fiercely. “I trusted you,” he said, and the betrayal and hurt in his voice was obvious even to him. Seiji seemed, at long last, a little ruffled.

“I can’t make the choice for you,” Seiji said quietly, “but for what it’s worth, I think you should send the text.” He offered Nick’s phone to him, and Nick took it cautiously, looking down to see an unsent message.

 _I’d be okay with that._  A simple response to Robert’s text directly above it, asking if he could prove paternity, if he could take it to court. If he could open the way for custody, somewhere down the road. If Nick wanted it. He stared down at the phone, the little sentence floating in and out of focus.  _I’d be okay with that._

“You’re still a know-it-all dickbrain,” Nick muttered, but felt a little embarrassed over his explosion.

“I overstepped,” Seiji said, and Nick realized that he still looked properly scolded from Nick’s tirade. “I apologize for my actions. I thought it might help you see what you wanted, but I acted in error. I…really didn’t mean to cause you more distress.” It took about five seconds too long for Nick to fully wrap his mind around this. Seiji was apologizing.  _Seiji_  was apologizing. Seiji was  _apologizing._ Nick hadn’t thought he’d live to see the day when Seiji said sorry to anyone for anything. But here he was apologizing to  _Nick_. Over a cheap trick he’d pulled about a text. Nick couldn’t understand why. Seiji hadn’t seemed at all repentant while Nick yelled at him. Not until…

“Nah, don’t worry about it,” Nick said, wondering if there was a way to tell Seiji he hadn’t actually broken his trust. “You were right,” another glance down at the phone. It had felt better, under the initial panic and rage, to think he’d said yes to Robert’s request. “But thanks for letting me make the call myself.” He pressed send.

When he looked up again he was thrown off-kilter all over again. Seiji was smiling. It wasn’t huge or overstated, quite the opposite: small and subdued just like you might expect of him. But it softened his eyes. The eased tension on his face made him seem younger and more human. More like Nick. Just a teenage boy sitting in the grass under a clear blue sky. The thought to steal that smile flickered across his mind. The impulse to snap a picture of it itching at his fingers. He could trade it to Mrs. K for something really good. Smiles and embarrassment were the most valuable in their bartering system, and this smile could get him a lot. But, somehow, Seiji’s smile right now seemed  _too_  valuable to pocket and trade. So he stayed in the moment and enjoyed it for as long as it lasted.

“I’m glad I was able to be of some more substantial use than usual,” Seiji said, and it was only seconds since Nick had thanked him. Time unfroze and Seiji’s face was still softened of tension but the smile wasn’t there anymore.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Nick said, mockingly serious. Then, “For real, Seiji, I’d have drowned by now without you. Your comfort isn’t superficial and I know that’s weird since you’re not really a comforting sort of guy. But I’ve needed it a lot lately and you being here has really helped.”

“You’re very odd,” Seiji said after several previous attempts of speaking wherein he’d opened his mouth only to close it again. Nick just laughed. That was true enough. Seiji returned to his lunch which had, until just now, been forgotten. Nick still ignored his own food in favor of watching his phone for new texts. Eventually one came.

 _Great! I’ll get started on that ASAP. We’ll talk details tomorrow._ The text was completed with a ‘thumbs up’ emoji, and Nick had to smile. He knew this was opening the door to other stuff beyond proof of paternity. But he didn’t really mind it. His mom would, though. He caught Seiji watching him again and turned off his phone, putting it down before he could be accused of staring at it  _in that way he did._  But he found himself wanting to talk about it anyway.

“Do you think I should let Robert go for custody? Partial custody, obviously, but still. It’s a big deal.”

“It is,” Seiji agreed. “I’d say I know what I’d do if I were you, but I don’t think that’s true. I want to say that of course I’d be happy to make it legal and official. But I don’t know what it’s like, being in your situation. I only speak from my own understanding of it and with my own experiences. Which are very different from yours.”

“You think I should say yes?”

“I think you should do what you want.”

“But you think you’d say yes, if it were you?”

“I think so, but that’s not saying much. It’s up to you. Robert’s a good man, he won’t hold it against you if you decline his offer. He wouldn’t do anything without your permission, I’m sure of that much.”

“A good man,” Nick repeated. It was the opposite of what his mom was always saying. Yet, it lined up with Nick’s own opinion of his father. Mostly. But it was like there were two Roberts in his mind. The one that had left his mother—that had destroyed her and hurt her and abandoned her. And there was the one with the crinkly-eyed smile and the warm hands falling on his shoulders. There was the Robert he hated. And the Robert he loved. And it was impossible to think they were one and the same.

“You don’t have to decide right now,” Seiji said. “But you’ll have to, eventually. So stop thinking of ways to stall and start putting some serious thought into your answer instead.”

“Yeah,” Nick sighed. “You’re right. I need to figure shit out.”

“And I’m always available,” Seiji said, deliberate in his nonchalance. “If you want to talk.”

“Thanks,” Nick said, and his smile was bigger than it had any right to be. “I’ll probably take you up on that offer. I mean, I can’t really talk to anyone else about it, you know? You’re the only one that knows who I am and what’s going on and—it’s not like I can talk to Robert. He’s—he’s been really good to me, but that’s kind of the problem,” he paused, laughed nervously, continued. “And no way in hell am I talking to Jesse about any of this. I guess there’s my mom but she and I…we aren’t that. She’d twist it all up and leave me more conflicted than I already am.” Another laugh, rueful and bitter. “It’s kind of pathetic, isn’t it, that I depend on my worst enemy more than my own mother?”

“I don’t know that we were ever  _worst enemies_ , but I’m sure we don’t qualify for that title now. In any case, I’m glad you told me.”

“I bet you are,” Nick smirked, and Seiji gave a little nod, a returned smirk saying  _I’ll give you that._

“Yes, obviously I wanted to know why you and Jesse—but that’s not what I meant. I’m glad you told me so that I could…be here for you,” he said the phrase like it was awkward in his mouth.

“Me too,” Nick said, and the reality of this strange new twist on their relationship finally hit him. It was friendship. They were friends. And not just because he’d jumped the gun and decided as much after a fight in a little supply room. This time it was the truth. This time it was built in mutual understanding, trust, and even like. He let it wash over him for a moment, like the sun coming out from behind clouds and warming your skin. He didn’t know it could feel like this, to have someone  _be there_  for you like Seiji was for him. He leaned back to soak up some of the real warmth from the real sun too, and it was a happy moment he didn’t think he’d forget soon.

His hand brushed against his phone when he planted it in the grass, and he pressed the home button out of habit.

“Oh shit!” He said, scrambling to bring the phone to his face and look harder. That couldn’t be right.

“What?” Seiji asked, alarm overtaking him.

“The bell rang ten minutes ago,” Nick said, turning his phone so Seiji could see the time.

“Is that all?”

“What do you mean  _is that all?_  Aren’t you Mr. Goody-Goody? We’ll be late to class.” And it was probably the last time Seiji let Nick drag him out for a picnic.  _Duh,_  Nick thought,  _there probably won’t be any clear days until spring and Seiji won’t be obligated to eat with you anymore by then._  The thought startled him, but his subconscious was right. He and Seiji couldn’t keep ‘dating’ forever. But maybe they’d still be friends, after the ‘breakup.’ Nick hoped so. But he still couldn’t imagine Seiji tolerating all the obligations of their fake courtship when the gig was up.

“I detest being late,” Seiji said, and he was swiftly packing up the remainder of his lunch into one of the paper bags they’d asked Margie the lunch lady for.

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“In fact, let’s not be.”

“What?”

“Let’s not be late.”

“It’s a little  _late_  for that, Seiji.”

“The gym is open, and Coach Williams won’t be there today until practice. We’d have it to ourselves.”

“Are you suggesting we skip class to go fence?”

“Yes. Do you want to?”

“Hell fucking yeah I do!”


	24. Chapter 24

Seiji casually held out the bottle of sunscreen, not even looking over at Nick, whom the bottle was being offered to. Nick looked at the bottle, finally taking it with hesitancy.

“You’re not done with it,” Nick said dumbly. It was only the second time he’d been able to convince Seiji into the pool with him, and mostly because Sam was closing it down after this, which meant Seiji was off the hook until—well, forever. Just this and then he was done with chlorine and splashing and sunscreen. So he’d agreed. And now he  _did_  look at Nick, one of his eyebrows accusing Nick of being very stupid as it rose to a perfect high arch.

“Boyfriend privileges, remember?”

“Right,” Nick said, feeling oddly nervous as Seiji turned to present Nick with access to his back. He was surprised Seiji had remembered—no, that wasn’t right. Seiji remembered everything. Nick was surprised he’d brought it up again. They were the only ones at the pool right now; Jesse was still inside somewhere, and though he’d come out eventually, Seiji could have gotten away with doing this himself. But then, Nick thought as he carefully rubbed some sunscreen between his hands, it  _was_  a rather large back. Seiji probably wanted to make sure all of it was covered and didn’t trust himself to reach it all sufficiently. It would be a shame for his pretty skin to get burned, so Nick was extra sure to get all of it with the sunscreen—from high on his neck to the band of his suit and everything in between.

It occurred to him only as he gave Seiji the go-ahead and started carelessly slapping some sunscreen on himself that Seiji hadn’t locked up as he had the last time. The only time he’d flinched was when Nick had ducked a hand just under the band of his trunks to be sure he wouldn’t get burned if it readjusted or shifted. It had, in retrospect, probably been a bad idea to do so without warning or explanation. But besides a disgruntled and surprised little gasp and an involuntary flinch away, Seiji hadn’t even protested.

“Nicholas, you’ve got a—,” Seiji tapped a finger against his own face to indicate to Nick where he had neglected to rub in his sunscreen. Nick smeared a hand over his face and called it good. Seiji didn’t call it good. “You look like a ghost.”

“Ghosts are cool,” Nick shrugged. He was itching to get in the water and didn’t have time to go back over his face with as much precision as Seiji would like.

“You’re hopeless,” he sighed heavily, like Nick was the absolute bane of his existence. Honestly, he probably was. But that didn’t stop Seiji from stepping in close to Nick and taking his face in his hands. Nick froze. He couldn’t remember Seiji’s hands ever getting so close to his face except when they were fists flying at him. Still looking completely disapproving, Seiji swiped fingers over the bridge of his nose and the tops of his cheeks, rubbing in what sunscreen Nick had just left there.

“Thanks,” Nick said, recovering from his surprise and grinning at Seiji. Seiji’s face fell into an accusatory glare and he dropped his hands from Nick’s face like he’d been burned.  _What’s that about?_  Shrugging it off, Nick went back to his quick application of sunscreen on himself, making sure to rub the sunscreen in everywhere so as not to upset Seiji’s particularities. He upset them anyway when he patted around on his back as best he could before making to put down the bottle.

“Here, give me that,” Seiji snapped, yanking the bottle from Nick and grabbing his shoulder so he couldn’t go jump in the pool. Nick wondered why until Seiji’s hands were cold on his back. Nick shivered; Seiji hadn’t bothered to warm the sunscreen. But  _that,_  at least, wasn’t a surprise. Seiji covered Nick’s back with quick and impersonal efficiency. Except it was personal. Because it wasn’t like Seiji at all to do something like this. It had to mean something that he  _was_ doing it. That he’d decided to do it without any reason Nick could come up with.“There, be free,” Seiji said with an air of shooing Nick away, never mind that he’d literally been holding Nick still a minute before.

“Hey, thanks for that,” Nick said, turning on Seiji with a smile that made Seiji noticeably suspicious. “You’re the best boyfriend ever.”

“What are you doing?” Seiji asked as Nick started advancing on him. “Stop that.”

“Aw, I just want a hug,” Nick said, a laugh burbling up at Seiji’s expression.

“None of that. No hugging.”

“But Jesse’s here,” Nick said, and it was true. Jesse was finally emerging from the house. “So it’s not technically illegal.”

“Nicholas, I don’t know what you’re up to, but you’d better cut it out  _right now.”_

Nick lunged and caught Seiji in his arms. Lucky for him that Seiji hadn’t managed to dodge or he’d have hurtled into the chairs.

“I don’t think we ever had a winner to our water war,” Nick said in Seiji’s ear, which prompted him to start struggling to break Nick’s hold. But Nick was determined, so he tightened his arms around Seiji, and hoisted him just enough off the ground to start shuffling towards the pool.

“Don’t you dare,” Seiji was contorting in his grip, hands at his shoulders and pushing against him desperately. He’d be able to get out. Eventually. But Nick didn’t need to win this struggle forever. Just for a few steps more.

“You know I gotta do it.”

“Nicholas Cox, you put me down this instant or I will make sure you regret it later,” Seiji hissed, and Nick laughed delightedly.

“Take a deep breath, love. We’re going in!” And he hurled them off the edge and into the deep end of the pool. They bobbed up to the surface together, Nick’s arms still loosely holding Seiji’s waist, and Seiji’s hands gripping Nick’s shoulders so hard his nails were sure to leave marks.

“I hate you,” Seiji gasped, recalling a hand from its mission to hurt Nick so he could swipe his wet hair from his face. Nick had rarely seen Seiji’s hair tousled and he certainly had never seen it wet and haphazardly pushed back before. He kind of liked it, thought it looked—

“I swear to fuck, if you two start making out in my pool I’ll put the winter cover on it myself. With you still in it.”

“Sorry, Jess,” Nick laughed, letting Seiji pull away from him. “But I was winning a war. Did you see, I got Seiji’s hair wet!”

“Not very smart of you,” Jesse said, delicately slipping into the water, avoiding ruining his own hair. “I splashed Seiji too hard in the fourth grade and he wouldn’t speak to me for a week.”

“I’m sure he’ll forgive me,” Nick laughed. “Won’t you babe?” Seiji, over in a far corner of the pool bared his teeth. “Okay, so maybe he’ll take some persuading. But a win is a win and today I was victorious.”

“I suppose everyone needs to feel that way sometimes,” Jesse said with a bored tone of voice. Not malicious or targeted specifically to Nick’s shortcomings, just a bit of general teasing. Nick grinned at Jesse, wading closer to him. Jesse didn’t notice. Or if he did, he wasn’t clever enough to worry.

“You know, Jesse,” Seiji called from across the pool. “Nicholas has only had  _one_  victory today. Do you think he’ll stop there?” Damn Seiji, trying to get back at him through betrayal.

Jesse’s eyes widened with understanding just before Nick made his move and dunked Jesse under. He came up in a very dramatic spray of water, revenge in his eyes. Nick ran for it, which, admittedly, looked less like running and more like a strange backward doggy paddle.

“You played yourself, Cox,” Jesse said just as Nick bumped right into Seiji. He couldn’t believe he hadn’t noticed where Jesse was chasing him.

“You think so, Coste?” Nick asked with bravado. “Seiji’s my boyfriend, he’s on my side.”

“He’s also your first victim,” Jesse pointed out. Nick was caught between thinking he was well and truly fucked on account of how spiteful and bent on revenge he knew Seiji to be and feeling completely safe because he could not imagine Seiji wanting to wrestle in the pool if he had any say in it at all. He was strongly leaning towards the latter. Seiji hadn’t made a move on him at all, quite the opposite; he’d retreated even further into his corner. But Nick was still close enough that the water occasionally pushed him so that his back would brush up against Seiji’s torso. No, Nick decided, Seiji wasn’t about to grab him and do  _anything_  with him. He was safe.

“Seiji would never do anything to betray me because he loooooves me,” Nick grinned over his shoulder. “Right, Seiji?” Nick asked. But he’d made a mistake. Seiji’s face was sour and he met Nick’s eyes with a  _now you’ve done it_  sort of expession.  _How_  Nick had done it was a mystery to him, but it was obvious  _what_  he had done. He’d sealed his fate.

Seiji’s hands were on his shoulders in a flash, holding tight and sure as they so often had since this fake relationship started. But, this time, they were pushing down on him. Hard. He was a goner, never mind that he was soaked head to toe already and had no qualms about ruining his hair. It was the principle of the thing, and on principle, it was still losing to get dunked. Nick would have said something witty to Seiji before his demise but he spent the time more practically and took a huge breath. He was gonna need it.

Seiji was way nicer than any and all of Nick’s other friends. Anyone else would have kept pushing and trying to keep him underwater until he either broke free or started spasming with air deprivation. But not Seiji. Once Nick was under the water Seiji almost immediately eased up. Despite the ability to, Nick did not float back up to the surface. He could just make out Seiji above the water, and though he couldn’t see his expression, he imagined the confusion there anyway. Nick slipped from Seiji’s grip, taking up one of his hands and briefly brushing his lips against it with a wink the water between them probably distorted and ruined. And before he turned and swam away, close to the bottom of the pool, he imagined a pinkness painting Seiji’s confused face.

If there was a Bluetooth speaker that could connect directly to minds, the  _Jaws_  theme song would be blasting right now. Jesse was still kicking his feet close to where he’d backed Nick into a corner. Into Seiji. Nick would get him back for that. And he did. By grabbing onto Jesse’s feet and yanking him underwater. Nick could hear the scream Jesse gave at his attack and he was cackling even before his head broke the surface and the sound was let free. Jesse was up in another moment and rounded on him.

“ _Seiji_  got you, not me,” Jesse complained over Nick’s laughter. “There was no need for you to drag  _me_  under.”

“You used Seiji as a tool to get back at me. Besides,” Nick said, wading over to Seiji, who had smartly retreated to shallower water when he’d seen what Nick was about. Feet touching down on the rough bottom of the pool, Nick found his way to Seiji’s broad back, looped arms around his middle and planted his chin on Seiji’s shoulder, “I’d never betray Seiji. Well, I wouldn’t betray him twice in a row. That’d just be mean.” This time, Nick didn’t have to imagine Seiji’s blush.

“I wish I’d grabbed a water gun so I could shoot you right now,” Jesse said.

“Your mistake,” Nick stuck out his tongue.

The water pulled at Nick a little, the current from the completely unnecessary waterfall thingy wedging between him and Seiji. Nick didn’t like being told what to do, even by water. So he readjusted his grip on Seiji, pressing closer against him. He regretted it pretty much right away. Not because of Seiji, who was not pleased with Nick’s hugging by any means but was handling it like a champ. It was the darkened look that fell across Jesse’s face, which had so recently been pissed but in a fun way, that made Nick regret his clinging. Jesse had done well lately about leaving Seiji alone. But drawing his attention back to what he still saw as the relationship Nick had stolen from him? A good way to ruin the easy fun between them.

Seiji glanced at Nick, so sly and quick that Nick almost missed it.  _Almost_. But he didn’t miss it or the reason for it. What had Seiji said before?  _It appears that I might simply be causing tension between you two._ The words came back to him in an echo and they were more relevant than ever. He and Jesse were friends. He and Seiji were friends. But that one remaining leg of friendship was a point of constant tension for all of them. This time when Nick squeezed his arms a little tighter around Seiji it was an accident. He might not need Seiji for Jesse anymore. But he still needed him for everything else. For knowing this part of him and helping him through it. He was unwilling to give Seiji up yet. Especially not to placate Jesse.

Nick expected a sulk or anger or even an insult when he returned his attention to his half-brother. But Jesse’s moment of jealousy had passed and it was a huge splash of water that Nick was actually met with. Only, it wasn’t him that took the brunt of the wave. He was hidden neatly behind Seiji. Seiji took a sharp intake of breath and Nick was suddenly aware just how tolerant of his hug Seiji had been because now every muscle in his body had gone tight with restrained rage. Like in the cafeteria before causing a scene. Nick knew something was about to go down. But he did  _not_  expect it when it did.

“You—,” Seiji took a furious step towards Jesse. Nick let him go, knowing better than to interfere. “Asshole!” And he sent an impressive amount of water hurtling straight at Jesse, who tried to block but still got hit full force with the monster splash. Nick gave a whoop.

“Get ‘em, babe!” He shouted. Seiji turned a scoop of water on Nick too. Much smaller than Jesse’s, and with less aggression. Even so, honor dictated that Nick retaliate, so he splashed right back.

From there it dissolved into general mayhem with lots of splashing going and coming in every direction. Nick caught Jesse laughing, and he was sure he’d seen the hint of a smile on Seiji, too. It was back to fun and they almost felt like friends, all playing in the pool together. It wasn’t the truth, but it was closer to it than it had ever been before.

Seiji seemed a little lighter now, having shouted at Jesse. Nick wanted to know if the expletive had been building in Seiji for longer than these two months. He thought it might have been kept in for years, ever since Jesse had done whatever the fuck he’d done. But one thing was for sure: that  _Asshole!_ was long overdue. And Seiji was better off for having finally delivered it.


	25. Chapter 25

Nick was a little disappointed when Robert came down to the pool to call them all out of it.

“I need to get you boys back to school,” he said when none of them made a move to get out. “Come on, out you go, you’ve been at it for hours,” he laughed, his eyes crinkling. “It’s good to see that old pool getting so much love, but it’ll always be here next year.”

Finally, the three of them grudgingly complied and pulled themselves out of the water. Robert left them to it, still smiling as he left. Wrapping his towel around him like a cape, Nick noticed how wrinkly his fingers were. He grabbed Seiji’s hand and raised it to his face to inspect it and yep, it was totally wrinkled too. Seiji glared, holding his towel around his middle with his free hand.

“You’re hideous,” Nick told him very seriously. “Look at what the water’s done to your pretty hands!” He laughed, but Seiji didn’t. Still, he didn’t yank his hand away when Nick interlocked their pruny fingers.

Truthfully, Seiji was about as far from hideous as it was possible to be. His hair was carelessly pushed away from his eyes, which were framed in long eyelashes made spiky from the water. And his chest was gleaming with rivulets of water that the sun was playing off in a way Nick hadn’t thought possible outside of indie films made by sexually repressed artistic types. He caught himself and had to laugh again. Maybe  _he_  was getting a little sexually repressed. But he was faithful, even if the relationship was fake. Nick was too well aquatinted with what infidelity could result in and wasn’t likely to try it out himself. Which was why Seiji was—unknowingly—charged with all of Nick’s might-be horny thoughts.  _It’s his fault for being so pretty,_  Nick thought, still amused. But he batted away all of that and let Seiji’s hand go when they were inside the house so they could go shower and get dressed.

It was an hour later when they were finally loaded into Robert’s car and on their way back to Kings Row. The radio was tuned to 103.5, quietly playing music as they pulled out of the garage.

“I was thinking we could try driving sometime, Nick,” Robert said.

“Driving?” Nick wasn’t picking up what he was putting down.

“Yes. It’s alright if you don’t want to, but a drivers license can be a very handy thing to have.”

“Oh,” Nick said, realizing that Robert meant  _he_  should try driving sometime. “I don’t have a car, so it’s not really…”

“I could teach you in this,” Robert wasn’t understanding why Nick not having a car was relevant. Even with a license, when would he ever use it? But, wait, had Robert just said—

“ _This_  car?”

“Sure, why not?”

“No way! I’d crash it!” Nick protested, heart beating fast at thought of it. He might be clueless about cars, but he was sure this car was a  _really_  nice,  _really_  expensive one. Robert laughed.

“Son, if I can teach Jesse to drive without totaling my car, I’m sure I can teach you.”

Nick still didn’t see the point of it, but the offer filled him with a sort of affection. Esme had never had any interest in teaching Nick to drive; he’d always assumed that when he learned it’d be from a friend or a course once he was an adult. He’d never considered that he had another parent who might teach him, even when Robert had come into his life. It was strange to him just how into the parenting stuff Robert was. He’d come to almost every fencing match and offered to coach him, but part of Nick had thought that was as much about  _fencing_  as it was about Nick. But this…it was like teaching your kid how to play catch. It was a normal part of being a dad. And it had nothing at all to do with fencing.

“I guess we can try,” Nick said skeptically. “But I really don’t think putting me in this car is a good idea.”

“Mom taught me to drive in her old Maserati,” Seiji said, and Nick nodded. An old car seemed much more sensible to learn in. Even if he had no idea what a Maserati was.

“Her red convertible?” Robert asked, surprised. Seiji nodded gravely.

“Motivation not to crash,” Seiji explained, and Nick understood that whatever the hell a Maserati was, it was very important to Mrs. K.

“She’s had that thing for longer than she’s had you.”

“I sometimes wonder if she likes it better than she likes me too.”

“Oh, no doubt about it,” Robert said seriously, but a moment later he was laughing. And Seiji laughed too. Just a little. But Nick couldn’t blame him. Mrs. K liking anything more than she loved Seiji? That  _was_  a funny joke.

They drove a while longer, the radio providing the only source of sound in the car. Nick watched Robert’s hands on the wheel, watched how they responded to the road around the car, and he felt a little nervous about learning to do that. It wasn’t something he’d ever considered before since it had been such a far off concern that it didn’t matter. But now that it was a real and relatively immediate thing, he couldn’t stop thinking about how complicated driving seemed. And about how you were just expected to hurtle down roads in metal death machines going dangerously fast and hope that everyone else doing the same would obey the constructed rules of driving and traffic.

He tried to stop thinking about it too hard. Instead, he picked up on the way Robert’s fingers would tap on the wheel every time they stopped at a light. And how his profile seemed a little tense. Nick thought he was nervous too, but he sincerely doubted it was about driving. There seemed to be very few things Robert got nervous about and they tended to be about either Nick or Esme.

“Hey,” Nick said, realizing something. “We never got a chance to talk about the paternity thing. I got distracted by the pool.” The only time he’d left it once they’d gotten in after lunch had been to brave the outdoor bathroom by the pool, which had been so dark and full of creepy crawlies he’d regretted not just holding it.

Robert’s posture went rigid before relaxing again. Bingo. That  _was_  what he’d been stressed about.

“We can talk about it later,” Robert said easily, and Nick saw his eyes flicker to the rearview mirror.

“It’s fine, we can just do it now. I’d fill Seiji in on everything anyway, so it’s no big deal.” Beside him, Seiji sharply turned his head from his polite contemplation of the scenery out his window to look at Nick.

Robert nodded thoughtfully, then smiled. “A convenient timesaver, then. Alright, let’s get into it. It should be easy to prove paternity, but your mother could provide a holdup.” Of course she could. “It’s possible I’d have to ask for a subpoena to order Esme to give the court your medical history.”

“Why can’t they just do a DNA test or something? Why does Mom have to be involved at all?”

“She’s your legal guardian. We need her consent for any of that. And your medical history is the first step, such as the date of your birth compared to my testimony of relations with Esme,”  _ew. “_ Yes, I know,” Robert laughed, having spotted Nick’s face in the rearview mirror. “But that’s how these things go. The DNA test is the last step and will ultimately be what proves that you’re my son.”

“Okay. So have you gone to court yet?”

“I’ve got an appointment on Monday.”

“And Mom…does she know?”

“Yes, I hope you don’t mind, but I thought it was the decent thing to tell her.” Nick winced. It was the decent thing, but _he hadn't_  done it. He’d let Robert take care of it. What kind of shitty son  _was_  he? “She won’t agree to giving me the evidence of my paternity, such as your birth certificate. Which is why I’m thinking a subpoena might be in order.”

Nick nodded, then wasn’t sure Robert had seen it. “Okay.”

“If you’re uncomfortable with that, I can try negotiating with Esme some more.”

“No, that could only make it worse,” Nick said.

“If you’d rather I cancel my appointment, I can.”

“No, that’s okay,” Nick said and Robert’s shoulders became noticeably less tense. It was crazy that he wanted this so bad.

“And, one more thing,” Robert started, more hesitant than he had been this whole drive.

“Yeah?”

“Once I have proof of paternity, the sooner afterward that I petition for partial custody, the more likely it is that I’ll win it.  _If_  we even wanted that.”  _We,_  he’d said, like Nick wasn’t the one holding things up. “It won’t look good to the court if, once I know you’re my son, I don’t try to get custody right away. So if you’re not ready to give me an answer on that in the next month or so, you need to tell me before I start in on this process.”

Ice went down Nick’s spine. A time limit. If he said now that he wasn’t sure, that he didn’t know what he wanted, he could stall for more time. They could call off this paternity thing on Monday and stay exactly as they were now. But he’d have to make a decision eventually. It wasn’t fair to Robert that Nick wouldn’t commit. Maybe a time limit was what he needed.

“I say let’s get this paternity thing proven.”


	26. Chapter 26

Nick had thought he could do it. He really, really had. But apparently, he wasn’t even capable of giving a yes or no answer. Apparently, that was just too fucking hard for him.  _God, I need to get my shit together._  But he couldn’t do that, either. Over the week, he’d just been falling apart more and more. He wasn’t completely sure what was going on between Robert and Esme but he knew that paternity had yet to be proven. Which seemed odd to him. Robert had said it would be easy. And the longer it drew out, the more worried he got. He just wanted it over with. But he also wanted it to keep on like this because it was buying him time. Time to decide which parent he would choose.

 _It should be Mom, I should say no to custody._ But it wasn’t that easy to let go of his dad—a dad that  _wanted_  him. He’d only know Robert three months but he didn’t want to go back to life without him, or to a life where Robert resented Nick for rejecting him.  _But Mom._

He wished he knew what was going on. Robert was being unusually tight-lipped about the process. And Esme…every time Nick talked with his mom, it was accusations that he was letting Robert take him, it was warnings against falling for Robert’s ‘nice act,’ it was reminders about who had raised him, and what that had taken. He couldn’t even bring himself to ask her about the paternity thing. She’d take that poorly, he knew.

Nick checked his phone again, as he had been every couple minutes since practice had ended. They were so close to winning it all, but Nick couldn’t be as excited about it as he should be. Not even fencing could lift this weight off his chest and he was starting to worry it would actually crush him. If fencing couldn’t cheer him up, what could?

“Is everything alright?” Seiji asked, fresh from the shower and already in his pajamas. Nick shook his head.

“It’ll be fine,” he sighed. “I’m just stressed, is all.”

“Any news from Robert on the paternity case?”

“Nope. I texted him ages ago, but nothing. What do you think could be wrong?”

“I don’t know,” Seiji answered honestly.

“And why won’t he just tell me? I could take it.”

“I’m sure you could. But Robert probably doesn’t want to worry you.”

“That backfired.”

“I can tell. Still, I believe he has good intentions.”

“You’re just saying that because you like him.” Nick hadn’t meant to say it as an accusation. Seiji was taken aback. He had every reason to be; it made no sense for there to be anger in those words. Nick liked Robert too. And it wasn’t like there was anything wrong with thinking the best of someone you admired. “Sorry, I’m just mad at him.” Nick hadn’t realized it until he said it, but it was true. He was pissed.

“You have a right to know what’s wrong,” Seiji said, nodding. “He should tell you.”

“He never tells me what he and Mom talk about, and I wish he would. How am I supposed to make this custody decision if I don’t know everything?”

“You’re over-complicating it.”

“What do you know?” Again, the anger in his voice took them both by surprise. He couldn’t stop it. “You don’t know what it’s like. You don’t understand what it’s like to have a mom that never wanted you, that tries so hard to love you and do right by you even though you remind her of the man that destroyed her. Your mom sees  _you_. My mom sees a mistake.” It wasn’t fair to say it. It wasn’t fair to Seiji, who was just trying to make Nick feel better. And it wasn’t fair to Esme, who really _did love_  Nick and did her best for him. But sometimes it just felt like she saw Robert first, then Nick. “I messed up her life so bad, Seiji, you just  _can’t_  understand that. I owe her everything. I don’t want to prove her worst fears right. And Robert—I’ve thought for ten years that he didn’t want anything to do with me. That he’d never want me. And now he does. But what if I’m not what he wants me to be? What if I fuck up? What if I don’t give him the answer he wants and he doesn’t want me at all? There’s a lot going into this stupid decision so don’t fucking tell me I’m  _over-complicating_  it!”

Seiji was frozen in place, watching Nick in complete shock. Nick’s chest was heaving and he realized with alarm where this was going. Judging from the dawning panic on Seiji’s face, he saw it too.

“Don’t take this the wrong way,” Seiji said, which prompted Nick to make a sound approximating a laugh.  _This ought to be good_ , he thought. “But if you start crying, I’ll have no idea what to do with it.”

Nick nodded, “I know. You don’t have to do anything. I mean, you can just ignore me until it’s over.”

Seiji regarded him a moment, but Nick was hardly paying attention. Stress and exhaustion and months of worry washed over him and it needed an out. As tears started collecting in earnest, he registered Seiji shaking his head and he muttered, “ignore you,” with a distasteful look before turning.

Nick didn’t mind. Really. This was more than Seiji had signed up for. Nick sat heavily on his bed, bent over himself, let it out. He didn’t notice that Seiji had returned until the moment a heavy mass was deposited over his shoulders. Confused, Nick looked up to find Seiji frowning down at him. Hands on hips, he looked to be dissatisfied with something. Hesitant, Nick reached up to his shoulders to touch the soft fabric Seiji had wrapped him in. One of those weighted blankets.

“It always makes me feel better,” Seiji said shortly, unabashedly. Nick couldn’t help the spluttering laugh as he pulled the thing tighter around him, its weight, indeed, oddly reassuring. The thought of Seiji using this blanket as a means to  _feel better_  was an endearing one. _Of course_  Seiji would have a comfort blanket—the guy was always cold.  _Of course_  he’d have a weighted blanket—the guy didn’t like being touched, but who didn’t like the feeling of being hugged? Still, it only distracted Nick from his worries for so long before the tears were back full force. Seiji watched him carefully, as if trying to decide what should be done now. The fact that Seiji was trying to help, that he wasn’t ignoring Nick despite being given express permission to do so was enough to make Nick pull himself together a moment.

“Thanks, Seiji, I’ll be okay.”

“Obviously you’ll be okay,” Seiji said, tone flat and dismissive as usual, “people don’t die of crying. And, honestly, you shouldn’t be the one worrying so much about this all. Robert and your mom will figure it out. They’re the adults, they’re the ones with the means to make it all work.”

“But that’s the problem,” Nick said, trying not to cry harder, for Seiji’s sake. “I can’t do shit about it right now, and it’s _my life_  that they’re ‘figuring out.’ I’m the one who has to live with the consequences of whatever actions they take. And I don’t get a say in whatever is happening because they won’t tell me. I hate it. So—fucking—much.” He couldn’t stop the sobs now and he could sense Seiji’s discomfort.

Then he felt Seiji’s weight dip his mattress as he sat down right next to Nick. Startled more by this than the blanket, Nick stared openly at him. Seiji pursed his lips, looking hard at Nick, then nodded. It would have been easy to believe that whatever decision that had just been made was one of objectivity and calculation if not for the faint blush on Seiji’s face as he spoke carefully.

“My mother would, no doubt, offer you a hug. No, that’s not accurate. She wouldn’t ask or give you any sort of a choice in the matter.” Nick just continued staring at Seiji through his blurry vision.

“Are you…offering me a hug?” He asked slowly. Seiji didn’t answer immediately. Again, Nick felt like he was being examined, analyzed, considered as a problem to be solved. Finally, Seiji shook his head, just once.

“No,” he said, and the weight distribution on the bed was shifting already. “I’m not giving you a choice either.” It happened quickly, likely exactly as Seiji had planned. Seiji had grabbed him, pulled him in towards the center of the bed, arranged them both so that Nick was sitting, shocked and disheveled, between Seiji’s legs, pulled tight against a solid chest as Seiji’s entire body seemed to cocoon him.

Nick could not have predicted that Seiji would  _ever_  hug him, but as unexpected as it was, he accepted it gratefully, wrapping his arms around Seiji and balling handfuls of his stupid blue nightshirt in his hands. And he cried. Ugly, terrible sobs escaping him like manifestations of all the stress he’d been trying to keep under control for so long. And Seiji let him. He sat there and held Nick as he cried all over him without complaining at all. When Nick had calmed down a sufficient amount to allow for sound beyond that of his cries, Seiji started to speak. Tentative and soft, like he half expected Nick to explode at him again.

“You’re right; I  _don’t_  know what you’re going through. I can’t even imagine being in your position, or having grown up as you did. I don’t know about any of it. But I do know Robert, and you’re right that I like him. I do. I’ve known him for about as long as you believed he wouldn’t want you. Growing up, I talked more with him than with my own dad. He’s very important to me and I feel like I know him well enough to say this, so please listen. Robert is a good man. One of the best I’ve ever met, despite his mistakes. And he loves you. He would never abandon you or decide you weren’t good enough because you don’t give him the answer he wants. Tell him to call off the paternity deal and he will. Tell him you don’t want him to have custody and he won’t bring it up again. But he won’t stop wanting you. Sometimes you  _can’t_  be what your parents want you to be or do what they’d like you to do. But the good ones love you anyway. And Robert’s one of the good ones. I don’t know your mom so I can’t speak for her, but you don’t need to worry so much about Robert. He’ll be okay, no matter what. You will be, too.”

“I’m sorry I yelled at you.”

Seiji laughed, a full, round laugh. Nick thought it might be just about the best thing he’d ever heard. “Is that all you’ve got to say?” Seiji asked.

“Yeah. It’s all I know how to say right now.”

“Okay.”

“Thank you. I feel better now.” And he did. He knew what he had to do, even if it would suck having to actually do it.

“You should call Robert. You should make him bring you along to court or to talk with your mother or to do whatever it is he’s doing without you. If you push hard enough, I’m sure he’ll give in.”

“Yeah, I think I’ll do that.” And he would. But not yet. Because Seiji wasn’t pushing him away and he wanted this comfort for just a little while longer. All his troubled seemed a lot less terrible from where he was, wrapped in Seiji’s arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey look at me, expanding my horizons. This time there was crying WITHOUT kissing!


	27. Chapter 27

It had taken some tricky negotiating with the principal and all of Nick’s teachers, as well as Coach Williams and, to a lesser extent, Harvard and the team. But Nick was allowed a week off school for  _personal reasons._  Principal Eisler and Coach Williams were in on the secret now, or else Robert wouldn’t have been allowed to pull him out of school, but his teachers and his team—save for Seiji, obviously—were only told he had personal issues to attend to.

Nick was in his room, finishing up packing when Seiji slipped in. He was missing breakfast to be back here and Nick hoped he’d sneak some food into first period or something to make up for it.

“I can’t believe you’re still packing. Robert will be here in twenty minutes.”

“I’m a mess, I know,” Nick grinned and Seiji sighed.

“You wear it like a badge of honor.”

“You know you love me.”

“Is that right?” Seiji asked dryly, and Nick laughed into the shirt he was giving a smell check. It was good enough, so he shoved it in his bag.

“Yeah, it is. Try not to wither away from loneliness while I’m gone.”

“I’m sure I’ll survive.” The room fell quiet. Then Seiji asked, “Nicholas?”

“Yeah?” Nick looked up.

“You should make the choice for  _you_ ,” Seiji said, surprising Nick. “You have to trust that your parents will be okay with whatever you decide about custody so long as it’s what you want. You can’t make such an important decision based on other people, Nicholas. This is about you. Let it be about you, just this once.”

“Easy for you to say,” Nick smiled, shrugged. But they’d already had this conversation, so there was no need to get into it again. Especially since he didn’t think he’d be getting a hug out of it this time.

“I know,” the corner of Seiji’s lips quirked up. “My mom is the best. But have I ever told you about my dad?”

“Just that he’s got important stuff to do,” Nick said, not able to believe that Seiji was openly talking about anything without Nick having to pry.

“Yes, and he’s had important stuff to do all my life. We don’t talk much. He’s often on business trips or working late and our schedules have clashed since I was five. When he found out about you—that I’ve got a boyfriend, he…” Seiji took a deep breath, grounded himself. “I could feel that something had changed. I’d always, in the back of my head, worried that it would. I didn’t trust him to be okay with it. With me. But we talked recently. And he told me he wouldn’t wish such a hardship on his child—which is not the most helpful mentality.”

“Yeah, that’s bullshit. Homophobia wrapped in love.”

“It feels like that at times,” Seiji said and he sunk down to the floor to sit by Nick. “But it  _does_  come from a place of love. And he’s getting better. I thought—I was scared that he’d be upset. But he only worries for me. Overall, he’s okay with it. And he’s getting more okay with it, the more he gets used to it. He’s even started to let go of the worry. My point here is that it’s been a concern of mine since middle school and I wondered, at times, if it wouldn’t be easier to just give him what I thought he wanted of me. A daughter-in-law and grandchildren, all of it,” Seiji said it so casually it kind of made Nick want to hug him. It was hard to think of Seiji contemplating hiding or changing himself for anyone else, and it made Nick’s heartache for the younger Seiji that had thought he needed to do that. “I didn’t trust him to accept me. And I know I’m lucky he does, that not everyone gets that from their parents. But I think you have to trust them to be okay. You need to be whatever you need to be or chose whatever you need to choose. We’re the ones left to live with ourselves after all is said and done.” Then Seiji’s tone lightened and he shrugged. “Besides, in the end, I am the way I am and I’m perfectly content with that.”

Nick stared at Seiji for a long moment, and eventually, Seiji raised his eyebrows.

“What?”

“I’m waiting for a wisecrack about how  _you_  have some problems with the way I am. A couple suggests on self-improvement, perhaps.”

“You’ll be waiting forever, then,” Nick said, shoving Seiji’s shoulder lightly with his own. “But I do have one request.”

“I’m feeling generous so I’ll hear it today.”

“About your dad finding out and stuff—next time you’re worried over something like that, tell me.”

“Why? You’ve got enough going on already.”

“Seiji. Promise me.”

“Fine, I’ll endeavor to burden you further with even more problems that shouldn’t be yours to carry.”

“Thanks.” Nick zipped up his bag and stood, heaving it up on a shoulder as he offered his free hand to Seiji. Seiji took it easily. This sort of thing was a habit they’d developed and it was telling that Seiji didn’t even roll his eyes at Nick for the unnecessary offer of help.

“But you need to promise me something in return,” Seiji told him, not letting go of his hand once they were up, effectively trapping Nick in place.

“What?”

“Make the choice that’s right for you. Please.”

“I’ll do what’s right, don’t worry.”

But Seiji looked worried anyway as Nick gave him a smile and slid his fingers from his grasp so he could leave.

***

“I should warn you what the situation is before we get to your mother’s,” Robert told Nick once he’d slid into the passenger seat.

“Yeah,” Nick said, not even bothering to hide that he was annoyed Robert hadn’t thought he should warn Nick of anything until just now.

“It’s only a minor hiccup,” Robert started, obviously nervous.

“A hiccup that hasn’t gone away in  _over a week?”_

“Yes, well. I’ll admit it’s got us in a bind as far as the court goes, but we’ll get past that soon enough. I just want you to know that Esme is intentionally stalling the process.”

“That doesn’t surprise me.”

“The biggest time-eater has been her refusal to agree to a court date—,”

“I thought she wasn’t needed at court for this?”

“She wasn’t,” Robert frowned, knuckles going white on the steering wheel. “But she got herself involved after the subpoena. The main thing she’s doing is claiming that she can’t make the appointment so it gets pushed back, but then something will come up and prevent her from making that one either. But she can’t do it forever.”

“Sure,” Nick said, “but what did she do to get involved?” Nick could only imagine, and none of the things he came up with were very appealing.

“She’s challenged some of the claims I made in the affidavit I submitted to the court. And she’s made some claims of her own, though she was not under oath when she did,” Robert frowned. “I’d like to think she wouldn’t lie if she had been under oath.” Nick honestly wasn’t sure if she would or not and he didn’t care. He was more concerned with the details.

“Claims?”

“Yes. She’s saying that there was…another man, around the same time as me.”

Nick’s heart jolted as he realized the implication of that. “But she told me,” he said, panic slipping into pleading. “She _told me_  you’re my dad. Years ago. Why would she lie about that?”

“I don’t think she would,” Robert soothed. “She’s just saying it now to hinder the process.”

“But—.” But what if she wasn’t?

“Don’t worry about it, Nick. If there was any truth to her claims, she’d make it to one of the court dates and give more details. She’d let us do a DNA test to prove her story. The fact that she’s stalling is clear evidence that she knows I’m your father.”

“Right. Okay. Yeah.” But Nick’s brain fuzzed and churned with worry, tuning out any other conversation starters Robert tried. It had never occurred to him to even worry about this. He’d thought it was so plain to see that he was Robert’s—illegitimate—son. They were left-handed, they were fencers, Nick had inherited some of Robert’s strengths and style in fencing. Even Seiji had seen it. Robert  _had_  to be his dad. But…oh god, what if he wasn’t? What if Nick had spent months with a total stranger? What if they did the DNA test and it turned out that Robert had nothing to do with Nick?

“Nick? We’re here.”

“Oh,” Nick pulled out of his thoughts. Had he fallen asleep? The drive had seemed really short. Maybe because he’d been dreading the destination so much. He felt like shit for thinking it. He hadn’t seen his mom since fall break. But he knew this wasn’t going to be a pleasant visit.

To Nick’s surprise, Esme pulled him into a fierce, possessive hug the moment she’d opened the door for them.

“Hi, Mom,” he said into her hair and for a moment he felt immense relief. He felt like he was still a kid, when a hug from your mom could fix any problem in the world.

“Nicholas, baby, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Nick had no idea what she was sorry before, but she was rarely the type to apologize. And whatever it was, he’d forgive her. He should have recognized it for what it was.

“I didn’t want to hurt you, but you see now, don’t you?” She pulled away to hold him at arm’s length. “Robert isn’t your dad. I should never have lied to you about it.”

It was like a slap to the face and the whiplash of emotions sent Nick stumbling backward. Right into Robert.

“Esme, is this really necessary?” Robert asked, his voice hard.

“You’re the one who saw fit to steal my son. You never even asked me if he was yours.”

“Because I already knew he was.”

“You don’t know shit,” Esme spat, wrapping an arm around Nick’s shoulders and drawing him into the house. “I know this is hard,” she told him quietly. “I know you liked him. I tried to keep you from getting attached so this wouldn’t happen. But now that he’s demanding you do his stupid DNA test, I have to tell the truth.”

“Mom,” Nick said. He felt a little dizzy. “You’ve said all my life that Robert’s my dad. Why would you lie?”

“Oh, honey,” Esme said gently, “you could never understand the grief I felt when your father left me—,”

“When  _Robert_  left you.”

“No, when your  _father_  left me. And so soon after that bastard,” a jerk of her head towards Robert, “had used me and thrown me away. I was so lost and upset and alone, you can’t imagine. When you asked me about your dad, I got so turned around. I wanted you to have someone to look up to, not some nobody who ended up in prison. I just couldn’t bring myself to tell you the truth.” Nick frowned. It wasn’t like her to imply Robert was a good role model.

“Cut the crap, Es,” Robert sounded like he’d run out of patience. Nick didn’t think he’d ever heard that happen. He’d never seen the anger in Robert that shone through his eyes now. “Your story has completely changed. There is no other man, in prison or otherwise. Let’s settle this like adults instead of playing these mind games with our son.”

“ _My_  son.”

“ _Our_  son.”

“Stop,” Nick whispered into the silence before the storm. Their heads turned to him, waiting. Expectant. “Mom, can’t you just go to the court thing?”

A flash of hurt before she replied. “Why? We should forget all this nasty business. The sooner we do, the better.”

“Mom, please?”

“You’d take the side of a stranger over your own mother’s?”

“We’re scheduled to talk with a judge at noon tomorrow,” Robert said, calm again and cutting in before Nick had to come up with something to say to that. “It’s what we agreed on last week.”

“You have the late shift on Tuesdays,” Nick turned to his mom. “We can make it, can’t we?”

“Nicholas…I think it’s for the best if you tell him to drop this custody stuff.”

“Not custody,” Nick said quickly and he didn’t miss the wince from Robert over that. “Just proving that he’s my dad. That’s it. That’s all we’re asking. Can you please go talk with the judge? And give your consent for a DNA test and stuff?”

“He’s not your dad,” Esme repeated, impatient and annoyed that she wasn’t being believed. Nick sighed.

“Robert,” he turned to his dad now, hoping he could see the apology in Nick’s eyes. “Could you pick us up tomorrow? We’ll be ready.”

“We aren’t going,” Esme hissed.

“Let me grab your bag and I’ll let you and your mom catch up.”

“Thank you.” Nick deflated as soon as Robert had left, his fancy car pulling away from the curb where it didn’t belong at all. He wondered how the hell Robert and Esme had even met. How they’d even worked.  _Obviously, they_ didn’t _work,_  he reminded himself bitterly. But that was for the best. Because Robert belonged with Sam— _those two_  worked. Why had Robert ever cheated on Sam? He didn’t understand it. He wished Robert hadn’t. If Robert and Esme had never met, he wouldn’t have to deal with any of this now. It was unfair that they had. That they’d  _worked_  just long enough to make it his problem.

“He’s a very charming man, isn’t he?” Esme asked, coming up to stand by the window with Nick, still staring down the road Robert’s car had turned off of. “But if you knew him like I do, you’d be glad he isn’t your dad. It’s for the best, you’ll see.”

“He’s really good to me, Mom. I  _want_  him to be my dad. And I’m sorry that you don’t want him to be, but he is.”  _Please let that be true._  “And I want us to prove paternity.”

“It’s just a trap, Nicholas. Paternity to custody. He’s trying to steal you. But he can’t; you’re not his to take.”

“Mom—,”

“No, that’s enough of that. I’ve got to go to work now, I took an early lunch to be home for you.”

“Alright,” Nick knew he couldn’t keep her from work. Money didn’t come from nowhere. “I’ll see you tonight.”

And just like that, Nick was left in his house, familiar in its emptiness. He thought about calling Robert but didn’t think that he would be too happy about that since Nick had just sent him away. So he pulled his duffle into his room and sat on his bed, pulling out some of the classwork he needed to catch up on for all the school he was missing to be here. He was able to focus on it for an hour or so.

Bored, he checked his phone, found a new text from  _Jester Coster_  complaining about the food at Exton which was, apparently, no better than the cafeteria food at Kings Row. He sent back a gif of some raccoons eating trash, captioned  _you could always eat with your brothers._  It wasn’t even a minute before Jesse replied:  _you’re my brother…_  And Nick laughed, texting:  _shit I walked right into that one didn’t I? I call being the raccoon on the left. The asshole one stealing from all the others is you._ He got back very deliberately spaced  _ha ha ha_ ’s. With nothing else to say there, Nick scrolled through his other recent messages. His eye caught on Seiji’s log and he clicked it open. But what was there to say? Besides, they’d just talked this morning. So he turned off his phone and went back to homework.

It was early evening when Nick’s mom came home, Chinese takeout dangling from one arm. Nick hurried to take it from her so she could get out of her work clothes. She gave him a tired smile before disappearing into her room. This was all so familiar and yet oddly distant. It was so different now, living at Kings Row. He wondered if his mom ever got lonely, going through their routines alone in an empty house. Nick knew  _he_  was always lonely in their empty house.

“Why don’t you queue up a  _Star Trek?_ ” Esme called through the thin walls. “I’ll be out in one minute.”

“Already on it!” Nick called back, scooping up the remote to their simple little TV and finding the hoard of recordings they had. He picked one at random and paused it on the opening screen.

Soon Esme joined him on the couch and they ate their dinner and watched their show and Nick felt homesick for this. It had been ages since they’d had a meal together, even when he lived here full time. Their schedules were packed and, more often than not, Nick had eaten in his room, doing homework while Esme skipped dinner in favor of sleeping. She picked up extra shifts all the time and it showed in the bruises under her eyes. She really did do a lot for him.

“Mom?” Nick knew for sure that he was doing the right thing.

“Hm?”

“I just want to prove Robert’s paternity. That's really it. I’ll tell him I don’t want custody. I’ll tell him to drop it if you’d just…” Nick squeezed his eyes shut, opened them again. “Nothing has to change. I won’t leave you. I wouldn’t ever, you know that.” She had to know that. “But can we go get a DNA test done for this paternity thing? I just want to know who I am for sure. Please?”

Esme regarded him for so long he was sure she’d say no. But she gave a tight incline of her head. “I’ll go tomorrow if you really want me to. But I won’t promise anything more than that.”

“Okay. Okay, thank you,” Nick was relieved she’d agreed to go, but he couldn’t bring himself to feel happy over the bargain he’d struck. He closed his eyes and Seiji appeared there in his mind, arms crossed and eyes frowning. Nick batted the image—and his bad feelings—away.

_I did what was right._

_***_

Nick was allowed to accompany his parents to talk with the judge. Esme stuck to her story about another man being Nick’s real father, but Robert and Nick both gave testimonies while under oath—something Esme had refused—that suggested Robert  _was_  Nick’s dad, and so it was decided that a DNA test would be used to conclude Nick’s true parentage. When it was all over, Robert took Nick out for a late lunch. Guiltily, Nick was happy Esme had gone straight to work when they’d dropped her at home or he would probably have stayed with her instead.

Nick picked at his burger, stomach churning with too many emotions to allow for eating. It was properly chilly now, but Nick had wanted to eat out on the patio, away from the claustrophobic buzz of other people all around him. He felt kind of sick and had hoped the fresh air would help. So far, it hadn’t.

“You alright, Nick?” Robert asked. “I’ve never known you to resist a burger for so long.” Nick shrugged. “Not up to your standards?”

“I don’t really have standards,” Nick said with an attempt at humor. Robert smiled, but he wasn’t buying it.

“What’s on your mind?”

“I don’t know. A lot, I guess.”

“Want to talk about it?” Again, Nick shrugged. “I’m listening,” Robert said but didn’t push.

“When will the DNA test be done?”

“We’ve got some paperwork to do and then we’ll have to go in to actually do it. After all that…” Robert thought on it. Nick liked that he did this. That he put such serious thought into Nick’s questions to give him the most accurate answer he could. “We’ll have our results by Friday is my best guess.” Robert’s best guesses had a remarkable way of being right. Nick nodded but didn’t say anything else until his burger had gone completely cold, only a single bite taken out of it.

“What if she’s telling the truth?”

“You’re asking about your mother’s story about Andrew?”

“What if he does exist? What if  _he’s_  my dad? What if I’m not actually your son?” It came out in a rush, all the words tumbling over each other.

“You  _are_  my son, Nick. I’m sure of it.”

“How? You only just met me. You can’t know that.”

“But I do know it,” Robert smiled and it irritated Nick that he seemed to think this was funny.

“I might not be, though,” Nick snapped.  _That_  got Robert’s smile to fade some. “And we won’t know until tomorrow. What happens if the test comes back and I’m not yours?” Robert leaned over the table and met Nick’s eyes, all crinkles gone from his.

“Then I’d have to drop the push for partial custody,” and though he said it clearly, Nick still wasn’t sure he understood. “But no matter what that test says, I’m not going anywhere. As long as you want me in your life, I’ll be here.”

“Even if you’re not my dad?”

“I know I am, but yes. Even if you’re not my son, I’m not leaving. Not unless you want me to.”

“I don’t,” Nick said. “I don’t want you to.”

“Good.” Robert’s eyes turned crinkly again. “Let’s order you a new burger, shall we? With extra pickles, to be safe.”

***

Robert pulled the phone away from his ear, tapping  _end call._ Nick watched him with anticipation. That wasn’t the face of a man who’d just received bad news. When Robert looked up from his phone and found Nick watching, he smiled big and bright and Nick knew even before he said a word.

“The results are in. We’ve got our proof!” He boomed a laugh, catching Nick in a quick half-hug. “Didn’t I tell you, kiddo? You’re my son, sure as day.”

Nick couldn’t help but laugh too. It was an immense relief to know and a worry he hadn’t realized had weighed on him so heavily until now lifted away from him. His mom had lied about Andrew. Robert was his dad.  _Robert was his dad._  He felt giddy with happiness and half of it had to be from how happy Robert was about it. Nick didn’t think he’d seen a smile quite like this from Robert outside of a newspaper clipping.

But then his eyes slid from Robert and to his mom. Her hands were clenched together so tight her veins were popping and her face looked like it had been drained of all possibility of happiness. Nick sobered up. Here he was celebrating his relationship with the man that’d broken his mom. And she sat at their shabby little table by the kitchen, gaunt and stricken, watching them. Nick was aware that Robert’s arm was still casually flung around his shoulders. He was about to slip away, about to go sit with his mom. But Robert hadn’t noticed the sudden change in his mood.

“I think since we’re all here we ought to discuss the possible next step,” Robert started, and Nick cringed at how hopeful he sounded. “I’d still like to petition for partial custody. Assuming that we decide to go ahead with that—,”

“ _We?”_  Esme snarled, her gaunt expression turning feral in an instant. “Don’t patronize me, Robert, you don’t care what anyone else says. You don’t care what anyone else wants. You never have. You do what you want because you’re incurably selfish. There is no  _we_  in this. I’ve said since the beginning that I don’t want you anywhere near Nicholas, but have you listened? No!”

“Esme, be reasonable,” Robert said. Nick ducked away from under his arm, retreating to neutral territory next to the window.

“Be reasonable? What part of any of this had been reasonable? When have you ever been reasonable to me? I don’t want you in my life and I don’t want you in my son’s life, and that’s my say in  _our_  decision for your custody.”

“It’s not up to you,” Robert replied coolly. “Don’t you think you’ve punished me enough, Esme? I’m sorry, I really am. I shouldn’t have lied to you, I shouldn’t have done any of it, but you kept me away from my son for all his life. You took things from me I can never get back—his first steps, his first words, his entire childhood, Es! Don’t you think that’s revenge enough?” Robert’s voice was loud enough to fill the entire house. Nick was paralyzed. They’d been fine the last couple of days. Civil. It was the bargain he’d struck with his mom that had kept her in check, and Robert wasn’t the type to start these shouting matches. But now here it was and it was so much worse than it’d ever been before.

“What do you care? Nicholas is just a pawn to you, you don’t really care about him!” Esme shrieked. Nick winced from the piercing sound. And from the accusation. He’d heard it a dozen and some times by now but it still hurt every time she said it.

“Who between us uses him like a pawn? I’ve seen the way you jerk him around to get what you want. And what you want isn’t what’s best for Nick. What you want is to get back at me for hurting you, but all you’re doing is hurting  _him_.”

Robert’s words hung in the air, the atmosphere, already heavy with anger and mistrust and bad blood, had turned ice cold. This was an entirely new accusation, one Nick had never heard before. He didn’t like it. He didn’t like the way Robert was attacking his mom. He didn’t like that he was reminding Nick of Jesse right now, acting like the shit he’d done in the past had been made up for.

There was a terrible screech of wood on wood as Esme pushed out of her chair and marched over to Robert, fury and hurt in her eyes. The sharp  _snap_  of her hand flying across Robert’s face hadn’t finished echoing through the room before Esme had disappeared, the door to her room slamming shut. Nick felt shaky. Hell, he might actually be shaking. He stared wide-eyed at Robert, at the bright red handprint branding his cheek. His heart pounded as he watched, waiting for Robert to—what? Yell? Slam down Esme’s door? Nick didn’t know, but he was sure retaliation would come. And he’d have to stop it. If Robert tried to hurt his mom, he’d—

“It’s okay, Nick,” Robert’s voice was as careful and soothing as someone talking to a badly hurt child. “It’s over now. I’m sorry.” Something in Nick triggered, a switch that let all the worst, ugly, vile things he thought spill out of that locked-away corner of his brain.

“How am I supposed to forgive you?” Nick asked, shaky and mad all at once. Robert froze, surprised. “For any of it—how can I just be okay with what you did to Mom? You left her and you didn’t even care what that did to her! You never thought twice about it until I showed up. If I hadn’t, you wouldn’t care at all what had happened to her. She could have died, for all you cared.”

“Nick—,”

“And what about what you did to Sam? You obviously love her, so how could you cheat on her? How could you do that to her? You cheated on the person you love and you ruined my mom’s entire life to do it. What kind of person does that make you?”

“Not a very good one,” Robert sighed heavily and he looked tired. He looked weighed down with years of worry and sleepless nights and regrets. He looked like Nick’s mom usually did. Beaten down by life. “But I’m trying to be better. I promise I’ve grown since then. I know that doesn’t fix what I did. Nothing can. But I’m trying, Nick. I’m trying.”

“So I should just forgive you because you’re  _trying?”_  Nick asked, but his anger was already ebbing, giving way to something else.

“No. I’d like you to, but I understand that it’s more complicated than that.” Robert touched his cheek, glanced at Esme’s room. “I’ll understand if a part of you can never forgive me. But I am sorry. For what I did to everyone—Sam, Jesse, Esme, you. And I said something I shouldn’t have tonight. I’m sorry for that too.”

Nick bit the inside of his cheek, eyes stuck on Esme’s closed door.  _I’ve seen the way you jerk him around._ It was just the way she was. Her moods influenced their relationship, it had always been that way. Nick didn’t think it was fair to call it that like it was intentional and manipulative. To say he was a pawn in her revenge against Robert. He resented Robert for saying it. And he resented Esme for accusing Robert of using him in the same way. But… _fuck, again?_  Nick was angry to feel the tears prickling at the corners of his eyes.

“You don’t understand,” Nick said tightly and he remembered accusing Seiji of not understanding the last time he’d cried. “She’s been all I’ve had for so long. She’s my mom. I—,” his voice broke in a tiny sob that he swallowed down quickly. “I love her. I’m all she has. I can’t abandon her,” _like you did,_  the unspoken second half of the sentence hung heavy between them. “She needs me. And I need to be here for her like she’s always been here for me. She’s my  _mom_ ,” he said again, like that explained everything. Maybe it did. Robert nodded and tentatively collected Nick into a hug. Nick let him and Robert relaxed when he realized Nick wouldn’t push him away.

“I know,” Robert said. “You’re a good kid, looking after your mom so well.” Nick shook his head.

“I’m not.” A good kid wouldn’t be getting comfort out of a man that had hurt his mom. “But she’s all I have and she gave up a lot for me. What does legality matter?”

“I just want what’s best for you. I just want to be able to take care of you. But you’re right, I can already do what I need to do.” Robert told him gently. “It’s okay, I understand.”

Nick didn’t even have to say it. They both knew what he’d chosen, sure as day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> damn, this is a monster length chapter


	28. Chapter 28

“What do you want to do for tonight?” Robert asked after Nick had finally gotten himself back together. Nick watched Robert for any signs of anger but found none. He still just looked…tired. Nick could relate. It was dark out and this week had taken an emotional toll on everyone in the house. “You’re welcome to come stay at my place, or you could stay here with your mom. What would you like to do?”

“I want to go home,” it sounded like something a child would say and he said it exactly how a tired, homesick child might. Exhausted and small and with a hint of a whine. Robert nodded and, finally, Nick saw a flash of sadness, unable to be concealed behind the mask.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, then.” And he was already reaching for his coat, draped over one of the chairs around the table. Nick shook his head. He was so tired and everything felt all messed up and he didn’t know how to articulate what he wanted. Robert paused and Nick fought to find words.

“Kings Row,” he said. “I meant Kings Row. Could you take me there? Please,” he knew it was an unreasonable request. It was late and Kings Row was a long drive. They’d be going back there tomorrow in any case. Robert should tell him to sleep here tonight, that he could go back to school tomorrow.

But instead, Robert nodded and said, “Say goodbye to your mother and we can head out.”

It took no time at all to throw all his shit back in his duffle and send it to the car with Robert. Nick waited until he could see Robert installed in the driver’s seat before knocking on his mom’s door. She didn’t respond. He tried the knob but it was locked.

“Mom?” He called. “I’m going back to school.” Still no answer. But he could see her shadow under the door, so she had to be listening. She just wasn’t going to come out and say goodbye. Nick sighed. “‘Bye, then. I’ll see you over the next break, okay?” He let his hand fall away from the doorknob but he lingered next to it for a second more. “I love you.”

When he climbed into the car, the radio was already on and Nick settled into his seat. Looking at Robert, Nick could tell neither of them were in any emotional state to talk much. It seemed impossible that only an hour or two ago they’d been so happy.

***

“Sleep in tomorrow,” Robert said when they pulled up in front of Kings Row. It was the first time either had spoken since leaving Esme’s and the simple sentence made Nick think he might be sick.

“Sure, okay,” Nick said, ducking out of the car a little too fast.

“But don’t get used to it, we’ll be back on schedule next Saturday. Recuperate, it’s been a long week.” Nick tried not to show the relief he felt. Robert wasn’t canceling their Saturday morning fencing sessions, he was just offering a break.

“See you next week?” Nick couldn’t help but reaffirm. Robert smiled, small and tired, but still enough to crinkle the corners of his eyes.

“Yes,” he said. “You have everything?”

Nick did a once over but all he really had to keep track of was his duffle—check—and his phone—check. He nodded. “I’m all set.”

He started to make the trek to the dorms when the window rolled down.

“And Nick?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you, kiddo.” Robert said it so easily, like it was natural to love someone you’d only just met. He thought Seiji would tell him that’s what parents did. Loved you from the moment they met you. Loved you even when you hurt them. He didn’t think that was always true, but maybe it was for him and Robert.

“Yeah,” Nick said, offering up a tired but sincere smile of his own. “You too.”

Robert’s car didn’t pull away until Nick had made it into the dorms. The familiar air that hit him as he passed from the night into the building was such a comfort to him it was kind of insane. Being back here after a week away was better than it had any right to be. There was a warmth that started in his aching chest and spread through him. He was home. This was where he belonged. The shitty after-curfew lights flickered across the floors and halls and Nick could hear the rattling of the vents as they pushed cold air through the dorms even though it was teetering at the edge of winter and the AC should definitely have switched to heat by now. Nick grinned. It was so fucking good to be back.

Down at the end of the hall, door 108 stood before him and Nick fumbled with his keys to unlock it, pushing it open slowly because Seiji was so titchy about noise. He’d be fast asleep by now. It was nearing one in the morning. Seiji was  _also_  titchy about light, so Nick was sure to make the entrance narrow and keep the hall’s light from spilling into Seiji’s side of the room. Only, the light clearly illuminated Seiji anyway. Or, it had to be Seiji, though the light only caught on a pale ankle, a stretch of calf exposed by a hiked up pant-leg. A light blue pant-leg of soft cotton.

Nick was frozen in the door, stuck staring at the unexpected sight until his night vision kicked in and he was able to confirm that he wasn’t hallucinating. Seiji stirred, sighed softly, settled down again. Nick stepped the rest of the way into the room, closing the door and erasing all light from the room except for what shone in through the window. He didn’t want to wake Seiji up. But Seiji wasn’t where he was meant to be. He wasn't tucked neatly under covers with his head centered perfectly on a pillow. He was sprawled on top of a tangle of blankets and sheets, head bent at an angle to rest on a pillow he held lightly in his arms. And he wasn’t on  _his_  bed.

Nick set down his bag. Slipped off his shoes. Stared. Seiji was still there. On Nick’s bed.  _Holy shit, Seiji Katayama is on my bed._  Nick briefly thought of what Bobby would say about that. But he was overtaken by that same sensation of warmth he’d experienced from being back here. That feeling of coming home. And all other thoughts evaporated easily in that warmth, unimportant and small compared to this feeling.

Smiling softly at the sleeping form on his bed, Nick tugged one of the blankets free from under Seiji and climbed into bed next to him, nearer the wall where there was space for him. Seiji stirred again and, as Nick pulled the newly-freed blanket over both of them, Seiji’s eyelashes fluttered against his cheeks. And then he was awake. He stared blearily at Nick.

“It’s late,” he said, voice that particular way voices got when coming out of a dream. Nick could have sworn Seiji seemed a little pleased to see him. “I didn’t expect you to be back tonight,” and it would have been an accusation if not for how tired he was and how he blushed deeply even as he spoke. As it was, Seiji didn’t sound like he was accusing Nick of anything. Seiji sounded like he was welcoming Nick back.

But then Seiji’s eyes sharpened and widened. Without any hint of lethargy from sleep, Seiji sat up and was half out of the bed before Nick caught him, tugging him back into the mattress. Without thinking, Nick went even further than that and scooped Seiji into his arms. Seiji was tensed and undecided, allowing himself to be kept down but waiting for any reason to flee.

“No,” Nick said, reeling Seiji closer to him. “Stay. It’s fine. I won’t make fun of you in the morning or ask any questions if you’ll just stay here tonight. I just—I need you to stay.” The tension bled from Seiji. It appeared as though he’d made a decision. Readjusting, Seiji rolled in Nick’s arms to face him.

“Are you alright?” He asked, gentle and concerned and everything Nick had never thought Seiji could be. Nick burrowed into Seiji, shaking his head as he rested it against Seiji’s chest.

“I don’t know,” he said. He really didn’t. He didn’t know anything anymore. “I’m just tired.”

Seiji wrapped his arms around Nick, pulling him closer until they were locked together. Nick was startled to feel fingers brushing through his hair carefully but he melted at the touch. Surprising or not, it felt nice. It felt warm and safe and good just like being here did. Home. Kings Row. Room 108. Seiji.

“Then sleep.”


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so I was thinking that, yes, this is a long chapter but really, in the grand scheme of things, it's not _that_ long. Then I realized I've literally written fic shorter than this single chapter and that put things into perspective. Am I going to shorten it? No. This one actually needs to all be together so I can't split it up. Can I promise it will be the last monster chapter? Also no. I suspect there will be more that are crazy long as we try to wrestle this fic towards its ending. lmao thanks for reading!

Nick woke up. It was early as hell, judging by the dark room, but his alarm hadn’t gone off. Something had woken him, though. Nick heard Seiji moving about the room, but that couldn’t be what’d done it. Nick could sleep through anything and Seiji was quiet as a mouse. Nick readjusted in the bed but he couldn’t get comfortable without Seiji— _ah._  Seiji had woken him after all. But not with noise. With his absence. He’d be getting ready for fencing with Dmytro.

Nick sat up and strained to reach the duck curtain that separated his side of the room from Seiji’s. He only meant to move it a little to poke his head in on Seiji, but his limbs were heavy and clumsy with sleep and misjudged the force needed. The curtain ripped violently off the line,  _snap snap snap_  as the hooks lost their grip.

Oops.

Seiji jumped and spun towards the noise, a hand flying to his chest.

“Shit!” Seiji’s wide-eyed surprise didn’t last long, turning quickly to annoyance when he realized what had happened. Nick cackled in delight, mimicking Seiji’s jump and his hand clutching his chest. Scowling, Seiji dropped his hand and crossed his arms. “You scared me,” he snapped. “What was that about?”

“Just wanted to say good morning,” Nick shrugged, finally letting go of the curtain. It fell limply, draping down to the floor half-way down the line, where Nick’s yank had left the hooks unaffected.

“You’re a walking, talking disaster,” Seiji said, examining the curtain and the gap it had left between them. Nick didn’t deny it. Seiji shook his head and went back to getting ready for the day. Usually, Nick would be getting ready with him. He wondered why Seiji hadn’t woken him up. Then he realized that wasn’t Seiji’s style; he’d much rather sneak out of here after last night’s strange ordeal than wake Nick up. What would it have been like, though, to wake up next to Seiji instead of to an empty space where he’d been minutes before?

Seiji hoisted his bag onto his shoulder and shot one more look at Nick. “Good morning,” he said and Nick felt that warmth from last night spreading through him again. “Now go back to bed.”

And Nick did. After he’d watched Seiji leave, carefully shutting the door behind him.

***

When Nick woke again it was bright. Really bright. He groaned and stretched. He’d needed that sleep. Clumsily, he patted around the bed, looking for his phone to check the time but he couldn’t find it.

“It’s one ten.”

Nick looked up sharply to find the source of the voice. Seiji, of course. He’d recognized it. But he hadn’t expected to actually  _see_  the source. Seiji raised an eyebrow at him, looking amused at Nick’s confusion. His mind whirred for a moment, trying to put it all together. Seiji was sitting across the room on his bed, back against the wall and notebook propped against his knees. And Nick could see him there. From  _his_  bed.

The duck curtain.

Nick located the damage he suddenly remembered doing to their barrier this morning. Possibly even more confused, Nick looked back up to Seiji. Why hadn’t he fixed it? Seiji smirked.

“I’m not here to clean up your messes,” he said. Snide bastard. Nick stuck out his tongue as he finally sat up.

“I really slept twelve hours?”

“If you weren’t such a noisy sleeper, I might have worried you’d died.”

“Thanks,” Nick snorted then propelled himself out of bed and across the oddly open room to get to the bathroom. His mouth tasted like something had crawled in there and died. But not before throwing a killer party with all its little friends.

When Nick ambled back out of the bathroom feeling awake and minty fresh, he went to search for his allusive phone. It was probably out of charge by now.

“Hey,” he said, fishing down a crack between bed and wall, “you haven’t seen my—?” Nick turned to finish asking his question to Seiji’s face and found Seiji looking smug, dangling Nick’s phone from his fingers.

“I found it on the floor, moments away from death. I took pity on it and plugged it in.”

“You’re such a dork,” Nick laughed, hopping off his bed and over to Seiji’s. “But in a good way. Thanks for saving it,” he said, taking the phone and disconnecting it from Seiji’s cord.

“Aren’t you going to check it?” Seiji asked, watching as Nick slipped the phone into his pocket. Nick shrugged.

“Why?”

“Because it’s been twelve hours since you did and there’s probably a lot of messages by now.”

“Probably?” Nick prodded, grinning down at Seiji. He seemed almost to squirm.

“Texts have been coming in all day,” he said. “Your phone’s been buzzing nonstop.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“And who’s been texting me so much?”  _Aha, gotcha._  Seiji’s eyes slid away from Nick’s and to the wall, a sure sign he was guilty.

“I wouldn’t know,” Seiji said. “It’s not my phone.” He was such a terrible liar, it was kind of cute.

“Seiji.”

“Maybe you should check and see for yourself.”

“I’d rather have it out of you,” Nick grinned, planting himself on Seiji’s bed so that Seiji was looking at him instead of at the wall. He scowled.

“Jesse’s been texting you all day.”

That was weird. Nick pulled out his phone right away and saw that he had 32 texts from  _Jester Coster._ Clearly, Seiji had had no trouble figuring out Nick’s brilliant codename for his half-brother.

“Damn, that’s a lot of messages,” Nick muttered as he swiped to unlock the phone. Scrolling through them all, he was surprised at what he found. Questions. Lots and lots of questions.  _Why aren’t you at lunch today?_  And  _What the fuck happened last week? Dad looks like he didn’t sleep at all._ And  _Seriously, I’m worried. He’s like a zombie. What’s up with that?_  And  _Nick, for real. Tell me what’s wrong, Dad won’t say._  And more of the same just like it.

“I didn’t realize you two were so close,” Seiji said and Nick realized he’d been watching the whole time.

“We’re—,” he’d been about to say  _not._   _We’re not._  But that wasn’t really true anymore. He and Jesse texted all the time and were pretty solidly friends at this point. But he felt bad admitting that to Seiji. “Hey, there’s actually something I’ve been meaning to ask. About Jesse—,”

“I wonder what it could be,” Seiji said coolly and Nick saw him shift like he might get off the bed, never mind that it was _his bed_  and Nick was the intruder.

“You don’t have to tell me what happened,” Nick got out in a rush before shifting turned to moving _._  Seiji paused, genuine surprise on his face. “I asked Jesse about it but he wouldn’t say. Said he didn’t think it was his deal to tell, really. I respect that. I respect you. I don’t need to know any of it. But can you tell me this: do I need to hate Jesse?”

“You like Jesse,” Seiji said, “he’s your brother—half-brother—you shouldn’t hate him.”

“But if he did something to you, I would,” Nick said, completely serious. Seiji looked at him like he’d just announced he was moving to Mars.

“No,” Seiji finally said with a little shake of his head. “You don’t need to hate Jesse. It’s hard to hate him, anyway.”

“Really? I found it pretty easy to do.”

“That’s just because he didn’t like you,” Seiji told him. “But when he’s on your side…” Seiji’s eyes went far away, then hardened back into focus, zeroing in on Nick. “He’s magnetic and bright and impossible to ignore. You’ve fallen into it too, I’ve seen it.”

“Have I?”

“Yes,” Seiji frowned a little and Nick wasn’t sure why. But he knew there was something more here. “I can’t blame you for liking him, he’s always had this way about him that makes people love him, makes them want to make him smile. It’s why he’s such a dangerous friend. He’s got so many of them and they all adore him.” Seiji sighed, letting his head fall heavily against the wall. He wasn’t looking at Nick anymore, but across the room. “I was always his best friend, though. Since we first met. I’m not sure why, but he was determined to befriend me, despite my unsocial tendencies as a child.”

“As a child?” Nick couldn’t help the quip.

“Believe it or not, I was worse when I was younger,” Seiji smiled slightly. “He was the only kid my age Dmytro would let me fence. The only one at a high enough level.” Nick liked that he didn’t say it like he was bragging. Except, possibly, he was saying it in the matter-of-fact, could-be-pompous way he always said things like this. Maybe Nick just knew better now than to count this as bragging. “And he was persistent in winning me over. He did. Within the year we were inseparable. And we remained that way. But as we grew, he became ever more outgoing and charming and I stayed as uninterested in people as I’d ever been. It wasn’t a problem until middle school.”

Seiji’s eyes slid briefly back to Nick’s and, stupid as it sounded, it wasn’t until that moment that Nick understood. This was it. Seiji was going to tell him. All he could do was stare as Seiji pulled his knees closer to him, notebook now abandoned on the foot of the bed. Eyes closed lightly, Seiji went on.

“As I said, Jesse collects friends and followers without even meaning to. You just  _want_  to be around him, to make him happy. It’s a compulsion. I never minded sharing him. He was  _my_  best friend and all the others could only get so close before being shut down. Jesse collects friends but he doesn’t really return the friendship for most. But then middle school came and there was a whole social system that was new to him. And it was clear to anyone that Jesse should be at the top. It took a week for him to gain hoards of friends and climb his way to his throne. He told me all about it. And when I started at the same school the next year, as a byproduct of our friendship, I was dragged to the top too. But I…didn’t fit in with Jesse’s friends. And he cared about their opinions more than he’d ever cared about his old elementary school friends’.” Nick narrowed his eyes. He could guess where this might be going. Seiji’s eyes flitted open, saw Nick’s expression, and continued quickly. “It makes sense why I didn’t. I never made much effort. All I cared about was Jesse. All I saw was Jesse. And it didn’t help that I monopolized him, taking the role of his closest friend from all the other kids. I was younger, I was new to the school, and yet I took Jesse from all of them so easily.”

Seiji’s jaw shifted in a way that Nick recognized to mean he’d taken a bit of the inside of his lip between his teeth. A rare show of a nervous tick. His head turned without leaving the wall to look fully at Nick, the lightest shade of pink tinting his cheeks. Nick thought he knew what Seiji was going to say but he still couldn’t believe it when Seiji took a deep breath and spoke.

“I liked Jesse. I wonder sometimes if I loved him. He was my whole world outside of fencing.” Seiji laughed, a nervous, self-deprecating sort of laugh that didn’t suit him at all. “I never noticed I was  _different_. There was never a moment when I realized I was gay. I don’t even know when I became aware of a difference between liking boys or girls or both or neither. It didn’t matter because liking Jesse made so much sense. It was obvious in my mind that I should like him once I realized I did. I was seven, I think. I had a dream that we held hands on the top of the monkey bars and it just—it fit. And I thought nothing more of it. Because elementary is too young for confessions and dating. I never thought to tell him. I didn’t think to, even in middle school.”

“But it got out anyway, didn’t it?” Nick asked. Seiji nodded slowly.

“I’m not sure if he knew. He’s not stupid and I made no effort to hide my affection. Affection that was especially obvious to everyone because Jesse was the only one to whom I ever gave it. I was strange and distant and cold and most my peers thought I was a good many other things, too.” Nick could imagine what other things they’d thought Seiji. Mean, probably. Callus. Stuck up. Bitchy. Rude and abrasive. All the things people still thought he was. Nick was struck with the impulse to collect Seiji’s hand in his and give it a reassuring squeeze, the way he had a hundred times before. But he couldn’t. Because they were alone in their room and there was no one to fool with false love. “And middle schoolers are, objectively, the worst,” Seiji said and Nick laughed in surprise at the way Seiji had said it. He thought Seiji might have needed that laugh, his shoulders relaxing slightly and his eyes losing some of their tightness.

“They so are,” Nick agreed easily, even though he wasn’t really in the mood for levity. A little coil of dread was in his stomach, anticipation for the rest of Seiji’s story. It had all happened years ago, though. And Seiji was fine. Angry and hurt over it. But fine. And right now  _he_  needed levity. So Nick gladly gave it. “They’re mean and nasty, they think they know everything, and they smell bad. Like, it’s bad enough being trapped with a bunch of little snots, but some cruel trick of fate decided that wasn’t punishment enough. Nope, gotta throw in puberty and the stink factor to really make it the worst experience it can be.” Seiji tilted his head in agreement but stayed silent for a while. Nick let him. He knew a thing or two about needing to stall for time and he wouldn’t push this out of Seiji before he was ready to say it. Even if he decided against sharing the rest with Nick today. Even if he decided against sharing the rest with Nick ever.

“It was near the end of sixth grade that things got out of hand,” Seiji started up again, a little halting at first but he eased into it as he kept speaking. “Jesse’s friends were finally done tolerating me and decided to do something about it. It started with rumors, as things like that often do. Typical rumors, at first. The usual ones. I’m sure you’ve heard similar.” It twisted Nick’s guts that Seiji acknowledged the rumors about him in such a familiar way. That he knew they were rampant here too. That he expected Nick had heard them.

“So they were malicious bullshit from the start,” Nick seethed.

Seiji smiled at that, shrugging up a shoulder and saying, “I don’t know that they’re all  _bullshit._  Plenty are true enough.” But Seiji was pleased, Nick could tell, that he’d called them bullshit anyway.

“The price of being too damn good at everything, I guess,” Nick said. “You get as many people hating you as loving you.”

“So I’ve been told. And they were easy enough to ignore. Jesse had plenty of rumors about him too, though fewer people listened to them. Jesse never cared. At least, I never thought he cared. About any of the rumors, mine or his. But people wondered why he was friends with me and it started to mean something to him that all his other friends, and everyone else in the school, cared so much about it. I was dragging him down by association. He didn’t let on, but they must have bothered him even back then. Even before— _other_  rumors about us started popping up. Those came around January. More accurately, the basis for them did. The gay rumors. I’m not entirely sure on the timing, I didn’t pay attention to those things then. But looking back, I remember more whispering happening around that time. And, to be clear, it was…fine. I wasn’t hazed, nor did I experience any particular trouble or trauma from my classmates. Discussion of my sexuality was interesting and new and exciting, but it wasn’t a reason for most people to dislike me. It was just news. News and…speculation.” Another sigh as Seiji’s eyes fluttered shut again, his arms braced around his knees. If the posture alone wasn’t enough to tip Nick off to Seiji’s discomfort, his white knuckles were.

It was a terrible idea. An idea that could get him hit or yelled at. Worse, it could shut Seiji off, make him stop talking. Possibly close this new door he was opening to Nick forever. But he couldn’t just sit there and let Seiji hold to himself like he was his own little island. So he reached out a hand and brushed it against one of Seiji’s. It was immediate, and in its immediacy a surprise, that Seiji let the hand fall away from him and into Nick’s hold. The moment felt too big to be held in mere milliseconds but it happened so quickly that Seiji’s eyes had barely finished closing and his sigh barely finished escaping by the time Nick held one white-knuckled hand in his own.

“The news, officially, reached Jesse in February. Jesse always loved being the center of attention and one of his favorite ways to orchestrate it was to throw parties. Robert and Sam were glad to let him invite over classmates and order pizza and all the rest. They’ve always been doting parents. The Saturday before Valentine’s, Jesse invited practically half the school to his house. He was stolen away by the insipid friends he was so invested in the moment they arrived. Off to the basement. The theatre room—I’m actually not sure you’ve seen it,” Seiji said, pausing in thought.

“You guys always wanted to watch movies upstairs,” Nick shrugged and, though Seiji couldn’t see it, Nick suspected he could feel it. They were so close now. “And I’m not some fancy rich boy, I don’t need a goddamn movie theatre in a _house to_  watch shit on.” But one thing was clear now, as it should have been ages ago, whatever had happened to break Jesse and Seiji’s friendship had happened in that room they both avoided. Seiji gave a sort of laugh.

“Unlike you, Jesse  _is_  a fancy rich boy and, even further from yourself, his friends very much wanted to emulate that. So the theatre room was a favorite place of theirs. I didn’t like Jesse’s friends any more than they liked me, so I was in no hurry to follow. I stayed upstairs for a time and talked with Robert and Sam.” Nick could picture it, little thirteen- or fourteen-year-old Seiji sat at the counter and speaking easily with the grown-ups. Robert would have been leaning against the counter as he liked to do. Sam might well have been  _on_  it. A habit she had that displayed itself when she forgot she was meant to be playing the part of a responsible mother. She always hopped off when you commented on it like she’d been caught. Nick almost smiled at the thought, but then remembered that this story wasn’t about how well Seiji got along with Jesse’s parents. It was about  _why_  he no longer got along with Jesse. “I was naive and believed that I’d get Jesse to myself soon enough. He was meant to come over to my house after. A sleepover.” Seiji was not typically a rambler. It was strange to hear him speak this way, with tangents and asides and explanations that were, overall, irrelevant. But Nick knew he was probably one of the only people Seiji had told this to. Almost certainly the first who had no context for it. So he was happy to listen to whatever Seiji needed to tell him. “We had sleepovers all the time; at least once a week and habitually on school nights as well. We’d always start the night in our separate rooms but, inevitably, someone had something to say and we’d end up in the same place. The rose room at my house was our favorite. The bed is massive and on an adjustable base. We had fun contorting it into the most absurd position with the remote,” Seiji’s eyes flashed open and he seemed to be physically pulling himself out of the memory. “In any case,” he said, voice hardening, “I had imagined that Jesse would spend the night talking with me. Let his friends keep him in their theatre room for now, moving beds were more fun than reclining chairs. All I had to do was wait for the others to leave.”

“I’m guessing it didn’t happen that way.”

“No. It did not. I wandered down eventually and—,” the tiniest catch in his voice, smoothed quickly and left behind, “they were in the middle of a conversation. About me, I quickly realized. Jesse’s two closest friends were telling him how strange I was. How obvious it was that I liked him. I think they must have poked fun at it for some time, even before the party. Jesse didn’t seem surprised, just embarrassed. Especially when they started implying there was more to our relationship than friendship. That he was so fond of me because of it. They were relentless about it and eventually Jesse couldn’t take it anymore. He got…” Seiji huffed in annoyance, proper words to explain it evading him. He changed his approach. “Middle school is awful, specifically if you care what people think of you. And Jesse did. He wanted to be perfect in the eyes of our peers. He practically was. Beautiful and charming and well-off, amazingly talented, and so charismatic even the teachers loved him, despite all the drama he’d kick up. Secretly being with another boy didn’t fit that image. Being with  _me_  was even worse. Just as friends, he was already embarrassed by me. I’m sure the rumors upset him greatly. He didn’t want to be like me and he lashed out because of it.” Nick squeezed Seiji’s hand lightly.

“You don’t have to defend him.”

“I’m not.”

Nick had to laugh. “You  _are_. You don’t have to give me his side of the story, Seiji. It’s your side of it that I care about.” Seiji’s lips parted slightly and he looked over at Nick again. He took a long time before responding.

“I don’t want you to dislike your brother on my behalf.”

“I’ll try to keep that in mind,” Nick said wryly. Seiji looked poised to say more, but Nick didn’t let him. “No more defending Jesse, remember? Just tell me what happened and I’ll draw my own conclusions,” he said, voice accidentally having slipped into gentle and coaxing.

“You’ll have guessed by now, but Jesse exploded,” Seiji said simply, then backed up for context. “His friends saw me lurking and, knowing they were caught, they went ahead and made a scene of it. Telling Jesse his boyfriend was here to check on him. They asked what our plans for Valentine’s Day were and if we’d kissed yet and far cruder things, too.” Nick cringed. He knew exactly the type of things sixth and seventh graders would ask. “Jesse put the rumors to rest then. And he buried our friendship with them. A casualty well worth it to earn back the high opinions of his friends and all the other kids in that room. And they loved it.”

“Bastards.” Nick expected Seiji to stop talking, to let silence take over. He’d said it. He’d told Nick what had happened. He didn’t need to say anything more. But he did.

“For all that I can see, if not agree with, where Jesse was coming from, I still think he was needlessly cruel. I think he made a show of it when he could have quietly cut down the rumors instead. He could even have told me he’d rather not be friends anymore. I don’t understand why he had to do it like that. In front of all our classmates.” Nick was about to say something, some stupid and useless piece of comfort, when Seiji’s head turned sharply to him. Nick saw the anger in his eyes. And the hurt. And it pissed him off that over  _two years_  had gone by and Seiji still looked like that over it. He must have really liked Jesse. “He started off with how he’s got no interest in boys—,”

“Bullshit, obviously. But that’s internalized homophobia for you.”

“And then went specifically into why he didn’t like me. I was cold, he said. Boring and stand-offish and a terrible prude. Dating me would be awful, he told them and they all laughed. I’m mean. I’m emotionless. I’m strange. I would be the worst person to date, it’d be like dating a dead fish. I’m incapable of affection—can you imagine trying to hold his hand?” Seiji’s voice turned into a mocking imitation of Jesse’s. “He’d cut it off sooner than let you touch him.” Seiji took a breath, slowed his words. “They all agreed. It didn’t surprise me that they all thought that. It surprised me that Jesse did. It surprised me that he’d say it with a smile on his face as he looked down his nose at me like we hadn’t been best friends since we were five. I’d thought he knew me better than that. I left the party—I walked home. I remember having to lie to Robert as I left, saying Dmytro needed me for last minute prep before a match I had Monday. That’s the last time I was at the Costes’ before I went with you.”

“Shit, I’m sorry.” It was lackluster and Nick knew it but he couldn’t come up with anything better to say. “That fucking sucks.”

“It wasn’t great,” Seiji agreed, mercifully not offended by Nick’s blundering attempt at comfort. “I spent the remainder of that year alone. I got used to it. I got used to the whispers too. I even got used to Jesse’s occasional mocking and his reiteration of the opinion that I was frigid and incapable of love. I don’t mean to brag, but I adapted rather well to it. By the start of school the next year, I found that being alone suited me better anyway. No more anxieties about when Jesse would leave me, no more having to put up with his friends or play nice with people I didn’t care for. Mom got worried, though. She and Dmytro decided it would do me well to spend some time abroad.”

“France,” Nick guessed. Seiji nodded.

“I liked France. I’d like to go back.” Seeing Nick’s face, he laughed and amended, “not permanently. I don’t need to live there. But I would like to go back. It was good to be away from Jesse and all the places we’d painted with eight years of memories. And it was a convenient excuse to avoid the Costes’ invitations to come over. I wouldn’t let Mom tell them why Jesse and I fell out.” Nick nodded. That made sense. A lot of things made sense now. Like Seiji’s strange aversion to showing affection and the contradictory way he liked to shove it in Jesse’s face.

“I’m betting it was a surprise when you came home from France.”

“And found that Jesse had decided he wanted to date me after all? Yes, it was a bit of a shock. He must have figured himself out that year too. But I didn’t want anything to do with him anymore.”

“And Jesse’s not used to that,” Nick said. “So he pushed and made it all worse. Fuck that, you deserve better.”

Seiji went pink and self-consciously looked away from Nick. Honestly, Nick was surprised he’d held up this far without more of that. Spilling such a deeply personal and humiliating story naturally would demand some blushing and embarrassment.

“Thank you,” Seiji said quietly. The way he said it, still blushed pink and with such uncertain sincerity…it made Nick feel uncomfortably hot all of the sudden, watching Seiji’s profile.

“Yeah,” Nick responded and found that his voice had gone strangely heavy. He cleared his throat. “And, uh. Sorry that I dragged you back into bad memories. With the dating stuff and all.”

“I can’t complain,” Seiji said, a small smile taking his face. “After all, as you’re so fond of reminding me, I’m the one who lied about dating you in the first place.”

“Sure, but you didn’t sign up for  _this._  The whole fake dating thing got a lot more elaborate than the little lie you told.”

“That’s true enough. I never expected to even revisit it, much less expand it but, be that as it may, we’re both trapped in  _my_  lie now,” Seiji paused, his head tilting. “I suppose we could stage a breakup.”

“And let Jesse think he has a chance with you? No way. I’m not giving you to him.”

“ _Giving me to him?_ “ Seiji repeated with an arched brow.

"Yeah, you heard me. I'm just not doing it. You're mine."

"Am I?"

"Yeah. You're  _my_  roommate and  _my_  friend and  _my_  fake boyfriend. And..." Nick’s eyes drifted to his bed, still visible through the half-torn-down duck curtain and Seiji stiffened. But he'd promised not to bring it up again, how Seiji had waited for him in his bed last night. How he'd stayed. Nick shook his head and left it, surprising Seiji by just saying, "Jesse can't have you. He already blew his chance."

"I see." There was a pause during which Nick’s mind went over Seiji's story again.

"Say, have you liked anyone since Jesse? Do you like someone now?"

"And if I did, would you  _give me_  to him?" Nick opened his mouth to answer but nothing came out.

A knock resounded through the room and Bobby's voice followed shortly after.

"Nick, I heard you're back! Come out!"

Startled, Nick shot to his feet. He wished he hadn’t when Seiji’s hand slipped from his.

“You’d better go let everyone know I didn’t suffocate you in your sleep,” Seiji said. Nick hesitated. Seiji rolled his eyes. “Go.”

***

It was taco night at the cafeteria and the place was already crawling with students despite the relatively early hour. Kings Row’s food didn’t do much right, but they knew how to make a surprisingly good taco bar. Nick was starving; he hadn’t eaten in almost twenty-four hours, so he and Bobby were one of those in the early crowd. As they walked, Nick recognized a familiar figure ahead of them, cutting a path through the crowded hall like Moses parting water. Was that Moses? Nick wasn’t much of a religion guy.

“I gotta—,” Nick started but Bobby was already waving him away, having followed his gaze.

“Go. Be with your boyfriend,” Bobby said. “And to think you used to get on my case for making eyes at Seiji so much.”

“Shut it,” Nick laughed, already leaving Bobby behind him as he slipped through his fellow students. They did not move for him and so his journey was hindered by the clusters of talking friends, the slow-moving hallway blockers, and all the usual clamor of hallway traffic.

Just a little bit more and—

“I’ve been thinking really hard about it,” Nick said, all casual, as he caught up to Seiji and finally fell into step next to him, diving right into conversation. “And I would. But he’d have to go through a rigorous vetting process first. Including, but not limited to, a DNA test, fingerprinting and background checks, a psych assessment, and a three-hour interview. If he passed,  _then_  I’d give you to him.”

“So,” Seiji said without so much as looking over at Nick, “basically, no.”

Nick grinned, shrugged.  _Can’t get anything past Seiji._  “If you want to be to the point about it; No.”

Seiji cut him a slantwise glance and a tiny half-smile that said  _you’re full of shit but I’ll allow it._


	30. Chapter 30

Nick was mad at Jesse. He couldn’t help it. He’d gotten more texts from his half-brother while he was with Bobby, during dinner with Seiji, and more the next day too. He didn’t respond to any of them. He just got so pissed when he thought of Jesse putting on a show of humiliating Seiji for his dumb little friends. And then that he thought Seiji should forgive him? That Seiji should date him? Fucking bullshit, that’s what that was. And every time he opened his phone to text Jesse, Nick couldn't help but type out a scathing message telling him just how bullshit the whole thing was. Then he'd delete the whole thing, knowing Seiji didn't want him to get in the middle of his business like that. 

By Monday morning, he’d silenced the  _Jester Coster_  chat log. A precaution against sending any unwise texts and also a way to take a break from Jesse in general. Nick knew this anger would blow over. He liked Jesse. He liked liking Jesse. But that didn’t mean he couldn’t hate Jesse a little for what he’d done. Nick just needed a little time to cool off before texting Jesse back and continuing their friendship.

“Nicholas?”

“Huh?” Nick looked up from breakfast, which he’d just been pushing aimlessly around his plate. Seiji gave him the most exasperated look Nick had seen from him in a while. It was a dead giveaway that Seiji had already asked him a question. Possibly several times.

“Plans for the weekend,” Seiji said slowly. Yep, he’d definitely already said this at least twice. “Do we have any? I’d like to know ahead of time if you don’t mind.” Nick glanced around the table. No one was paying any attention to them, but Nick was grateful for the subtle way Seiji asked if they’d be visiting Robert anyway.

“Yeah,” Nick said. “Yeah, we have plans. After fencing, like usual.” Seiji nodded. Nick could see the gears turning behind his eyes, trying to piece together what that meant for how things had worked out. But he didn’t ask. He hadn’t asked even once all weekend. All he’d said on the topic was three nights ago when Nick had climbed into bed.  _Are you alright?_  But nothing else.

Nick stood up, shouldered his bag, tucked Seiji’s book under his arm, and grabbed his tray to clear.

“What are you doing?” Seiji asked, peering up at Nick with suspicion.

“I want to talk to you,” Nick said, waiting for Seiji to follow his lead and stand. He was vaguely aware that he’d gathered some curious looks from the rest of the table. Whatever.

“What? Now?”

“Yes, now. You finished eating ages ago,” Nick said impatiently. Seiji had already cleared his tray by the time half the guys had sat down to eat, there was nothing more to keep him at the breakfast table. Even so, he sat watching Nick with disbelief for several seconds before finally standing.

“Alright, fine. Let’s go.”

Once out of the cafeteria, Nick tugged Seiji up a back stairway that led to the roof. The door was always locked and the landing often unoccupied. Seiji pulled his wrist from Nick’s hand and straightened the cuff of his jacket. When Seiji looked up from his sleeve, Nick could see that his eyes were full of an impatient curiosity he was trying very hard to hide.

“Well?” He asked, playing at annoyed. “What is it that you need to tell me?”

“We got the DNA test.” As soon as Nick said it, Seiji’s pretense shed away. It was like he’d just been waiting for Nick’s signal to let him know he could be curious.

“And?”

“It’s official, Robert’s my dad.”

“That’s no surprise,” Seiji said, but he was smiling. He was happy for Nick. Nick didn’t share the same enthusiasm, and soon Seiji’s smile faded to concern. Nick regretted causing the change in expression. “You told him no, didn’t you?” Seiji asked. Simple as that, Seiji had been able to tell. It astounded Nick that Seiji could read him so well. Nick nodded. Seiji didn’t look disappointed, the way he had in Nick’s imagination. He just looked sad. Worried.

“It was the right thing to do,” Nick said, expecting an argument from Seiji. He didn’t get one.

“You’re sure?” Seiji asked.

“Yes.”

“Alright.” Slow and reluctant, but accepting. “And you’re…okay?”

“You know me,” Nick said, “I’m always fine.” Seiji didn’t look convinced, but he didn’t argue on this either.

“And Robert? Esme? How’d they both take it all?”

“Fine.” Nick got a look from Seiji that spoke of flat-out disbelief but, truthfully, he didn’t know what else to say. They’d both taken it fine. Not great. Not awful. Just…fine.

But Seiji leaned against the wall, crossed his arms, and raised his eyebrows. And Nick told him. The whole story. About Esme’s lie and the bargain he’d made. About burgers with Robert after the court date. About the paperwork that had taken forever and how nervous he’d felt when they went in for the test. He told Seiji about the night the results came in and the terrible fight that had followed. All of it. And when he was done, Seiji nodded.

“You made your choice so I won’t argue with you,” Seiji said, stately and businesses-like. Nick could see that Seiji  _wanted_  to argue with him. Despite all that stuff he’d said about not being able to offer sound advice because he wasn’t Nick, he had developed a strong opinion. But Seiji was right, he  _wasn’t_  Nick, so he couldn’t know how this was for the best. Still, Nick wished Seiji would get mad or call him dumb or accuse him of making the wrong decision. Because this sad disappointment—which was, at last, evident on Seiji’s face and in his demeanor—was so, so much worse. “But I thought I’d say that you can change your mind.”

“What?”

“If you ever regret saying no,” Seiji said, slow and clear, “you are allowed to change your mind. I did some research—,”

“You did  _research_? On custody stuff?”

“Yes, and—,”

“Because of me?”

“No, Nicholas, because I’m in the middle of a custody battle.  _Obviously_  because of you, now listen. You’re old enough that the judge would take your preference into consideration. With custody cases, it’s all about what’s best for the kid, and therefore your say matters. Even if Robert petitioned for custody months after proving paternity, it wouldn’t be hard to get it granted.”

Nick was stunned that Seiji had taken the time to do research on his situation.  _He_  hadn’t even looked into it. Looking into it had been too close to committing to doing it. To opening up the ‘battle’ for custody. That Seiji had done it in his stead was unexpected.

“Thanks, but I won’t be changing my mind,” Nick said, trying to convey a firmness in his reply that didn’t also rebuke Seiji for speaking as he had. He was kind of touched that Seiji had gone to the trouble of researching Nick’s deal in his free time and didn’t want to make Seiji think the gesture wasn’t appreciated. It was. But only as a gesture; Nick didn’t need the actual advice.

“It’s up to you. I just thought I’d mention that you’re not trapped. There’re always options.”

“You’re not surprised,” Nick said, realization dawning on him as to why Seiji would have looked into those  _options._  “You thought I’d say no to custody.” Seiji shrugged.

“I realize it keeps coming as a shock to you, but I do know you. And this is just like you.”

“You think I’m wrong.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“But you’re thinking it.”

“Didn’t realize you were a mind reader.”

“You’re just easy to read.”

“And you’re delusional,” Seiji’s voice overlapped with the morning bell. Nick grabbed his hand and tugged him back out of the stairwell.

“Come on, let’s go.” But Nick was jerked to a stop halfway down the stairs. “What is it?” He asked, turning around to look up at Seiji, stationed several stairs above him.

“About Jesse…”

“What about Jesse?” Nick asked. Damn, he sounded a good deal angrier then he’d meant to. Seiji pursed his lips.

“Have you told him yet?”

“How do you know Robert hasn’t already told him?” Nick challenged and Seiji went instantly red. “You peeked at his texts while I was sleeping, didn’t you?” Nick accused in absolute delight. Catching Seiji doing anything wrong was always fun.

“It was an accident.”

“Right, I’m totally buying that. I should have known,” Nick laughed. “You’ve always snooped when it’s about Jesse! Like way back at the beginning of this mess when you spied on me and Robert.”

“This time  _was_  an accident. I only meant to turn your notifications off so they wouldn’t wake you. And I saw that Jesse was asking you what happened. That’s all.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Did you tell him?”

“No. I wanted to tell you first,” Nick said, realizing that it was true. Seiji was the one who’d been here for him through this whole mess. It was him that deserved to hear the news first. Seiji’s mouth made a soft  _O_ shape. Nick thought he might have been pleased by this information, but he covered it up quickly.

“Jesse’s the one who’s affected by this, not me. He’s your  _brother._  You should have—,”

“I do what I want, remember? And I wanted to tell you, not Jesse.” Nick tried tugging him down the stairs again, but Seiji remained stubbornly in place.

“You should tell him.”

“I know.”

“Nicholas.”

“What?”

“I told you not to hate Jesse. Stop acting like a child.”

“It’s childish to be mad at him?” Nick glared up at Seiji. Almost pointed out that if it was childish, Seiji was the most childish of all for the way he was holding on to his anger. But that was unfair, so he passed it over. “Whatever. I don’t care if I’m acting like a kid. I can’t help it. It just gets in my head, what he did to you. And his entitled ass thinking he can win you back just because it suits him now—,”

“He’s been better lately and you know it. I appreciate that you—,” Seiji stuttered, “—care about me enough to be upset with him, but it happened years ago. I mean it when I say I want you and Jesse to be friends. I think it’s good for both of you.” Seiji stared him down hard and Nick sighed, folding.

“Fine,” he pulled his phone out of his pocket. “I’ll text him. But we’d better get to class soon or we’ll be late and I don’t think you’ve got it in you to ditch again so soon.”


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> RIP to the best word count I could literally ever achieve. It pains me to update and ruin it, but life must go on  
> (for those wondering what in the fuck im talking about, word count was 69666 last chapter and ive got the sense of humor of a 12-year-old boy)

After practice on Wednesday, the team decided to go grab food to avoid Kings Row’s notorious ‘fish ’n chips’ dinner. There was a good sprawl of diners and restaurants around campus, a handful of which could even be reached by foot. So many were available to them, in fact, that the discussion on where to go was taking a good deal longer than Nick thought it should. He was hungry.

“Where do you two usually go?” Aiden asked Nick.

“Hm?” Nick’s mind was sticky and slow from the intense practice they’d gone through and already occupied thinking about melty cheese and other tasty things. 

“You guys are always off on a date during the weekend, where do you disappear to?” Oh.  _Oh._  They’d never actually— _Shit._ Nick hadn’t really been anywhere. He couldn’t even bullshit this because he didn’t know what was around. Except for the burger joints he and Robert would drive through sometimes but Seiji was too classy for fast food. Nick searched around for a cover and found none.

“Unless they’re not disappearing on  _dates_ ,” Eugene snickered. Thank god for Eugene’s terrible sense of humor.

“Really, Eugene?” Aiden asked. “What an inappropriate thing to imply.” Everyone stared at Aiden in surprise. “I mean, why bother leaving school for that?” That was more like it. Nick almost snorted out loud from the look on Seiji’s face. He didn’t like the implication one bit and his face reflected it with disdain, outrage, indignation, and, if you squinted, a dash of embarrassment. Nick would have been more sympathetic if this line of conversation hadn’t just saved his ass.

“Comfier bed?” Eugene suggested. “I bet Seiji—,”

“Shut it, Gene,” Nick warned. He didn’t even want to know what Eugene bet about Seiji but he was sure it wasn’t anything he wanted the other guys hearing.

“We all saw you sneaking off to the make-out stairwell Monday morning.” Eugene, apparently, would not be silenced.

“The what?” Seiji asked, shooting Nick a nasty glare. Nick held up his hands in surrender, taking one of Seiji’s with him as a side-effect of their interlocked fingers.

“I didn’t mean anything by it,” Nick told him. “Honest.” Sure, he’d  _known_  what sort of things happened in that particular nook, but it was a good and private place for talking. And any private place was a good one for  _other_  things involving mouths too.

“You know what?” Aiden said, drawing all attention to him. Nick didn’t like the look in his eyes. And, judging by the way Seiji’s grip tightened on around Nick’s hand, he didn’t like it either. “I’ve just thought of the perfect place!”

With no further explanation, Aiden led them onward. They all followed. It was a twenty-minute walk before Aiden slipped into a little building bustling with warmth and smelling strongly of pine. Once inside it became obvious that this place took Christmas seriously. It was decked up with holly and wreathes and a real pine tree in one corner. Which explained the smell.

“Really?” Harvard asked. Aiden winked at him.

“I thought our freshmen might like it here.” That couldn’t mean anything good. Nick exchanged a worried glance with Seiji while Harvard shook his head fondly at Aiden.

“Woah, dude, there’s a whole ass fire outside!” Eugene crowed excitedly. Nick looked and found that, sure enough, the patio was set with tables, the people seated at them being warmed by the huge fire set up in the middle of it all. Nick thought that was pretty cool and was inclined to give Aiden the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he really had just thought they’d have a good time here.

“We’ll take a table outside,” Aiden told the hostess. She smiled and took them to the patio just as Aiden had requested.

Nick was still on the alert for funny business, but nothing awry happened. They ordered their food and talked until it came. Nothing strange about the food itself, either; it was really good and Nick thought he might come back here sometime on a real date. His eyes slid to Seiji. There wasn’t any need for them to go on fake dates, of course. So it’d just have to wait until he found an actual boyfriend. The thought of coming here with some other boy’s hand in his made him feel strangely dissatisfied.

“Did you know that this was Robert Coste’s favorite place to come, back in his Kings Row days?” Aiden asked when mugs of hot chocolate—courtesy of Harvard—had replaced their plates in front of them.

“Really?” Nick asked, swiveling to Aiden. “I didn’t know that.”

“No shit you didn’t know it. It’s a little secret to those who pay attention.”

Nick frowned, glanced at Seiji. He shrugged minutely. So Seiji hadn’t known either. It seemed strange to Nick that Robert hadn’t told him. That they hadn’t come here. But then— _of course_ they hadn’t come here. This place didn’t have a drive-through. And Nick was a secret. Obviously, they couldn’t have come together.

“How do you know?” Nick asked Aiden, interested, as he always had been, about his dad’s life. He’d thought he knew it now, but there were still things that came as a surprise. Like this.

“Over there, on the other side of the gatepost,” Aiden pointed to the tall wooden gate that led out of the enclosed patio area. “If you look, you can see his initials carved into the wood with some girl’s. It’s his handiwork, for sure. Matches with the clubhouse.”

Nick wondered what girl might have come here with Robert. It couldn’t have been Esme, she was too young to have dated Robert in high school. But it might be Sam. Curious, Nick stood to go get a peek. It registered in the corner of his mind that Aiden looked pleased at this.

“Check for yourself,” Aiden shrugged, then leaned across the table and said conspiratorially to Seiji, “your boyfriend doesn’t trust me. But at least you know I’d never lie.”

Seiji stood and, in a blink, was next to Nick to go examine the post. God forbid anyone think Seiji trusted Aiden Kane.

“Do you think it’s Sam?” Nick asked in a quiet whisper as they crossed the patio, now empty of all other patrons. It was too cold for even the fire to tempt too many people out here now that dark had fallen. “What’s her maiden name, anyway?”

“East, I think. Samantha East.”

“It would be fun if they were high school sweethearts, don’t you think?” The look he got suggested that Seiji didn’t understand why Nick thought so. “It’s romantic,” Nick explained, jutting an elbow into Seiji. “To be together that long, you know? People are always saying it doesn’t work out with your first love. I like to think those people are wrong. That love can triumph.”

“You’re very optimistic.”

“For someone from a broken family, you mean?”

“No, in general. I think it’s unlikely love could last so long.” A gust of wind hit them right as they stopped by the gate and Seiji’s hair was blown about, his nose and cheeks already red from the cold.

“I think it could. I don’t see why not.”

“Because we’re too young. Inexperienced in life and love and compromise. I don’t think your first love is meant to bear any fruit. I think it’s meant to teach you and help you to grow.”

“Jesse doesn’t count as your first love,” Nick said. Seiji’s eyes darted for any possible eavesdroppers. There were none and, besides, Nick had said it quietly.

“Doesn’t he?”

“No. That’s a shitty love story. I’m erasing it. Your next one will be different. It’ll last.”

Seiji’s eyes bored into his, his mouth twisting into a little frown. Finally, he shook his head slowly, pulled his hand from Nick’s. “I don’t think it will.” Seiji reached for the gate and it swung open easily. “Come help me find the initials so we can go sit back down. My hot chocolate will get cold.”

Nick slipped past Seiji, a hand brushing absently at his back as he did. Squinting at the post Aiden had indicated, Nick tried to find the engraved initials that marked this as Robert Coste’s ‘favorite’ place.

“Ah! There,” Nick said, jabbing a finger onto a heart outlining the R.C. + S.E. Triumphant, Nick turned to Seiji for some gloating. “I bet it’s her! S.E.! Young love wins! Take that, pessimist!”

“That doesn’t prove anything,” Seiji said, making to head back to the table. Nick latched onto his arm before he could escape.

“Admit it, love is real and anything is possible,” Nick crooned as they passed back under the gate.

“Stop!”

Nick froze, Seiji doing the same beside him. They both looked over to their table in alarm and found Aiden on his feet, finger pointing at them accusingly. What was he on about?

“You can’t move until you kiss.”

“Aiden,” Harvard said, yanking Aiden back down to his seat. Or, rather,  _trying_  to yank Aiden down. Eugene started laughing.

“He’s got you,” Eugene said. “Look up.”

Slowly, they turned their heads up to the sky. Only their view was blocked by the wood arching high above them that framed the gate. The wood connecting Robert’s post to the adjacent one. And attached to it was mistletoe, dangling down right over Nick and Seiji’s heads.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Nick groaned.

“It’s the lovers’ gate,” Aiden grinned his stupid, awful grin. “Named for Coste and his sweetheart. They hang mistletoe there every year for Christmas.”

“It’s only the start of December!” Nick protested.

“Come on, just a little kiss,” Aiden coaxed. Behind him, Eugene made kissy faces.

“You planned this,” Seiji bristled, demeanor changing to outrage disproportionate to Aiden’s crime. Seiji was quick to anger when Aiden was the cause.

“Seiji, calm down,” Nick whispered. The exact worst thing to say to someone that wasn’t calm and needed to be. Nick quickly hissed in Seiji’s ear, “Aiden just likes to make you unravel, remember? Don’t let him get to you.”

“It’s a sweet spot for young couples to come,” Aiden continued, oblivious to Nick’s whispered words. “I thought you and Nick might like to participate in the tradition. Kiss under the lovers’ gate and stay together, that’s how the story goes.”

“You were badly mistaken,” Seiji growled, not intending to stay calm at all. “I’ve no interest in such a stupid tradition. There’s no reason I’d kiss anyone just because you think it would be funny to watch.”

“Is that so?” Aiden asked, eyes glinting. Nick wished he’d drop it. He wished Seiji didn’t let Aiden get under his skin so easily. “I guess I should have known. You’re too prudish to allow even one itty bitty little kiss. Poor Nick.”

Seiji went still as a statue. Dangerously still. This was bad. Of all the stupid shit Aiden could have pulled, why this? Of all the stupid things he could have said, why that? He really did have a talent for finding people’s insecurities and poking at them.

Nick wanted to leap to Seiji’s defense, never mind that Seiji never needed anyone’s aid. He wanted to protest the accusation. He kind of wanted to punch Aiden.  _Poor Nick._  Like anyone would be unfortunate to date Seiji, prudish or not. But he knew getting into it or letting Seiji say whatever he was gearing up to say would only stoke the fire. Leave them all feeling worse for this excursion. The easiest solution was obvious. Defuse and refute all at once.

“Sorry about this,” Nick said, grabbing Seiji fast to him. Seiji’s eyes were wide open, his mouth parted in surprise, poised to speak. But whatever Seiji had been about to say—either to him or to Aiden—never escaped them. Nick caught Seiji’s cheek in his hand, pulled him closer, leaned in closer still. And kissed him.

Well.

Kissed his thumb, which he’d discreetly slid over Seiji’s lips. But it would look like the real deal to everyone back at the table. It would shut Aiden up. It would also make Seiji terribly mad. But with any luck, he’d pull it together long enough to explode only when they were installed back in their private room.

They were so close, Nick could feel Seiji’s breath against his mouth. Could feel the thrum of Seiji’s heart against his chest. Could see every eyelash and the subtle transition of Seiji’s pupils to his irises. He was hyperaware of the closeness in a way he couldn’t ever remember being before. He could taste the heat of Seiji’s lips, inches from his own. The tiniest adjustment and he’d be able to taste a hell of a lot more—

Nick pulled away, brushing his thumb across Seiji’s lips as he did. Seiji was redder than he’d been when looking for the carvings made thirty-some years ago; red from something more than cold. And his wide eyes were narrowing, eyebrows pulling low over them. Nick expected admonishments but he got none. Seiji just stared at him. Nick just stared back.

“Aiden’s not the only one that likes watching me come undone,” Seiji said after an eternity of silence, low and level and entirely earnest.

***

Nick watched Seiji carefully. He was already situated in bed, covers pulled tight over him and headphones on. The headphones were a sure sign that he was in a bad mood. Not that Nick needed that little hint. Seiji had been silent since dinner. Just like Nick had known he would be. He felt bad for it, but it had done what it needed to do. Aiden and Eugene had hooted and hollered and then let it go. They’d finished their cocoa but it had gone cold by then, which was just another thing to pile on Seiji’s bad mood. But they’d made it back to their room without incident.

What astonished Nick was that Seiji hadn’t exploded once he had Nick alone. All he’d done was disengage and go about his evening routine. But he’d gone straight to bed without even pulling out homework or reading, which was unlike him. He’d turned off the lights too, not even waiting for Nick to turn on his lamp or get in bed or anything. So, definitely upset.

Nick cleared his throat. Loudly. Seiji’s eye twitched without opening. Nick considered walking across to his bed and pulling the headphones off.  _Bad idea._

“Seiji,” Nick called. Loud enough Seiji was sure to hear him. And he was ignored. Nick took a deep breath. “Seiji, Seiji, Seiji, Seiji, Seiji—,”

“What?” Seiji snapped, finally bolting upright in bed and pulling the headphones down around his neck.

“I just—,”

“You should fix the curtain,” Seiji said, cutting Nick off.

“I like it this way,” was the response startled automatically out of him. He hadn’t expected an attack over the damn curtain but he’d meant what he said about it anyway.

“It seems to be encouraging you to misbehave.”

“Right, boundaries,” Nick said but he didn’t have any plans to hang the curtain back up completely. “About tonight, I want to say sorry. I know that kissing is off limits but it was the best way to deal with the situation.”

“You’re willing to go to great lengths to avoid suspicion,” Seiji replied coolly.

“It wasn’t about the lie,” Nick defended the rebuke. “I mean, it wouldn’t have happened if not for the lie, but I didn’t do it because I thought any of the guys needed to see it to believe we’re dating. God, even if we  _were_  dating it’s not like kissing you for Aiden’s amusement sounds any more appealing to me than it does to you.”

“Then why did you do it?”

“To make Aiden shut the fuck up.”

“Instead of just telling him to?”

“You know he’d have used it against you. A fun new way to get to you and make you mad. I like Aiden but he’s a dick, especially about you. I just didn’t want him to go after you for being—.” Nick cut himself off this time, saving Seiji the trouble. It wasn’t his place to, what,  _protect_  Seiji from gossip? It wasn’t for him to decide whether Seiji being seen as a prude or have an, albeit fake, kiss forced on him was worse. His cheeks flooded with color now as he realized he’d done something he shouldn’t have.

“Oh,” Seiji said and his cheeks colored too. They sat there for a minute, mirror images of each other, both sat up in bed, both with rosy cheeks, both a lot quieter than they usually were in an argument, just staring at each other through the space a curtain used to occupy between them.

“I’m sorry,” Nick mumbled.

“It’s fine,” Seiji surprised him by saying. “Whatever.” And Nick was even more surprised to hear Seiji say the term like an actual teenager as he shrugged a little, one hand fingering his earphones, perhaps a little nervously. “Thank you for respecting my boundaries, I guess. Technically.”

Nick nodded, offered a “sure thing,” absently. He couldn’t believe there wasn’t going to be a huge explosion over this, but the feel of a not-yet-had fight was gone from the air.

Nick settled down into bed, slipping an arm under his pillow and letting his eyelids fall partially shut. He watched lazily as Seiji put his headphones back on, as he readjusted his blankets, and, curiously, as he brushed careful fingers over his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well, i almost gave you a kiss. dont know if thats better or worse than nothing though


	32. Chapter 32

There were a lot of things Nick had expected as a result of his custody decision. This was not one of those things. He hadn’t ever paused to consider the warring emotions of being back at the Coste house afterward. He was glad, absolutely. Because he’d worried, even after assurances from Seiji  _and_  Robert, that he wouldn’t be allowed back here if—when—he said no to partial custody. But there was guilt in equal or greater measure to the gladness. All kinds of guilt.

He was sure Robert was feeling a lot of things too, having Nick back in his house after he’d been told Nick had no interest in  _staying_  here. Not in a real and meaningful way. It had to sting. After all, good men weren’t immune to hurt. Nick hated that he’d hurt his dad. Hated that the wound was fresh and so easily poked on accident. He kept catching Robert watching him talking with Jesse or Seiji, or else retrieving some snacks from the kitchen, or helping Sam pick up blueberries she’d dropped on the floor. And, for a moment, Robert would look pleased, happy, completely content with the world. And then his face would fall, remembering that this was an illusion. 

And there was some mourning to be done by Nick, too. For the life he’d never had and never would. The life he’d turned down. And that only spurred more guilt. Guilt because he’d chosen Esme. He’d chosen his mother. But still, here he was, in Robert’s house where he didn’t belong. Happy to be back. Longing to have a permanent place in it. It didn’t match with his decision and he was practically betraying her for coming here and playing pretend. He felt like he was hurting everyone by being here, but he couldn’t  _not_  be here. He wanted to be here. So, selfishly, he came. And he’d come again next week, and the week after, and for as many weeks as he was allowed to.

“I’m not asking you to get a better haircut, I’m just saying would it  _kill you_  to use some styling gel?” Jesse, at least, didn’t seem concerned or upset by Nick’s decision. After Nick had told him all that had happened a week ago, Jesse had easily abandoned the concerned brother and son thing and gone back to being his usual obnoxious self. So mundanely obnoxious, in fact, that Nick had tuned out most of his ‘proper hair care’ lecture.

“I’d settle for him obtaining a brush,” Seiji said.

“I have a brush!”

“Could have fooled me.”

“You can’t be siding with him,” Nick said, putting on a pout for effect. Seiji swatted at him for leaning in too close on the couch.

“I’m not,” he said. “I happen to know you look twice as ridiculous when you style your hair.”

“I feel like that’s worse.”

“That’s definitely worse,” Jesse confirmed.

“The point remains that I disagree with Jesse’s suggestion of hair gel.”

“You just want me staying out of your special hair drawer,” Nick accused. Seiji neither confirmed nor denied this so Nick counted it as a win, though he knew it was only because Seiji had tired of the conversation. He’d been surprisingly amiable all day. No secret fights with Jesse at all. The two were getting along, so far as Nick could tell. And he was glad for it. Really. But… _there’s no fucking way Seiji would fall for this doof again,_  he shook his head. That was just plain stupid to worry about. That Seiji had ever thought himself in love with Jesse was hard enough to believe. And Seiji was  _definitely_ over him. Romantically, anyway.

Eventually, Seiji tired of more than just participating in conversation and removed himself from the couch entirely. Nick’s eyes tracked him automatically as he retrieved his bag and pulled out mountains of shit at the table in their sitting room. All his notes, Nick realized. He selected his history folder, stacking everything else neatly aside so he had room to work. Diligently, systematically, Seiji began to organize and sort his notes. Then he started to do more in-depth reading and brought out an honest to god  _highlighter._

“What kind of maniac highlights their own notes?” Nick asked.

“The kind who wants to do well on his finals,” Seiji replied dryly, not bothering to look away from his notes at all. Nick snorted. If Seiji just took more concise notes to begin with, this would be an unnecessary step. But Seiji had to know that already. And his huge stacks of over-stuffed notes were still meticulously organized and put together and color-coded and perfect, for all that they were rambling and overly in-depth. And Nick kind of liked it. Perfect in an unperfected way. A lot like Seiji.

“Stop gawking, it’s embarrassing,” Jesse said, prompting Nick to fall back into the couch and sheepishly give his attention back to Jesse, whom he’d happily ignored in favor of watching Seiji compile his notes into something more practically useful.

“I wasn’t gawking.” Nick couldn’t even convince himself of that lie and completely deserved the  _yeah, right_  look he got from Jesse. But he still had to throw a pillow at Jesse’s face. For honor’s sake. Jesse retaliated by shoving Nick off the couch.

“You look like a lovesick kid,” Jesse rolled his eyes. “He  _is_  your boyfriend, you know. You can do better than gawking. Stop acting so pathetic.” It was the first time Nick could remember Jesse ever saying Seiji was Nick’s boyfriend without a trace of bitterness in his voice or that hardened look in his eyes. It was such a surprise that all Nick could do was stare. Jesse kicked him with a huff.

“Ow!” Nick said. More out of surprise than hurt; he hadn’t been kicked very hard.

“Don’t look so surprised,” Jesse told him. Apparently, his shocked expression had survived Jesse’s kick-attack.

“Are you—,” Nick started and it was almost definitely for the best when Jesse’s phone started blaring. Some song about…bromance? Nick slowly met Jesse’s eye to give him a very amused and, possibly, slightly judgmental look. Nick had never really seen Jesse blush before, but the embarrassing ringtone was enough to color his cheeks. Nick started laughing as Jesse scrambled to pull out his phone.

“I didn’t set it to that,” he said, kicking Nick again before standing up. “He must have changed it—shut up, okay? Go harass your boyfriend, I’ve got to take this.”

“Better pick up fast before it goes to voicemail or your bromance will be ruined!” Nick called after him with a cackle. Jesse flipped him the bird.

With nothing else to do, Nick hopped up and went to do exactly as Jesse had suggested; harass Seiji.

“So,” Nick sauntered up to the table and bent over Seiji’s shoulder. “History.”

“Yes.”

“Having fun?”

“I’d be having more fun if you’d go off and entertain yourself so I can work.”

“Work and fun are mutually exclusive. I’m here to rescue you from yourself.”

“You’re just bored,” Seiji said, trying to shove Nick off him.

“Entertain me?”

“Fine.”  _Fine?_  Nick hadn’t expected any level of cooperation from Seiji. “Sit down,” he gestured to the seat next to him. Nick moved his bag, which he’d put in the chair hours ago, onto the floor and sat down.

“Okay, and?”

“And  _here_  are some index cards,” Seiji dropped a stack in front of him, “make yourself useful and start copying the highlighted portions of my notes onto them.”

“No way, I’m not doing your homework,” Nick shoved the cards back at Seiji, who didn’t seem surprised or displeased by this.

“You asked me to entertain you,” Seiji reminded. “If you don’t like my entertainment then you can stop complaining.”

“Ugh, you suck,” Nick complained, laying down across the table and turning his head to watch Seiji’s quick hands continue on their work. He might have fallen asleep, or he might have just zoned out. Either way, he kept seeing Seiji’s hands touching gently against his lips instead of skimming across lined paper like they were actually doing.

“Would you stop staring?” Seiji’s annoyed voice snapped Nick back into reality.

“No,” Nick whined. “Pay attention to me. I’m bored.”

“Go find Robert. Put on a movie. Be a productive member of society. I’m busy.”

“Seijiiiii,” Nick strung out the last syllable of his name until Seiji slammed down his highlighter hard on the table. Startled, Nick jerked up into a sitting position.

“Can’t you let me get any work done?” Seiji asked, angry enough to have color high in his cheeks. “You distract me enough already.”

“I do not,” Nick thought on it and he really couldn’t come up with any other time he’d bothered Seiji while he was in work mode. Except for when they were here, but he wasn’t nearly as obnoxious as he could be. Usually. Seiji’s flush deepened and Nick felt a little bad. He’d known since the beginning that he was a huge drain on Seiji’s time. But sometimes he forgot about all that. Seiji somehow made it easy to forget how badly Nick inconvenienced him.

“Just give me an hour,” Seiji asked. “Please.”

Nick had already been ready to back off. In fact, he’d been ready to give Seiji all the time and space he needed, so he was quick to agree to this offer. “Sure, I can wait for an hour.”

Seiji nodded, picked up his highlighter again, and went back to his notes. Pausing, he glanced at Nick again. “And stop staring, it’s disconcerting.”

“ _Disconcerting_ ,” Nick smirked but, at a glare from Seiji, he pulled out his phone.

As it turned out, Nick didn’t even have to go ten minutes entertaining himself. Jesse pulled up a chair next to Nick without a word and sat down. In fact, he was so oddly quiet that Nick wondered if his phone call had been a bad one. But then he spoke and it was clear why he’d been hesitant.

“I think you should reconsider,” he said. Nick looked up from his phone. Seiji’s hand stilled. There was a beat of absolute silence. “About custody.”

“What do you care, Jesse?” Nick asked, meaning it to be a little lighter than it came out. Jesse didn’t back down.

“What do you mean  _what do I care?_  I’m your brother, aren’t I?”

“Half-brother.”

“Right. Half. On the side you’re turning down.”

“Don’t be like that,” Nick said. “You know it’s nothing personal.” Although it had honestly never occurred to him that Jesse  _would_  take it personally. He really hadn’t thought Jesse would care.

“Dad won’t say, but he’s really upset about it.”

“I know _.”_  Like he needed reminding.

“He added you to his will the week after meeting you.”

“I—what?”

“I mean, he never said to me or anything. But he and Mom talked a lot. And he went to see his estate attorney. I’d bet my favorite epée that he added you.”

“Can he do that? I’m not legally his kid, really.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Seiji said. It appeared as though Nick had ended up distracting him anyway. “You can name anyone as a beneficiary or heir in your will. Relation and reason don’t matter at all.”

“Oh. I didn’t know that.” Robert had never mentioned to him about that. But wait. He  _had_ , hadn’t he? _I just want to be able to take care of you,_  Robert had told Nick that last week.  _But you’re right, I can already do what I need to do._ And he already had, it seemed. Financially, at least, it looked like Nick would be taken care of.

“He didn’t want to freak you out by going too fast,” Jesse said.

“I thought he didn’t tell you about it.”

“He didn’t, but I know my dad,” Jesse paused for a strange moment, like he’d let something slip and was deciding whether to correct it or cover it up. “ _Our_  dad, I guess. He wanted to wait until he had custody, I’m sure. But now he doesn’t want to make you feel indebted to him over it.”

“So you’ll do that for him?”

“No. I just thought you should know. He really loves you, you realize?”

“I  _know,”_  Nick snapped, feeling bristly and defensive. Under the table, Seiji’s hand landed softly on his thigh. Had he been bouncing it again? But at the soft squeeze, Nick recognized it for what it was. A signal to calm down. That it was okay. Nick took in a breath. Let it out. Let the prickly urge to lash out at Jesse go with it.

“All I’m saying is that you should reconsider,” Jesse said. Then, quieter, “I never thought you’d actually turn us down.”

“I’m not,” Nick sighed, reaching for a way to explain. “It’s got nothing to do with whether I want you guys as my family, okay? It’s just what I need to do.”

“Because of your mom,” Jesse said. Seiji’s grip tightened on Nick’s leg. “But playing the martyr isn’t helping anyone.”

“Jesse, that’s enough,” Seiji’s voice was low and clearly a warning. “It’s not for me or Robert or you to decide what Nicholas does. Don’t make this about you. It isn’t.”

“I’m not—,” Jesse stopped mid-sentence. Nick might have gone after him for his martyr comment but then he did something so unexpected, it knocked the comment from Nick’s mind. “Right. You’re right. I’m sorry, Nick.”  _What the fuck?_ Jesse Coste actually apologizing? Without sounding like he’d rather eat nails than do so? Nick was stunned. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

“Uh.” What else was there to say? “Thanks?”

“Sure.” There was a silence now that was only a little awkward. “But—,”

“I’ve got to do some homework,” Nick said, pulling out his computer. He had no desire to continue any possible line of their conversation. Jesse got the hint and fell back in his chair, taking out his phone and tapping away at it. If Nick hadn’t just shut down conversation he would have asked if Jesse was texting his bro-crush. Ah well, there’d be time to make fun of that more later. So Nick occupied himself with his computer. In another moment, Seiji’s hand withdrew from his leg and he was back at his notes.

It was a solid hour or so before Jesse peeked over Nick’s shoulder and narrowed his eyes.

“I thought you said you had to do homework.”

“Right. I do have to do homework. Never said I was going to do it.”

Seiji looked up with detached amusement. “It’s your fault, really, for assuming he meant that he was going to do work on his computer.”

“Screw both of you,” Jesse huffed. Nick laughed.

“Okay, okay, I’m done pretending to be busy. Let’s put on a movie?” Nick nudged Seiji. “It’s time for you to pay attention to me again. You promised.”

“I suppose I did.” Seiji capped his pen and started putting away all his papers and notecards. “Alright then. Shall we use the actual theatre today?”

It was such a little thing, but even without his new knowledge of its significance, Nick would have been able to tell it meant something much bigger than those little words. Jesse’s entire body had locked up, his eyes gone wide, and he looked like he’d forgotten to breathe. He regained himself and shrugged a nod, trying for casual. But this wasn’t casual. This was a step towards forgiveness, if Nick knew Seiji. And he thought he did.

What had changed? Why now?

“Come on, Seiji,” Nick grabbed his hand and started tugging him away from the table to follow Jesse downstairs. “You can finish cleaning up later.”

There was no way Seiji was starting to like Jesse again, Nick reminded himself. No way at all. So there wasn’t any reason to be worried about this step forward Seiji was making towards making up with Jesse. It didn’t mean anything. It was a _good thing_.

Seiji grumbled about leaving his things out, though he did allow Nick to take him into the theatre room. Nick had never been there before but his first impression wasn’t anything about the room itself. It was the way Seiji’s hand tightened around his. The way his steps became hesitant, bordering on reluctant, when they entered it. Nick felt stupid and selfish for worrying that Seiji was warming up to Jesse too much. This was a huge step for him and Nick ought to be proud of him for making it. It would be good for him to be able to let his anger and hurt go. To reclaim this room and his friendship with Jesse—if he wanted to.

“I’ve got you,” Nick whispered to Seiji. Seiji nodded smartly and forged ahead into the room. Nick pulled them to the front row of huge reclining black leather chairs and sat down heavily in one. Seiji tried to sit in the one next to him. Nick didn’t let him, instead pulling at his hand so he stumbled back a bit—just enough for Nick to catch him around the middle and tug him down into the chair Nick was already sitting in. It was a tight fit, but Nick wanted to keep Seiji close. And Seiji let him.


	33. Chapter 33

“Ho-ly shit,” Aiden breathed, each syllable dragging out far longer than they had any need to. Everyone looked to him, expectant. It was unusual to see Aiden visibly surprised. He preferred to appear like he already knew everything there was to know about anything worth knowing. He liked to pretend he was bored by any and all news. He didn’t like to be out of the loop and he liked even less for people to know he was out of the loop. So when Nick and the guys turned to him at the beginning of practice and saw the slack-jawed look of absolute and total astonishment on his face, they all knew he’d just found something good. They waited in anticipation and he delivered. “Robert Coste’s got a bastard son.”

Nick’s reaction was instantaneous. His blood burned hot and then went entirely cold, ice in his veins freezing him in place, unable to move. Unable to think.  _Robert Coste’s got a bastard son._  Again and again, Aiden’s voice echoed so loudly in Nick’s brain he thought the older boy might actually just be repeating it.

_Robert Coste’s got a bastard son._

Everything outside those six words was a numb, buzzing sound.

_Robert Coste’s got a bastard son._

How could this be real?

_Robert Coste’s got a bastard son._

It couldn’t be real.

_Robert Coste’s got a bastard son._

How had it gotten out?

_Robert Coste’s got a bastard son._

Oh god, how  _much_  of it had gotten out?

_Robert Coste’s got a bastard son._

Did they know?

_Robert Coste’s got a bastard son._

Nick tore himself out of the looping sentence just enough to assess his team’s reactions. Were they all staring at him? No. They all looked shocked, but most eyes were still on Aiden, who was taking in a breath to read aloud from his phone. Surely, if the identity of the  _bastard son_  was known, it would have been at the top of whatever article Aiden had pulled up. If they knew, they’d all be watching  _him_ , not Aiden.

Nick thought he was going to be sick. He was going to puke. Right here, right now. And then he was going to pass out in a puddle of his own vomit and hopefully never wake up. Beside him, Eugene’s eyes slid away from Aiden, shock still plastered plainly on his face. But when he saw Nick, shock turned to confused concern. Could he tell? Nick had to look guilty as hell right now. Would they be able to piece it together?

A  _clang_  startled them all back into the gym and broke their concentration on the gossip. An épée rocked back and forth on the polished wood floor, momentum propelling its movement. Only, it wasn’t Nick’s épée. His was still clutched tightly—too tightly—in his hand. The one on the floor was—

“Seiji?” Harvard asked, seeming almost as shocked by this as he’d been by Aiden’s news of a secret Coste child.

“I think I’m going to be sick,” Seiji said and he looked it, too. Skin clammy and face pinched tight, he looked closer to ill than Nick had ever seen him. “Nicholas, could you—take me to the infirmary?”

It took too long for Nick to recognize the rescue, and when he did the warmth he felt for Seiji was enough to thaw his blood from ice. Mutely, he shoved his blade into Eugene’s hands and rushed to Seiji, taking his arm as soon as he was in reach. Then, together, they made their way out of the gym and towards the dorms. But Nick was starting to shake. So violently he thought he might actually fall apart.

Seiji veered them away from the path they’d been on, far away from any prying eyes and behind a familiar tree. Nick’s breath puffed out in little clouds of mist, the sun already pulling tight against the horizon and taking all warmth with it, leaving the campus of Kings Row, so recently dusted in crisp white snow, to the mercy of the cold. But the cold felt good in Nick’s lungs, even as the snow seeped into his worn fencing sneakers and crept in on his toes.

“Nicholas,” Seiji was saying and Nick thought he might have been saying it for a while. “Nicholas, it’s alright. We’ll figure it out. Robert will know what to do, we’ll fix it, okay? Nicholas, are you listening to me?” Seiji’s face was inches away from Nick’s. So close that Nick could feel the warmth of his breath again, could see every detail of his face. Something like muscle memory carried Nick’s hand to cup Seiji’s cheek. Surprise lit in his eyes, but Seiji didn’t pull away. He was so close… “Nick,” Seiji said, voice soft but pressing. “Answer me. Are you listening?”

Nick nodded, shaking away the remnants of the numb ringing in his ears, forcing himself back into the real world and out of his head. Out of his panic. He noticed now that Seiji had both hands curled around his shoulders, fingers pressing in deep the way they’d done so many times before. But Nick didn’t think the pressure was a warning this time. Or revenge. Or even a conscious decision. Seiji’s hold on him wasn’t meant to cause pain but to ground him. And, finally, Nick let it. He nodded again, firmer and more sure this time.

“Good,” Seiji said and his face seemed to relax a little. “Good,” he repeated.

“Yeah,” Nick got out, strained and hoarse. “I’m—,” but he couldn’t even finish the sentence.

“What can I do to help?” Seiji asked.

“I don’t know. Just—just this, I guess,” Nick let out a shaky laugh and realized with relief that it was the only thing shaky about him anymore.

“Do you—?” Seiji started but cut off and took a deep breath instead. Nick felt Seiji’s jaw shift beneath his fingers and considered dropping his hand. But it was warm against Seiji’s cheek so he left it. “Tell me when you’re ready to go back—to our room, not—never mind, you knew what I meant.”

“Yeah,” Nick agreed. “I did.” But he didn’t say anything else, nor did he make any indication that he wanted to head to the dorms.

They stayed under the tree until Nick thought his toes might break clean off from the cold. It may have only been a minute since either of them had last spoken or it may have been twenty. Not that it mattered particularly.

As if sensing Nick’s newfound ability to move, Seiji stepped lightly away, hands falling from Nick’s shoulders right as Nick withdrew his hand from Seiji’s face. And just like that, they were walking towards the dorms again.

“Your hands are red,” Nick said, watching as one of them absently rose to Seiji’s mouth, the way it did sometimes when he was thinking.

“So are yours,” Seiji said dismissively. Looking down, Nick saw that Seiji was right. His hands were red with cold too.

“Better do something about that.” And he snatched Seiji’s hand on its way back down to his side.

“That won’t do anything.” But Seiji’s fingers had already curled to fit against Nick’s.

They didn’t speak again until they reached their room. And it wasn’t really  _them_  that spoke once they did, too stunned to say anything right away. If there was any sight in the world that could strike fear into the hearts of Kings Row students it was Coach Williams standing at your door, arms crossed.

“Get lost on the way here?” She asked.

“Coach,” Nick said weakly, but then nothing else to say occurred to him so his mind supplied the stupidest possible follow-up. “Hi.”

“Hi,” Coach replied with a tiny hint of amusement. Then she dangled out a very familiar keyring on one finger. “Enlighten me, you two,” she said, slow and dangerous, “on how you planned to get into your rooms with no keys.”

That was…a good question. Nick let go of Seiji’s hand to pat himself down but, of course, found himself free of keys or phone or anything. They hadn’t grabbed their bags when leaving and fencing jackets didn’t have pockets. The knickers did, but that wasn’t for personal items.

“Coach Williams,” Seiji sounded collected and confident. Not at all like  _he_  was about to stutter out a ‘hi.’ “I assure you we weren’t ditching.”

“Really?” Coach asked, arching a sardonic brow.

“Not without good reason,” Seiji amended quickly.

“I know why you left,” she said, slotting Nick’s key into their lock and opening the door. It took a minute to process that she meant for them to go in and they hesitantly complied as soon as the realization hit. It was strange, to be sure, for your coach to follow you into your dorm room but Nick was too—too  _everything_  to care much. Seiji, though. Seiji held himself up in the perfect image of himself he liked to show other people.

“Are we—,”

“Relax, Seiji, you’re not in trouble.” Coach William’s eyes flicked over Nick and she frowned. With concern, he thought. “Considering the circumstances, it’s understandable. Take the day off, regroup. But don’t make a habit of this, understood?”

“Yes, Coach,” Nick and Seiji said in near-perfect unison. Coach nodded, tossed Nick his keys.

“I’ll see what I can do to curb the gossip.”

“Put  _Robert Coste’s bastard son_  on the wall?” Nick suggested helpfully and Coach barked a laugh. It made him feel better to have made someone laugh.

“We’ll see.”

“Thank you, Coach,” Seiji said which was strange since it was  _Nick_  she was helping. Coach Williams nodded at him in acknowledgment before turning eyes back on Nick.

“And Nicholas,” she said, holding out something more for him to take. He expected it to be a dentition slip after all but it was only his phone. He took it gratefully and meant to thank her himself now. He didn’t have time. “My door’s always open if you need it.” And then  _their_  door closed and she was gone. Nick stared at it, wondered if he should call a  _thank you_  down the hall or something.

“No point staying in our wet uniforms,” Seiji said, drawing Nick’s attention away from their door. Seiji’s eyes were fixed with dissatisfaction on his soaked shoes and calves, then at Nick’s with an even deeper frown. “Go change.”

Nick snorted a little at being instructed to change his clothes like a kid just in from the park and dirty from it. But he did as he was told right away instead of being difficult. Mostly because he  _was_  cold and soft sweats sounded really good right now.

“Not—,” Seiji spluttered and Nick looked up to see him red-faced and wide-eyed, “I  _meant_ go change in the bathroom, not in the middle of—the indecency of you is astounding—why are you still undressing?” He demanded at last and Nick had to try really hard not to laugh. But it was pretty funny, the way Seiji was freaking out over this.

“Dude,” Nick said flatly, stripping off his knickers and kicking them to a corner. “I’m pretty sure you’ve seen me change before. Actually, I’m really sure you have. Does the locker room ring any bells?”

“It’s different,” Seiji said, scowling.

“You’re right,” Nick nodded. “It’s my room. Why would I change in the bathroom? Just turn around if it bothers you.” It was like that option hadn’t occurred to Seiji before Nick had said it and, now that he had, Seiji whirled around so fast it practically gave Nick whiplash.

But without the familiar banter or the distraction of Coach Williams paying him a personal visit, the reality of Nick’s situation hit him again. Suddenly it was a great effort to pull on his warm clothes and climb onto his bed. Sitting with his back to the wall, he let himself steal one last moment of comfort.

“You know,” Nick said, tone only slightly off from how he usually would have delivered the line. He wasn’t fool enough anymore to think Seiji wouldn’t catch it but that didn’t really matter. “With the duck curtain’s new configuration, I can see you now.”

Seiji spun to look for himself but it was clear right away. The gap left by the curtain perfectly revealed the once-concealed portion of the room by Seiji’s bed. He’d already changed into dry pants but his arms were only starting into the sleeves of a new shirt when he turned his glare on Nick.

“What was that about changing in the bathroom?” Nick asked lightly.

“And what was that about turning around?” Seiji fired back.

“It was about turning away if you were  _bothered_.” It was a perfectly timed and delivered snap-back but Seiji didn’t react much at all. He pulled on his shirt and readjusted the long sleeves so that the seams ran from the inside of his wrists up to his armpits in a perfect line. And when he was done, he looked to Nick with that little frown tucked between his eyebrows and in the corners of his lips.

“Your face is all wrong,” he said, carefully stepping under the curtain line. “You’d have said that with one of your awful grins. Either the leering grin or the teasing grin—,”

“The  _what_  grins?” Nick asked, an actual splutter of a laugh erupting from him as Seiji stopped to stand just in front of him.

“I don’t like to repeat myself. You’ve got all sorts of smiles and they all mean different things. As I was saying, your face was all wrong for that abysmal joke. That’s your  _I’m fine_ smile and it always means you’re not fine.”

“Obviously I’m not fine,” Nick muttered, shrugging away from Seiji’s gaze.

“Obviously not,” Seiji agreed. And he didn’t ask it in words but Nick knew his secret language now. The fingers tapping impatiently on his crossed arms, the tilted head, the thoughtful eyes.  _What are you going to do to fix it?_  He was asking.

Putting it off wouldn’t make it any better. So, with a sigh, Nick picked up his phone and checked it. It was a mess, as he’d suspected it would be. Missed calls and heaps of texts, three names littering his screen. Esme, Robert, and even Jesse.

“Who should I—?” Nick asked aloud, voice trailing off. Should he call his mom back first or Robert? He knew which one he’d rather talk to about this, but it didn’t convince him to press call. Robert  _would_  know what to do, though, right? More than Esme would? Nick thought that Robert was probably the right choice, just from a logical standpoint. 

Nick’s phone rang in his hands and he almost dropped it in alarm. He fumbled his phone but caught it fast and recovered from his mini freak-out. He only glanced at the phone briefly to see who it was before taking it and pressing the phone to his ear.

“Hi, Mom.”


	34. Chapter 34

Nick saw the surprise in Seiji even without looking up at his face. He’d expected Nick to call Robert first. Robert was more directly tied to this mess. It would’ve made sense. And Nick  _had_  planned to call him first for exactly that reason. But he wasn’t about to purposefully ignore his mom’s call so he could turn around and call Robert instead.

“Are you alright?” Esme asked, concern hitting him full force. She almost never sounded like that.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Nick said, ignoring the huff from Seiji at this tried-and-true phrase that Nick used so frequently.

“They don’t know it’s you, baby,” she said and Nick knew she either wanted something from him or was  _extremely_  worried for him. She never called him anything but  _Nicholas_  unless something was up. “I’ve checked everywhere but it’s all just gossip. You’re okay. They don’t know. They  _won’t_  know it’s you. We’ll make sure they don’t. So don’t worry, okay?”

“What can we do to stop them?” Nick asked, unable to keep his worry from his mom. Not when she sounded like this. Like she was his mom and he was her baby and she was determined to take care of him. When she talked like that it made it harder for him to take care of her instead. So he let his worry out. And while she thought on his question on the other side of the phone, he saw Seiji begin to pull away. Nick caught him before he could. Not very gracefully, just with a handful of shirt and a yank. It was enough. Seiji was sitting beside him in a matter of seconds, looking only somewhat stiff and unsure what to do next. Nick kind of loved that he looked that way but stayed  _anyway._  Just because Nick had asked him to.

“We’ll have to talk with Robert,” Esme said at last. And Nick was sure he’d imagined it. His mom willingly suggesting they go to  _Robert Coste?_  The man that’d abandoned her? That had proven he couldn’t be depended on? And she was saying they should go depend on him?

“Mom?” He asked, unable to come up with anything else to say.

“He is a big, important man with lots of money. He can make this go away,” she said, sounding sure. Nick was less sure. If Robert could stop the rumors, how had they gotten out? “He owes us this much, at least.”

“I don’t know if he can do anything about it,” Nick hedged.

“Nonsense. He’s got to. This is exactly what I worried about.” And here it was. The  _I told you so._  The evidence, in her eyes, that this whole thing with Robert was a mistake. But the gloating didn’t come. “He’s ruined his own reputation with this, no reason for him to ruin  _yours_  too. You’re so young, Nicholas. You have so much potential. What will the world see of  _you_  if this gets out? All you’ll be to those people is Coste’s illegitimate son.”

“You’re—worried about my  _career?”_  Nick asked, disbelieving. His eyes slid over to Seiji, remembering that one of the first things  _he’d_ said when learning about Nick’s parentage was something along those same lines. But that made sense from Seiji. All Seiji cared about was fencing; of course he’d think first of the implications within that context. But Esme? “You don’t care about fencing. You never wanted me to fence.”

“I know,” Esme said, like it was trivial and of no consequence at all. “But you care about it so much. Just like  _he_  did. I don’t want him taking that from you.” Nick braced himself for a likening of this to Robert’s so-called attempt to steal him from her. But he was surprised again. “I don’t know anything about that world but I know that nobody takes kindly to our type of people to begin with. They’ll take Robert’s infidelity and dirty you with it too. This is why I told you to stay away from him, I didn’t want him to hurt you too.”

“He’s not  _hurting_  me,” Nick protested automatically.

“We’ll call him and make this disappear. And then you’ll have to take a break from visiting him. Until it all dies down.” She sounded genuinely sincere. Like she just wanted what was best for him. And he thought she did. He could feel the truth of her worry. She’d wanted to protect him from the hurt, whether purposeful or not, Robert might give him. The damage it could have on his fencing—something she knew he loved more than anything.

“Let me call Robert,” he said.

“Nicholas, baby, I can—,”

“Mom, please?” He asked and hung up once she’d agreed. Because her worry was real and the reasons she’d told him for wanting Robert out of his life were true. He knew they were. But that didn’t mean other motives weren’t true too. Her worry over his career didn’t excuse all of her antics with Robert. But it did make him feel better to know that some part of it had come from this worry for him rather than revenge against his dad.

“That went…well?” Seiji pulled Nick back to the present and he nodded.

“Super well,” he said. The thing was, Nick knew his mom loved him. Obviously, she loved him. She just didn’t always know how to show it right. Or how to be a mom in all the ways she maybe should be. But she did her best and she loved him. And a reminder of that every now and then was nice.

“And now you call Robert?” Seiji asked, not one to allow for a break. Typical Seiji behavior.

“Yeah, and now I call Robert,” Nick sighed, but he wasn’t irritated by the push to go on.

The phone only rang once before it was picked up.

“Nick,” Robert said, no wasted time for pleasantries. “How’re you holding up?”

“Fine.”

“Don’t give me that,” Robert said with a laugh Nick recognized. But not from having ever heard it in Robert before. From himself. That nerves-disguised-as-bravado laugh was one of Nick’s specialties. “This is a shit situation, you can admit it to me.”

“It could be worse,” Nick relented. “But it’s pretty shit.”

“You’re exactly right on both counts.” A tiny pause that felt like Robert steeling himself on the other end of the line. “I think we need to talk about some things, Nick.”

“Yeah,” Nick said, a little confused. Wasn’t that what they were doing?

“I’m at Kings Row, around the back where I usually park on Saturdays. If you’ve got a minute, let’s grab burgers and figure out how we want to play this.”

“But—you’re at work,” Nick protested dumbly.

“Not just now,” Robert said and Nick could hear his smile. “Left the office early today.”

“But…you can’t just  _ditch work.”_  Taking a phone call at work was risky enough but leaving? Without proper notice?

“They’ll survive without me for an afternoon. And my boys are always more important than my work.”

Nick didn’t tell him as much but he thought Robert was pretty lucky to be able to say that. He knew his mom had risked getting in trouble with her boss by even having her phone out. And here Robert was, waltzing out of work to come grab burgers. He liked that Robert was able to do that. But he knew that sometimes prioritizing your kids meant taking the extra shift instead of ditching work to be there for them. He hadn’t known before Robert that there were different ways to take care of your kids.

“I know it’s last minute,” Robert said after a long pause. “But do you think you could squeeze me in?”

“I—yeah,” Nick was already standing. “I’ll be there in a sec.”

It only took a minute to get into shoes and a coat, then tuck his phone into his pocket. All the while, Seiji had stayed seated on his bed, watching. Nick turned to him, meaning to explain.

“I know,” Seiji said, waving off his explanation. “I could hear.”

“Snoop,” Nick accused. Seiji didn’t deny it. Hovering by the door, Nick felt strange to just leave without Seiji. “I—,”

“Go. I’ll be here when you get back.”

“ _Right_  there?”

“If you want me to be.”

“You know I do,” Nick smiled. He wasn’t sure what kind of smile Seiji would classify it as but, apparently, it was capable of turning his cheeks the lightest shade of pink. “See you soon, Seiji.”

***

The moment Nick slid into the car, they were off.

“Do you think it’s a good idea to be here?” Nick asked. “Now that there’s…I don’t know, more risk in being found out?”

“That’s actually what I wanted to talk to you about,” Robert said and the fact that he shot a glance at Nick even as he was driving was telling to how apprehensive he was about this talk. “There’re two ways to proceed from here. Either we let that risk dictate our lives and stop me from coming to Kings Row, stop you from coming to my house, and stop us from seeing each other with any sort of ease. Or we leave that worry behind and deal with the consequences head-on.”

“What?” Nick must have misheard. “You don’t mean that we should  _tell_  people?”

“I do,” Robert said with conviction. “This was bound to happen eventually—,”

“ _Bound to happen?”_  Nick repeated, something of his mom’s suspicion and skepticism flooding him. “And you just  _let_  it?”

“Rumors can’t be stopped from gathering, Nick. Especially not when I’ve been going to court for paternity matters. It was only a matter of time before that got out.”

“And you didn’t think to tell me? That paternity meant  _this?_  What if I don’t want all the rumors, what if I’d rather have had a normal life and career?” Nick thought he’d gone too far, that he was being unfair. But it was too late to take back and he didn’t even know if he wanted to. Not until the car pulled into the parking lot of a small park.  _Then_  he wished he could take it back because Robert must be really upset if he was pulling over. Nick had friends whose dads hit them. He didn’t think Robert was like that. But, then, he’d never made Robert angry before.

“You’re mad,” Robert said as the car’s engine went silent. Nick turned to look at him with complete surprise. Because he’d expected  _Robert_ to be mad, not for him to accuse Nick of it. “That’s understandable. This is a hard situation all around and it’s my fault you’re in it. You have every right to be angry with me and with the people who leaked our business and with the people who would use this against you if they knew about it.” And Nick realized that he’d been right the first time. Robert  _was_  mad. But not at him. Robert was mad at himself, at the press, and at the people Nick would have to deal with. It was obvious in his voice and in his face when he said it just how angry he was.

“I’m—,” what? What was Nick? He didn’t feel particularly mad, not even at Robert. Not really. He’d only lashed out because he was— “Scared.” He admitted it quietly and saw right away how it softened Robert’s anger. “You can’t stop them from finding out it’s me, can you?”

Slowly, regretfully, Robert shook his head. “No, I don’t think I can. Definitely not if I want to be a part of your life. But—Nick, I can try. There’s a chance we could keep these rumors away from you. It would mean some… _changes_  would need to happen. But we can try.”

Nick didn’t ask what kind of  _changes_  Robert was talking about. He knew. No more dad, basically. Back to how it used to be. This time he might be able to talk with Robert through secure emails but it wouldn’t…it wouldn’t be  _this_  anymore. And Nick liked  _this._  He had, since the start, secretly hoped to get  _this_. It was why he’d ignored the risks. He couldn’t pretend he hadn't known just as well as Robert had that this was bound to happen. Seiji had said so too, that first day. He couldn’t pretend ignorance or shove all the blame on Robert for not giving him the choice. Nick hadn’t needed to be offered it; he’d already made his decision. So he shook his head. And felt all the more sick for it.

“What’re we going to do?” He asked helplessly. “Everyone’s going to know and then they’ll all expect me to be like you but I’m not—and they’ll all be talking and it won’t ever stop, will it? I’ll be hearing them talk behind my back for the rest of my life.”

“Yes,” Robert said simply. “But the voices will quiet, over time. And others will join them, Nick. It’s a side effect of being great. People are always talking. And I know you  _will_  be great, kid. I’ve known since the first time I saw you fence. You’ve got it in you to be every bit as good as I was. I’m hoping you’ll be better. You’d have rumors following you no matter what. And these ones will be tough, I’m not going to lie. They’ll stick, too. But they’ll be drowned out by your own achievements. You’ll be okay, you’ll be more than okay. Just give it some time.”

“You really think so?”

“I swore off lying years ago,” Robert said with a smile, one of his big hands coming to tousle Nick’s hair and pull him in for a half-hug over the center console. “We’ll be okay.”

“Wait—you and Jesse—,”

“I told you, we’ve known this was going to happen eventually and we’re ready and willing to deal with the repercussions.”

“Try telling Jesse that,” Nick said, imagining him taking the news with anger and contempt. God, he was going to  _hate_  Nick for fucking up his perfect reputation.

“I’ve already talked to Jesse,” Robert said calmly.

“Really?”

“Yes and he agrees. We’d rather have you in our lives as part of the family than as a secret.”

“You’re sure you didn’t hallucinate that?”

“Positive. When custody was still being talked about, Jesse and Sam were part of that conversation. We talked about all of this,” Robert frowned slightly. “Perhaps I should have involved you more in those conversations too. I’m sorry.”

Nick wasn’t used to being apologized to over little things like that and all he could do was shake his head. He couldn’t believe  _Jesse_  had been okay with this clusterfuck. That he had been, apparently, for some time. 

Robert started the car again and they were pulling back onto the street. They were on their way to one of their usual places when something occurred to Nick.

“Hey, we’ll be able to go to real restaurants around here soon.”

“That we will,” Robert smiled. “Any requests?”

“Yeah, actually, there’s somewhere I’d like to go.” And a question he’d like to ask about the little initials carved neatly into a tall wooden post there.

***

When Nick got back to his room, he found that Seiji, true to his word, had waited for him. Nick might have questioned if he’d moved at all but both their bags had been retrieved from the gym and Seiji had his computer propped on his lap. Nick gladly climbed onto his bed and peeked over to see what Seiji was working on. Nothing fun, that was for sure. But nothing else could be ascertained before Seiji shut his laptop and set it aside.

“You’re here,” Nick said with a grin.

“So are you,” Seiji answered, trying for an air of impatience with Nick’s behavior. But Nick wasn’t buying it. Seiji had made sure to be exactly where Nick had asked him to be. And that was something. More than Nick had ever asked of anyone, come to think of it. Seiji just made it too easy to ask too much of him.

“I am. Are you gonna ask me about it?”

“No need. You’re going to tell me.”

And Seiji was right. Nick told him everything from start to finish. It was only once he was done that it occurred to him how strange this exchange would have seemed to him a couple months ago. The fact that he’d easily and willingly tell Seiji anything was…kind of insane. That he looked forward to telling Seiji things—anything, from dumb nothings to big bombs of shit like this—it was even stranger. And that Seiji knew he’d be told without having to ask? Also crazy. This whole relationship had gone so beyond what Nick had ever expected it could be and he didn’t really know how that’d even happened. But he was glad it had.

“Anyway, can you believe that?  _Jesse_  said he didn’t care about getting major shit over this. It’s like he actually likes me or something.”

“Of course he does,” Seiji said, his voice betraying that he thought Nick was being dumb. “I’ve told you before: Jesse collects friends but he hardly ever offers his genuine friendship in return. You won him over. He doesn’t apologize to people he doesn’t care about it. And he doesn’t take their advice, either.”

“Take my advice?” Something tickled in Nick’s brain.

“I can’t believe you, did you honestly think the Costes wouldn’t be willing to deal with whatever came of having you in the family?”

“I’m not—I mean, I turned them down. Like Jesse said, I said  _no_  to being in their family.”

“You’re a lot of things, Nicholas, but right now your stupid is showing.”

“Hey!”

“Honestly, how you can understand emotions so well up until the moment they’ve got anything to do with  _you_  is beyond me.”

“I’m—,”

“Don’t you get it? Until you see yourself as part of the family, you won’t be. Legality doesn’t matter. And  _that’s_  why you couldn’t punch Jesse in the beginning. If you only see Robert as Jesse’s dad, you’ll always be worrying that Robert will choose his  _real_  son over you. It doesn’t matter that Robert’s always seen you as his real son. Or that Jesse’s come around to the idea of having you for a brother.  _You_  have to decide that you belong with them. Custody or no, you’re still undecided on that. On if you’re actually part of that family too.”

“Wait,  _that’s_  what you meant when you said I couldn’t fight Jesse? Why couldn’t you have just said that?” It was a dumb detail to get stuck on but Nick was stalling for time to process what Seiji had said.

“I thought it was obvious.”

“I thought you were saying I’d never fit—,” he cut off because Seiji was frowning, looking almost…guilty?

“I didn’t mean to cause you more worry. I’d truly thought—but I should have known. It’s just like you to worry over that.”

Nick opened his mouth, unsure what to say, closed it again. But then he realized where the mix-up had happened.

“It’s my fault,” Nick said, almost laughing. “I assumed the worst of you and thought you were being brutally honest in a mean sort of way.”

“I do have a habit of honesty that many have called mean.”

“Don’t get me wrong, you have your moments. But you’re a good guy, overall. And probably the best friend I’ve ever had.”

Seiji shrugged, as if to say it was nothing, and brushed back his hair with his hand. It couldn’t block his pleased little smile from Nick, though. That smile—and the way Seiji had tried to cover it up—made him want to…he didn’t know, really.  _Something_. His hand lifted of its own accord. He had no idea what he intended to do with it but it was steadily climbing towards Seiji’s face.

“Have you?” Seiji asked abruptly. Nick dropped his hand in surprise at the sudden outburst.

“Have I what?”

“Started seeing Robert as your dad? As much as Jesse’s?”

“I—,” Nick was a little disoriented still from the switch in topic. But the answer came easily, almost accidentally. “Yeah. I have.”


	35. Chapter 35

Nick couldn’t stop thinking about it. Any of it. It was understandable, he thought, that he kept thinking about the hottest gossip at Kings Row. It was about him, after all, even if no one knew it. But that wasn’t the only thing Nick kept thinking on. It wasn’t just waiting for the world to find out he was the illegitimate son of Robert Coste—or, more like, for Robert to release the information before it could be sussed out by someone else.  _Getting ahead of the story,_  Robert had said. And, yeah. That was stressful. But then he’d remember his mom’s worry for his career. Or how  _Jesse_  was just as willing to ‘deal with the consequences’ as Robert was. Or about Seiji’s assessment of Nick’s place in the Coste family. It felt like there was a lot happening and it all bounced around ruthlessly in his brain.

It’d only been a couple days since that first news had broken about Robert but it felt like it’d been going on for ages by the time Saturday rolled around and Nick’s concentration—and, consequently, his fencing—was suffering from it. Robert, for his part, was more in Dad Mode than Coach Mode because he was being way nicer about all of Nick’s missteps than usual. It made sense, really. Robert had had a week very similar to Nick’s. Doubtless, he’d done his fair share of worrying and had a million things bouncing around in  _his_  brain too.

“Good job today, kiddo,” Robert said, lying through his teeth. But Nick wasn’t about to ask for a lecture so he just nodded. “Go get cleaned up, grab your guy, and let’s go home.”

“You got it, Coach,” Nick said and was halfway through showering when it occurred to him that he’d found nothing in Robert’s sentence strange until just now. … _Grab your guy, and let’s go home._  It was strange that his brain hadn’t protested to either the suggestion that Seiji was  _his guy_  or that the Coste residence could be called  _home._  He was tired, that was all. And both were close to being true, in their own way. So it wasn’t such a huge deal that they’d slipped past his radar and resonated as true.

Nick dawdled in the showers and by the time he’d finally stepped into clean clothes, Seiji was already back in the gym talking with his personal coach. Nick gave them a wide berth when walking past them because not even he was dense enough to miss the disapproving looks Dmytro would shoot him. So he scooched around them with care and went outside to find Robert.

“You think it’s smart to just be chilling here so obviously?” Nick asked him, taking up a spot against the wall next to his dad. Robert chuckled and looked down at him.

“I don’t think it matters that much,” he said. Nick guessed that was true. “I’m meeting with one of my connections in the press on Monday, the story will break sometime shortly after. You still up for it?”

“Yeah,” Nick said, nervous but sure. “Bring it on.” But his nerves must have been getting the better of him because, as he and Robert waited for Seiji to come out, he was almost sure he saw movement nearby. Like a figure darting for cover. But then Seiji was walking out of the gym and Nick pushed off thoughts of investigating. It was probably his imagination. And, if not, what did it matter at this point?

“Sorry for the wait,” Seiji said, easily slipping his hand into Nick’s as he pushed away from the wall.

“No worries at all,” Robert was already pulling out his car keys as they began walking to the parking lot tucked nearest to the gym.

“I think your coach hates me,” Nick said to Seiji.

“Dmytro? No, he doesn’t  _hate_  you. He just…”

“Dislikes me?”

“Thinks you distract me, if you must know,” Seiji huffed but, for once, his huffiness wasn’t directed at Nick. “Which is absurd; I’m  _not_  distracted by anything when I’m fencing. I’ve got more discipline than that.”

“Lend me some of it,” Nick requested jokingly. “Lately I get distracted by everything all the damn time.”

Seiji glanced at him and frowned slightly. “You were particularly terrible this morning.” Nick had to laugh because only Seiji would say something like that without intended malice. Sometimes he just said what was true and it had a habit of coming out in the meanest way possible. Nick was used to it by now.

“How would you know?” Nick teased. “I thought you weren’t distracted by  _anything_  while you fenced.”

Seiji flushed and made a show of going around the car to let himself in so Nick would know he didn’t appreciate that comment.

***

When Robert pulled up to the house, Nick realized that it was as familiar as his mom’s house. It felt like it belonged to him as much as the house he’d grown up in did. And, there again, was the memory of Seiji’s words.  _Until you see yourself as part of the family, you won’t be_. And when he walked into the house with Robert to a cheery  _hello_  from Sam and a casual  _hey_  from Jesse, Nick thought that he  _felt_  like a part of this family.

He felt like he belonged here as they ate lunch and talked about school and fencing and Nick’s first driving lesson—during which he’d had his foot on the break more than he’d had it on the gas. And he felt like he belonged after lunch when he and Seiji and Jesse all worked on homework—for real and with minimal goofing off. And he felt like he belonged after that when Nick found an old Wii in the theatre room and he and Jesse played Mario Kart on the giant screen while Seiji, not one to play video games, dozed off quietly, head tucked against Nick’s chest. And he felt like he belonged when Jesse started texting someone a little  _too_  eagerly and he tried to wrestle the phone from him to see who the mystery person on the other end was. He kept waiting for that shadow of unease to come. The one that reminded him he was an outsider and a burden. But it didn’t and Nick almost forgot to dread its appearance as he tried to snatch the phone from Jesse.

“Shut up, you two,” Seiji said, grouchy and squinting as he pushed up from Nick’s chest to see what all the ruckus that’d woken him up was about.

“Nick started it!” Jesse protested, his phone held just out of Nick’s reach.

“Did not,” Nick retorted. No one believed him.

“Why is it that you two always sound like a couple of preschoolers?” Seiji asked, fully exasperated now.

“Says the one taking a nap,” Jesse said and Nick laughed in appreciation. “Just tell your boyfriend to leave me alone and then you can get back to it.”

“He’s  _your_  brother, you make him stop.”

“You don’t think I tried?”

“I wish you’d tried harder and gotten him under control before I woke up. Nicholas, cut that out,” Seiji snapped and Nick’s first instinct was to  _not_  cut it out just to show Seiji that he couldn’t make Nick do anything. “If you’re not going to settle down you can go share a seat with Jesse. I’ve got no tolerance for this nonsense.” And apparently, Seiji  _could_  make Nick do some things.

“Fine,” Nick slumped back into his and Seiji’s chair. And, catching Jesse’s smug face, he glared. “Not a word.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it, little bro,” Jesse said in  _the most_  patronizing way possible. Nick stuck out his tongue. Settling back down into the chair and picking up his controller, Nick kept turning that phrase over in his mind.  _Little bro._  It was so strange because Jesse had always been Nick’s  _half-_ brother. Nothing more than that. But it all kind of clicked into place as Nick watched the looping footage of their last lap around Rainbow Road.

Jesse  _was_  his big brother. And he felt a surge of affection connected to that title that he’d never expected.

And Robert was  _his_  dad. Just as much as he was Jesse’s. And just as much his parent as his mom was, which was the bigger realization.

And Samantha, too. Happy, chill, laughing Sam. She was kind of his step-mom, wasn’t she?

And he  _liked_  that. He  _wanted_  that. It was a relief to finally and fully admit it to himself. He wanted to be a part of this family. And he didn’t have to give up his mom to do that. He didn’t even have to give the Costes anything more than this for it to be true. For him to be family. But, suddenly, terrifyingly, he wanted to.

“Jesse,” Nick said carefully. Jesse must have recognized his tone of voice because he was looking over at Nick with suspicion. And, Nick noticed with amusement, his phone held securely.

“What do you want?”

“Your car.”

“I’m—what? You can’t even drive. No way I’m letting you near my baby. Dad’ll buy you your own fucking car, stay away from mine.”

“Jesus fucking Christ you’re such a rich kid.  _Dad’ll buy you your own car_ ,” Nick repeated with light-hearted mockery. “Anyway, I don’t want to drive it. I need you to take me somewhere.”

“Ask Dad to take you.”

“I don’t want Dad to take me. C’mon, you’re always bitching that you don’t get to drive enough.” Nick didn’t understand why Jesse and Seiji were both staring at him like that. He’d only said that— _oh._  Nick was pretty sure it was the first time he’d ever referred to Robert as  _Dad_. And he heated a little when he realized how easily it had accidentally slipped out.

“Jesse doesn’t actually like  _driving_ ,” Seiji said and pulled himself out of the chair to stretch slightly. “He only likes his car. I’ll drive. Take us to mine, Jesse?” Jesse faltered for a moment, looking between Seiji and Nick like he thought he was missing something. He probably was, to be honest. Seiji was shrewd and meticulously observant when he cared to be. Nick would bet just about anything that he knew what Nick was thinking right now.

“I want to go too,” Jesse said, also getting up and Nick followed suit. “Wherever you’re going, I want to go too.”

“And  _I_  want to drive,” Seiji said casually, leading them up the stairs. “So you’ll be in the back.”

Jesse grumbled. “I hate the back. It tangles my hair.”

“It’s a long drive, so bring a coat,” Seiji said with a tiny smile that looked scarily sweet. Nick knew those smiles were trouble. “You too, Nicholas. It will get cold.”


	36. Chapter 36

“There is no way in fuck that  _that_  is  _your_  car,” Nick said, staring in disbelief at the little yellow convertible they were all gathered around in one of Seiji’s garages.

“How much are you willing to bet on that?” Seiji asked, pulling out his keyring, selecting one, and opening the driverside door.

“Holy shit. I’m sorry, but this is messing with my whole image of you. I just can’t get over it.”

“You only have to get in it,” Seiji said easily as he pressed the button to unlock all doors. Nick barked a laugh.

“Fuck. Like, I don’t like cars. But this is a pretty cool one.” Nick wasn’t ready to stop marveling over this new development. A convertible? Seiji? Nick had expected a luxury car, something like Robert’s. Either black or navy blue. Four doors and posh electronic accessories and a solid roof. But this Mustang—because even  _Nick_  knew what the horse logo meant—was way cooler than that. And it didn’t fit with Nick’s image of Seiji. Especially when Seiji reached into the back seat and shook out a jacket made of soft looking leather. “You absolutely can  _not_  put that on,” Nick told him.

“And why not?” Seiji was already pulling it on.

“Because now  _you_  look cool too and I’m not used to that.”

Seiji actually laughed. And it was a rare enough thing that Nick had to stop to appreciate it a little. Then Jesse made a gagging face and Nick shoved him.

“You’ll want to sit behind Nicholas,” Seiji said, flicking eyes over to Jesse like he’d forgotten he was there. “Make sure to get in before he sits down because I won’t have you climbing over the side of my car.”

Jesse looked at the little yellow car and the seat that must pull forward to let him into the back and at the minimal leg room behind it. He didn’t look thrilled.

“We’re really driving with the top down?” Nick asked.

“The weather’s nice enough to allow it.”

“But won’t you get cold?”

“It’s not bad up front. Now get in unless you want to be back here past midnight.”

Nick shrugged. “After you,” he said, turning to Jesse. But Jesse was frowning and making no move to get in.

“I hate the back,” he reiterated. “I think I’ll go back home and let Dad know you guys went off to who knows where.” He eyed Nick like he wanted a specific answer on the destination of this trip.

“You’re not coming?” Nick asked instead, not because he wanted to keep it a secret but because he honestly hadn’t expected Jesse to let him go anywhere alone with Seiji. Jesse wouldn’t have, a month ago.

“You try sitting in the back in winter during a  _long drive_ ,” Jesse said, then threw up his hands. “You know what, you can explain it all when you get back.”

Nick watched Jesse climbed back into his car—a silver thing with doors like wings which was exactly what Nick would have expected from him—and couldn’t believe it when he actually drove away. Nick would have told him but Jesse had actually backed off instead of pressing further for an answer. Nick shook his head in wonder and finally got into the passenger seat next to Seiji.

Nick should have guessed, really, at how smoothly Seiji backed out of the garage and turned them onto the streets of his fancy neighborhood. How well he navigated the roads and pulled onto a freeway with a hell of a lot of merging required without any problems at all. Like it was easy. Second nature. Of course Seiji would be great at driving. What  _wasn’t_  he great at? And he looked good, too, behind the wheel. The longer Nick saw him there, the more  _right_  this car felt for Seiji. Better suited to him than the boring fancy-ass car Nick had been imaging.

“You’ll have to start navigation to get us to your mom’s,” Seiji called over the roar of wind kicked up by the car. “I only know the general direction from what you’ve said before. There’s a cord that plugs into the radio.”

“How’d you know I wanted to see my mom?” Nick asked as he located the turquoise cord that Seiji had mentioned and started up his maps app.

“Where else would you have wanted to go?”

“Fair point,” Nick conceded and then stopped talking since the noise of the wind tempted him into a comfortable silence. He put on some music and rather expected Seiji to snap at him to turn it off or change it. But Seiji only reached over to the knob of the radio—not ever looking away from the road or fumbling in his search—and turned the volume up a couple notches.

And so it went, the cold wind blowing in around them and the heat turned up to blast on their feet and faces—the temperature somehow just right. The radio turned up and at Nick’s disposal. The scenery flashing past them and the road stretching on before them and the sun getting lower in the sky as they drove down it.

Nick liked it better than he’d ever liked any sort of driving before. He liked convertibles, he decided. He liked how it felt a bit like a rollercoaster when you put your face up against the rushing air. He liked the roar of it fighting with the sound of the music. He liked driving with Seiji, who drove fast but sure and didn’t tell him to skip a single song. Usually driving was just a way to get from one place to another. But this drive felt as important as the destination.

“You really do like driving,” Nick said eventually, eye caught once again by Seiji’s sun-warmed profile. It was obvious he enjoyed it and he was really good at it to boot. Nick didn’t think he only thought so because of his recent attempt to operate a vehicle either. Seiji just seemed so at ease behind the wheel and it was, in a way, amazing to watch

“Yes,” Seiji agreed. “I do. Mom started teaching me when I was thirteen.”

“That’s super illegal,” Nick laughed. He could imagine Mari pulling something like that, but Seiji? “And you allowed that?”

“We only drove around the neighborhood. It wasn’t as if I was on any freeways or driving in the city.”

“Bet she didn’t let you try that until you were fourteen.”

“You make fun of me for following rules and now you’re making fun of me for breaking them? Just what do you want from me, Nicholas?”

“I don’t know but I wasn’t expecting this,” Nick said, still watching Seiji. He couldn’t help but marvel at how good Seiji looked with the wind blowing through his hair. And how amazing it was that Seiji  _let_  it. That he liked to drive with the top down and let the cold air in to tangle through his hair. And he looked relaxed, too. More at ease than Nick usually saw him. Nick could imagine him getting in this car and driving when he needed to unwind, letting the wind beat away his worries and the sound drown out his thoughts. “But I like it,” Nick finished his thought a little late and a little quiet. He didn’t know if it got lost in the wind or not. Either way, Seiji kept driving and Nick tried to divert his attention outward to the scenery darting past them.

He didn’t have much success keeping his eyes on the road, though.  _Good thing I’m not the one driving,_  Nick thought when his eyes were drawn back to Seiji again and again to appreciate his wind-blown hair or trace the lines of his torso, snug in that leather jacket he’d zipped up as high as it would go. He couldn’t image this excursion revealing any more surprises about Seiji but he was wrong. As they were nearing the exit for Nick’s town, he heard the faint sound of Seiji’s voice, practically snatched away by the wind before Nick caught it. He thought Seiji was talking to him at first but then saw the way his lips formed the words—absently, unmeaning, without thought. And when Nick strained to hear what came out he realized that Seiji was  _singing_   _along_  to the song currently playing. That Seiji was singing at all was surprise enough but it was one of  _Nick’s_  songs. One of the ones he had downloaded on his phone so he could play it anywhere. One of his favorites. And he was sure Seiji had told him to  _turn off that noise_  before in reference to this specific song. But here he was. Singing along without meaning to, getting every word that Nick could hear right.

Another surge of affection rushed through him, similar to the ones he’d felt for each member of the Coste family but not quite the same.

***

“I’ll wait in the car,” Seiji said as he pulled up to the house Nick had grown up in.

“That’s probably for the best.” Nick climbed out of the car and shut the door, looking back at Seiji briefly. He made an impatient shooing motion and Nick laughed. The laughter was gone by the time he’d reached his front doors but the memory of it made him feel better.

“Mom?” Nick called, pushing in the door and pocketing his keys. She should be off work by now. “You home?”

“Nicholas,” Esme emerged from her room, hair wet from a recent shower and eyes wide with surprise. “Are you alright? Why are you home so soon?”

“I just wanted to see you,” Nick said and, though her worry didn’t wash away completely, her face softened and she smiled.

“Come sit down and I’ll make some tea.”

“Mom, we both hate tea,” Nick reminded her and she frowned as if only now remembering this.

“Then just sit down and I’ll make something else.”

“Before that, we need to talk.” Nick was as taken aback by his own forwardness as Esme was. He got his tendency to delay unpleasant things from his mother and usually he would have let her bustle around the kitchen pretending to be busy before getting to it. But putting this off wouldn’t help either of them and he didn’t want to change his mind while he waited for her to stop stalling.

“Is this about Robert’s asinine plan to go public about it all?” She asked, clearly not pleased with Robert or his plan.

“Kind of,” Nick said and felt the guilt creeping back into his gut. They’d made a deal and now he was going to try and get out of it.

“I’ve tried to talk him out of it but he won’t listen. I said to him, don’t you care about Nicholas’s career? Don’t you see how this will make life so much harder for him? But Robert won’t listen.”

“I know, Mom. He asked me what I wanted to do and we both agreed it’s better for him to tell our story before it gets leaked in a worse way.”

“When I find the lowlife that leaked that story in the first place, I’ll—,”

“Mom, it’s okay,” Nick said, touching a hand to her shoulder to lend her some calm in the way Robert would do for him. “It was going to happen. We all knew it was going to happen.”

“Only because he wouldn’t leave you alone,” Esme’s face went fierce and angry, thinking of Robert. That was all familiar; Nick had seen that face on her whenever she talked about Robert when he was growing up. It was better than the other face she’d make when talking of him. The one that was sad and hurt. He didn’t want her to be any of those things but it would take time to heal and only if she’d let it. Like Seiji and Jesse, albeit on a much larger scale.

“I don’t want him to leave me alone,” Nick said and his voice was quiet but strong. “And I don’t want to be a secret to him either. I want to be his family and I want you to be okay with that because you’re my mom and I love you and I don’t want to upset you but—,” he was rambling and his words were falling out in the same breath. He forced himself to pause. To breathe. “I’m going to ask Robert to petition for partial custody. And I really hope you’ll forgive me for breaking my promise but I can love him. Even if you don’t. And I can love you, even if I love him too. And I’m sorry.”

“Nicholas, I think you’re confused. Let’s call Robert in and we’ll talk this over together.” But Nick shook his head.

“Robert isn’t here and, anyway, I’m not confused. Or brainwashed. I know what I want now and you’re not changing my mind no matter what you say.” It was time he made this choice for him and not for anyone else. He’d just have to trust that she’d forgive him eventually.

“You don’t know Robert like I do,” Esme said with pursed lips. Like Nick was being disobedient and she was trying to reason with him.

“He’s a good man, Mom,” Nick said and heard her sharp intake of breath immediately after.

“A good man? What about lying and cheating and leaving is  _good?”_

“I know but—he’s good to me. He’s a good  _dad_. Maybe he wasn’t great when you knew him and maybe all that lying and cheating can never be erased but there’s good stuff too and it outweighs the bad. You can’t see it but  _I_  can and he’s  _my_  dad so I get to make this choice.”

“And I suppose you’ll be calling yourself Coste next?” Esme snapped, finally crossing over into anger. “And you’ll spend all the holidays at your fancy new house and you’ll never come visit me anymore because you’ll be Robert Coste’s son and too good for a place like this—,”

“That’s not true! I told you I won’t leave you and I won’t—,”

“Your promises mean less than they used to. He’s stealing you away from me and you’re  _letting_  him.”

“Why do you care?” Nick’s blood was hot and angry now, matching hers on every level. “You never  _wanted_  me in the first place,” the words rang out loud and terrible. Neither of them spoke after that, too stunned by this accusation finally, _finally being_  said out loud. The truth that was the foundation of their relationship given a voice at last. Esme hadn’t wanted Nick. He knew it. She’d done her best and taken care of him and loved him, too. But responsibility was the reason she’d kept him. Why she’d kept trying. She should be glad, Nick thought bitterly, to pass on the burden to someone else. But then he saw the tears glimmering in his mother’s eyes and his bitter anger drained away.

“If I didn’t want you,” Esme said, will alone keeping her voice from shaking and her tears from falling, “I would have given you away like everyone told me to. I would have asked the doctors to take you away and never have looked at you. If I didn’t  _want_  you, I wouldn’t have even had you. You think my mother was happy with me, getting pregnant by some man who abandoned me without anything to show for it but you? You think my family was understanding and supportive? _They never_  wanted you. But I did. And I had you, didn’t I? I didn’t go to a clinic. I didn’t give you away. I had you and I kept you even though I had nothing. Nothing  _but_  you. And now Robert thinks to come back into my life and take you away?” And now her voice  _was_  shaking and it was shaking so hard no more words could come out and Nick couldn’t think what else to do but hug her tight. And she hugged him tight too and neither of them said anything more.

A part of Nick wanted to take it all back and change his mind—again. Back to what he’d promised her already. But he knew that was a shitty thing to do for everyone, in the end. He loved his mom and didn’t want her to hurt. Especially now, hearing her say that he wasn’t a mistake—or, at least, not a mistake she wanted to correct. He hadn’t known. Hadn’t ever thought that she’d decided to keep him even when her family warned her against it and abandoned her for it. But if he turned down Robert’s offer for her sake, he’d resent her for it in the end. And he didn’t want that either. So all he did was hold her tighter and let them both cry out all their tears. And when they’d subsided into regular breathing, Nick finally trusted that everything  _would_  be okay. Even if it took ages for Esme to forgive him for this, she’d love him all through it in her way.

“Will you be alright?” Nick asked when they broke apart to rub their eyes and clear their throats. “When the news breaks about me being Robert’s son? Will it…cause problems for you?” She stared at him a long moment, contemplative. Then she shook her head, just once.

“I’ll be alright,” she said. He knew they hadn’t fixed the problem about custody or Robert. Knew that they hadn’t agreed on a solution and that she would, more likely than not, put up whatever fight she could to stop it. But they’d calmed down and come to an impasse and, for right now, that was okay. “Who’s that?” Esme asked, eyes fixed on something out front. “That drove you here instead of Robert? I don’t recognize him.”

Nick turned to look out the window, following his mom’s gaze to the bright yellow car parked out front. And to the boy who sat behind the wheel. Just looking at them, you’d think neither one—the car or the boy—belonged here. They were obviously out of place, too expensive and beautifully built to fit in. But Nick hadn’t even thought to worry once about what Seiji would think of his neighborhood and of his home. He hadn’t been nervous to see judgment or disdain pass over Seiji’s fine features because he’d known it wouldn’t. Seiji knew him so well at this point that seeing this part of him too was hardly any more telling of Nick’s childhood. And that lack of worrying—that absolute knowledge that Seiji wouldn’t bat an eye at this place…it made him belong here, after all, in some way. Nick thought very fleetingly that Seiji would _always belong_  wherever Nick was. And so much of Nick was here.

“That’s my boyfriend,” Nick said without thinking and instantly went hot in the face. There hadn’t been any need to tell her  _that_. It had just slipped out. “Seiji,” Nick followed up quickly.

“You never told me you were seeing someone,” Esme said quietly, eyes still fixed on Seiji. It wasn’t an accusation but it was worse than one. She sounded sad. And lonely. And he hadn’t expected that.

“I didn’t think you’d want to know,” he told her honestly. He shouldn’t have. It was one of the places a lie would have fit better but he hadn’t thought before speaking and he watched as the sadness on his mother’s face deepened. He tried to make himself feel better by telling himself he hadn’t wanted to lie to her about Seiji. But he knew it wasn’t true. It had never occurred to him that this lie would touch her simply because he didn’t think she’d care to hear it even if it were the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is it showing that I think good driving is incredibly sexy?


	37. Chapter 37

“How was it?” Seiji asked as soon as Nick got back in the car.

“Could have been worse.”

“Back to Robert’s?”

“Yeah. But let’s grab something to eat on the way, I’m fucking starved.”

“You’ve really thrown a wrench into my food plan, you realize.”

“Probably one of the reasons your coach hates me,” Nick said and Seiji didn’t deny it, just pulled away from the curve when Nick’s buckle  _clicked_  into place.

Nick caught Seiji up on his decision and the consequent talk with his mom when they were installed in a parking lot with a box of burgers and fries that Seiji ate without another mention of his meal plan. There was no way Seiji hadn’t guessed but Nick wanted to tell him anyway. So he did. And while Seiji didn’t look surprised in the least, he did look pleased.

“We’ll have to stop in and visit my mom tomorrow,” Seiji said as they wound through local roads where the sound wasn’t so intense as it would be when they could get going fast—Seiji was meticulously perfect in his driving in every way but following the speed limit. He liked to go fast. “She lectured me for twenty minutes about coming to steal my car without so much as a hello.”

“That was pretty rude of us,” Nick agreed, smirking at the thought of Seiji getting a lecture.

“We had things to do,” Seiji said dismissively. “There wasn’t the time. But tomorrow, we should go.”

“Yeah, for sure. I love your mom.” Seiji glanced very briefly at Nick before returning his eyes to the road. Nick could imagine him wondering how Nick had come to know Mrs. K well enough to have a strong opinion of her. They’d technically only met the once. But they’d swapped tons of pictures and Seiji-isms and Nick felt pretty justified in his fondness for her. He only had to remind himself occasionally that their whole thing was based on the fact that he was her son’s boyfriend. And that fact wasn’t exactly true.

The drive back to Robert’s was filled with the same wind and loud music as the drive to Esme’s had been. And, once again, Nick found himself captivate as it played through Seiji’s hair and across his lips that absently sung along to any song he knew. This time, Nick joined in the singing. At first, Seiji was mortified to have been caught but after another song or two had passed, he got over it. And Nick was in an extremely good mood by the time the radio had to be turned down to accommodate for the quiet streets of the neighborhood Seiji and Jesse had grown up in.

Seiji put up the roof since they were parking outside and then they climbed out of the car at the same time. Apparently, waiting for Nick to open his door wasn’t something Seiji would put up with when he was the one driving and they were the only ones around.

It was odd to arrive at this house when it was dark and without Robert leading the way in. And, actually, it was strange to be approaching it from the front door instead of the entrance in through the garage. And it occurred to Nick when he reached the door that he didn’t have a key.

“I know the garage code,” Seiji offered, coming up next to him as he stared morosely at the door. But Nick shook his head.

“Seems rude to barge in unannounced like that.”

“You know they wouldn’t mind.”

“Still.” Maybe when Nick had a key or knew the garage code himself he’d feel comfortable walking into this house without warning or worry. But, until then, he’d ask. So he pulled out his phone and called Robert. He picked up on the third ring.

“Nick, what’s wrong?”

“Do I need to start all my phone calls with  _I’m fine, don’t worry?”_  Nick asked, laughing at his own joke. Probably more from the jittery nerves that refused to leave him alone than from anything else. But then, he  _was_  pretty fucking funny.

“I take it you’re fine and I don’t need to worry,” Robert replied, sounding baffled but amused. “Jesse said you went to Mari’s? Are you still there or did she take you back to school? I wouldn’t mind updates, Nick.” How had this turned into a lecture? Seiji smirked, obviously able to hear everything in the quiet night.

“I’m here, actually,” Nick said to no immediate response. “Like, at your front door. Do you wanna come let me in? I have something important I need to say.” Nick could hear the rustling of movement before he’d even finished talking and soon he saw light flood out of the windows. And then Robert was opening the door and he did not look like he’d taken Nick’s assurances that he was fine and no worry was needed to heart.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, hurrying them inside and out of the cold.

“Nothing,” Nick said again, noticing that Robert was in honest-to-god tartan pajamas. He would have laughed at that if Robert didn’t look so wild with concern.

“Nothing?” Robert repeated, still checking him, and then Seiji, over for any sign of physical harm. “Usually you don’t show up on your dad’s doorstep unless something is  _really_  wrong.”

“It’s not. I just…I only wondered if…” Nick felt self-conscious and shifted uneasily on his feet. What if he was too late? Or asking too much? But he forced those thoughts away and met Robert’s eyes again. “Is your offer still good? For custody?” Nick saw Robert’s mind spinning as he processed the question those words asked. To speed it up, Nick said, “I’d like to accept it, now. If that’s alright?”

Nick could see the exact moment Robert understood—or, maybe  _believed_  was a better word. His eyes lit up and were as crinkly as Nick had ever seen them and his smile wasn’t even done growing by the time he’d pulled Nick into a hug, a huge, booming laugh reverberating through his chest and around the room. And Nick knew the answer to his question. If he’d doubted, even for a second, that he’d be turned away it was gone now and not likely to ever come back.

“You’re sure?” Robert asked, holding Nick back just far enough so he could examine him again. Not for hurt this time, for hesitation or apprehension. But there was no more of that to find than there had been wounds.

“Yeah,” Nick said, a laugh of his own bubbling out. “I’m sure.” And this time, he meant it. He could tell because there was no pit of regret in his stomach and no ache of tears behind his eyes. And the guilt twisting through him over his mom would fade. Everything would be okay, he just had to make it through however long it took to get there.

It felt like a long time when before Robert’s grip on him fell away and the rest of the room came back into focus around them. Sam was there, standing a little removed like she wasn’t sure she should be there at all but she smiled kindly at Nick when he caught her eye. It didn’t surprise him that she’d come to see what all the fuss was about. What surprised him was the presence of a fifth person in the room, not looking at all abashed for being there. Looking even a little annoyed to be left out of the main commotion.

“Jesse,” Nick said, completely dumbfounded. “What’re you doing here?”

“I live here, asshole,” Jesse said, crossing his arms and delivering a very snooty face that reminded Nick for a second of how nice it would feel to punch it off. “When Seiji said it was a long drive, I didn’t think he meant you’d be gone all afternoon and then you never came back…” he glared at Nick like he’d done something horribly offensive. “But I thought you’d be back eventually.” So he’d stayed. Because he was…worried?

“You said they were at Mari’s and you implied strongly that she’d take them back to school,” Robert’s voice made Jesse, Nick,  _and_  Seiji jump with guilt and slink around to face him. His expression was stern but his eyes were still warm and Nick didn’t think they were really in that much trouble. “We really need to have a talk about open communication in this household. But it can wait for tomorrow. Seiji, text your mom and let her know where you are, then make yourself at home. Jesse, find somewhere to put your brother for tonight. And Nick,” his face broke back into a smile, “it’s good to have you here, kiddo.”

Nick wanted to tell Robert that he was happy to be here too. That he was happy to be  _staying_ here. That he was looking forward to coming again and again and staying over during breaks sometimes. But he was tired and didn’t know how to say any of that anyway. So he said, “Yeah.” And he thought Robert got it anyway.

“Goodnight, boys,” Robert said, “I’ll see you in the morning.” They all chorused back  _good nights_  as Robert walked back to his wife and took her hand in his. Nick watched them walk away through the house like that. Together and so obviously happy that way. It was such a little thing to see, such a small show of affection but it made Nick smile. Growing up he’d always kind of thought that love didn’t last. Not through the really hard stuff, surely. He liked to think that was wrong but even now he wondered about it. Watching Robert and Sam made him wonder a little bit less. He’d seen in them that you could make it if you were willing to put in the work. He almost turned to Seiji then to point it out.

“So it’s official, then,” Jesse said and he still had his arms crossed and a dismayed sort of expression on.

“It’s official that it’s going to be official,” Nick corrected. “It’s not officially official yet.”

“You could have told me where you were going. Or texted.”

“You sound like Robert.”

“I don’t like to be left out.”

“You were worried,” Nick laughed at Jesse’s scowl. “I’m sorry I didn’t let you in on the conspiracy, okay? It won’t happen again.”

“Whatever. Welcome to the family. Unofficially.”

“Thanks,” Nick grinned, “unofficially.”

Jesse rolled his eyes in an over-dramatic way and that should have been that. But then Jesse surprised him by catching him in a quick hug. It was brief and awkward and weird but Nick hugged him back too because it was the sort of day for hugs.

“I’m going to bed,” Jesse declared with a yawn and a stretch. And then he started to walk off.

“Aren’t you supposed to find somewhere to put me for the night?” Nick asked him.

“I’ll let Seiji take care of it,” Jesse called behind him. “You’re welcome.”

“He’s certainly come a long way,” Seiji said, watching with Nick as Jesse disappeared.

“You can say that again.” Nick’s smile turned on Seiji and grew just a bit bigger for him. “Thanks for today.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Well, lead me to my bedchamber,” Nick held out his hand between them with wiggling, expectant fingers. Seiji gave him one of those looks. The kind that let Nick know he was full of shit. But that Seiji would tolerate it anyway. He almost always did. And tonight was no exception; Seiji slid his fingers into place between Nick’s and they were off.

The guest room Seiji pulled them into was stocked with spare clothes and they were able to piece together pajamas for each of them. Nick changed unapologetically in the middle of the room, to an exasperated exclamation from Seiji, who disappeared into the bathroom to change. And probably to brush his teeth too. Seriously, this place was like a hotel room. Nick had a half-formed plan to sit down in bed and wait for Seiji to get out before he’d go brush his teeth and wash his face, but once he was under the covers he knew he wasn’t going to be getting out from under them again no matter what.

So he didn’t even move when the bathroom door creaked open and Seiji’s socked feet padded across the floor. And when the lights turned off Nick couldn’t honestly say what he expected to happen next. But he shifted in the bed to make sure there was room for another person. And it was a good thing he had because soon Seiji was sliding in under the blankets and filling up that extra space Nick had made for him. It filled something up in his chest, too.

“Jesse will expect me to spend the night with you,” Seiji said, sinking down into his pillows and turning on his side to face Nick. It sounded a lot like an excuse.

“After that fuss you kicked up last time?” Nick asked with a tired snigger, thinking of it. Seiji groaned and, amazingly, turned his face farther to bury into his pillow. Even in the dark, Nick could see how red his single visible ear had gone.

“I regret now that I was so insistent on the matter,” Seiji’s voice was muffled by the pillow and it didn’t match his prim way of speaking at all. Nick liked it a lot. “I spoke in haste to anger Jesse but  _I’m_  the one who got an excruciating sex-talk from my mother over it.”

Nick laughed. He couldn’t help it, he just had  _not_  expected that. And it was so funny. Every time he thought he was ready to stop laughing, he thought about Mari sitting Seiji down and telling him about the birds and the bees and it was just too funny. Seiji Katayama getting a sex-talk, what an image. Nick could image his mortified expressions. Face still turned into his pillow, Seiji’s shoulders began to shake and then he was laughing too. Reluctant laughs he was obviously trying to stop but he couldn’t. And it made Nick laugh harder.

“It was awful,” Seiji said, reemerging finally to look at Nick again. “But I couldn’t very well explain to her that there was no need for it because we’re not even dating.”

“At least it’s out of the way now?” Nick offered. “How’d you escape it for so long, anyway?”

“There was no reason to get it, I was always too hung up on Jesse in one way or another to worry about dating.”

“And now?”

“Now I’m too busy not actually dating you to worry about it, but she doesn’t know that.”

“No,” Nick laughed, “I meant about Jesse. Are you done being hung up over him? Have you forgiven him?”

“If I haven’t yet, I will soon enough. I don’t think I mentioned, but he properly apologized to me.”

“Did he?”

“Yes. He’s said sorry before but it felt different this time. And it doesn’t hurt that he’s stopped pursuing me so relentlessly.”

“Yeah,” Nick smiled. “I think that’s been good for him too. I could be wrong but I think he might be getting over you.”

“Good,” Seiji said with such obvious relief at the idea that it made Nick smile.

“So,” he said and Seiji narrowed his eyes, obviously recognizing the teasing lilt in Nick’s voice, “no more crawling in to Jesse’s bed when you want to talk?”

“Obviously not.”

“What about mine?” It was the closest he’d ever come to mentioning it. That night he’d found Seiji spread across his bed.

“I’m here, aren’t I?”

“Good,” Nick said with a measure of relief he didn’t even understand the reason for. He was just glad to be here and have Seiji be here too. And he thought he wanted to tell Seiji that, only he didn’t have the chance to because they’d both fallen asleep long before the thought had time to travel to his mouth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: I'm such a disaster and get into frequent trouble so /I/ have to start my phones calls to my dad with "I'm fine, don't worry" except that's usually followed by a pretty big "but" lmao


	38. Chapter 38

Nick had wondered once before what it would be like to wake up next to Seiji. And now he knew. He wouldn’t have been surprised to wake up alone, Seiji already gone to find breakfast and neatly put together when Nick came down too, disheveled from sleep. But when he blinked away, Seiji was still asleep, one hand curled loosely by his pillow like he’d been holding it and his hair spilling across his face, turned towards Nick. Nick couldn’t look away from the sight. He’d seen Seiji sleeping before. The guy had fallen asleep on top of him tons of times. But there was something extra soft about the way he looked tucked into bed this morning. It probably had more to do with Nick’s sleep-heavy eyes than anything. Even back at Seiji’s house when they’d fallen asleep on the couch, he’d woken up alone. Actually, Nick always woke up alone; he hadn’t been one for sleepovers growing up and once he’d started working it was a hassle to stay over anywhere. So it was novel to have that extra warmth under the covers and the unmeaning closeness that happened in sleep.

Nick smiled, a sleepy, lazy sort of smile and watched Seiji’s face for any signs of waking. He saw none. He’d been tired last night, despite his cat-nap. Nick thought that driving such a long way probably took it out of you even if you liked driving. Which, crazy as he was, Seiji genuinely seemed to. It wasn’t like Seiji to fall asleep so loosely, turned on his side and hand by his head. Nick had seen the way he slept at school and it wasn’t like this. It was like, even in sleep, Seiji liked to hold himself perfectly straight and rigid with all his limbs meticulously arranged.

A heavy exhale escaped Nick on accident, the makings of a very small laugh. At himself. For thinking so deeply on Seiji’s  _sleep habits_  of all things. But it was true that he rarely saw Seiji like this—in fact, he was pretty sure this posture was more or less exclusive to Seiji’s cat-naps. And that night he wasn’t allowed to talk about. The night he didn’t think of often exactly because he wasn’t allowed to talk about it. But last night wasn’t a forbidden topic and neither was this morning. Nick decided he liked it—waking up next to Seiji. It was…nice.

“Do you often stare at me while I sleep?” Seiji asked, slipping into wakefulness and face shifting back into its usual expression. Nick laughed in earnest this time.

“Not really. I was just thinking that you look nicer when you’re sleeping.”

“Spouting nonsense already? I just woke up, it seems unfair I should have to listen to it.”

Nick ignored him. “It’s right  _there,_ ” he said, pressing his thumb into the crease between Seiji’s eyebrows.

“My worry lines?” Seiji asked, pushing Nick’s hand off him and flushing slightly. It sparked a memory of another exchange similar to this one. Nick was sure Seiji was referencing that too.  _Worry lines._

“Yeah, I guess it can mean you’re worried. But only when you’re worried.”

“That makes sense. Very aptly named, don’t you think?”

“Shut it. I mean that your eyebrow thing is different from your worry lines. And this time I was talking about your eyebrow thing.”

“My eyebrow thing?”

“They always furrow and make you look mean. But when you’re asleep, your face relaxes and—,”

“I look nicer,” Seiji finished, pushing himself into a sitting position. Was he mad? Nick wasn’t sure what he’d said that would have done that.

“I kinda like your resting mean face too, though,” Nick said as he also sat up. “Only, don’t tell Bobby because he’d never let me live it down. He thinks you look like an angel all the time. I always said you looked like a demon. I still say you do but, like, a pretty one.”

“A—,” Seiji cut off to frown and make a tiny, displeased sound. Like he wasn’t entirely sure what to do with that. “I’m honestly unsure what to address first in that mess. Should I be offended that you’ve, apparently, held conversations with your friends over the status of my face? Or question whether you meant me to take being called a  _pretty demon_  as a compliment? Or point out that Bobby thinks we’re dating and, therefore, should not be surprised to hear you like my face?” Seiji and Nick both went wide-eyed but over different things, most likely. Because Seiji colored deeply and Nick started laughing.

“Oh shit! You’re right! I forgot—fuck, I totally forgot about our whole thing,” Nick guffawed.

“You—?”

“You guys had better be decent because I’m coming in,” Jesse’s voice cut off Seiji’s question but Nick was still laughing when Jesse opened the door. “Thank god, I’d have gouged out my eyes if I had to see that.”

“You could have waited after announcing you wanted to come in,” Nick pointed out. “Given us time to put on clothes if we needed it.”

“Whatever. Dad sent me up to find you guys. I bet he knew you’d be together and didn’t want to risk his eyes. But he’s fine sending me off to get scarred for life,” Jesse grumbled, shoulder planted against the doorjamb as he frowned in at them, probably looking for signs of  _scarring_  behavior. Nosy bitch.

“Consider us found,” Nick said with a grin and shooed Jesse out of the room. “You think he’s going to give  _me_  a sex talk,” Nick asked Seiji once the door closed. Seiji threw a pillow at him and climbed out of bed to get ready. Nick laughed but did the same. And it wasn’t long before they were downstairs with Jesse, all sitting at the huge dining table while Robert and Sam put out plates of food.

“This can’t be normal,” Nick said. Who ate breakfast like this? They didn’t even eat dinner so formally half the time Nick was here.

“It’s not. Dad likes to conduct family meetings over a meal. He thinks full stomachs help. I think the proximity to knives is a bad idea,” Jesse said and Nick noticed for the first time that he looked a little off.

“Not a big fan of family meetings?” Nick asked.

“In general, not particularly. Today? Not at all.” But then he brightened. “Hey, but I won’t be the only one getting in trouble today. You two will have it way worse.”

“I’ve no doubt about that,” Seiji agreed with a sigh. “And I’m not even part of the family.”

“You will be, at this rate,” Jesse quipped with a shrug and then seemed to realize how red this comment had made them both go. He grinned and pushed them further. “Which name would you take, do you think?”

Nick said, “Katayama,” at the exact same time Seiji said, “Fuck off.” They all stared at each other for a moment, trying to discern which answer had come from which boy, as the truth seemed altogether unlikely, borderline impossible. And then once the reality had been fully accepted, Jesse laughed while Nick and Seiji pointedly avoided looking at each other, Nick’s blush, at least, having gone three shades deeper. He’d only said it because he was sure Seiji wouldn’t even pretend to be willing to change his name. But he really wished he’d stuck to his usual script and told Jesse to fuck off too.

Despite the looming lectures, it was a relief when Sam and Robert took their seats at the table. Nick expected them to get right to it, but everyone else started eating and holding up some small talk. Nick would have liked it better if they’d just get it over with since all the waiting was making him antsy, but breakfast was good anyway. And good food had a way of distracting Nick from pretty much anything. So, by his third helping of bacon—which got him matching judgmental looks from his not-quite-brother and his not-actually-boyfriend—Nick had almost forgotten that any lecturing was going to happen.

“So,” Robert started, obviously meaning business. “I hope you all have thought about your actions yesterday.” Nick and Jesse shifted in their chairs a little. Only Seiji nodded. Nick thought that was enough but apparently it wasn’t because Seiji started talking.

“We should have told you where we were going. In the future, we will.”

“That’s a start,” Robert said, then turned to Jesse. “And you?”

“I never really actually lied,” Jesse sulked. “I said I dropped them at Mari’s and I did.”

“Jesse, you know how we feel about lying in this family,” Robert said sternly and Nick felt like it was directed at him. He was suddenly hyperaware of all the lies he’d told all of them since they’d met. “Implications and omissions don’t get a free pass because of the technicality. Don’t let it happen again, deal?” Jesse crossed his arms and glared at his unfinished eggs. “Deal?” Robert pressed.

“Deal,” Jesse said after way too long of a pause. Nick would have agreed much easier than that, especially considering that it wasn’t such a huge scolding either. But then Jesse shot a glare at him and he knew why he was being difficult. He’d covered for Nick and didn’t appreciate that he’d gotten in trouble for it.

“What if something had happened?” Robert asked, attention back to all of them. “What if you couldn’t get to your phones to tell us something was wrong? I’d have had no idea where you were. I don’t think it’s asking too much to be informed on your whereabouts.”

“It’s not,” Nick said, hating that his voice sounded small. He wasn’t used to being told off by Robert unless it was over technique.

“And Seiji, what were you thinking, making such a long drive? It’s one thing for Jesse to take you two to Mari’s even though he’s technically only allowed to drive Nick. But  _you_ haven’t even had your license six months which means driving Nick was  _incredibly_  illegal.”

“Was it really?” Nick asked. He didn’t know a thing about that stuff and stared at Seiji in wonder. His jaw shifted but he made no attempt to defend himself so he must have known.

“Yes,” Robert said. “Especially since you were out past driving curfew. You could have gotten into a fair amount of trouble.”

“We didn’t get pulled over,” Seiji said stubbornly. Really? He was going to argue with Robert too? “I’m a good driver and I wouldn’t have gone if I didn’t think I could manage the trip.” Nick didn’t point out his occasional dips into speeding but Robert looked unimpressed with Seiji’s arguments anyway.

“I know you are, I’m just surprised you’d do something so reckless,” Robert scrutinized Seiji for a time but Seiji wasn’t offering an explanation. Finally, Robert sighed and turned to Nick. “Next time you need to go somewhere, ask me to take you instead of Seiji. He obviously can’t say no to you and I don’t want it leading to any more bad decision making.”

“That’s not—,” Seiji refuted at once, glaring daggers at Robert like Nick had never seen him do before.

“Nick, are we clear?” Robert said, ignoring Seiji’s protests. Nick nodded, not stubborn at all.

“Yeah, got it. No lying, more updates about where I am, more keeping you in the loop in general, and I’ll ask you first next time I feel like visiting Mom.” Though he wouldn’t have done a single thing differently if he was given the chance, so he felt a little guilty.

“Good,” Robert said with a nod. “And?”

“And…I’m sorry?”

“And what about going on illegal drives?”

“But—,” and here was the part where he argued, apparently. But he’d  _really_  liked driving with Seiji.

“Not buts.”

“No more midnight drives,” Nick relented.

“Nick.”

“Fine,” Nick slumped in his seat and crossed his arms. “I get it. We won’t.”

***

“It wasn’t that bad,” Nick said later, collecting all his stuff back into his bag. “I see what you mean about the knives, though,” he whispered to Jesse. Jesse snorted. They were both watching Seiji storm around the room in his own search for his belongings.

“Told you. Can’t really blame him though, he did get the worst of it.”

“I can hear you,” Seiji snapped at them, turning around to glare. “And  _of course_  I got the worst of it. I’m the one who was actively breaking the law.”

“Not a big deal,” Jesse shrugged. “Like you said, you guys didn’t get caught.”

“Nevertheless, it was irresponsible and I shouldn’t have done it,” Seiji said. Nick almost winced under his guilt. He’d gotten them all in trouble and, worse than that, he’d made Seiji do something he didn’t want to do. He felt stupid now for enjoying it so much and wanting to do it again.

“Jesse, let’s go!” Sam’s voice found them. That woman could project when she wanted to. Nick wondered if she’d been one of those theatre kids back in high school and the thought of Robert sitting through school plays with roses made him want to laugh.

“See you around,” Jess said, pushing himself lazily off the bed in the guest room.

“Later,” Nick waved him off. Then he turned to Seiji. “I’m really sorry for getting you into trouble with Robert.”

“Stop. You didn’t get me in trouble, I did. I was the one who offered to drive you, remember? And I wouldn’t rescind my offer if I could, either. It’s just that I forgot how irritating it can be to have an extra set of parents. Mom didn’t care at all that I’d driven you to see Esme. She just wanted to make sure we were wearing seatbelts and that we’d come visit her soon.”

“I bet Robert told you off because he knew your mom wouldn’t.”

“I’m sure he did. And he was right to have done so.”

“I can see why the extra parents would be annoying,” Nick said a little too cheerily. Seiji was just pouting for getting in trouble when he’d thought he was off the hook. And Nick knew how much Seiji admired Robert—he probably didn’t like getting on his bad side. But he’d said he didn’t regret their drive yesterday and that meant even more knowing how displeased he was with the fallout over it.

***

Nick and Seiji stayed for lunch at Robert’s request. “It would be too lonely to eat alone on my day off,” he’d said and they’d had no reason to rush back to school today. But once they’d finished up they were hit with another round of the family meeting. Only, this kind of talk was more familiar in the car on the drive to Kings Row than here at the kitchen counter.

“I thought I’d give you an update about what to expect in the next little while, Nick. I assume you don’t mind Seiji being here?”

“No, he’s fine,” Nick confirmed.

“I thought so,” Robert said with a little smile. “I’ve moved up my meeting with John—my friend in the press. I’ll talk with him today and we’ll expect the story to break tomorrow night or sometime on Tuesday. The sooner, the better so that it’s the first one to hit the news. I’m going to petition for partial custody tomorrow, the sooner we get it started, the sooner we get it settled.” Which was why he wanted to meet with John the reporter sooner. Made sense. “Does that all sound okay to you?”

“Yeah, sounds good.” And then, because he had to, he asked, “It won’t, like, cost Mom anything, will it?”

“The process for joint custody? No, it won’t. Only if she brings in lawyers to contest any of the court’s requests. But I doubt she will, she didn’t bring one in for the paternity case and that’s where it would have made the most difference.”

“Cool, thanks,” Nick had been stressing over potential costs but he knew his mom wouldn’t waste money on a lawyer. So they’d be fine. “She won’t make it easy though,” he warned.

“I know, but we’ll manage. Any other questions before we get started on it?”

Nick thought about it but came up empty. “Nope,” he said and then looked to Seiji. “Can you think of anything?” Seiji was obviously surprised to have been asked to weigh in but he also considered carefully.

“Nicholas will still be able to visit you during the case?” Seiji asked. Good question.

“There aren’t any restrictions on us spending time together. Only reason that would change is if Nick’s mom could show proof that he’d be in any sort of danger when he’s with me.” And she couldn’t lie that convincingly, not even Nick could do that. So he was satisfied with the answer. Seiji wasn’t.

“And, just to be clear, that holds true no matter the ruling? Even if you were denied custody?”

“Yes, that’s right. But it won’t come to that.”

Seiji nodded, done with his questions. Nick was glad he’d asked Seiji for his input. He just thought of different things than Nick did. They worked well together like that.

“I think that covers everything,” Nick said.

“Perfect. Well then,” Robert said, standing, “I called Mari this morning and she says she’ll take you back to school after you drop off your car and visit.”

“But I thought no more illegal driving?” Nick asked innocently.

“Don’t push your luck. And don’t take any scenic routes back home,” Robert said to Seiji and then smiled. “I know you’re a responsible and capable young man, Seiji, and I trust you. Just don’t let Nick talk you into anything too stupid.”

“I’ll try not to,” Seiji said seriously. Robert laughed.

“And thanks for taking care of him.” And, just like that, Seiji’s bad mood had vanished entirely.

***

The drive to Mrs. K’s wasn’t long enough to warrant Nick plugging in his phone and putting on music, but the shortness of the drive didn’t stop Seiji from lowering the roof. His hair was still a mess from yesterday, despite his best efforts to tame it and Nick enjoyed watching it get blown out of place even more.

“It’s almost funny to think that if I’d just been patient, I would have known your relation to Jesse soon enough,” Seiji mused and Nick scowled. He said he wasn’t hung up on Jesse anymore but the topic still came up an awful lot when Jesse wasn’t supposed to have any sort of presence between them.

“Maybe,” Nick said, kicking his feet up on the dash. “Maybe not, though.”

“Don’t do that,” Seiji reached over to swat at Nick’s legs but he kept them firmly in place. “You’ll mark up my car,” he complained but unless he was going to sacrifice control over the car, Seiji couldn’t use the strength required to push Nick’s legs off. “And what do you mean  _maybe not_ , anyway?”

“I mean if you really  _had_  been patient, who knows? You made a difference.”

“You would have done fine without me,” Seiji said like he actually believed it.

“Maybe,” Nick said again. “Probably not, though.”

“You’re being dramatic.”

“I’m serious, Seiji. We both know I was better off having you for this. That you made a difference. Besides, it wasn’t _exactly your_  impatience that got you roped in.”

“That true, I suppose,” Seiji said and Nick took it to mean he agreed with all of it even though he’d only meant to agree to the last.

“It’s crazy, though, that in the next couple of days, everyone will know this huge secret I’ve kept my whole life, you know?”

“Are you nervous?”

“Hell yeah, I’m nervous. How do you think the guys will all take it?”

“You’re asking  _me_  to predict how people will respond? Nicholas, that’s more in your domain.”

“You’re right,” Nick laughed. “Just…do you think they’ll be mad?”

“Mad? Why?”

“Because I didn’t tell them.”

“It’s your business and they have no right to expect you to have told them any of it.” When Nick gave an incredulous scoff, he added, “And, yes, I realize the irony in my saying so. But none of them are me.”

“There’s no one else like you, that’s for sure,” Nick agreed. “But I think they might be mad anyway.”

“They shouldn’t be.”

“That won’t stop them.”

“If you’re worried about it, why not tell them?” Seiji asked and Nick couldn’t believe he’d never thought of that.

“See?” He said, retracting his feet from Seiji’s dashboard. “What would I do without you?”


	39. Chapter 39

Nick was practically sick with nerves from the moment he woke up on Monday. He’d decided to tell his friends about Robert today before the story broke. It didn’t even matter if Bobby accidentally let something slip in excitement or Aiden didn’t bother to keep his mouth shut. The whole school would know soon enough. He just wanted one iota of control over how the people he cared about, at least, found out. But he couldn’t decide the way to do it. Every way he thought of was weird and embarrassing and stressful.

But he didn’t have to worry about that for another little while. Not until breakfast, at the earliest. He thought he might grab Bobby and tell him first. As a sort of test run, since Bobby was sure to take the news with squeals and hugs no matter how Nick said it. It would be a nice way to bolster his confidence for the team. He planned to tell them all together. Convenient and also a little selfish because he’d have a good excuse to have Seiji with him for it. Kally and Tanner were the ones he really had no clue when to tell. He’d have to figure it out before tonight but, again, it was too early in the morning for Nick to tell anyone. So he went about getting ready to go and practice his drills.

The door burst open as Nick was pulling on his shirt and he jumped so high it would definitely warrant teasing if Seiji felt like it. But Seiji didn’t look in a teasing mood. He was breathing heavily and his face looked pained. Nick was to him in a second, eyes scanning for visible signs of hurt.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, urgent. He pulled Seiji into the room, the door closing heavily behind them. Seiji was reluctant to speak despite that he must have rushed back here for a reason. “Seiji?”

“It’s out,” he said at last.

“Are you having a stroke or something?”

“No,” Seiji shook his head. Then he met Nick’s eyes with such intensity that Nick’s heart skipped a beat. He hadn’t known hearts actually  _did_  that. “Nicholas, the story about you and Robert. It dropped earlier than Robert thought it would. It’s out.”

Nick stared at him then shook his head, smiling a little. “You must be mistaken, there’s no way,” Nick said, retrieving his phone and waking it up. “Robert would have…” but his words and smile faded as he read the texts on his screen. Robert. Telling him that John had worked fast and released the story this morning. “Well, shit.”

“Are you…okay?” Seiji asked him, face still pinched in what Nick now saw was worry. Nick looked at him, standing all disheveled and out of breath. And for what? To tell Nick what was happening before he found out by himself. Seiji must have had some alert on his phone to notify him of any new articles from John. Nick hadn’t even thought to ask the guy’s last name but Seiji…Seiji had gone to such trouble so he’d be the first to know. And, Nick suddenly realized, Seiji had run out on Dmytro to come here and tell Nick.

“Yeah,” Nick said, feeling a lot calmer than he had when he’d woken up, even though that made no sense. Things were  _more_  stressful now, not less. “I’m fine. It’s fine. If the guys are mad about it, they’ll get over it. It’s whatever.” Because, no matter what, he had Seiji on his side.

Seiji didn’t look entirely convinced that Nick was okay, even though it was true. But he didn’t say anything more, just held out his hand. Nick took it gratefully and held it tight. He didn’t plan to let it go for the rest of the day unless absolutely unavoidable.

***

School was weird. Despite him saying everything was fine, Nick had gladly taken Seiji’s suggesting of eating breakfast alone in an empty stairwell. Putting off the inevitable wouldn’t do him any good, in the long run. But it was nice to feel normal for just a little bit longer. That feeling was gone as soon as they were back in the stream of students. Everyone was watching them—watching  _Nick—_ and whispering. There was a sort of awe and…reverence? that he’d never experienced before. It made his skin itch and his hands sweaty. But Seiji valiantly didn’t let go, despite the sweat. And during each class, after he’d arranged all his things on his desk, he’d slip his left hand back into’s Nick’s right one. It had startled Nick the first time. But he’d liked it, and liked it again during second period, and again during third. Just before the bell rang for lunch and Seiji would pull away to pack up his things, Nick brought their joint hands to his mouth and kissed lightly against the back of Seiji’s. Seiji was the one startled this time.

“I’d never considered before,” Nick said when the bell rang, “but there’re perks to being so mismatched, huh?”

Seiji stared at him for a moment, cheeks pinking slowly. Then his face set back into his customary scowl and he took possession of his hand again to put his bag in order. “It’s lucky for you that most of the population is right-handed,” he said tersely as their classmates thinned around them, too enticed by lunch to bother staying and whispering about Nick. “You’ll very easily find a replacement.”

“That’s not all I meant and you know it. There’s really no one else like you.” Nick finally decided to shove his own notebook and pen back into his bag and then stood, waiting for Seiji to finish fussing with his stuff. Seiji didn’t ever respond to Nick but he did allow his hand to be scooped back up when he stood.

If the hallways and his classes had been weird, lunch was  _beyond_  weird. Nobody at the table quite knew the proper etiquette for this situation. And everyone else was showing unusual amounts of tact. Nick might have expected that from Kally and Harvard. But the rest of them? It was definitely strange. No one brought up or mentioned the scandal at all, even though they all must know. They’d been following the last story for more details religiously—they were all fencing nerds, after all. Obviously, the topic of Robert Coste’s bastard son was one that interested them. And they’d talked about it a lot, trading theories and guesses on the matter. But now they all willfully avoided the topic, talking about any and everything else.

“Am I the only one,” Eugene said during a lapse in, admittedly, stilted conversation, “that saw this coming?”

“Eugene!” Bobby, Kally, and, weirdest of all,  _Aiden_ , said with varying levels of alarm and warning.

“What? Were we just gonna ignore it?” Eugene asked, turning a smile on Nick. “So you had a secret identity all this time. I, for one, think that’s very sexy of you.”

“Uh-oh, Eugene,” Aiden said, sounding much more like the Aiden Nick knew. “Careful what you say or Seiji’s going to stab you with his fork. Did you see his face when you said that?” He cackled.

“I’m just saying,” Eugene laughed too. “Mystery and intrigue and shit. Very cool.”

And then Nick also had to laugh. And the tension was broken. Leave it to Eugene. “I was going to tell you guys,” Nick said, sobering a decent amount. “Before the story came out, I wanted to tell you all. But it published earlier than it was supposed to and I didn’t get the chance.”

“I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t want to tell us at all,” Aiden said. “We didn’t make it easy.” Nick understood then why Aiden was acting so strange. He was feeling bad for all the things he’d said in the last week about  _Coste’s Bastard_ , as he’d unwittingly dubbed Nick. Nick laughed again.

“Nah, it’s fine. Should have used the gossip to my advantage, honestly. Offered my own theory—if we’d placed bets over it, I’d be rich.”

After that, lunch was weird but in a different way. Bobby tentatively asked what Robert was like and it was a new experience to actually be talking about him. But Nick did. He told them some classic Robert stories and answered weird trivia questions they had about his famous dad.  _Is it true that he was almost kicked out of Kings Row for bad grades?_ No, but he’d had to take remedial classes for  _music_  which made them all laugh.  _Did he really win nationals with a broken wrist?_ Yes, but it was his off arm and it was pretty much healed by then.  _What’s his favorite color?_  The worst shade of yellow you can imagine.  _Doesn’t he need contacts?_  Yes.  _Does he ever wear glasses?_  Sometimes.  _I bet he looks hot in glasses. Does he look hot in glasses?_  Ew, gross. And on and on like that. It was bizarre but it wasn’t exactly bad. And no one had been at all mad with him over keeping his secret. They were all too busy geeking out about their newfound connection to Robert Coste.

And, after that, the whispers and stares didn’t bother Nick so much. Not even after school when one of the wannabes who hadn’t made it anywhere near the cut for the fencing team stormed up to Nick and asked him, point blank, if he’d been let on the team because of his connections. Nick could only stare at the guy, completely at a loss for what to say.

“If that’s what you think, why don’t you fence him and see if his  _connections_  are all he’s got?” Seiji asked, voice cold and dismissive, the way it went when people attacked him in a similar manner.

“Yeah, sure,” the guy said. “I’d love to teach him a lesson.”

“I remember you from tryouts, you’re not that good. Nicholas will have no trouble beating you. But, by all means, do your best. Be in the gym in an hour and be ready to fence.” Then Seiji was pulling Nick away.  _What just happened?_  Nick wondered in a daze.

“Wait,” he said, tugging Seiji to a slower pace—he started walking fast when he was pissed. He’d also close doors and drawers harder, but since there were none of those around, it was only the speed-walking Nick had to deal with. “You remember  _him_  but you didn’t remember me?”

“Don’t be so stupid. Of course I don’t actually remember him.”

“But you said—,”

“If he was any good I  _would_  have remembered him.”

“Okay, ouch. And you shouldn’t say things like that if they’re not true,” Nick frowned. Probably he should be telling Seiji he shouldn’t say things like that even if they were true. But that was asking too much.

“Why not? It’s basically true. I know you’ll beat him easily, no matter if he’s actually any better than I’m imagining.”

“You know, Seiji,” Nick said with a sly grin, “that was dangerously close to calling me good at fencing.” Seiji stopped walking suddenly, jerking Nick to a halt with him. “What’re you yanking my arm off for this time?” Nick asked, turning to Seiji with amusement. But Seiji didn’t seem angry  _or_  flustered. Just troubled.

“I  _do_  think you’re a good fencer,” he said with furrowed brow and frowning lips like he was confused at having to say as much. “You’ve improved a lot just in the time I’ve known you. It’s unnervingly impressive, actually, how far you’ve come.” Nick hadn’t seen  _that_  coming. He thought of waving it off and putting the credit on Robert and Coach Williams. But an old spark that he’d been too busy to stoke lately ignited again at Seiji’s words so instead of thanking Seiji or praising his coaches, he stepped in close.

“Far enough to worry you?” He asked. Seiji didn’t answer, staying irritatingly unconcerned. “You’re still my goal, you know?” At this, Seiji  _did_  show a bit of emotion. A slight narrowing of his eyes.

“I know,” Seiji’s voice had gone low and intense. “But you’ve still got further to go before you can have me for a rival.”


	40. Chapter 40

There was a massive turnout for Nick’s impromptu match against the junior—Matt, Nick found out soon from the buzz around the gym. It was a surprise, honestly. Nick hadn’t expected anyone to come. But, apparently, word had gotten around and people were eager to see Robert Coste’s son fence. That was what he got for challenging Matt in public. Well, for letting Seiji challenge Matt on his behalf. Though, looking at his upperclassman, Nick thought he was lapping up the attention. Maybe he’d helped spread the word as much as any onlookers had. Whatever. Seiji was right, he could take this guy. And eventually, he’d be able to take Seiji too. Seiji had practically said as much. So he was in a good mood and already fired up when it was time to start.

“En garde!” Harvard called, the official ref for the match. “Prêtes? Allez!”

Nick made first move, taking advantage of Matt’s sloppy positioning. He was too slow to correct his mistake and Nick got an easy hit. As they fenced, Nick realized that he did remember Matt from tryouts. He’d won back then but remembered that Matt had been able to anticipate his moves. He’d had some trouble with that at the time. But now Matt seemed unable to tell Nick’s intention. And he was easily baited into doing exactly what Nick wanted him to. Nick almost whooped a laugh ten points in, Matt’s blade still unable to land a single hit. Nick really  _had_  improved. It was hard to see for himself, especially since his personal coach was  _Robert Coste_  and he hadn’t lost any skill since winning gold. But he could feel it in this match against Matt, whom he’d previously thought a worthy opponent. And now Nick couldn’t believe he’d ever had trouble with this guy.

He pulled off his mask after the minute and thirty-seven seconds it took him to win. 15-0. He scanned the crowd for Seiji before even offering a handshake to Matt. Seiji was right up front and gave Nick a small smile.  _One day, I’ll get you,_  he thought but smiled even wider from Seiji’s approval. He’d probably have some critiques later but Nick didn’t care.

Matt cussed at him and stormed off the strip without taking his offered hand. Nick shrugged, sauntering off himself and finding his friends, all clustered with Seiji at the front.

“I know he’s  _way_  below your skill level but that was totally cool!” Bobby said and, never one for personal space, dive-bombed Nick in a hug that was gladly received.

“It would have been sad if you’d lost to that asshole,” Aiden said but, from him, it was a  _nice work._  And he hadn’t even called Nick  _Zero,_  so that was a win right there.

“Good job, Nick. Now you shouldn’t get any more jerks trying to question your place on the team,” Harvard told him. Nick didn’t think his smile could get any bigger. But as his friends chattered around him happily, it just kept growing. 

It was a while before the gym started clearing out and, eventually, the team left too. Off to do other things, but not before congratulating Nick again. It had been, overall, a good day, Nick decided.

“Hey, I’ll be right back,” Nick said to Seiji when he noticed that Eugene had gotten distracted texting on his way out. Seiji followed his line of sight and raised an eyebrow. “Don’t worry, I’ve only got eyes for you,” Nick said, laughing at his intentional misinterpretation of Seiji’s question.

“Don’t say stuff like that,” Seiji snapped and stalked off. He wouldn’t leave without Nick though, even if he was a little ticked.

Nick rushed at Eugene and caught him in a headlock, managing to deliver a decent noogie before Eugene wrestled free and returned the favor.

“Hey, man,” Nick said, pushing Eugene off him with a laugh. “I wanted to ask you—on Saturday morning, I thought I saw someone outside the gym. That you?”

Eugene shrugged, smile as innocent as an imp’s. “Might have been.”

“Thanks for not saying anything to anyone.”

“Hey, not my business.”

“You really weren’t surprised?” Nick asked. Because, when he thought on it, he realized that Eugene hadn’t offered any theories about who Robert’s secret son was. It wasn’t like Eugene to leave gossip and guessing like that alone. But that’d all happened before Saturday.

“You caught me,” Eugene laughed. “I just thought it might make sense. Explain some things, you know? I can’t help it, I’m curious. So I checked and saw you and Robert Coste and figured I had to be right.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t just ask.”

“I thought about it. But I’ve got some manners in me.” They both laughed over that. “So what’s it like, huh?” Nick thought he was asking about Robert, the way everyone else was when they asked that. But then he said, “You’ve got a brother and shit. That must’ve been fun.”

“It was something,” Nick replied.

“He okay with it all?”

“What?  _Jesse?_  Yeah, he’s fine.” Though Nick hadn’t actually texted Jesse all day. He’d do that after this. Give him an update of the whole day. He couldn’t wait to commiserate with Jesse over being asked weird things like  _is your dad hot when he wears glasses?_  Then Nick frowned at Eugene. “Why do you care?”

“No reason,” Eugene shrugged again. “Just wondered.”

***

The so-called battle for custody was moving along just about how they’d all expected it to. Esme was putting off court dates again to drag things out but she’d have to go in eventually and it wasn’t like there was any particular rush. The biggest surprise about the whole thing was how Nick wasn’t actually that stressed about it. In fact, he was as close to stress-free as he’d been all year. Going public about his relationship with Robert hadn’t been so bad and it had opened up more opportunities for Nick to meet with Robert. Already that week, Robert had come, with Coach Williams’ blessing, to give a lesson of sorts to the Kings Row fencing team. And after that, he and Nick had grabbed a quick dinner without using a drive-through.

“Jesse, can you put down the phone while we eat?” Sam asked at lunch that weekend, prompting Jesse to sheepishly slip it into his pocket. Nick started innocently humming a little tune and Jesse very rudely stomped on his foot over it. But as soon as lunch was over, Jesse slunk away to his room and Nick was sure it was for more phone usage.

“Is that why you think he’s over me?” Seiji asked, watching Jesse disappear up the back stairs.

“It’s pretty suspicious,” Nick said.

“I hope he is. That would be convenient for me.”

“Yeah,” Nick said, frowning. “I guess it really would be.” He hadn’t thought too much about it but there was almost no reason for their fake relationship to continue at this point. Nick’s family drama was damn near sorted and done with and if Jesse was really over Seiji…what reason did they have to stay together? Nick ignored the question, banishing it to the corner of his mind all troublesome thoughts got delegated to and dragged Seiji over to the couch.

“I should get some work done,” Seiji protested when Nick started up the TV.

“Bullshit, I let you work all yesterday. Today you’ve gotta pay attention to me.”

“By watching TV?”

“By watching TV  _together_ ,” Nick corrected, prompting Seiji to roll his eyes.

“Can I read instead? I know you’re going to put on  _Star Trek_  and I’m—,”

“Determined not to like it? No, you fucking nerd, you can’t  _read_  instead. Today we’re watching the 2009 movie and I think you might actually like it.”

“I don’t care what you say, when I get bored I’m getting my book.” And with that, Seiji sunk back into the cushions and crossed his arms. It was too perfect—Nick had to snap a picture of the almost-pout. “You better not have just taken a photo of me,” Seiji said, bolting upright. Oops.

Nick quickly sent it off to Mrs. K with the caption  _Star Trek induced pouting 2.0_ before Seiji could grab the phone and delete the pic. But he wasn’t fast enough at pressing the home button and Seiji yanked it from his hands, still open to the chat log. Nick could swear Seiji’s eye actually twitched as he pieced together what Nick and Mrs. K had been up to. The secret underground picture trade was compromised. Double oops.

“I hate you,” Seiji said in disbelief as he scrolled up through all the pictures that had been traded.

“Don’t be that way.”

“I’m deleting all of these.”

“No the fuck you’re not,” Nick launched for his phone but Seiji held it out of reach. “It’s my phone, give it back!”

“You’ve been—these are all—of  _me_ —and with  _my mother_ —how long does this go on for?”

“Seiji, c’mon,” Nick pleaded but only got kneed in the gut when he tried to climb over Seiji again. “That’s playing dirty,” he wheezed.

“You set up a  _bartering system_  with my mom! You deserve what you get,” Seiji told him fiercely. He wasn’t bluffing about deleting the entire log, Nick knew he wasn’t. But Nick wasn’t willing to lose it.

“Sorry about this,” he said, “but you leave me no choice.” And he tried something he’d never dared on Seiji before, something that always worked on Bobby when extracting gossip and on Eugene when getting out of a particularly strong headlock. He deployed a tickle attack.

Seiji’s knee-jerk reaction was, well, a knee jerk, hitting Nick even harder than the last one but it was more out of surprise than anything. Seiji’s face just then was absolutely hilarious—he had no idea what Nick was doing but he was pretty sure he didn’t like it. He was possible that Seiji just wasn’t ticklish but Nick doubted it, moving his attack from stomach to sides and, apparently, Seiji Katayama  _was_  ticklish because reluctant laughter spilled from him.  _Bingo._

“Found your weak spot,” Nick said, grinning as Seiji writhed beneath him. He briefly wondered if there were any other tickle spots on Seiji but decided he didn’t have  _that_  much of a death wish and so didn’t venture downward to thighs and that spot behind your knees that were also commonly ticklish.

“Stop it,” Seiji gasped, trying to push Nick off without bringing the phone in range, but it was hopeless and, eventually, he relented and used his phone-wielding hand to shove Nick.

“Thanks!” Nick yanked the phone from Seiji and retreating at once. His log with Mrs. K was, thankfully, intact. He turned off the phone and pocketed it so that Seiji couldn’t try again.

“I  _really_  hate you,” Seiji repeated, arms crossed and knees tucked close to him, eyeing Nick with extreme mistrust, like he thought Nick was likely to try that again.

“Desperate times call for desperate measures,” Nick shrugged. “Sorry.”

“I doubt you’re sorry at all.”

“I am. Super sorry. Forgive me?” Nick fluttered his eyelashes at Seiji with crazy exaggeration. Seiji made a face.

“Just put on your stupid movie and leave me alone.” He wasn’t in  _that_  much trouble, then, if Seiji was still willing to watch the movie with him.

And he did actually watch it, despite not being much of a TV or movie person. Jesse wondered back down and watched with them too. Nick felt smug that Seiji never made a move for his book and Jesse didn’t pull out his phone even once.

“They’re much prettier in this one,” Jesse said when the movie ended.

“How dare you imply Shatner and Nimoy and the rest of the original cast are anything less than beautiful,” Nick said, throwing a pillow at Jesse to emphasize just how blasphemous he was being. “And yeah, no duh you liked it, it’s great.”

“The effects were actually tolerable,” Seiji commented.

“The effects are part of the original’s charm,” Nick tried to explain for the hundredth time but knew he couldn’t budge Seiji. Jesse liked people that were easy on the eyes and Seiji liked cinematography that was easy on the eyes. Some people just didn’t get  _The Original Series_  but Nick had had a feeling he could trap them into the remakes. He’d been right, it seemed.

“I liked it. Are there more?” Jesse asked

“There’s two more. Wanna queue up the next one?”

“Why can’t you?”

“Because I need to pee,” Nick explained simply.

Nick dashed back to the TV with hands still wet from washing. It had occurred to him that he hadn’t specified Jesse shouldn’t start the movie without him and he wouldn’t put it past Jesse to do it just to irritate him. But  _Into Darkness_  was only paused on the opening scene.

“Nicholas,” Seiji called, still settled neatly on the couch. “Would you get me a water?” Nick looked at him incredulously.

“It would be just as easy for you to get it.”

“You’re already up.” He glanced to Nick with such a snooty look, it conveyed clearly that he was completely confident Nick would get him the water. And damn it, Nick knew he would too. Because Seiji’s haughty glance was almost demure and stupidly impossible to deny. Sighing, Nick grabbed a chilled water bottle from the fridge and delivered it to a very self-satisfied Seiji. As he handed it off to Seiji, though, he bent over the back of the couch to peck a kiss on Seiji’s cheek as revenge.

“Anything else I can get for you while I’m up, princess?” Nick asked sarcastically and Seiji hummed, thinking.

“Yes, actually. I’m a tad chilly. Get me my jacket?” Nick was pretty sure that Seiji wasn’t actually cold. He just wanted to make Nick go find and get his jacket for him. As payback for the pictures and the tickling. Not happening. Nick peeled off his hoodie and pulled it over Seiji’s head with his own sense of satisfaction. “I suppose that works too,” Seiji said, slipping arms into place and then twisting open the water he probably hadn’t even wanted. He’d just wanted to boss Nick around. Nick should have felt annoyed over it but he found himself amused instead. And, for some unknown reason, he felt compelled to fix Seiji’s hair, which his jacket attack had displaced. This, at last, seemed to be too much for Jesse. He made a noise between gagging and a groan.

“Yes?” Seiji asked, turning a cool gaze on the blond at the other end of the couch. Jesse just shrugged. Was Seiji going to let it go? Not a chance. “If you’ve got something to say, then I suggest you say it.”

“I never took you for the type to answer to pet names,” Jesse said. “Princess?”

“Don’t be juvenile, Jesse,” Seiji said dismissively. “If you mean to embarrass me by pointing out that Nicholas referred to me by such a feminine name, don’t waste your time. If you’ll notice, I got what I wanted. Nicholas is free to call me whatsoever he chooses so long as he listens to me.”

“Except  _shnookums_?” Jesse asked, face smug as ever. If Nick were in Seiji’s line of sight, he’d have given him a meaningful sort of look. It would have translated directly to  _See? Spies._  But he wasn’t, so he’d have to save the ‘I told you so’s for later.

“There has to be a line somewhere,” Seiji said. “Low bar though it is. Yes, Nicholas may call me by  _almost_ any ridiculous endearment he wishes, excluding, as you so impressively pointed out,  _shnookums_.” There’d been a rule, Nick suddenly remembered. A rule about not using undignified nicknames. But Nick had never been forbidden from calling Seiji anything else. He wondered what, at this point, would toe the line of ‘undignified.’

Nick finally settled down into his spot by Seiji, stretching his legs out in front of him on the  _chaise lounge_ , as Seiji had informed him it was called after he’d referred to it as the  _elongated leggy bit_ , and the movie started up. Nick settled in but kept thinking of the  _Shnookums_  Incident. He’d practically forgotten all about it, honestly, and it was funny to remember that whole ordeal now. And to be reminded of it by  _Jesse_ , no less. That was unexpected. He wondered how Jesse had even heard about it but he wasn’t actually worried about his spy anymore. It could be any number of students from Kings Row but, as the film went on, the gears in Nick’s brain started turning, fitting pieces together in a very interesting way.

“Hmm,” he accidentally said out loud.

“What?” Seiji asked, looking to him curiously.

“Nothing,” Nick replied and hooked an arm around Seiji’s shoulders, drawing him close against Nick’s chest. “Don’t worry about it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listen I don’t know where Sam and Robert were for this all but I kept imagining them in the next room during the tickle scene just like 👀👀👀


	41. Chapter 41

The end credits were rolling when Nick heard the kind of soft sound that only came from Seiji when he was asleep, sounds like a little hitch in his throat or a sweet sigh or exhales of  _nnns_  and  _hmms._ Nick knew them all intimately by now because he liked them more than he probably should. Much as he liked those sounds, though, he was slightly dismayed to hear one now. How long ago had Seiji dozed off? Nick wasn’t sure and thought it likely he’d missed most of the movie. It was a little rude to fall asleep during  _Star Trek_  but, to be fair, Nick had set them up for failure. They’d staked out Nick’s favorite spot with the extra legroom, he’d dimmed the lights to better see the movie, and he’d guided Seiji’s head against his chest himself. He should have known it was asking too much of Seiji to resist such classic cat-nap parameters.

“Guess Seiji and I will be watching this again later,” Nick laughed. “I’ll make him watch it before next weekend, so don’t you fucking dare watch  _Beyond_  without me because I love that one.”

“Why? You’ve already seen it. About a million times, I’m betting.”

“Doesn’t matter, I don’t want you to watch it without me.”

“Selfish.”

“Please, you know you’d miss my abundance of fun facts if you watched it alone,” Nick countered, producing an exaggerated eye-roll from Jesse. Nick was debating waking Seiji up when Jesse laughed. Nick looked up, expecting him to be giggling down at his phone like he’d been wont to do lately. But his phone wasn’t out at all.

“He does that a lot, doesn’t he?” Jesse asked as he inclined his head at Seiji. “Sleep on you.”

“I guess,” Nick shrugged, looking down at Seiji again. “Even he needs to rest sometimes.”

“And he finds your company so boring that it’s the perfect time to sleep?” Jesse teased and Nick gave a chuckle. He should have seen that one coming.

“I know it’ll sound strange but I like it when he does. He just never stops, you know? It’s like he doesn’t know how to give himself a break between fencing and school and being perfect in general. I worry that his body will protest eventually. So it’s good to see him take care of himself. Plus, he looks really sweet when he’s sleeping, doesn’t he?”

“Are you really inviting me to compliment your boyfriend? The same boy I liked for ages before you even came along?” Again, Nick laughed.

“Guess not. It’s just— he never looks like this when he’s awake,” Nick said, gently sweeping Seiji’s hair back for a better view. “Or—that’s not exactly true. But if you see him looking so sweet when he’s awake it means he’s about to do something you won’t like at all.”

“Really?” Jesse asked, looking hard at Seiji’s sleeping face. “I didn’t know. He was my best friend for eight years and I never noticed. Did he change so much in the last two years? Or did I never really know him?”

“You must’ve known him,” Nick said. “Better than anyone. But, yeah, I think he’s probably changed in a lot of ways since you two were close,” he wasn’t trying to be mean and winced at the way it came out, sounding a little harsh anyway. A hint of anger that Nick still felt over Jesse’s treatment of Seiji accidentally showing through. Jesse gave him a searching look.

“He told you, then?”

“Yeah,” Nick sighed. “He told me.”

“You’re not going to lecture me?” Jesse asked.

“No.” Then Nick laughed, “I don’t think that was my first thought, either. I wanted to full-on fight you over it. But, no. It’s got nothing to do with me, and you and Seiji seem to be dealing with it just fine. Well,  _now_  you are. Took you long enough, though.” Jesse nodded, a relieved little laugh escaping from him. Then his eyes slid down to Seiji’s face and studied what of it he could see. But Nick saw no signs of desire there, not like he’d seen before. Now all that was left was the loneliness. No matter what, Jesse had lost  _his_  Seiji years ago and he couldn’t ever get that back. Maybe that’s why he’d tried so hard to date Seiji, some fool attempt to regain what he’d thrown away. But there was hope for a repaired relationship between them and Jesse knew that, too. It wouldn’t be the same but it was more than Nick thought Jesse would have gotten if Seiji hadn’t been dragged into his life again.

“ _We_  do this a lot too, don’t we?” Jesse asked suddenly, grinning at Nick with the humor of someone ready to laugh at themselves. “Talk about my sordid past with Seiji while he sleeps on you?” Nick barked a laugh.

“Shit, you’re right. Is this our designated sibling bonding time?”

“Do you think he’s really asleep?” Jesse asked. “Wouldn’t that be something? Him overhearing all of it?”

“Don’t scare me like that,” Nick said, “I’m not sure what dumb stuff I’ve said while he’s napping but I’m sure it’s nothing I want him listening in on. But we’re safe, I know that for sure.”

“Really? How can you be positive?”

“Watch,” Nick said importantly before wrapping his fingers into Seiji’s hair and making a huge mess of it. “He’d never let me touch his hair like this if he was awake, see?”

“Clever,” Jesse said, nodding. “His eye would be involuntarily twitching for sure.”

“I’m an absolute genius, I know.”

“I wouldn’t go  _that_  far,” Jesse sniggered and then pulled out his phone. Nick did the same since the TV remote was out of reach if he didn’t want to disturb Seiji. And the guy really could use the extra rest so Nick was careful to do nothing—save a little more hair tangling—that might wake him. They had plenty of time before it was time to leave.

“How’s Eugene?” Nick asked casually, glancing over at Jesse.

“What?” Jesse asked, locking attention on Nick.

“That’s who you’ve been talking to, right?”

“I don’t know what or who you’re talking about.”

“You know, Eugene? My Eugene, from Kings Row?”

“ _Your_  Eugene?” Jesse responded automatically and then went a bit red. But he’d already given himself away so he snapped out the rest with defiance, “You’ve already got Seiji, don’t be selfish.”

“I knew it!” Nick cried, triumphant. “ _He’s_  your spy, isn’t he?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Jesse said again, stubborn as a jackass. “I’m allowed to have friends that go to your school, there’s nothing so nefarious about that.”

“Come off it,” Nick laughed. “I’m sure you got him to tell you about me and Seiji when you were still snooping, admit it.” Jesse looked absolutely mortified, and slightly pissed, at being caught.

“Can you blame me? You guys have had an interesting relationship, according to Eugene.”

“Can I blame you? Uh, abso-fucking-lutely,” but he wasn’t mad like he’d have been a month or two ago. He was just thoroughly amused. “I’m sure Eugene didn’t mean to be spying for you, poor bastard got tricked by a pretty face.” Nick shouldn’t have been surprised. Eugene  _did_  like pretty things an awful lot. He’d have to give him shit, though, for deciding the pretty outweighed the trouble after all.

“I didn’t  _trick_  him,” Jesse protested. “He was flirting with one of my teammates, Marcel. I got dragged along to Kings Row by him. It was very rude actually, we’d been playing Xbox at his place near campus and he wanted to ditch me to go watch his new fling practice,” Jesse still looked like he thought this was unreasonable behavior. Who’d want to go visit a cute guy when they  _could_  be hanging out with Jesse instead? Nick snorted.

“Alright, so you came to Kings Row—hey, I totally remember your first visit. I thought you were so condescending and full of yourself back then. But now…wait, nope. Still do.”

“Very funny.”

“I know,” Nick grinned. “Oh, hey, I get it. You figured that if your teammate kept ‘dragging’ you to Kings Row for Eugene, it’d be an easy way to get to Seiji.  _That’s_ how you always knew when we had practice. Damn, Eugene really was spying for you the whole time and he didn’t even know it.”

“I didn’t trick him,” Jesse repeated. “I just got his number from Marcel to…clarify a couple of things.”

“Yeah? Why didn’t he tell you to fuck off?”

“As a matter of fact, he did,” Jesse frowned. “Called me a psycho stalker, among other things, as well.”

“But you managed to plant seeds of doubt in him too, you whackjob,” Nick said, remembering Eugene’s strange observations regarding him and Seiji, back at the start. He’d thought that was all bullshit Eugene was saying for kicks. Maybe it was—Eugene had a way of turning most things into a joke. But Jesse had gone and made him suspicious in the first place.

“ _I’m_  the whackjob?”

“Yes. Duh.”

“I’m not the one with two different versions of how I got with my boyfriend.”

 _Shit._  But why hadn’t Jesse brought that up before? Nick knew Jesse believed that he and Seiji were dating. Knew this wasn’t a challenge or an accusation. Knew it was him getting back at Nick, tugging  _his_  chain for a change. But it still made his pule spike. He’d totally forgotten that Jesse and Eugene had been given very different stories about his and Seiji’s romance. There was only one way to play this. Nick pulled on a grin and took a cue from Eugene, turning this into a fun joke.

“You caught us,” he said. “Those were both bullshit stories. The  _real_  reason we got together is actually way tamer than any of that.”

“I knew you were full of shit,” Jesse said, satisfied. “Well, go on, then.”

“Alright, so, has Robert ever mentioned Kings Row to you?”

“No. What’s Kings Row?” Jesse snarked. Then, curious, “Why?”

“Well, it’s a secret. I’m just a lowly freshman, no way am I spilling the beans.”

“Oh, you’re talking about the clubhouse or whatever. Dad’s mentioned it. I bet it’s nowhere near as good as my team’s den. Probably just some abandoned room with beanbags or something. But, yes, I know of it.”

“Good,” Nick didn’t bother correcting Jesse’s assumptions about the clubhouse. It was special to the Kings Row fencing team, something just for them. “All you need to know is that it exists and Harvard, our captain—,”

“I know who Harvard is, Jesus, Nick, I know all of your friends at this point.”

“Hey, I just wasn’t sure if you cared enough to remember who any of them are. Except  _Eugene_ ,” Nick said meaningfully, then rushed ahead before Jesse had time to retaliate. “Anyway. Harvard has the key to the clubhouse. We usually only go all together but one time I forgot my bag in there.”

“How do you forget your bag, moron?”

“Funnily enough, that’s exactly what Seiji said when we got back to our room and I noticed I had. I had to go beg the key off Harvard but it was late and Harvard made Seiji go with me because he cares enough about my safety to worry but not enough to go with me and make sure I don’t break my leg falling off the wall—,”

“The  _wall?”_  Jesse asked.

“Oops, that’s classified.”

“Where is this clubhouse, exactly?”

“None of your business. But it’s out of the way enough that it takes a bit of doing to get there.”

“Which is why Harvard didn’t feel like going just to babysit you.”

“Right. Seiji threw a fit about it the whole way there. So we get to the clubhouse, I unlock the door, we go in, I grab my bag, and we’re ready to go. But—and I admit, this was hugely stupid of me—I’d left the damn key in the lock and when the door closed on us earlier, it jostled the key just enough to lock us in.”

“Bullshit.”

“It’s an old lock,” Nick shrugged.

“No, I mean  _bullshit_  you and Seiji got locked in a room together for, what, a night? Surviving the wilderness and huddling together for warmth? That’s the premise for a porno. No way. This story is just as fake as the others.”

“You didn’t even let me finish!” Nick protested, holding back laughter. “We were only stuck for a couple hours and there was no huddling together for warmth, I promise. We just got to talking since there wasn’t much else to do. And I found that if I avoided certain topics, I liked Seiji just fine. I’m really good at riling him up—,”

“ _Ew_ ,” Jesse held up his hands as if to ward off whatever image he’d just conjured in his mind.

“Not like  _that_ , don’t be gross. We pushed each other’s buttons constantly at school but in the clubhouse, it was kind of like neutral territory. Removed a little from the heat of fencing. So we talked. And when Harvard came and saved us, I was a little disappointed. After that, I guess I just kept liking him more. I only asked him out because I expected him to say no and I wanted to get over it fast, you know? Didn’t wanna drag on the crush forever. But he said yes. And here we are.”

“I’m unconvinced any of that was real.”

“Cross my heart, at least eighty percent of it is,” Nick told him. “And now you have three options to choose from.”

“I have never met anyone more full of it than you are,” Jesse sighed and shook his head like he was exhausted by Nick’s antics. He wouldn’t be the first one to tire of them, nor would he be the last. Nick was rather pleased with himself as Jesse stood to track down the remote and turn off the TV. That was a mistake because when his phone rang, once again blasting about  _bromance_ , Jesse wasn’t the one closest to where he’d left it on the couch.  _Nick_  was and he accepted the call before Jesse could stop him.

“Hey, Eugene!” Nick said cheerfully into the phone, not even bothering to check the name on the screen.

“Nick?” It was, indeed, Eugene.

“I called it,” Nick said smugly, battling off a highly mortified Jesse from snatching back his phone. “I mean, why else would you be worrying about  _Jesse?”_  Eugene laughed appreciatively on the other end.

“Yeah man, you caught me. But, in my defense, he wasn’t answering his phone that day.”

“Nick, give me the phone or I will kill you,” Jesse growled, loud enough for Eugene to hear it and laugh again.

“You bullying your brother?” He asked.

“Always.”

“Good, make up for lost time. You’re at the Coste house, then?”

“Yeah, you ever been?”

“Nah, we hang more at Marcel’s.”

 _Ooooh._  Nick couldn’t help the cringe at the mention of Marcel. He hadn’t thought Eugene’s fling was still in the picture.

“Nick!” Jesse shouted, burning red and trying desperately to pry Nick’s fingers off his phone.

“I’m gonna give you over to Jesse now,” Nick said to Eugene. “He’s about to explode.”

“That’s always fun,” Eugene laughed. “Talk to you later, bro.”

“Mhm,” Nick relinquished the phone to Jesse with a mouthed  _sorry_. Jesse glared at him before storming off, phone already cradled against his ear.

“Sorry about that, Nick’s  _the worst,_ ” he shouted that part to make sure Nick would hear it.

“You’re making a lot of people angry over phones today,” Seiji said, causing Nick to jump.

“Sorry, did we wake you?”

“No, I woke up on my own. It had absolutely nothing to do with the shouting, laughing, and incessant bumping around.”

“Sorry,” Nick said again, laughing at Seiji’s grumpy sarcasm. “We’re done now, you can go back to sleep.”

“You're very strange,” Seiji said as he readjusted his position. “You whine when I try to do homework because I'm not paying enough attention to you. But you don't mind when I nap, even though it literally renders me incapable of paying attention to you.”

“You can do homework anytime. You  _do_  homework all the time, you don’t need to do it here too. But you only sleep about six hours a night and work harder than anyone I know for the rest of the day. You push yourself too hard, Seiji, it makes me feel better to see you rest.” Seiji blinked at him like he’d never had anyone fuss over his sleep schedule before. Nick grinned and ruffled Seiji’s hair, something he’d never dared do to him when fully awake but he wasn’t pushed off or scolded for it. He would be next time, no doubt, if he dared to try again. “And if I have to survive an hour without you paying attention to me for you to give yourself a break, that’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shit dudes we're at 100k and we're still going  
> how did this happen? Why can't I be concise????


	42. Chapter 42

It was late enough when they got back to Kings Row that Nick expected Seiji to go right into his nighttime routine, maybe do another hour of homework, then go to bed. But he must have been satisfied with the amount of work Nick had, eventually, let him do at the house today because he settled onto his bed and pulled out his book.

“Didn’t you already read that one?” Nick asked. “I swear I remember carrying it around a month ago.”

“No. This isn’t even part of a series, it’s entirely new. You really don’t pay much attention, do you?”

“It’s not my fault they all look the same,” Nick shrugged with a grin. “What’s up with that anyway?”

“Branding. It’s a marketing technique so that readers can easily identify—,” Seiji cut off when Nick started laughing, narrowing his eyes. Then he huffed. “You know it’s not the same book, you’re just trying to annoy me, aren’t you?”

“It’s too easy to get you going, man,” Nick said. “Didn’t think you’d start in on a book cover lecture though.”

“You asked,” Seiji said crossly. “And I knew the answer.”

“You’re so literal-minded, it kills me,” Nick tried not to start laughing again at the irritation on Seiji’s face. “It makes it too easy to tease you without you even realizing it.”

“You’re awful,” was the only response Seiji had to that which made Nick actually cackle.

“But I’m not the worst,” Nick said to a dubious look from Seiji. “I’m not Aiden.” That made Seiji consider for a moment.

“But Aiden never got us locked in the clubhouse for six hours, so he has to be given points for that.”

“Five and a half hours,” Nick snapped back, the way he had so often when that incident had been fresh in Seiji’s mind and brought up as proof to Nick’s ‘ _irresponsible, reckless, careless, and absolutely idiotic’_  nature. It’d been ages since that had been referenced…Nick squinted at Seiji suspiciously. What were the odds they’d both bring that story up on the same day? Seiji shifted under Nick’s gaze and tried to shove his nose back into his book but it was too late. “You sneak,” Nick said a little too loudly. “You were awake today.”

“Not really,” Seiji shrugged back, trying for unconcerned, but Nick knew he hadn’t meant to give himself away and was displeased at his slip.

“Awake enough to have heard our newest love story.”

“It’s not my fault you two are loud,” Seiji said, on the defensive. “I was only half awake and not for very long.”

“Pretty clever of me, don’t you think? Jesse can ask Eugene all he wants—,”

“Eugene?” Seiji interrupted. “ _Our_  Eugene? That’s the Eugene you were on the phone with?” And he looked so genuinely intrigued by this that Nick was convinced he really had only woken briefly.

“What other Eugene would I try talking to but ours? Only, don’t call him that in front of Jesse,” Nick laughed. Seiji still looked confused but interested. “I’ll catch you up on it all later but  _I told you so!_  Jesse had a spy, just like I said. I was right and you were wrong.” Seiji didn’t dignify Nick’s taunts with a response so he moved on. “But I was smart about the story I told today because I know that if Jesse asks Eugene, he’ll just confirm it because it true. That’s what I call good lying.”

“It wasn’t true,” Seiji said, completely unmoved by Nick’s brilliance.

“Really? Then why did you spend a week sneering at me every time I unlocked our door and told me not to forget my key in the lock this time?”

“Your tremendous stupidity was accurate,” Seiji conceded. “But neither of us was  _disappointed_  when Harvard came to find us.”

“Oh yeah? And why not?”

“We fought the whole time.”

“You’ve got me there,” Nick agreed. Those five and a half hours had been nothing short of hellish and  _that_  was the honest truth. “But that’s not romantic so I tweaked it.”

“It was, at least, more believable than the  _last_  one you came up with but why give another fake story?”

“Because he already had two—and, not to be  _that guy,_  but I told you it’d get back to Jesse, didn’t I?”

“Does it matter now? It didn’t make a difference.”

“But it was still weird.  _Now_  it’s a joke. A running inside joke between you and me. Telling everyone fake stories and trying to annoy each other with them. Two was weird. Three’s just funny. And now Jesse has his answer about him and his spy getting different stories.”

“You are nothing if not thorough in your lies,” Seiji said with a strange bitterness Nick couldn’t understand the reason for. There was something dark in Seiji’s eyes, too, but it was gone in a flash and left him looking nothing more than exhausted. Unsure how to respond to the unknown mood that’d captured Seiji, Nick pulled on a jovial tone and went back to familiar waters.

“I still can’t believe you were actually listening in on us. Heard anything else interesting while you were supposed to be asleep?” Nick asked lightly and was surprised when Seiji flushed a deep red. “Holy fuck, what else weren’t you actually asleep for?” He frantically searched his memories for anything particularly embarrassing he might have said that could elicit such a blush in Seiji. He wouldn’t have been talking to  _Jesse_  about how perfect Seiji’s ass was or how sparkly and dewy he looked fresh out of a shower or about that one time they’d gotten caught in the rain and Seiji’s white button-down had gone transparent and Nick hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it for a week. Nick was sure he wouldn’t have said any of that to Jesse but Seiji looked so embarrassed that he couldn’t help worrying that, somehow, he  _had_. Or maybe it was something equally as stupid and mortifying that he hadn’t even considered being worried about.

“Nothing,” Seiji said unconvincingly, not even commenting on Nick’s flustered reaction or asking him what he was worried about Seiji having overheard. That was a testament to how deep in his own embarrassment Seiji was more than even the dark blush.

“I’ve caught you, there’s no point not telling me what you heard because I already know you heard something,” Nick tried.

“I didn’t want to say anything because I knew you’d accuse me of snooping again,” Seiji said instead of answering. But Nick was pretty sure he could crack Seiji open and make him spill. So he pushed his nerves down and went along with Seiji’s distraction.

“Listening in on private conversations  _is_  snooping, lovebug,” Nick said.

“Private? I was very obviously on your lap the whole time, it’s not my fault that I woke up when you were talking. Talking about  _me,_  no less, so I feel that snooping is an unfair term to use. And  _lovebug_  is definitely not an acceptable thing to call me.”

“Really? Of all the things I’ve called you, lovebug’s the breaking point?” Nick asked then shook his head. “Wait that’s not important.”

“I don’t like bugs,” Seiji said it so seriously that Nick accidentally laughed.

“Okay, sorry I called you a bug, love,” Nick grinned at Seiji, who just sighed and shook his head the way he did whenever Nick had said something particularly stupid. But it had been what he’d needed. The slight reprieve from interrogation and the chance to fess up on his own terms. Or, as much as he could get since he had to know Nick would pester it out of him.

“I actually wanted to thank you,” Seiji said carefully.  _Thank me?_  Nick thought. It couldn’t be about his ass or any of that, then, or Seiji wouldn’t be thanking him. “For telling Jesse what you did. It made him leave me alone like nothing else ever had and I’d really needed that. So thank you.” With every deliberate word, the color faded some from Seiji’s cheeks.

“You heard our heart-to-heart,” Nick said, recalling that night at Mrs. K's. They’d watched  _Star Trek_  then too.

“Parts of it. I kept falling back asleep. But I heard enough. And I couldn’t figure out why you’d stick up for me like that, especially after what I’d said to you.”

“What do you mean?” Nick asked, trying to remember anything in particular Seiji had said that day. But it was too long ago for him to remember details like that.

“You’d been getting on well with Jesse,” Seiji said, blush fully returning despite his efforts. “And I was mad at you for being taken in by him and I said something unnecessarily harsh because of it.”

“Oh, I kinda remember that.” Nick had an image of Jesse wincing on his behalf. And feeling like shit over causing such trouble for everyone, though he couldn’t come up with the specific words Seiji had used to instill those feelings in him. “He really did a number on you, didn’t he?” Even though it wasn’t the first time Nick had thought it, he’d never said it so bluntly to Seiji before. But Jesse had crept into so much of what Seiji had become, and it wasn’t good. Unless you considered that without that, Seiji wouldn’t have grown to be the person Nick knew and Nick was glad that  _this_  was the Seiji he knew. He liked the guy, harshness and all.

“You didn’t even know what he’d done. But you were still on my side, even then. Even before I told you. Even after I was mean. And I—I wanted to thank you for that as well. But I  _knew_  you’d say I was snooping.”

“It was snooping,” Nick insisted. “But it was understandable and justified and not even really your fault. So I won’t add that to your list of snooping incidents, happy?”

“I’m not happy you have a list of  _incidents.”_

“Should have thought of that before you snooped,” Nick said jokingly. “And you’re welcome,” he said, not joking at all. “I’m actually kinda relieved you’re not mad at me for getting unnecessarily involved in your business. But it was obvious that yours was the side to be on. And even if it wasn’t, you deserved better than what he was giving you, you know? Besides, mean or not, it’s my job to stick up for you as your super awesome fake boyfriend,” he tacked on the last bit with a smile to lighten the serious tone but Seiji didn’t react in an expected way. He didn’t roll his eyes or retort that Nick was pretty okay, even if he was a little dumb sometimes. All Seiji did was stare hard at him like he was trying to figure something out.

“Nicholas, that wasn’t in the job description and you know it,” he said, putting his book aside and taking a deep breath. “But I’d like it if…” Seiji’s nerve seemed to be running out. “What I’m trying to say is, that night, I started to—and then when I heard you telling Jesse that I didn’t owe him anything, it made me—I mean,” Seiji groaned and buried his face in his hands, blush burning so bright Nick could practically feel the heat radiating from him. “It meant a lot to me,” Seiji finally said, muffled by his hands.

Nick watched him, wide-eyed and confused. He wasn’t used to this behavior from Seiji. Didn’t see why Seiji was so worked up over it, honestly. He’d expected it to be something way less tame, judging by the panic Seiji had shown at being found out. But that night, that conversation…Nick didn’t think they were particularly noteworthy. Not in a way that should render Seiji so nervous and strange.

But then Nick thought about the way something between them had given way after that and he understood a little about why that night had been so important. It had made Seiji trust him.


	43. Chapter 43

Kings Row was weird. Nick didn’t see any reason to invite parents to the campus for a fancy dinner-party type thing. Really, what was the point? Apparently, it was tradition. A stupid point, but there you had it. Winter break was almost upon them and the school liked to put on a party to remind parents that all their tuition money was worth it. Attendance was optional, of course. And that would have meant Nick didn’t have to go. But Robert remembered the parent’s night from when he attended and had RSVP’d before Nick had bothered to tell him about it.

“Why do we have to wear uniforms?” Nick complained, pulling on his blazer unenthusiastically. He rarely bothered with all the pieces, unlike Seiji, who routinely looked like he belonged on the front of a brochure for their school.

“It’s a school even, obviously we’d be required to wear uniforms,” Seiji replied.

“But it’s not technically school.”

“I don’t imagine they want students wandering around in ripped jeans.”

“Oh, I get it. I’d be an eyesore for all the fancy rich people,” Nick shook his head fondly at the way Seiji’s brows immediately furrowed together in worry. “I know you didn’t mean it like that,” he said before Seiji was able to say anything. “But I bet I  _would_  offend a ton of prissy parents if I were allowed to wear what I wanted.”

“No doubt you’d make sure to be as offensive as possible,” Seiji said with a tiny smile.

“You get me,” Nick told him, earning the faintest blush from Seiji as he tucked an arm around his waist. “Should we go do this, then?”

“Let’s.”

It was easy to find Robert. Ironically, it was less easy to actually see him. There was a small crowd gathered around him, all clamoring for his attention. Kings Row was big into fencing and Nick wasn’t surprised that he’d been swarmed like that. It seemed like a hassle to try and fight through the crowd so Nick was already looking around for Mrs. K, figuring that Robert would escape and find them later. But Seiji just kept walking right up to the hoard.

“Move,” he said simply. And, amazingly, they did. A path opened up and they easily made their way to the center. Jesse had somehow been dragged along and he and Sam had been caught up in the eye of the storm. It was dispersing some now and Nick started laughing.

“What’s so funny?” Jesse asked. It took a moment before Nick was able to speak.

“I just noticed but I think at least half the school is terrified of my boyfriend,” Nick explained and Jesse nodded, understanding.

“They are not,” Seiji said.

“Are too. People don’t move like that for just anyone,” Nick teased. Then he grinned over to Robert and Sam. “Hey, guys.”

Sam pulled Nick and Seiji both in for hugs and Robert’s heavy hand gave his shoulder a squeeze in greeting.

“Your mom’s on her way,” Sam told Seiji as she started leading their group down a hall. “We told her we’d give her a ride but you know how she is, insisted on driving in this weather in that car of hers. She’ll be a bit. In the meantime, why don’t you two show us around the school? I wouldn’t want to inflate Robert’s ego by keeping him in the middle of that crowd for too long.”

“It’s been a long time since I’ve received that sort of reception,” Robert said with a chuckle. “You’d be surprised how little a gold medal means in the long run. Outside of the fencing world, anyway.”

“The fencing world is the only one that matters,” Seiji said and Nick and Jesse both agreed at once.

“You boys, honestly,” Sam said, dramatically sighing. “Can I not have a single night without fence talk?”

“Probably not,” Nick said. “Your mistake, marrying Robert.”

“Clearly. So, give me the tour.”

“I’m not sure we’re meant to be giving you a tour,” Seiji said, not sounding too worried about it but unable to keep from pointing it out.

“Nonsense. That’s the point of these things. Do you have any work on the walls?”

“You might as well just show her,” Jesse told them. “Otherwise she  _will_  drag you through every hall of every building on campus she can get into.”

“It’s true. I’m very good at finding my way to where I want to be.”

“Actually,” Seiji said and there was the sweet smile again. “Nicholas has a very interesting plaster mask on display in the art hall, we could go see that.”

“Remind me to say something very rude to you later,” Nick grouched as Seiji took the lead of the group.

“You take art?” Jesse asked with the sort of glee you only get when preparing to make fun of someone for being absolutely shit at something.

“Art is a required subject, doofus,” Nick said. “We’ve got to take a year and a half worth of art credits.”

“Still, why  _art_  art?”

“Seemed more fun than any of the other options,” Nick shrugged. “I get to do ceramics next semester and that’ll be way better than foundations. Clay’s all gooey and mushy and fun to play with.”

“Like advanced play-doh,” Seiji said with distaste. “Mixed with mud.”

“Exactly!”

“What about you, Seiji?” Robert asked as they trekked across campus to the arts building. “Which elective did you take?”

“Dance,” Nick put in seriously. Robert believed him just for a moment. And the look on his face was  _hilarious._

“I started in music,” Seiji said, shooting a glare at Nick. “But found that I didn’t have the time for the practice needed to do particularly well so I transferred into visual arts.”

“I hear you about the music,” Robert boomed a laugh. “If I’d bee smarter, I’d have switched too but we had the worst art teacher back then.”

“Mrs. D is fine, if overenthusiastic for my tastes,” Seiji said.

It wasn’t a long walk to the hall that Nick’s abysmal plaster creation was proudly hung in and he appreciated the effort Robert and Sam put in to not laughing at it.

“What  _is_  it?” Jesse asked between laughs he’d made no effort to suppress.

“A metaphor for my emotions or something. I don’t fucking know,” Nick said, glaring at Seiji still, who’d gone off down the hall a little ways with Robert and Sam as they admired the art the freshman class had to offer. “It was a dumb assignment, the first one of the year. Seiji missed it, lucky asshole.”

“He got anything on display?”

“A ceramic bat that’s almost as bad as my mask,” Nick grinned, tugging Jesse down the hall in the opposite direction Seiji had herded the parents. “I think Mrs. D picks the worst pieces to put up. The worse they are, the happier she is. She let everyone else take their stupid masks down but mine’s been here months.”

“Is that it?” Jesse asked, pointing to Seiji’s fucked up little bat.

“Yep.”

“Are you sure it’s meant to be a bat?”

“If you squint you can almost see it,” Nick laughed, delighted at Jesse’s bafflement. “I know, it’s not like Seiji to suck at something, is it? Don’t worry, he’s unfairly good at painting for someone who’s never done it before. He’s got a mountain landscape in the classroom that’s actually pretty.”

“I take it you two won’t be in the same art class next semester?”

“Nope, Seiji’s off to beginning painting.” When given the choice, Seiji always went with the thing he was better at. He didn’t like to be anything less than perfect.

“Think you’ll survive the time apart?”

“Shut it,” Nick shoved Jesse. “And what about you?”

“Me? I’m not taking any art classes, I did them all last year.”

“No, I mean do you think you’ll go find Eugene?”

“Why would I do that?” Jesse said, staring very determinedly at the shitty bat.

“That’s why you came, isn’t it? His mom’s really nice, she’d be happy to meet more of his friends.” Nick always thought on Mrs. Labao fondly because of that time she’d come to the rescue at a different parent function where he and Seiji had found themselves alone. Without her, they’d have had to suffer in awkward silence.

“I didn’t come to—to meet his mother or anything,” Jesse hissed, glancing up and down the hall now, like he thought Eugene might be able to hear them.

“Right, I’m sure you came all the way to my school just to see me. Missed me so much you couldn’t even go three days without a visit?”

“Mom made me,” Jesse said, crossing his arms in a pout. “I didn’t really want to come at all.”

“Whatever. I’m sure Eugene will come find you.”

Jesse didn’t get a chance to comment on that because they were soon called back to go find Mrs. K but Nick thought Jesse was probably counting on being sought out before the night was up.

***

Nick knew where Seiji got his driving habits from now. Mrs. K was red-faced and her hair was slipping out of a braid. He should have known she was the source of it but it still surprised him that she’d driven all the way here with the top on _her convertible_  down. It wasn’t actively snowing but it was cold and the roads were snowy and it was all almost insane. Nick might have accidentally called her  _metal as fuck_  to her face which could have been a disaster—Seiji had certainly given him a horrified look—but she’d laughed uproariously and pulled him into a hug as easily as Sam had, despite this only being the third time they’d met in person.

Nick still maintained that Kings Row was weird for having this event but he was glad he was actually attending it. It was fun talking with everyone here like this. Still, out of some habit ingrained in him since elementary school, he scanned the crowd full of families, looking for someone he knew wouldn’t be here. He was so sure she wouldn’t be here that he scanned right over the lone figure near the door that watched him.

Nick did a double-take.  _It can’t be…_  He whipped his head back and there she was. Esmeralda Cox. His mother.  _Here_. At Kings Row. At a parent event. He didn’t even register leaving, walking over to her. He wasn’t sure of any of the conversations that cut off as he left them. He did recall the sensation of his fingers slipping away from Seiji’s, though. No one followed him as he made his way to his mom. He stopped short in front of her, unsure what to do. What to say.

“Mom,” it escaped him without his bidding. “You’re here.”

“Your school sent an invitation in the mail,” she said, looking around in her guarded way. She’d never understood why Nick wanted to go here so desperately. Why he loved it so much.

“Sorry,” he said. “I didn’t say anything because I didn’t think you’d want to…But it’s good to see you,” he smiled awkwardly, worried she’d be upset that Robert was here. That the family Robert had chosen over her was here. But she returned the smile, as unsure as Nick’s was. Then her gaze returned to the group he’d left behind. He snuck a glance at them himself and saw that they were all trying not to look like they were watching him. Except Seiji. He stared at them unabashedly. Nick’s smile righted itself and he winked at Seiji before turning back to his mom.

“The one with the beauty mark,” Esme said, “that’s Seiji? Your boyfriend?”

“Yeah, that’s him,” he was surprised she’d remembered. They hadn’t talked about him other than that first time, when Seiji had sat outside their house in a bright yellow car. “And the woman next to him, with the dark hair, that’s Mari. She’s his mom. And, um, you know the others.”

Esme nodded slowly, still watching them over Nick’s shoulder. It made him nervous because he wasn’t sure how she was going to react. If she was going to get mad, why hadn’t she already? But she looked sad and a little lonely. Just like she had when he’d told her about Seiji. About why he hadn’t told her about him earlier. It made him feel bad but he wasn’t even sure what she was sad about so he didn’t know how t fix it. Or what to feel guilty about if he couldn’t fix it.

“They all seem to get along,” she noted. “Does Seiji go with you to visit Robert often?”

“He pretty much always comes,” Nick told her truthfully, still not sure where this was going.

“Such a big part of your life,” Esme said, so quiet Nick wasn’t sure the words were even for him. “And I’m missing it.”

“Mom, I’m—,”

“No, baby. Don’t be sorry.” Her full attention slid back to him. “I’ll take the day off work on Friday,” she said, voice strong and determined again. “I’ll make the court date this time.”

“You mean—?”

“Yes. Yes, we’ll go get this custody thing sorted out for good.”

Nick searched his mother’s face for any trace of a lie or a hidden meaning but she looked resigned to it. That was about all he could ask of her and he broke into a true and honest grin, hugging her so hard he accidentally swept her off the floor. She laughed and patted his arm as he put her down.

“Thank you,” he couldn’t tell her how much this meant to him, couldn’t even think how to come close right now. So he just said again, “Thank you, Mom.”

She nodded, smiling a small and soft smile, but her eyes were back on the group behind Nick. “I’d like to meet him,” she said. “Your Seiji.”

“I’d like you to meet him too,” Nick said, offering his mom his arm. She took it and together they walked back into the circle that still had a gap waiting for him to fill.


	44. Chapter 44

“Seiji can come, right?” Nick asked into his phone on Thursday night. He heard Robert’s low chuckle on the other end.

“Yes, Seiji can come. But you should  _ask_  him if he’d like to before you make assumptions. Court proceedings aren’t very fun.”

“That’s okay, Seiji doesn’t like fun,” Nick said this with a grin across the room at Seiji.

“He’d also have to miss school to go. Make sure he’s okay with that and if he is, he can come. Deal?”

“Deal,” Nick agreed. “See you in a minute!” Nick hung up before Robert was able to say anything more; he was too excited to stay on the phone and talk logistics.

“Your mom meant it? She’s going to make the appointment?” Seiji asked, eyeing Nick warily, like he rather expected Nick to start bouncing around the room.

“Apparently. Unless she pulls something last minute tomorrow but I really don’t think she will. You’re coming, right?”

“I’ll have Mom call into the school and deal with whatever permissions are needed,” Seiji said but he didn’t reach for his phone. Nick suspected he’d already had Mrs. K do all that. He wasn’t one to leave things for the last minute. Which meant he’d rightly assumed that Nick would ask him to come. And he’d already decided he would.

“You ready to go? Robert will be here soon.” Nick shouldered his own bag and watched as Seiji pulled on his warm winter coat and grabbed his schoolbag. “That’s all you’re bringing?”

“You’re not bringing much more,” Seiji pointed out, then picked up Nick’s coat with an exasperated sigh and shoved it at him. “You’ll want that.”

“Why? We won’t be outside much.”

“You never know. Besides, we’ll be waiting for Robert outside,” Seiji said before opening the door, gesturing for Nick to go out. Nick rolled his eyes at Seiji but he shrugged into his coat and slipped past him into the hall.

They didn’t have to wait even a full minute before Robert pulled up to them and Nick held open the door for Seiji and slid in after him. Not much need for the coat after all, but he didn’t have time to say as much.

“Evening, boys,” Robert said, smiling, not at all surprised to see Seiji.

The drive was made fast by the comfortable stream of conversation but Nick was surprised when they took a turn down a street he knew led to Seiji’s house. He’d expected Seiji to come sleepover at the Coste house again. He accidentally tightened his grip around Seiji’s hand—when had he taken the hand in the first place?—as they stopped to drop Seiji off. Seiji exhaled something that was very close to a laugh.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Seiji said, pulling out of Nick’s grasp.

“I’ll walk you to the door,” Nick said, hopping out of the car and dashing to let Seiji out before he had the chance to get out alone.

“You really don’t have to,” Seiji said, amused and a little confused, too. “I can safely make it into my house by myself.”

“I know. I just thought, you know…”

“If you’d thought a little more you’d have realized it makes more sense this way. I’ve got all my suits at home, I’d need to come here no matter what. You’ll be fine spending one night alone with your family.”

“I know  _that._  I wasn’t expecting to, is all. But whatever. I’ll see you in the morning?” Nick asked as they stepped up to the front door.

“I’ll meet you at the courthouse,” Seiji said.

“But—,”

“I want to take my car. You’ll be fine.”

“Fine. See you at the courthouse,” Nick said, trying very hard not to pout as Seiji finally took out his keys.

“Goodnight, Nicholas.”

“Night, Seiji.” Then, before Seiji could close the door. “Wear your best suit for me!”

***

Robert offered to take Nick suit shopping but there wasn’t really the time and Nick didn’t really want a suit anyway. Jesse offered one of his but, again, Nick was more comfortable in his school slacks and button-down that Robert had insisted on pressing for him last night. He also turned down all offers for borrowed ties, preferring to use his standard Kings Row one instead. It made him feel like he had a little bit of his school with him and it was a comfort in a way he couldn’t rightly explain. Kings Row was the first place he’d ever really felt like he belonged and he could use some of that feeling today.

When they arrived at the courthouse, Nick immediately spotted Seiji’s bright yellow car and he had to smile at that. Nick had arrived early with the Costes but, of course, Seiji was even earlier. Strangely, the hood was down. No surprise that he’d driven here with it like that, but leaving it down? Possibly, Seiji was more nervous for him than Nick was.

Esme’s car was nowhere to be seen but it was still early. She’d be here. Nick knew she would be, even if Robert looked a little worried as they walked into the building.

“I’m gonna find Seiji,” Nick said as soon as they were inside. Robert, Sam, and Jesse all gave indications of understanding what he meant. Because  _finding_  Seiji wasn’t why he was breaking away from them. Seiji was already walking toward him, dressed in a bright royal blue suit that looked nothing short of stunning on him. Nick wasn’t usually into the suit look, though he could admit Seiji looked good in the slacks and blazer issued by Kings Row. But  _this…_ it put the Kings Row uniform to shame, the way it was perfectly tailored to his body made it painfully obvious how perfect Seiji’s proportions were. No, Nick hadn’t needed to  _find_  Seiji, he’d really only wanted a moment with him to just be them before the day started.

“You look amazing,” Nick said, unable to stop the words.

“I know,” Seiji replied. “It’s my best suit.”

“Pompous asshole,” Nick snorted but it was negated by the way his eyes kept sweeping up and down every perfect fold and cut of Seiji in his best suit. He hadn’t known a well-tailored suit could do so much for him. “You should have worn a red tie, though.”

“You’re just saying that because red’s your favorite color,” Seiji scoffed, obviously unconvinced that there was anything about his attire that could be improved. Nick grinned.

“Yeah,” he agreed, “and isn’t it convenient that you look so pretty in it?”

“There’s no need for you to say things like that,” Seiji said, coloring slightly as he pointedly looked over to the trio of figures too far away to hear them.

“I didn’t say it for them,” Nick said, tugging at Seiji’s tie. “I said it for  _you._ ”

“I don’t—what are you  _doing?”_  Seiji demanded as Nick’s tugging turned from an irritation into a complete unraveling of the tie.

“Here, take mine,” Nick said, slipping his tie off with much less fanfare. He didn’t know how to do any of the fancy knots Seiji could. “We’ll trade, see? That way you’re wearing my color.”

“And you’re wearing mine,” Seiji pointed out, lips pulling into a confused frown. But he didn’t refuse the tie Nick looped around his neck and made quick work of tying and tucking it in place. Then, unsatisfied with Nick’s work, he redid the light blue tie that Nick had swapped his for. “Nicholas?”

“Hm?”

“Do you…?”

“Do I what?” Nick asked, looking closely at Seiji. He bit his lip and looked away.

“Never mind. It’s stupid. I’m—,” Nick couldn’t be sure but he thought he heard Seiji mutter  _stupid_  again.

“You can tell me,” Nick prodded lightly, concerned at Seiji’s behavior.

“I don’t want to,” Seiji said. “It doesn’t matter. And, anyway, there’s your mom. We don’t have time for this now.”

Nick glanced over his shoulder and saw that Seiji was right. Esme had just come in and it was time they rejoin the group and get this underway.

“We’ll talk after,” Nick said, taking Seiji’s hand in his and squeezing tight. “We’ve got a lot to figure out once this is over.”

Seiji went momentarily stiff but he was normal again in less than a second. Nick wondered if he’d imagined it. But Seiji had been strange lately and it worried him that he didn’t want to talk about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well guys, /something's/ happening next chapter so look forward to that


	45. Chapter 45

The courtroom seemed impossibly big and Nick felt impossibly small and unimportant in it. There was an eerie quality to the empty gallery and the echoing chamber, devoid of people. No, that wasn’t true.  _His_  people were here, all around him. Robert and Esme. Sam and Jesse. Seiji. He had them all right here with him to get through this. And they were done fighting. There was no way today wouldn’t go exactly as expected. No way it would be anything but perfect.

When the magistrate started the proceedings, though, Nick couldn’t slow his heart rate. It was all a blur, a mix between edge-of-your-seat stress and incredible boredom. He didn’t understand a lot of what was being discussed and didn’t try to understand it all either. The magistrate talked with him, asking him what he wanted. He didn’t remember what, exactly, he’d said. But he knew his request had been for joint custody. And he knew he’d said  _um_  too many times. Robert had smiled at him, though, and Esme had nodded. And Seiji had retaken his hand when he was done speaking. So he’d probably done well enough.

The biggest thing that stuck out to Nick was that Robert would have to pay child support to Esme to make up for the entirety of Nick’s life. He made a choked little sound of disbelief, hearing that. He couldn’t fathom anyone in their right mind agreeing to something so expensive just for him but Robert took it in stride, not even surprised.

The whole thing took hours which dragged on and wore Nick out more than fencing ever did. But it seemed too short a time for this all to happen in, considering all it had taken to get here. Sixteen years of living as a lie of omission, a handful of months trying to trade that in for a truth he wanted to live, and so much agonizing and fighting over it. All for this. This too-big courtroom and these too-short hours. When, finally, the decision was made, it took Nick several seconds to process what it meant.

“I am awarding joint physical and legal custody of Nicholas Cox to his father, Robert Coste,” the magistrate’s voice rang loud and clear and the silence that followed was absolute.

And that was that. The silence broke with happy chatter. Nick was swept into about a dozen hugs with varying combinations of people and, finally, they spilled out of the courtroom, all talking excitedly and smiling broadly. Even Esme seemed to be riding the good mood. There was talk of winter break and who Nick would spend Christmas with.

“We’d be happy to have you over, too, of course,” Sam was telling Esme and Nick could see that his mom was already warming to the tall blond woman she’d been determined to hate. Sam was just too nice and whimsical to dislike. “You could come over Christmas night for dinner and we could invite over the Katayamas as well!”

“Can we, Mom?” Nick asked and Esme  _hmm’_ d in consideration.

“You just want to spend Christmas with your boyfriend,” Jesse said it like Nick ought to be embarrassed by it. He laughed instead, pulling Seiji even closer to him and shrugging his agreement with the statement. Everything was absolutely perfect.

“It’s over now,” Seiji said, quiet enough that it only caught Nick’s ears. “You got what you wanted. You don’t need me anymore.”

“What are you talking about?” Nick asked, too caught up in his happiness to be worried. He should have been worried.

“I’m talking about this arrangement,” Seiji hissed and the fierceness in his voice was drawing the attention of the others now too. “I’m  _not_  your boyfriend. We’re not  _actually_ dating and it’s time now that we stop pretending we are. I’m done lying to everyone. You should be too, they deserve better than this.” And he yanked himself out of Nick’s hold, turning fast on his heel and walking with purposeful and quick strides away from them. Away from  _Nick._

Nick watched him, not quite understanding what had just happened. That  _couldn’t_  have just happened, could it? Oh fuck, that had just happened. Nick turned back to his family to see them all staring at him with matching expressions of alarm and confusion.  _Shit. Shit. Shit—_

“Fuck,” Nick said, already moving away from those shocked faces. “Fuck! I’ll explain later, I promise,” he told them all. “But I gotta go,” he didn’t wait to hear or see any of their reactions, just dashed off after Seiji. This was wrong. Wrong, wrong,  _wrong._  It wasn’t supposed to be like this. He didn’t want this. He needed to find Seiji before he was gone. Before it was too late.

Nick went straight for the parking lot and was so relieved to find Seiji’s car still there, parked neatly and with its roof carelessly open, that he could have cried out in triumph. Seiji wasn’t there yet and Nick didn’t waste any time wondering where else he’d gone first, diving straight into the backseat and tucking under a blanket he found there so Seiji couldn’t kick him out before he could say anything. He knew Seiji would come soon enough. He’d probably want to go for a lengthy drive to unwind, knowing him. It wasn’t long before the car rocked as Seiji climbed in and slammed the door, the sound of the engine revving almost covering up the shaky, gasping breath Seiji took before pulling out of the parking lot.

Nick waited until he was sure they were too far away from the courthouse for Seiji to insist he get out and walk back. Slowly, he sat up and slunk out of the blanket, then leaned over the center console.

“Seiji,”he said. And was promptly elbowed in the face.

Nick’s shout of, “Ouch, fuck!” overlapped with Seiji’s screamed, “What in the —Nicholas?”

“We need to talk,” Nick said, gingerly touching his nose to assess the damage.

“You can’t hide in people’s cars!” Seiji hollered over the wind of the road around them. It was harder to hear back here than it was up front. “It’s dangerous,” he sounded mad. Really mad.  _Why?_  He was the one who’d decided to screw everything up, not Nick.

Nick leaned back over the center console, up closer to Seiji so he could hear better.

“What the fuck was that back there?” He asked.

“It was time to stop with all the lying,” Seiji told him, fingers so tight on the wheel, they were bone-white.

“That wasn’t the plan, I didn’t want—,”

“I hate lying,” Seiji interrupted him and Nick could have screamed in frustration.

“ _You_  hate lying? Don’t act so superior, you’re the one who started this lie!”

“I know,” Seiji said, quieter. “I  _know_. And I hate it. I wish I hadn’t.”

“You—?” Nick slumped back into his seat, more hurt by this than the elbow to his nose.  _I wish I hadn’t._  Without that first lie all those months ago, they wouldn’t have grown to be friends. Best friends. If Seiji hadn’t lied to Jesse about Nick, if Nick had done this whole thing alone, he and Seiji would still be the same as they’d been at the start of the year. All that they’d shared would never have happened. And Seiji wished that it hadn’t. Wished they still couldn’t stand each other. Wished he hadn’t been there for Nick all this time.

The car screeched to a halt in front of the courthouse.

“Out,” Seiji said, icier than the winter air around them. Nick didn’t even protest. If that’s what Seiji really wanted, fine. He’d get out. Out of his dumb car and out of his life. He clambered over the side, very deliberately not following Seiji’s rule about always using the doors.

Nick stood on the curb and looked one last time on Seiji before he pulled away and disappeared to drive until all his anger and regret was under control again. Nick might have imagined it, but Seiji’s eyes had looked a little red, his eyelashes somewhat spiked and damp in that last glance before he’d fled.

_I wish I hadn’t._

Nick must have imagined it. He pulled himself together and turned back to the courthouse. He had a lot of explaining to do. And he had to do it alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 😘


	46. Chapter 46

Feeling much the worse for wear, Nick trudged back into the courthouse with a mix of fury and dread. He was mad at the timing Seiji had chosen to explode on him like that. Mad because this day was supposed to be perfect.  _Had_  been perfect. He was supposed to be happy and celebrating because everything had worked out exactly how he’d wanted it to; better than he’d ever thought it could growing up. And now he just felt bad. In so many different ways. It practically drowned out the joy he’d felt before Seiji’s bout go honestly.

“You want to tell us what that was about?” Robert asked, not unkindly. And here was one of the main reasons Nick felt bad. He had to explain how he’d lied to everyone—some of them he’d been lying to for as long as he’d known them. Whatever his reasons and no matter how harmless the lie, that was a shitty thing to do.

“It’s a long story,” Nick sighed, dragging a hand down his face as he thought about it. “Actually, no,” he realized. “It’s not that long. Seiji and I weren’t ever dating. We weren’t even friends until pretty recently. He only told Jesse I was his boyfriend to get him off his back,” Nick shrugged at Jesse apologetically for putting him on blast like that. “I thought it was funny, so I went with it and then…Then, you came along,” Nick said, meeting Robert’s eyes. “And I didn’t know how to deal with it and I guess I was scared. So when you said I could bring Seiji along, I went with that, too. I’m sorry.” He made eye contact with Sam, then Jesse, then his mom, “I’m really, really sorry for lying to you all. I know I shouldn’t have but I…” What? Needed Seiji? He hadn’t needed him, not like that, not for ages. “I’m sorry.”

No one seemed particularly angry. They all seemed surprised and confused and a little concerned. Jesse didn’t even have the decency to look triumphant. He was just looking at Nick the way Nick had looked at him when Eugene had mentioned Marcel.

***

Nick stayed over at the Costes’ again that night after a celebratory dinner with everyone that was only slightly awkward. But the space to Nick’s right had felt conspicuously empty. He didn’t think he was the only one to notice it, either. But no one had said another word about Seiji since the courthouse. Dinner hadn’t been that bad, all things considered. But by the time Nick had hugged his mom goodbye, he was glad to be done with the night. He couldn’t put up with any more sideways glances and confused little frowns.

It was a relief to be alone now, laying in his bed— _his_  bed. He’d claimed it, officially, as his when Robert had suggested he choose a room last night. How strange to think that he had three of them now and three homes to go with them. But, of course, thinking of the room he shared with Seiji put a damper on the wonder of it all. 

“Fuck everything,” Nick mumbled into his pillow. He considered getting angry and working into a fit of some sort. Screaming into his pillow, maybe, instead of mumbling. He also thought about crying. But that all seemed like too much effort. All he had the energy to do was shut his eyes tight and try very hard not to remember waking up with Seiji on the adjacent pillow.

***

Nick woke up alone and in a terrible mood. He reached for his neck, feeling constricted and uncomfortable. He must have fallen asleep without meaning to, he realized, tugging at the tight tie constricting his neck and glaring up at the lights that he suspected had been on all night. Glaring at the lights, however, did nothing to improve his mood and actively hurt his eyes. With a grumbled curse for the brightness, Nick cast his eyes down and was confused at the tie he’d been loosening. It wasn’t his. Wasn’t the bright red of his tie or the simple knot he always did it up in. Nick hesitated for a moment before pulling it off with a vengeance. Fuck Seiji and his fancy knots. Fuck everything. He crumpled the blue silk into one fist but he couldn’t bring himself to discard it. He ought to fling it across the room or drop it to the floor and stomp on it. But he opened his palm and, after another guilty glance at the blue silk, shoved the thing into a pocket of his rumpled slacks.

Nick’s attention shot to the door, drawn there by the thudding of feet walking up to it.  _Am I that loud?_ Nick wondered briefly before there was a tentative knock on the door that was in direct contrast with the way it was immediately swung open without waiting for permission to enter. Jesse was standing on the other side in his pajamas and a sleep mask pushed up onto his forehead. Nick didn’t appreciate the lack of respect for privacy Jesse had but he had to admit he was cheered up a bit by how stupid Jesse looked.

“Good, you’re awake.”

“I’m awake,” Nick said, watching Jesse yawn. “Are you?”

“Not yet. But Dad wants to go fencing early ‘cause of something he wants to do this afternoon.”

“Like, together?” Nick clarified. Jesse nodded, too tired to be exasperated with Nick’s slowness. “Hey, come to think of it, we’ve never gone fencing with Robert together, have we?”

“Didn’t want to crush your ego too early,” Jesse said with a grin. “You up for it?”

“I’ll make you eat your words, asshole,” Nick stuck out his tongue and went to shove Jesse out the door. “But next time you want to come into my room, knock  _and_  wait for permission to come in like a decent human being, okay?”

“Sure, whatever,” Jesse dismissed easily. Nick was sure it was going to be an ongoing war between them.

Breakfast was peaceful and casual, not elaborate like the previous times Nick had stayed over. He kind of liked it. It had the sense of normalcy and he was a part of it. Really and truly a part of it. That made him feel better. He didn’t need Seiji with him to belong here. He didn’t need Seiji period. And Seiji didn’t want him so it all worked out.

Fencing was good too. Fencing was always good but it was fun, fencing with Jesse. They made faces at each other behind Robert’s back and cracked up when he lectured them on posture, very unfortunately using the word  _erect_  several times completely seriously. In all honestly, they did more goofing off than serious fencing but Robert let them. They got a couple good bouts in and Nick faired pretty well against his brother. Considering that Jesse was ranked top in the nation.

“Alright you two, let’s call it a day,” Robert sighed tiredly as Jesse and Nick bickered over the validity of a point Nick had scored by distracting Jesse verbally. “We obviously need to do this more often. Let’s see if we can get you both to mature a little, shall we?”

“I’ll start acting mature when Nick does,” Jesse grouched, pulling off his mask.

“ _You’re_  the older one,” Nick said, “act like it.”

“Shower and be ready to leave in an hour. One more week of school before the holidays, think we can make it?” Robert said over their bickering.

“Doubtful,” Nick muttered to himself as he put away his borrowed gear. Jesse glanced at him but looked away quickly when he was caught. “You can say it,” Nick told him, straightening up and facing Jesse.

“Say what?” Jesse asked innocently.

“You know, ‘I knew it’ or something. You were right all along. You can gloat, I won’t hold it against you.”

“It’d be no fun,” Jesse said. “You look miserable enough already.”

***

Despite having departed from the Coste house just before noon, it was late evening when Nick made it back to school. It turned out that the things Robert had wanted to do that afternoon included a lot of shopping. Nick had a new tie, generic red to replace the one he’d foolishly given away, and other pieces of wardrobe Robert had insisted they get—he’d looked so happy tossing shit in the cart that Nick had just let him have at it. He did sneak some stuff back out later but Robert either didn’t notice or didn’t mention it.

The biggest event of their shopping trip had been bedding and furniture for his bedroom. Nick had tried insisting he was fine with everything the way it was but Robert had been adamant that Nick needed to personalize his room instead of living in a guest room forever. Nick had finally relented but he’d drawn the line at letting Robert repaint the walls. What did he care if his walls were a light peach color? They were walls. And walls of any color were just as good for plastering in posters.

Nick was exhausted as he walked back through the dorms. Shopping trips, he decided, should have a maximum time limit of an hour. It seemed to take longer than usual to get to his hallway. Maybe Nick was dragging his feet a bit. There was a twisting sensation in his gut he didn’t associate with Kings Row or room 108 and it tightened and writhed and worsened the closer he got to his door.

His feet could only drag so much and eventually, Nick found himself staring at familiar gold lettering. 108. Nick really didn’t want to go in. When had he ever been so reluctant to enter this room? He couldn’t remember it being this bad. Not Even after any of the fights he’d had with Seiji at the start of the year. Stalling for time, Nick pulled out his keys slowly and fanned them out. There were enough to do a proper fan now; three little keys all on the same ring. Seeing the new key overlapping the old ones made him feel better as he selected the proper one to fit into this particular lock.

Nick pushed into the room, ready for a hostile glare, a cold shoulder, or a heated argument, but found none of those things waiting for him on the other side of the door. The room was empty. Wherever Seiji was, it wasn’t here.


	47. Chapter 47

Monday was one of the worst days Nick could remember having all year and that was saying something, considering all that had happened in it. He and Seiji weren’t in a fight, exactly. They’d exchanged pleasantries when Seiji had arrived back late Saturday night. They weren’t really ignoring each other, either. But it was different than it had been. It didn’t feel like they were friends anymore. And that would have been bad enough, just going through school and continually being thrown off-kilter every time he felt Seiji’s absence. But that wasn’t all Monday brought. There were fresh rumors, as if Nick didn’t already have enough of those to last him a lifetime. Literally.

Nick hadn’t noticed much at first, the stares and whispers were already becoming close to normal. Something that he could ignore and push to the background. He missed the full meaning of his friends’ glances at Seiji’s empty spot at the table. He might have taken days to figure it out if not for Eugene. It was after lunch that Eugene snagged him by the arm and pulled him into an empty classroom, checking it to be sure before closing the door. Nick had been dragged into empty rooms before but never by Eugene, who was happy to say whatever he wanted to say no matter who was around to hear. There had to be an explanation for this change in routine and Nick waited until he was given one.

“I thought you should know that Jess told me but I seriously have no idea how it got out like this.”

Nick thought Eugene was talking about him being related to Jesse and Robert. But that didn’t make any sense, his parentage had gotten out ages ago. Everyone knew.

“ _What_ got out?” Nick asked slowly, cold dread clawing for his attention. The way Eugene stared at him wasn’t helping.

“Shit. You don’t know?”

“No?” Nick hadn’t meant it as a question but the way his voice lilted up nervously at the end made it sound like one.

“It’s about you and Seiji. Everyone knows.” Nick regretted all the waffle fries he’d eaten. “I don’t know how, I swear it didn’t come from me. I wouldn’t spread that around, you know I wouldn’t. I don’t know who else could’ve known but my roommate left a week early to go vacation in Hawaii so unless someone heard through my phone  _and_  the wall, it didn’t come from me.”

“I know it wasn’t you, don’t worry,” Nick said grimly. “I’m sure Seiji did this.” Eugene winced, mouthed an  _ouch._

“Sorry, bud, that’s…damn, that’s cold.”

“It’s complicated,” Nick said, bristling automatically at Seiji being referred to as anything Jesse and his awful friends had called him back in middle school. But…Nick groaned. It was undeniably cold to out your friend as a liar like this. Whatever happened to keeping his personal business private? Why was  _this_  the thing Seiji was determined to be open and honest with everyone about? “How bad are the rumors?” He asked.

“Just rumors that the whole thing was fake. No details or solid facts.”

“I guess I’d better explain it all to the guys. Everyone else can suck my dick and think what they want. I don’t care.”

“Wise words,” Eugene said, nodding. “Sucks how this all went down but I’ve got to hand it to your brother, that crazy son of a bitch was kind of right all along.”

“I can’t blame him for being suspicious,” Nick half-laughed, recalling that very first day. “Seiji’s a terrible liar.” The bell rang loudly, echoing mercilessly in the classroom without soft bodies to cushion it. Nick jumped and realized the passing period was almost over. He and Eugene slipped back out into the hallway with the other stragglers.

“He had us all fooled in the end, though,” Eugene said with a meaningful look as they continued walking to their respective third-period classes. Nick shrugged, not wanting to go down that trail of thought.

“So,  _Jess_  tells you everything, huh?” Nick easily diverted attention away from him and his failed relationship. It was Eugene’s turn to shrug now. And then, because Nick was feeling generous towards his crazy son of a bitch brother—or possibly just feeling nosy—he asked, “Whatever happened to that cute guy from Exton that used to hang around during practice? You still into him?”

“Marcel?” Eugene asked, even more surprised by this question than the last. “Nah, we’re just bros.”

“I thought you might have moved on to a different Exton boy,” Nick said, nodding knowingly.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Eugene chucked Nick on the shoulder. “And my love life isn’t the one we were talking about.”

“ _My_  love life was all fake so we can’t have been talking about it either,” Nick laughed like it was nothing, ducking away from Eugene and into his class before the topic could be pursued further.

***

“Are you sure?” Bobby was the first to speak at dinner after Nick had confirmed and explained the rumors.

“Am I…sure?” Nick repeated. “That Seiji and I aren’t—weren’t—dating? Yeah, I’m pretty sure.”

“But…” Bobby’s brow knitted in consternation as he tried to come up with a way to put his thoughts into words.

“You know,” Aiden said, not possessing the patience necessary to wait for Bobby to put together his thoughts. “I asked Seiji earlier when I bumped into him.” Nick was sure it hadn’t been as coincidental as Aiden was making it sound. “He told me it was none of my business and to leave him alone.”

“It’s  _not_  your business and you  _should_  leave him alone,” Harvard told him, the chide born more out of habit than of any actual belief Aiden would ever stop needling Seiji. They all knew he wouldn’t.

“Nick thinks it’s our business,” Aiden protested. “He told us what happened.”

“I thought you had a right to know,” Nick said sheepishly. How many big secrets could be blown about him before his friends stopped trusting him altogether? Lies really had a way of ruining things and Nick was finally learning it the hard way.

“Is it a secret?”

“I don’t care,” Nick answered. And he really didn’t. There wasn’t a huge difference between people speculating and people knowing. It was all muggy anyway. But…“If Seiji said it wasn’t your business, then keep it to yourself.” Eugene gave him a funny look and Nick knew he deserved it. The rumors had to be Seiji’s doing in the first place, it didn’t make any sense for Nick to try shielding him from them.

“And you all thought my relationships were weird,” Aiden said, chipper as always at the new dirt—even better, dirt that could theoretically be used to piss Seiji off. “But this is way more fucked up than my flings. I just sleep with guys, I don’t pretend to be in love with them for an entire semester and then pretend it never happened.”

“What about Chad?” Tanner asked with a smirk. “You kept him around last spring for ages, Aiden.”

“I never pretended to  _like_  him, though,” Aiden settled into a bit of a sulk. “He was just convenient. It’s not my fault he got all those dumb ideas in his head about us dating.”

“Whatever, still pretty fucked up on your part,” Tanner shrugged. Then he brandished his fork back at Nick, “and  _you_ ,” he said, “we’ll forgive you for lying to us since September because it’s both hilarious and pitiful. But don’t pull that shit again.”

 _Pitiful?_  Nick thought but he said, “Yeah, for sure. Sorry again for all the lying this year. I swear I’ve got no more secrets left.” To that, all the boys nodded or mumbled their agreement and life moved on.

***

Nick was ready to take a break from school. That wasn’t saying much, really. Classes and homework weren’t his strong points and he was often ready to take a break from them. A break from school. But winter holiday was different because it was more than a break from school. It was a break from  _Kings Row._  And Kings Row was so much more than classes and schoolwork. It was fencing and his teammates and his friends. It was something bigger and better than he’d known before.

Nick was ready to take a break from Kings Row.

Robert would be here in an hour or so and his break would begin. There was a fair amount of house juggling involved but he’d be starting at his dad’s place. Robert and Sam were getting Jesse first and then they’d all go to a Spider-Man movie to kick off the two-week reprise from school. Nick was already packed and ready to go. He’d even neatly made his bed for once and, not wanting to mess it up again, was settled at the desk, listening to the sound of water beating down heavily through the bathroom door.

Seiji had been spending even more time in the large gym devoted to fencing this week than was typical even for him. Then again, maybe it  _was_  typical of Seiji. Maybe Nick had just forgotten how often Seiji was in there fencing and how late he stayed. Maybe Nick had thrown Seiji off schedule and had gotten so used to it that he couldn’t remember what Seiji was usually like.

Maybe that was one of the reasons Seiji regretted their fake relationship—regretted the real relationship that had developed under it. He’d stolen too much of Seiji’s time. He’d been a burden. And Seiji was finally free of him.

Nick tried not to think too hard about it. Had tried not to think too hard about it all week. He and Seiji were fine. Sure, _fine wasn't_  what Nick wanted them to be but it wasn’t bad. All he had to do was keep up this polite friendliness they had going on and they could keep being fine. He had every intention to do so. Really, he did. But when the door creaked open behind him and the warm steam carrying the scent of Seiji’s shampoo wafted out to envelop the room, Nick felt suffocated. And he didn’t like that tightness in his chest or the way it made it hard to breathe so he turned around in his chair and opened his dumb mouth.

“Are we going to talk about it?” Nick asked sharply.

“Talk about what?” Came the politely detached reply.

“Us, Seiji. Are we going to talk about  _us?”_

“As I recall, we already did,” Seiji said, trying to appear busy packing. It was useless, Nick knew he was completely and perfectly packed up for his trip home.

“Then what about the rumors?”

“What about them?”

“Don’t play coy. I know you started them.”

“I didn’t start the rumors,” Seiji snapped, finally giving up pretense and abandoning his bags to glare at Nick. “I simply didn’t lie when I was asked where my  _boyfriend_ was.”

“You had to know what telling the truth would mean,” Nick’s voice was raising, frustration driving it louder and louder.

“When you lie, you have to deal with the consequences of admitting the truth,” Seiji told him in a low hiss. “Grow up and deal with it.  _I’m_ dealing with the consequences too, remember?”

“Seiji, I don’t understand why—,”

“I’ve got to go,” Seiji said with a glance at his phone. “Mom just texted. Happy holidays.”

Nick watched the door fall shut and realized that he hadn’t received any texts from Mrs. K recently. It shouldn’t have come as such a hard blow to think that Seiji had told her the truth about them. Obviously, he must have. But it upset Nick to think that she probably hated him now for lying. For not taking care of her son like she’d thought he was. He wondered if she’d ban any boy with Coste blood from ever speaking to Seiji again. They seemed to have notoriously bad track records when it came to making him happy.


	48. Chapter 48

“You’re so obvious, it’s sad.”

“Jesse, get the fuck out,” Nick snapped, shooting up into a sitting position. Jesse was looming in his doorway again. And he hadn’t even bothered to knock at all this time. “Seriously, do I need a lock?”

“You’ve got one,” Jesse said, very unfortunately  _not_  getting the fuck out.

“Yeah, and you picked it.” Nick was sure he’d pushed in the lock on the handle to his bedroom. And yet, here Jesse was anyway. “Get out.”

“Nick, you’ve been in here practically all day. It’s Christmas Eve, you’re not supposed to lock yourself in your room. Come  _on_ , Mom and Dad want to do presents tonight before you leave with your mom after dinner.”

“I told them they don’t have to,” Nick mumbled and Jesse sighed, very loudly and  _very_  dramatically.

“Don’t have to what? Get you presents? Make you open them with us as a family instead of at the end of break when we see you again? Don’t be selfish.”

“I’m not,” Nick retorted. He didn’t want them all going any further out of their way than they were already. But everyone seemed dead set on doing just that. The back and forth between his two houses, the arrangement to spend Christmas Eve here and have his mom over for dinner before they left and spent Christmas together as usual. And now the Costes wanted to upset their Christmas traditions so he could do ‘Christmas morning’ with them.

“You so  _are_  acting selfish,” Jesse told him, arms crossed as he stared Nick down. “God, we want to spend time with you, why are you making it so difficult?”

Nick blinked at Jesse, nonplussed. He’d never thought of it like that. He didn’t want them to go out of their way to make room for him but  _they_  wanted to. And he wasn’t making it easy for them. Nick sighed, not nearly as loud or dramatic as Jesse’s had been, but a sigh nonetheless.

“Sorry,” he said. “I’ll come down in a minute. It’s not that I don’t want to be with you guys, it’s just…” It was just that it was strange being here without Seiji. Without Seiji’s company, Nick felt lonely and the house felt oddly hallow. He knew he had to get over it. This was his home—one of them, anyway. He belonged here even without Seiji. But that didn’t stop him from missing Seiji so much it hurt. And then he’d remember that Seiji was back to his regularly scheduled life and was probably much happier to be home and free of dealing with Nick and it hurt worse.

“You wanna talk about it?” Jesse asked. Annoyingly, he hadn’t left, rather he'd edged farther into Nick’s room. Then he got even worse and strode across the room when Nick didn’t answer right away. He snatched up the silky blue tie Nick had been running through his fingers before Jesse had barged in and held it up like an accusation, eyebrow raised.

“No,” Nick said shortly, grabbing the tie back from Jesse with a glare. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Look,” Jesse sat down on the edge of the bed. “I had a lot of suspicions when you first started the lie about dating Seiji, okay? But the more I saw you two, the more I ignored them. You gave me and Gene completely different stories about how you got together, for hell’s sake, but I still believed that you were genuinely dating. Any guesses why?”

“No, I’d rather talk about this thing you’ve got for  _Gene_ ,” Nick said with a smirk. Jesse went red, the conversation effectively shut down.

“Fine, be that way if you want,” he said huffily, standing up again. “But it won’t get you anywhere. Dumbass.”

“Asshole,” Nick called after him. But when Jesse slammed the door, Nick felt like the asshole. Jesse had meant well. And he’d come up to try and cheer Nick up in the first place. After a moment’s consideration, Nick vaulted off his bed and caught up with Jesse in the hall. “He doesn’t like Marcel.”

“Seiji’s never met—,”

“Eugene,” Nick interrupted, resisting the urge to roll his eyes.  _How dense can you get?_  “He doesn’t like Marcel.”

“You  _asked?”_  Jesse stared at Nick in horror.

“You’re welcome,” Nick grinned, suddenly feeling much better than he had all day. “That’s your present. Now let’s go open the other ones. Oh, and if you come into my room without permission one more time, I’ll tell  _Gene_  that you think his shoe collection is stupid.”

***

There was more running around to collect things than Nick was used to when winter break finally rolled to an end. His possessions had spread far and wide over the time he’d spent here—he hadn’t bothered to collect all of it when going to stay with his mom—and he’d waited until last minute to pack.

“Nick, have you seen my new sweater?” Jesse called, frantically searching the living room. He’d been all superior last night about packing early, too. Nick smirked.

“The one with the yeti doing the floss?” He asked. “I think you’d better keep that one here, man.”

“No, not the—my  _nice_ one,” Jesse said with ample exasperation.

“No idea, but have you seen my neon pink socks?”

“Please tell me you’re not actually going to wear those.”

“I can wear whatever I want for practice and I like them.”

“They’ll clash with your shoes horribly,” Jesse said, making a face. He had only himself to blame, he was the one who’d given Nick the pink fencing socks. As a joke, obviously. But Nick liked taking jokes too far, all the way to the point where it was only funny to him anymore. And he fully intended to that with the socks. So Nick kept looking until he found them, neatly tucked into his brand-new pair of bright red fencing shoes. He wondered what had possessed him to put them away somewhere so sensible. Packing up the shoes and the not-matching socks, he smiled again, remembering opening them on Christmas morning and his mom’s laugh at his surprise. They were his favorite present of the year.

“Jesse, we need to leave soon if you want to make it in time for your playdate,” Sam said, breezing into the room a while later.

“But, Mom, my sweater,” Jesse complained before frowning. “And would you please stop calling it a playdate every time I hang out with my friends?”

“Have you checked in your bag?” She asked. “Maybe you already packed it.”

“I didn’t,” Jesse said, grouchy from his search. Nick had pretty much gotten all his stuff together and his duffle was now waiting at the door for when Robert was ready to take him back to Kings Row. Sam disappeared and Nick wasn’t all that surprised when she came back, yellow cashmere sweater in hand. “Where’d you find that?” Jesse demanded, leaping to his feet and grabbing it from her hands.

“In your bag,” Sam told him before he dashed off, presumably to change. Sam was one of those people you had to be extra sure you’d checked somewhere when she asked because, if you hadn’t, she’d almost always find it there. Nick couldn’t believe that Jesse hadn’t learned that lesson yet.

“You ready, Nick?” Robert’s voice called moments before he appeared from the back stairwell. Nick nodded, getting to his feet to say goodbye to Sam.

“Have fun on your  _playdate_ ,” Nick sniggered when Jesse reemerged, looking like his thing might be more date than play, what with the nice sweater and carefully styled hair. He’d have to pester Jesse about it later.

“Good luck with the Seiji situation,” Jesse returned with a smirk of his own. “Of course, it’s hard to avoid your sort-of-ex when he’s your roommate.”

 _Asshole,_  Nick thought but didn’t say, seeing as both Robert and Sam were right there. He wished he’d said it and something much worse to go with it once Robert cleared his throat five minutes into their drive back to school.

“Seiji’s your roommate?” He asked with an effort to sound casual.

“Yeah,” Nick shrugged. He had a terrible feeling he knew where this was going.

“All that time you were together and I had no idea.”

“We weren’t together,” Nick protested. “We never were.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes! Why does everyone keep asking me that?” It seemed to Nick that it was believable if only because the notion of making up such a ridiculous lie to cover up a break up was insane. This was way more embarrassing than just fessing up to being dumped.

“You two seemed rather close,” Robert persisted. Nick’s face felt hot and he wanted to be done talking. So he shrugged again and didn’t answer. “I can’t believe you were allowed to room together. It seems a little irresponsible of the school to let that happen.”

“Roommates are final and as far as I know, no one has ever managed to switch. But it doesn’t matter anyway since Seiji and I weren’t even dating for real so it’s not like there was ever even any danger of us banging—,” and Nick had just said that out loud. To his father.  _I want to die and be dead,_ Nick thought miserably and he slunk down so low in his seat he thought he might get told off for improper seatbelt use. But Robert had bigger concerns right now.

“Even so, I think now might be a good time to—,”

“There’s really no need,” Nick hurried to say. “Really,  _really_  no need.”

Robert glanced over at him with a frown but let it go. Nick was feeling pleased at his escape from The Talk and was texting Jesse about what an asshole he was for getting Nick into this in the first place. Come to think of it, wasn’t it sort of Jesse’s fault Seiji had gotten a talk from his mom, too? Nick almost laughed, remembering that. Really, Seiji had brought it upon himself more than anything. But Jesse was still a meddling asshole.

“I don’t know if Esme’s talked with you—,” Robert tried again and Nick groaned a little. He’d thought they were past this.

“She has! Totally already got that covered.” A total lie. But Nick could see that Robert was still troubled over this and was probably determined to talk about it. Not to mention, he didn’t think Robert way buying the idea that Esme had ever talked with him about safe sex. “There’s no getting out of this, is there?” Nick asked.

“I just want to make sure that you’re being responsible,” Robert began. Nick sighed. He wasn’t being  _anything_  at the moment and it didn’t seem like that would be changing anytime soon.

***

Nick still hadn’t forgiven Robert for the sex talk ambush but he wasn’t about to say no to dinner. Robert didn’t ask where he’d like to go and Nick didn’t mind. He was surprised, though, to find them parking next to a familiar restaurant with tall gate posts and a roaring fire. He hadn’t mentioned to Robert that he wanted to come here yet and it seemed a strange coincidence.

The food was as good as he remembered and the table they took inside had a great view of the fire and the gate behind it.  _I almost kissed Seiji there._ The thought was unbidden and misleading. He’d purposefully faked a kiss with Seiji there. It was different from an almost-kiss. He hadn’t  _meant_  to kiss Seiji, hadn’t chickened out of it last second. He’d only meant to shut Aiden up. Because kissing was against the rules and Nick respected Seiji enough to respect his boundaries, few as they’d been those last weeks before it’d all fallen to shit. Something Nick had learned from a young age was that if you couldn’t have something, thinking about it made the wanting worse. You didn’t start thinking about it, didn’t let yourself  _want_  it until you could start working towards getting it.

“Have you been here before?” Robert asked, breaking into Nick’s thoughts.

“Once,” Nick said, turning away from the gate posts that he’d been very obviously staring at. “R.C. and S.E.”

“Robert Coste and Samantha East,” Robert nodded. “Sam is the love of my life, has been since the day I met her.”

“When she spilled tea on your lap and then dumped the whole thing of cream on you to cool it down?”

“I didn’t know it then,” Robert said with a laugh, “but yes. We dated on and off through high school and for years after. I was always too busy with fencing to focus on her back then but she stuck with me anyway. She’s stuck with me through a lot. More than I think could reasonably be asked of her.” Nick didn’t understand why Robert was talking about this but he listened quietly, curious. “I won’t deny that what I did was unforgivable, and not just to her, but that’s not what I wanted to talk with you about today. I wanted to tell you how I knew Sam was really the person for me, the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I knew it when I thought I’d lost her. When she found out about Esme, she moved out. We had terrible fights in the weeks after and I thought that I’d just have to learn to live with it. I was so convinced that we couldn’t make it work, after all I’d done, after all we’d said, I convinced myself it was best to just…let her go.”

“But you didn’t.”

“No,” Robert agreed. “I didn’t. I realized that I didn’t have anything left to lose but I had all the world to gain. Why not at least try to gain it back? So I told her the truth. About what I’d done and how sorry I was for it. About how much I loved her and how I would do better if she gave me another chance. She’s too forgiving, my Sam,” he smiled with such obvious adoration for his wife that it made Nick feel like he was invading on a personal moment despite being the one in conversation with Robert. “She let me talk and she talked back. It was a long time and a lot of work before we fit together again. But we did. And we do. Because we talked _._  Because we tried _._ Because we weren’t willing to give up without a fight.”

“But what if you hadn’t ever fit back together?” Nick asked. “What if she didn’t want to fit with you anymore?”

“Then I suspect I would have had a hell of a time getting over her. But at least I would have tried.”

Nick picked at the remainder of his food, thinking. He knew why Robert had brought him here. Knew what he’d told that story. In retrospect, he even knew why Robert had been so concerned over him sharing a room with Seiji even though they’d never actually dated.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Robert asked, echoing Jesse’s question from Christmas Eve.

“No way,” Nick said, accidentally pulling a face as he imagined actually talking to Robert about Seiji. He knew Jesse had but he couldn’t imagine doing it himself. Robert laughed, not offended in the least by Nick’s rejection.

“Alright, you don’t have to,” he said, “but just know that you can always talk to me about anything if you’d like. It’s what I’m here for.”

***

Robert pulled up to their familiar drop-off and pick-up point. Nick paused half out of the door to look back at Robert. His dad. His dad who’d made a lot of mistakes but had never meant to abandon him. His dad who had crinkly eyes when he smiled and a laugh that filled the room. His dad who’d given him a sex talk and a pep talk today. His dad in every sense of the word.

“Need any help?” Robert asked, noticing Nick’s hesitation.

“Nah, I’ve got it. See you Saturday?” Nick finished getting out of the car and retrieved his stuff from the back seat.

“Bright and early.”

“Cool,” Nick said, finally moving to close the door. He stopped in the middle of it again. “And Dad?”

“Yes?”

“Love you,” Nick could pinpoint the moment Robert realized what Nick had called him, could see his smile in his eyes before it showed on the rest of his face.

“I love you too, Nick,” he said and his voice was smiling too. “Sleep tight.”

“Yeah, ‘night,” and he finally shut the door, turning around when he reached the dorms to wave at the distant car waiting for him to disappear before driving off. Before he stepped fully into the Castello dormitory, he felt a couple of stray snowflakes fall down to melt on his skin. Maybe there’d be a storm tonight.

The door shut behind him and he was hit with a wall of air so hot it was hard to breathe.  _Kings Row does not know how to regulate temperature._  But he took a deep breath anyway and soaked the place in. Despite it all, despite having two houses that were home, despite that he’d been so ready to take a break from this place, despite the nerves he felt at being back…it still felt like coming home. Especially when he walked into room 108 and found Seiji already situated on his bed, black jeans and long-sleeved white shirt looking as perfect on him as everything always did.

“Hey,” Nick said. He couldn’t help thinking about the reception he’d received the last time they’d been apart for so long with no contact. This greeting was a lot less warm than that one had been.

“How was your break?” Seiji asked, glancing up from his computer only momentarily.

“It was good.” Nick wanted to tell him everything from Jesse’s annoying lack of privacy to his new fencing shoes to having called Robert  _Dad_  to his face for the first time ever. But he didn’t feel like he could. He hated that he wouldn’t have thought twice about it a month ago but now he couldn’t even come up with any words beyond  _it was good._

“That’s nice,” Seiji said distractedly.

“How was yours?”

“Also good.”

“Yeah? Did your dad make it home for Christmas this year?” Maybe he’d overstepped. Seiji seized up before answering.

“He did,” Seiji peered up at Nick again. He felt like he was being sized up and assessed.

“That’s—good?” He hadn’t meant it as a question but it had come out as one. Seiji nodded but Nick got the feeling he’d been struck by the same affliction that’d caught Nick. The feeling of wanting to say more but not feeling like you could. Nick hated that Seiji felt like he couldn’t talk to him anymore even more than he hated feeling like he couldn’t talk to Seiji anymore.

With neither of them feeling like they could say anything more, the conversation died and Seiji went back to his computer while Nick started in on unpacking. A stream of blue tumbled free from between a couple of shirts and Nick quickly collected it up in his fist.

“You can give that back now,” Seiji said. How had he even  _seen_  it? Nick had grabbed it as soon as it’d unraveled.

“I don’t think I will.” Nick knew he was making things difficult but he was unwilling to part with his fistful of fabric.

“It’s mine,” Seiji insisted. “Give it back.”

“We traded,” Nick pointed out, turning to Seiji. “So it’s mine now.”

“I don’t remember agreeing to that.”

“You took my red one. You agreed to the trade. You knew what you were doing and now you’re trying to take it back and pretend you never took it.”

Seiji stood and strode to their closet, yanking it open and pulling out a red tie the hung neatly by two matching ones. He shoved it into Nick’s unclenched hand. “There,” he said. “I’m trading back.”

“I’m not agreeing.”

“It’s just a tie.”

“Yeah, so live without it.”

“I know you’re just trying to annoy me, hand it over.”

“I’m not actually trying to annoy you but if I  _was,_  you’re doing a shit job at not letting me.” This wasn’t what Nick had wanted to say. None of it was. Why was it so hard to talk? And why was it so easy for stupid provocations to slip out of his mouth instead of any of the things he wanted to say?

It was so much like the old days. The fighting over nothing, the stilted conversations, the frustration so huge Nick wanted to scream. Seiji must have felt the same, responding to Nick only with a furious sound that wanted to be a scream but wasn’t allowed to be because Seiji wouldn’t give Nick the satisfaction.

Nick gave up on unpacking and dumped his entire bag to the floor. He and Seiji stayed in mirrored positions, sitting in bed with computers out and pissed-off expressions on. When the bell rang for curfew, Nick expected Seiji to get ready for sleep. He didn’t. He ignored the bell, still sitting unconcerned on his bed, headphones on and eyes intent on his screen. Nick tried to out wait him; somehow it would feel like losing to be the first to turn in for the night. But it became clear Seiji had no interest in sleep tonight. Nick needed the room to go dark and the silence to shift from steely anger to that of nighttime and sleep.

It was that need that propelled him to put aside his computer and stomp over to switch off the light. He didn’t even bother to ask Seiji if that was alright and it got no response out of him anyway. Before crawling into bed, Nick turned on his lamp to the brightest setting for maximum annoyance. Then his eye caught on two crumpled ties laying by his pillow where he’d dropped them earlier and, unable to help himself, he lobbed one of them at Seiji.

“Just go to bed and leave me alone,” Seiji snapped irritably.

“Sure, I’ll leave you alone. In fact, let’s both just leave each other alone from now on.” Nick regretted saying it the moment it was out, was already opening his mouth to take it back almost as soon as he’d finished saying it, but he didn’t get the chance.

“That might be the best idea I’ve ever heard from you.”


	49. Chapter 49

It was still dark when Nick blinked awake. He didn’t know what had woken him but his jaw ached from clenching. Maybe that was it. Maybe his anger with Seiji had seeped into his bones and into his sleep, had forced him awake to be mad again.

Nick groaned, rolling over in bed, planning to go back to sleep. A sliver of blue tangled in his hand caught a snatch of light and his stomach twisted. Nick was suddenly reluctant to go back to sleep feeling like this. He didn’t like not being friends with Seiji. He didn’t like falling asleep with a tie when the one who owned it was in such a foul mood with him. Maybe he should have just given it to Seiji when he’d asked. This could all have been avoided if he had. Instead, he’d let it instigate a fight that had ended with the ending of  _them_.

“Shit,” Nick murmured to himself, closing his eyes and cursing himself for an idiot. Seiji wasn’t really upset about the stupid tie any more than Nick was, really, it was only the spark to set off the explosion. It'd had to happen, that explosion. You didn’t get so deep in a lie and then expect it to be a seamless transition back into reality. Seiji was likely stressed from the repercussions of their faked relationship, same as Nick.

_He’ll have told his dad,_  Nick realized, remembering Seiji’s reaction when he'd asked about Christmas. Residual irritation all sloughed away as Nick sat bolt upright, feeling a little sick. What was it that Seiji had wanted to tell Nick about his dad? What was it that he hadn’t thought he could say to Nick? He was already careening out of bed to demand Seiji talk to him, screw their agreement to leave each other alone. The worry that Mr. Katayama had taken the news badly, that he thought Seiji’s sexuality was already getting him into trouble, that all the progress they’d made was taking a backward slide and Seiji was dealing with it alone was propelling Nick across the room. And right to an empty bed. Seiji wasn’t there, asleep or otherwise.

It wasn’t like Seiji to go on nighttime adventures. Nick’s gut twisted further, the worry he’d felt now growing in unfounded proportion. He couldn’t shake the feeling that Seiji was neatly tucking himself back into his shell, becoming his own island. Nick wouldn’t let him. He’d make sure Seiji still had one friend, whether he wanted one or not.

It was convenient that Nick had been too upset to change when going to bed hours ago, now all he had to do was shove into his shoes and snag his coat from the desk chair. He did a last scan of the room—as if he thought Seiji might have been hiding under the bed or behind the bathroom’s open door—and his eyes landed on Seiji’s warm winter jacket hanging in the closet, left ajar from Seiji’s retrieval of the tie. Nick grabbed it and hastened out the door.

It wasn’t storming the way Nick had thought it might, the snow that fell doing so gently and unhurried onto his shoulders when he stepped out of Castello. It was cold and dark and past midnight, terrible conditions for a stroll outside but Nick had a feeling he knew where Seiji had gone. There wasn’t any proof, the footprints in the snow too many and too blurry to confirm his suspicions as he walked but Nick wasn’t surprised to spot the silhouette standing next to a tall oak tree. Creeping closer, Nick saw that Seiji was still in his jeans, the high-zip jacket he wore with them too thin and already damp with snowfall.

Nick stepped lightly to the tree and to the boy standing under it. Carefully, he draped the warm coat he held over Seiji’s shoulders. Seiji startled a little but soon pulled the coat around him as he turned to Nick. He looked tired. There was so much Nick was suddenly sure he wanted to say,  _had_ to say, but Seiji spoke first.

“It’s strange, isn’t it? We spent so long pretending and now it’s as if you don’t know how to stop.”

“You brought me a jacket first, remember?” It was a quiet question but loud enough that Seiji must have heard, though he gave no indication of it beyond a slight pause in zipping up his coat.

“I’d wonder sometimes,” he said, finished with his coat and moving on from the topic. “About what you’d actually be like as a boyfriend. All those times you’d hold open doors and carry my things, I’d think,  _there’s no way he’s actually like this_. I wondered sometimes, what it would really have been like.”

“Just like that, probably,” Nick said simply. “I never did proper dating, so I don’t really know. But it felt right to do those things for you.”

Seiji shook his head and looked at Nick like he thought he was very stupid. “Thank you for bringing my coat. You can leave now.”

“I’m not leaving,” Nick scuffed his boot—a stupidly expensive and fancy boot Robert had insisted on getting him—against the snow. He wasn’t letting the conversation die before they’d actually talked. Not this time. Because there was too much to be gained to walk away from now. “Your dad. You told him you didn’t actually have a boyfriend?”

“I did,” Seiji said.

“Was he okay about it?”

“You mean did he think I’d decided I wasn’t actually gay?” He asked bluntly. Nick just nodded and Seiji sighed before answering. “No, he doesn’t think that. We had something of a fight about my relationship with you and I don’t think he really understands. But, then, I don’t think anyone really does.”

“A fight?”

“Yes, that’s what I said.” It didn’t look like he was planning to expand on the nature of the fight. “But we’re good now, save your false concern.”

“You really think it’s false?”

“What do you want?” Seiji asked. There were a lot of possible answers to that question. “Why won’t you leave?” The way he said it irked Nick.  _I wish I hadn’t,_  he’d said. Yes, Seiji had already told Nick he regretted their entire relationship and the tiredly exasperated question was just another stinging reminder of it. And, all at once, he had an answer for Seiji. Even if nothing else came of tonight…

“I just wanted to know why you had to do it like that,” Nick said. He watched Seiji’s demeanor shift instantly from irritation to simmering anger. But Nick thought it was a fair question, one he needed an answer to before he could leave it all alone.

“You wanted to stage a breakup, no doubt,” Seiji sneered. “End the lie with another lie and keep covering it up with more lies for the rest of our lives. Your family deserves better than that, Nicholas.”

Nick flushed, upset at the brutal break-down of it all like that. Lies upon lies upon lies. “You could have told me that sooner,” he said. “You could have talked to me about it and we could have told them together and it would have been better that way but you—you did it how Jesse would have,” Nick knew it was a dirty thing to say but that didn’t stop him. “Back in middle school, that’s how he would have done it if he were you. The way he made a public spectacle of you and berated you right there in front of everyone. That’s what you did to me with no warning. I just don’t understand why you had to do it that way. Was ending it not enough? Did you really have to hurt me on the way out?”

Nick could see clearly how much this comparison affected Seiji. His posture was as guarded as it had ever been, his hands bunched into fists at his side, and his bottom lip captured between his teeth, biting down hard as though the energy needed to concentrate on that lip could keep him from shouting.

“You’d have done it to me,” Seiji said with great effort, finally relinquishing his poor lip.

“No,” Nick said. “I wouldn’t have.”

“You might have been nicer about it but it’s all the same. You don’t need me anymore and you’d have tossed me aside soon enough. So I did it first.” His eyes darted away from Nick’s for the first time the whole conversation. “I didn’t mean to hurt you in doing so. I didn’t think…I wasn’t thinking. You’re right to be mad at me, I shouldn’t have done it like that. I’m sorry.”

“Seiji,” Nick said. It was all he said. There was more he wanted to say but it was hard. His heart had started beating strong enough that he could feel it thrumming even in his fingertips. There was something in the way Seiji had said it, in the way he refused to meet Nick’s eyes again, that made Nick’s stomach churn in a new way and his pulse race.

Seiji shook his head once more. Then he turned around to stare back at the snow-covered tree the way he had been before Nick had interrupted. Nick watched as Seiji turned away from him and thought that he looked smaller than a boy his height should. Like he was closing in on himself.

“I hate lying,” Seiji said, just as he had weeks before. His voice was soft and defeated, his shoulders hunched. “Because I stop being able to tell the lies apart from the truths.”

“Let me help you, then.” Nick took a step forward and then another. “I have a truth for you. It’s a really important one. Can you look at me and let me tell you?” Nick didn’t force the issue. He didn’t grab Seiji and make him turn around, didn’t touch him at all. Didn’t even crowd in any closer. He let Seiji take his time and decide on his own. And when he turned to look at Nick, slowly and hesitantly, Nick forgot how to breathe.

He’d seen Seiji constantly since the start of the year. Knew every detail of his face and every emotion that crossed it. But it still broke through Nick’s guard, how beautiful Seiji looked. How perfectly the moon shone off his pale skin and the stars glinted in his shining hair, reflected off his black eyes. He really was a breathtaking sight. He looked more than perfect. He looked like everything Nick wanted.

“I love you, Seiji.” Nick might have expected the words to taste strange on his tongue but they didn’t. They’d been on his mind for so long that saying them aloud felt natural and right and completely true. Delicate snowflakes fell and got caught in Seiji’s eyelashes, framing eyes wide enough for Nick to  _see_  the stars in. He thought he might see the future in them too. Three thuds of Nick’s haywire heart sounded in his ears before he could read Seiji’s reaction. And the instant he saw it, he took the remaining steps across freshly fallen snow.

Fitting his palm against Seiji’s frozen cheek, Nick brushed his thumb across lips he still remembered the precise texture and slope of, a little colder now than they’d been the last time. That could easily be fixed. Without any doubts or worry in his mind, Nick leaned in and kissed Seiji. His Seiji. The instant Nick’s lips pressed against his, Seiji seemed to unfreeze, his hands scrabbling to hold Nick and press him to his chest with a desperation for closeness that Nick understood very well.

There was a buzzing excitement running along Nick’s skin, radiating from every point of contact with Seiji, a joyous thrill at the quickly-warming lips against his own. But there was also a reassuring familiarity in it, a feeling that rang of intimacy long-shared despite them never having kissed before, never having held each other with such sureness and desire. They fit together as well in this way as they’d fit together in so many other ways before.

With a few stumbling steps and a small gasp from Seiji, Nick had him against the wide trunk of the tree. He felt Seiji’s gravity shift, adjusting to the new support at his back. Nick doubted he needed it. Seiji Katayama didn’t go weak-kneed for anyone. But he  _did,_ as it turned out, allow affection from the right person. The thought that he got to be the right person made Nick momentarily abandon the deep kisses he’d been pressing into Seiji’s mouth to smile against his lips instead. Real, genuine affection. And Seiji did more than allow it. He insisted on it, a hand slipping under Nick’s jacket, the chill from it pressing against the small of Nick’s back even through his shirt and keeping him insistently close.

Then, unsatisfied with Nick’s reprieve, Seiji’s teeth scraped clumsily against his lips, the graceless request somehow impossibly alluring and instantly winning Seiji what he’d wanted. Nick gave one last smiling and chaste kiss before doing what he’d wanted to every damn time he’d caught Seiji worrying at his lip: he took that same lip between his own teeth, finding the exact spot Seiji had been biting down on earlier and giving it extra care. And,  _oh god,_  the noises Seiji made when he did. Nick hadn’t thought he’d ever love any sounds more than the soft ones Seiji made while he slept but he’d been wrong. These were better.

A hand slid down Nick’s chest from his shoulder to grab at his open coat. Nick couldn’t tell if it was another way to keep him from pulling away—not that there was any danger of  _that_  happening—or if Seiji had just needed something to grab, a little weak-kneed after all. Seiji bunched the fabric in his fist so tightly, Nick could feel his whole coat pulling towards it as Seiji accidentally gathered more of it in his hand. Then he broke their kiss with a surprised  _oh._  Nick wasn’t sure of the cause until he saw the tie tangled in Seiji’s hand. It could only have come from Nick’s pocket, spilling out because of Seiji’s tugging. Nick must have shoved it there when he’d put the coat on.

“You can have that back,” he said, surprised at the way his voice rasped out of him. He cleared his throat self-consciously, tried to cover it up with a little shrug and a grin. “I actually meant to return it to you but I was in such a hurry to find you that I forgot.”

Seiji glanced down at the tie before untangling it from his fingers and slipping it back into his pocket. “I don’t need it,” he said, a timid smile taking his face. “I’ve got yours.” That smile and the way he admitted to it made Nick think if he turned out Seiji’s pockets, he’d find the tie he’d looped around Seiji’s neck at the courthouse in one of them. Unable to resist the rush of adoration, Nick kissed the tip of Seiji’s nose, getting the exact face he’d have expected for doing such a thing. Mildly affronted and entirely baffled with a dash of judgment. Nick laughed in delight.

“I was going to ask you to date me for real, you know,” Nick confessed, sobering slightly. “After custody passed, I was going to ask if you wanted to be my boyfriend.”

“You were not,” Seiji accused and Nick had to hold in another laugh when he nodded at Seiji’s disbelieving face. “But you never said, never mentioned…”

“I didn’t think it was fair to ask you to date me when I had so much baggage. I didn’t want you to think I just wanted you there as a crutch for dealing with it. I wanted to sort my shit out so I could give you the attention you deserve.”

As Seiji stared at Nick with a stunned expression, his face, already flushed from the cold and the kissing, went brilliantly red. With a groan, he buried it in Nick’s shoulder. Was it possible for hearts to burst with affection? He was sure Seiji would say no if he asked but Nick wasn’t convinced. He recovered quickly from the mini-heart-attack he’d had over the unexpectedly cute reaction and kissed the top of Seiji’s head.

“I thought you wanted to figure out how to end the charade,” Seiji said, words muffled. “I’d think sometimes, the things you’d say, the way you’d act—but I thought I must be mistaken. You’re so good at lying and I wanted so badly for it to not be a lie, I was sure I’d only seen what I wanted to. I got so confused and then I panicked when I thought about you coaching me through the perfect break-up. I couldn’t do it so I—,” he faltered, trying to think of the proper words, “I hurt you instead of letting you hurt me. I’m sorry.”

Nick remembered red eyes and spiked eyelashes, remembered Seiji’s delayed return to the yellow car and his adamance about hating lying.

“I should have known,” no sooner had he said it than a dozen other things clicked into place. Signs of Seiji’s feelings and his disquiet near the end. “I thought I could read you so well, how did I miss it? How did I miss all of it?”

“Because you’re stupid,” Seiji said, pulling away from his shoulder and grabbing his face with both hands, his eyes fierce. “You’re stupid and you don’t believe that people can love you but they _do._  I do. I love you,” he seemed surprised at himself for saying it and regained all of the color that had started to fade from his cheeks and the tips of his ears. “I haven’t known you long enough to say that and we weren’t really dating, not to mention we’re too young to be in love and—!” Nick cut off Seiji’s embarrassed ramblings with another kiss, and another after that, and another. Seiji relaxed into it, allowing Nick to coax open his mouth and press dozens of kisses into it.

Seiji’s hands held his face tightly, the contact of unobscured skin on his cheeks feeling much warmer than the bite of the January night should allow. Eventually, Seiji slid his arms back around Nick’s neck and he broke away. It was so small a break that Nick thought it must be for a proper breath.

“Nicholas,” Seiji said, quiet as the falling snow. Nick opened his eyes and found Seiji’s right in front of him, earnest and sure. “I  _do_  love you.” Nick smiled at the reaffirmation, this time free of buts and doubts. He wanted to kiss Seiji and never stop. But first, he should clear up one last thing.

“I want you to know,” Nick said, trying to regain his breath, “almost none of it was fake. At least, I wasn’t faking it even if it was because of the lie. I seriously need you so bad all the time, you have no idea. After the courthouse, I missed you so much I thought I’d die. And,” he added with a quick kiss to Seiji’s mouth before he could be told that people didn’t die from missing someone, “I love you too.”

“You already said,” Seiji told him seriously. But the smile softening his usually rigid mouth betrayed him. He didn’t mind the repetition.

“You better get used to it,” Nick answered, just as serious and smile just as soft. “I’m going to be saying it a lot.”

Nick took a moment to appreciate the way the words washed over Seiji, a shy delight showing, for once, freely across his features. The pink cheeks and nose and ears, the surprised smile, the wide, awed eyes. And Nick was sure now that he saw the future in those eyes. Felt it in the warmth Seiji pressed to his chest, the warmth that spread directly from Seiji  _into_  it.

Suddenly, the distance still left between them was unbearably huge and, as radiant as Seiji was to look at, Nick couldn’t stand to just look anymore. He buried a hand in Seiji’s hair and didn’t have to do anything more than that. Seiji was already kissing him before he’d had the chance to close that last inch of distance.

Seiji was the perfect height for kissing, the perfect build for holding, had the perfect hands for holding and the perfect quips and insights to complement and contrast Nick’s own. Seiji wasn’t perfect, not at all. But he fit perfectly with Nick. The truth of that resonated through him and it was all Nick could do to hold Seiji even tighter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jesus.  
> Heckin.  
> Christ.   
> When I said it was gonna be a slowburn at the beginning of this monster, I meant it was gonna be a SLOWBURN. But we made it! And holy fuck why are you all still here?? I mean, it’s one thing for those of you I trapped into this at the start with bite-sized (MOSTLY bite-sized lmao) pieces but you crazies who joined in after this was already huge???? what’s wrong with you??? You can bet your ass I never have the patience to read 100k slowburns so thank you so much for sticking around??? I love you all very much????  
> Gosh there’s just a lot I want to say, feel free to duck out now. This is the longest thing I’ve ever written and it got out of hand; it wasn’t supposed to be this long but…..yeah. It’s like the length of an actual novel wtf. Do I get to thank people like authors do in the front of their books? Doesn’t matter, I’m gonna. This fic seriously (and don’t laugh) couldn’t have happened without my mom <3\. She’s my resident lawyer and had to put up with many dumb questions about custody from me. Also, shout out to my siblings for making sure she knew I was only doing so much research for a fanfiction lmao. And shout out to all of you for reading and leaving such wonderful comments; you guys make writing so much fun! It’s bittersweet to be ending this fic since it’s so huge and we’ve been working on it for so long but the time has come to say goodbye.  
> Thank you 💜


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